I don't know what happens to my energy levels. I really do need to get in to the lab and get my blood work done. Yesterday I was feeling grand, looking forward to going to the gym, and then, by the time I got home I was exhausted and it was only 5:30! Needless to say I didn't make it to they gym. I used the excuse that it would have been awkward with my fiance's car in the shop, but I could have made it work if I had really wanted to. It reminds me a little of the bible verse that says something like... I know the things that I must do, and yet I do not do them... it certainly applies here. I just another of those 'educated' fat chicks. I know what I need to do. I know the things that will make the changes in my body, and yet... somehow I always manage not to do them. It's really nothing more then lazyness. Well, lazyness and a love for food... *sigh* BUT, today's a new day. A day when I can do the things I must do. I'm three weeks into this challenge with nothing to show for it, but a gym membership and a cupboard full of vitamins. But, on the other hand, there are over 8 weeks left in this challenge. Still time to make some major changes for the better, do be one step closer to the lifestyle that "I" want.



I just had an idea. You see, although I know that I am at an unhealthy weight I really don't think I look that bad. I never had issues with the opposite sex, and my fiance makes it very clear that he loves me the way I am. In fact he worries that my goals might be too stringent and that I might get too skinny. My Dr, though has made it clear she wants me to loose weight, as she's worried that it may begin to effect my health. It was she who suggested I alter my eating habits toward a lower carb lifestyle. I did that and have lost SOME weight, but as always I've stalled around the 185 mark. But, I think one of the reasons I've stalled is that I'm trying to reach other peoples goals. Loosing weight because my Dr, or society tells me I need to. Intellegently I know that my health will suffer unless I make some changes, but that doesn't seem to matter when I come home tired after a day of work, or when someone announces that there are paistries in the break room. Still, there are some things that I want to change. I'm tired of being tired. I hate that I wake up exhaused. I know that healthier eating, and exercise is supposed to change that. So, I need to come up with goals for ME... yes, reaching 130 is a goal for me, but it's not priority... it's not enough to make me change... But perhaps some other things will.



My wish list



1 - To have more energy

2 - Run a Marathon

3 - Wear size 8

4 -



I think I'll continue to add to this list and perhaps ever post it up somewhere. There has got to be something out there that will motivate me!!

Back in the saddle again.... Everyone sing with me! Back in the saddle again! That time of the month hit me, and I couldn't seem to put enough food in my mouth. I blew it BIG time. The good news is, I'm ready to start, again. One good thing that's happened is that I finally got my gym membership. Horray! Another step in the right direction is that I've cut WAY back on my diet soda intake AND I've gotten a good supply of all the vitamins I think I'll need. It's a little daunting to look at that handful of pills, but I've been taking them for several days and I think I might be starting to feel a difference.



So, I'm wondering. Is there anyone out there? Am I talking to myself? I'm wondering if posting a food log might help me stay honest. I think I'll try it. So, if there IS anyone out there, check up on me, and help me stay on the right track. I'll be going to the gym tonight for the first time as an 'offical' member. It's the middle of the week, but I'm going to start where I should be - 20 minutes of aerobics. I'm going to try to get up early in the morning to work out, but I'm NOT a morning person so it make take a while for my energy level to go up, then I'll think about morning workouts.



One of the things I'm struggling with, is that last year I set a goal of doing a marathon this year. I had started training, until I strained the arch of my foot, and I had to stay off of it for a while. I got treatment, and I'm feeling pretty good. I even ran on my foot and was pain free. But, the BFL FAQ suggests that you NOT do the program while training for a marathon. If I'm going to do a marathon this year, it will mean starting training now... The good news is that my current training level is light. It probably falls within the 20 minute aerobic workout even... But I may have to modify the BFL program as the training progresses. (provided my foot holds up to the strain)



Lastly - I want to publically state my current "short term" goal. On May 3rd 2003 I plan to be at or below 160lbs. That's an obtainable rate of 2/lbs per week. Of course that means sticking with my program. But I KNOW I can do this. I finally feel like I have all the pieces in place. And, as I said before, the addded motivation of a wedding in 2004. I picked May3rd because that will be the second anniversary of meeting my fiance, but it is also 1 year before our wedding date. That will give me 1 year to get off the final 30 lbs. That's doable right? I figure with me loosing weight and he coming to the gym to workout, we should have to problem getting over the threshold.





So, my "to-do's" for today -

1) Link an on-line food journal on this page.

2) Hit the gym for a 20 minutes aerobic solution - (at least 2 miles per marathon training)

3) 10 minutes of Yoga for today's stretching

Well, I know I've been quiet, but things are going really well. I haven't done as well on the excercise as I would like, but I'll be getting my gym membership soon, and that's going to make things a LOT easier. Food wise I've been doing REALLY well though. The weight is dropping and that's what really counts. My plan so far is to eat when I'm hungry, and not get too full. I'm drinking too much soda still, and I'll be working on that next. But one hurdle at a time. I'll probably not be making some glorious transformation in the next 12 weeks, but I expect I'll be making some major changes. For now, I'm feeling better each day.



Weight today 182

Day two! I feel GREAT! I got up and went to the gym this morning. I paid the day fee so that I could run on the tredmill and do my cardio workout for the day. It felt SO good, I am still feeling the high. I really have to remember this feeling everytime I'm laying there making excuses for not getting out of bed. Eventually, I'm hoping to feel this good after my weight workout, but we'll see. The rest of yesterday went good. I got 5 meals in, no problem, and feel as though I really stuck to the plan. I'm feeling really strong and alert today, so maybe the good food is making a difference already. I do need to get cracking on taking my vits though. Taking pills has never been my strong spot, so I'll have to work on making that a habit. I'm also planning on getting all my blood work done tomorrow. Just one more way to measure my progress. The only thing I haven't done, and don't know when I will get to it, is figuring my body fat percentage. I saw a website once that figured it using the Navy's method, maybe I'll look for that again.



Weight Today: 185

I know that in order to make positive changes in your life, you have to start with changing your mind. This seems to be my major struggle right now. For some reason I'm having trouble convincing my brain that it's possable for a woman, 50 lbs overweight is capable of making major changes in her appearance in only 12 weeks. 12 weeks, 3 months, 84 days - This is the time limit I've given myself to make noticable changes in my physique. I sit here remembering the lumpy body that graced my before photos, and I find myself doubting. So, where do I go to find proof? I'm an american, and a child of the 80's. We want our results and we want it NOW. It's not enough to just know I'm doing good, I want proof. I know that these are the thoughts that I need to overcome in order to make it through these 12 weeks. Otherwise I WILL faulter. The thing is, I have to deside NOW that I won't quit. I guess that's the key. Make the promise to myself not to give up, and then sticking with it. We'll see, it's a little hard to belive right now.

Today's the day! I really wonder about myself sometimes, as yesterday I was already ready to quit, and I hadn't even started yet! But, I pushed on, got my shopping done, and pictures taken and so far, I've been on track. I was a little discouraged because I havn't gotten my gym membership straightened out yet, but I set up my total gym before going to bed last night and made it work for my workout this morning. Because I'm so terribly out of shape I desided to go easy at first, so instead of doing the full five sets I only did four, and I didn't increment my weights because it's very cumbersome to do on the total gym. I'm a little dissapointed that I'm not doing the whole program (My all or nothing attitude raising it's head) but this is better then doing nothing. I have to admit my pictures last night were VERY inspirational. There is no way I can look at those and NOT do SOMETHING! I know I'm 50 lbs overweight, but I rarely see it. The pictures really opened my eyes! All my planning is paying off though, as today's meals are all in place, and I've got three meals sitting in my lunch bag ready for later. I think I might have eaten too much at breakfast, but I guess I'll see how things go. I am a little bummed because Ieft my water bottle at home, but luckily we've got a soda machine here that has water in it, so I'll be able to improvise. It's almost time for my second meal!



Weight today - 186

I've been trying to set myself some mini goals before the start of this challenge, and have found myself failing misserably. I really need to work on being prepared for the next day so that I don't have excuses for straying from the path. The good news is, I have new motivation for loosing weight. The new year started with a proposal, and I'm now engaged. With a tenative wedding date of May 3rd 2004, I think that will give me pleanty of time to get a bikini body before we go to Hawaii to tie the knot. 4 days until the start of the challenge and I'm doing all I can to get/stay motivated!



Weight today - 185.5