Hello and good morning!  apparently I haven't 100% figured out the 'how to lose weight while in Chicago' (traveling) thing.  There's still room to level up so I'm not upset about it - just more curious than anything.  I guess I'm a little bummed that It wasn't as simple as cooking in my room.  to be fair, even though I wasn't eating out I was still eating some things I don't have when home... so, as I said, room to level up and I go back in two weeks so... I get to try again

This week I'm going to Phat camp.  I 'think' I've managed to get over most of my 'fear' for the weekend.  Ready to relax and just see what the event brings.  I'll have the experience I was meant to have.   In other news I've decided it's time to really get serious about triathlon training again.. so I SHOULD be running 3 days a week - doing some biking 3x a week as well as some cross training.  10 years ago I was doing tris nearly every weekend and loving it.  I want to get back to that habit. I also didn't order any prepped meals this week so I'm going to spend more time cooking then I normally do - because of that I spent more time doing weekly planning then normal.  Im going to give this a try and see how it goes.  I expect I'll be back to at least a few prepped foods - but maybe not every night like I've been doing.  We'll see it's all just my n=1 experiment.

So, gained 3.5 pounds this week.  Wasn't a perfect week - wasn't even an 'almost' perfect week - but I plan to learn all I can from it.  I have reinforced that I need to work on a better system for planning on the weekends and for even more structure around Chicago visits.  I have a few ideas to try - one of which included writing a more specific weekly plan that I fall back on if I don't write a daily plan for that day.  I've also been feeling better about pushing a little into 'uncomfortable' some days.  I'm not talking about being HUNGRY... but about saying 'no' do extra carbs - drinks etc.  I think a lot about making weight loss easy and honestly it DOES get a lot easier when I'm not funking up my blood sugar with carb bombs.  ((mentally it can get 'harder' but we all know how to handle the mental stuff right?)) What's held me back from falling into this full force is my determination to  'lose it like I'll live it" and I haven't been able to get past this block of 'what if I never had a piece of bread again" (sounds extreme but it's the kind of thing I need to answer if I want ANY change to be a lifetime change) I've been thinking and writing about this almost daily and feeling closer and closer to making a 'shift'  I've at least gotten to the point that my wild child doesn't have a FIT every time I think that thought... as I said, progress.  In truth, low carb here at home is pretty easy.  I just don't bring that kind of stuff into the house much.  But it's when I go out - other peoples homes, restaurants, to Chicago that stuff starts to find its way into my daily eating.  Do I want to live the rest of my life eating salads 3x a day? NO - but can I start to picture myself eating bread and sugar no more than 1x a week... maybe... working on it. :D . In the meanwhile I'll keep planning daily, and trying small level-ups.

Hi blog...

How's it going?

Where have I been?  Well I've been out finding myself I suppose

At the end of last year I found myself once again at 295 lbs!  I got determined, focused all the 'things' and lost a little, gained a little and basically found myself in the same place (292) at the first of April. 

Then I got an email... the "PNP Tribe" was opening up - would I like to join?

I had seen the adverts and even signed up for a newsletter but had never listened to the podcast or read any of her stuff.  What I knew was:

1. Corinne had lost 100 lbs 10 years ago and kept it off!
2. She was all about losing how you live - no batshit crazy diet plan
3. She cussed...
4. She was affiliated with Brooke Castillo - who I had worked with in the past and appreciated her approach

So, I said "what the hell" and gave her some of my money.

What an amazing six months it's been since!!  I lost my job, totaled the car I got for my birthday, got a new job with more authority and responsibility, have traveled to Chicago for a week at a time 6 or so times (for work), gone to Rockabilly, and Tiki events, visited my daughter in Missouri, and have been dealing with a failing personal business while losing 50 pounds... Yes... LOST 50 POUNDS!

Mentally I feel better then I have in my entire life!  I'm losing while eating foods I love and not being overly hungry.  I'm losing while exercising inconsistently.  I'm losing while going through drama and traveling and vacationing and all the stuff!

Has it been easy? Not always.  Changing your brain, taking control of your thoughts isn't easy.  Bypassing urges to eat when you have a habit of turning to food for comfort and entertainment and other things food isn't meant for, isn't easy.  But I wake up every morning and focus on, "How can I make this easy?"  "How can I be a badass today?" "How can I love myself today?" and it's been A-Maze-Ing!

I'm going to start sharing a bit more of my journey here - I feel like I have a story to tell - I still have 110 lbs left to lose and I'm sure there will be good days and bad.  I want to remember them.  I want this story to finally have a happy ending to finally post "I've hit my goal!" and transition to maintenance and all the opportunities for success that'll bring - I want to help someone else who's struggling, who's been overweight for years, who's gained and lost and gained again....

So, yeah -- hi blog! 

 I have to tell you guys... they hits keep on coming! My husband has been going through some stuff, and I've been doing my best to gently coach him. Luckily he's seen the change in me and it has opened him up to listening bit by bit. Last night I finally got up the nerve to tell him a bit of 'real truth' being open to the fact that he may or may not be ready to hear it.

When he told me (over the phone cause I'm traveling for work right now) "If X will just happen then I'll be ok" I told him, "Honey, no, it won't. You can't change your feelings by changing your circumstance. Look how many times you've tried that! There will always be something that stresses you out or makes your frustrated or doesn't go your way. You need to also work on changing your mind!"

AND HE AGREED WITH ME!!!!

This morning he slacked me and told me

so I heard the saying which I think was really cool and think maybe I'll adopt it as my mantra
Make today better than yesterday
It's a mini goal but it seems pretty good

and we talked about that a little - I think it's a good powerful thought

and just now he messaged me again and told me

I don't know if you saw that but I ordered a Kindle book called the seven-day mental diet
I want to try and read a little bit of that every day it's supposed to be something about not judging people and taking everything as it comes

12:39 PM

Basically what we were talking about how I need to change my Outlook not my situation

I'm so damn proud of him and nearly in tears over how amazing life is right now. ((and I don't cry people... I just DON'T))

So just know - you probably are being a light for others in your life as you work to better your own. We may not all be Corinne and able to help thousands, but sometimes just by helping ourselves we can help even just one or two of the people around us....

 Did my first ‘run’ outside this year. (Took a partner around with me for company) found myself thinking ‘this is so hard!’ Over and over and over again. I decided that I needed to do a little mid run thought work. So - what’s the real circumstance? The best I could come up with was that running outside requires more focus to keep the desired pace then running inside. My unintentional thought was ‘this is hard’ which makes me want to quit - and probably makes it less likely I’ll run outside again. My new intentional thought could be ‘I just need to practice more’ and the feeing is ‘challenged’ in a good way. And the result I ‘practice’ running outside more.

At the end of the run I stopped my Garmin and got a notice that I had run the fastest mile (while wearing my watch) plus... RunBet is done whoop!! Just did 25 runs instead of 21 cause I did four that didn’t count.

Only bad thing is hubby thinks I broke the dog...

All reactions:

9Tracy Bainum, Mary Beall Adler and 7 others

 For some reason about 9 years ago I lost site of my inner athlete. She was fairly young - I had only learned I had an inner athlete about a year proir - so maybe that’s why she got drown out... but whatever however whenever... I’m starting to hear her again. I actually spoke out loud to someone outside my family the fact that I want to do tris again. While thinking about that I pulled up my old blog and was reading some of the things my inner athlete wrote... and thought damn! Where did that girl go!? And then while pulling out some fabric from my sewing closet I found these stuffed in the back. I had kind of forgotten I even had them! So I pulled them out and I’ve put them in my workout room. As a reminder that I AM an athlete no matter my size or shape! I did my first tri (lavaman) at 240 lbs. but it wasn’t the race or my weight that made me an athlete. It was the commitment and belief in myself that I was going to show up and do my best no matter what.

So, today I commit to being an athlete. To kicking ass and taking names. To let letting my weight or speed (or lack there of) discourage me. To doing triathlons again - anyone in NorCal want to do one with me? I’m aiming for a sprint next summer.

All reactions:

24Judith Young Fender, Tracy Bainum and 22 others

Food wise things have been going well this week. Food has been on plan, even with some temptations. Monday I gave away a batch of chocolate chocolate-chip cookies rather then eat them. Yesterday I passed on having pizza, cheesy bread and lava cakes AND made a batch of lemon melt-away cookies without going off plan.... today, my weight is up 4 pounds *sigh*.

So I've been thinking about gratification, addiction, motivation and the like... As I said, I overcame my diet pepsi addiction and I was trying to take some lessons learned from that experience and apply it to my food issues. One of the issues I've come against is the ROI of dieting. ((I know this will be hard for some of the 'just do it' crowd to understand and I'm ok with that)) I quit pepsi and within about a week the fall out from my caffeine withdrawal was complete. I had learned of the mood enhancing effects of Phenylalanine and was taking steps to counter that which helped me avoid the terrible crash/irritability that had come with the other times I had quit. So, I was 'normal' and I was secure in the fact that as long as I didn't take my 'drug' again I could continue to be. Instantaneous cause and effect. Although I didn't quit to be 'free from a caffeine addiction' the result of being so has kept me off -- I'm very secure in the knowledge that I can't have just one...

Now, chocolate chip cookies are another story. I would actually be quitting them because I want a specific result. I want to lose weight and be healthier... but, the result isn't going to be here in a day, a week or even a year. In fact, who knows if it'll be here EVER. So, I've tried looking for other reasons... I've heard people say that eating sugar and junk makes them feel sick after they detox - nope, don't have that problem. I've tried monitoring my blood glucose hoping that if I stayed clean for a period of time I would see a change in my fasting numbers and get daily instant gratification that my numbers were getting lower or staying low. Nope - can't get a blood glucose meter to give me low numbers constantly and it doesn't seem to follow logically with what I eat. So any and every food change I make is only going to (maybe) long term results...

Even exercise is easier. Do I see a change in my body every day? Nope - but every time I go to the gym I'm able to lift a little bit more weight, or do one more rep. I run .1 mile or 1 second long and it feels like what I'm doing has a purpose. I can't 'diet' and say "Oh I did 2000 calories today, lets see if I can do 1800 today!" Or, I can't and do that and live - hah!

So,any ideas? (Not that anyone reads blogs anymore) The 'joy of compliance' isn't part of my DNA...I need a 'real' reason for being uncomfortable short term that sees results in the short term... is there any hope for me!?

Making Notes...

I have 33 weeks to train

I would like to be below 200 on race day (81lbs).  I know that's aggressive! it's totally reasonable by weight loss percentages... by the numbers it's about 2.5lbs a week.  That might be difficult so I'm selecting that as my 'moon shot' goal.  My min is to drop 41 lbs before then that's 1.2lbs a week.  I would be OK with that but not 'happy'. 

Training for the run is going to be @ 4.2 Miles per hour (approximately 14:30Min/Mile) - this would mean a finish speed of 1:30 for a 10K, but I know I need to train for a faster time then my goal cause running after the swim/bike is hard.

Training for the bike - looking to hit a consistent 13m/h again this is faster then I need to hit my goal time but I know i need to train faster because of the fatigue factor.

Swim... no swim goals not worried about that one