I feel a little like a fraud posting because I gave up giving a damn about what others thought about what I’m wearing…

But, maybe, somewhere in the tribe is someone who is shaped like me - or is also in her 50’s who thinks she can’t. So, here ya go…

#wearthedamnthing

 

I've really been digging into my urges a lot - and why sometimes they feel hard. There's been a resistance to the process of weight loss that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I thought I had put my finger on it a few times but trying on those ideas while in the midst of an urge or while planning etc just wasn't fitting right. It was close... but...not...quite... there....

Then, today, it hit me...since I have been sitting with urges, feeling my feelings and REALLY digging in - not just with food, and drink but also with my spending... I've been hearing other thoughts...

"oooo, I should go get my nose pierced again!" Has been a big one

After sitting with that urge for a bit I realized... eating and drinking (and sometimes spending) was one of the few places where I allowed myself to be impulsive and/or spontaneous and there is a sense of excitement and novelty in that.

Yes, I can find excitement and novelty in planned things. I can savor the anticipation of planned things too. But I think (for me) there's a happy place that has a combination of spontaneity and planned experiences. But for me - I think I tend toward enjoying the thrill of impulsiveness.

So, now I just need to figure out when and what kind of spontaneous things I can indulge in that don't come in conflict with my other long term goals....

 Google was kind enough to bring up this memory for me… and the accidental shot was almost exactly like the one I took yesterday.

Interesting comparison

Other than my brain I’m not really a ‘transformation’ just yet. But I really needed this reminder that YES! I have made progress!

What’s funny is I alway lose weight first in my face, neck and shoulders. So I look like my neck has grown MUCH longer…

Here’s to 45 pounds gone!

NSV!! I can now wear this black bangle!! The yellow and brown are the size that fit before

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33Kim Siberski, Annmarie Entner and 31 others

I had an amazing moment of clarity the other day that I wanted to share.

Now - I will tell you all that I've been a member of NoBS for four years. I've worked through a bunch of layers to get to this mental place.. but I'm hoping, maybe, I can help someone else get there faster.

99% of the time (anymore) - the thought that brings up urges is "I want that" or something similar. Yesterday I had that moment, felt the urge (for some of the bourbon sitting on the counter), heard the voice and I paused and asked.. "Why?" Now, here's the thing. My lizard brain... the one that was sending up the urge couldn't tell me "Why" in words that I could understand but I could feel in my body what it would feel like to have that drink, the untightening of my chest, the relaxation of my limbs, warmth at my heart... the followed by the urge again.

Then the words, repeated over and over again by Corinne came to me. "A feeling is just a vibration in your body" And I realized.. What my urge brain was saying was "We want to feel this way..." I still can't name the exact emotional feeling, but I certainly understood what it felt like physically. I also realized, if my urge is asking to feel a certain way... to cause a certain vibration in my body... Why... I know how to feel a feeling on purpose! We've practiced that in NOBS before! So hey brain... let's feel that way now.. but without an off plan drink!

And I did... and it WORKED!!!!

How much structure is too much?

I'm feeling fired up and motivated. Focused on do goals, positive power thoughts and the benefits of weight loss. As far as scale results... well still waiting on those but I'm willing to keep experimenting. Of course when feeling motivated and driven the urge to make a detailed plan with calories and macros and and and all those things is strong but I'm working on creating a lifestyle that can be maintained when I'm not running on this kind of high. I need something that works in winter and not just in spring. There are parts of 'intuitive eating' that I don't like ... Eating when hungry and stopping when at enough is great and I feel like that's how I would like to live my life in maintenance... but in weightloss it feels like that approach makes it hard to be a scientist. I don't like the constant second guessing myself... and it's not like I can wake up tomorrow and go.. oh yeah.. yesterday's food was at weightloss levels cause look, the scale went down. I don't know.. maybe if I was better at using a habit tracker I would have the data I needed to be truly scientific about my results...

There is one thing on food quality I want to work on - that is getting in more protein. I know it's good for me. I feel good when I'm prioritizing it in my diet and it's good for metabolism. again the urge to measure my protein intake so that I can better judge my success is strong. I think in this case... I need to do what's best for me and if I do (or do not) measure to like my reasons.

Another goal over the next few days is to figure out how to move more throughout the day. I work a VERY sedentary job and it is really easy for me to to sit for eight plus hours in front of the computer -- then go downstairs and spend another three four hours in front of the TV. I want to build a bit more movement into my day or at the very least STAND UP now and than. So, looking for strategies there.

in the good column (and I promised myself to celebrate more of my wins) My sleep has been really really good lately and water on point. So YAY!

one last thing - I really want to call out how helpful chatgtp has been for me. As someone who is easily distracted I can often lose track of what I'm going to the internet for to research. So I'll spend way too long going to 10 different sites that end up saying the same exact thing. what starts as a question in my head that could have been answered in five minutes will sometimes cost me two hours in lost time...

question of the day: What needs to change so that I look forward to doing what needs to be done?

Answer:  I need to change my thinking around those things that need to be done.  I need to think of them positively, and if not positively at least not negatively.

Getting specific here... What needs to be done? 

Drink Water, Sleep 7+ hours a day, Make a Daily Plan, Follow my Plan, Only eat when hungry and stop when satisfied not full.  additional things that I think are important are: lift weights and cardio

And from my coach/training chatbot: 

It's great that you have identified specific things that you want to work on to improve your health and well-being. Here are some tips for changing your thinking around these tasks:

Focus on the benefits: Rather than thinking of these tasks as burdensome or annoying, try to focus on the benefits they bring to your life. For example, drinking water can help keep you hydrated and improve your skin, while getting enough sleep can improve your mood and cognitive function.

Use positive language: When you talk or think about these tasks, use positive language instead of negative. For example, instead of thinking "I have to drink water," try thinking "I get to stay hydrated and healthy by drinking water." This can help shift your mindset and make these tasks feel less like a chore.

Celebrate your successes: When you do follow through on your plan, give yourself credit for it. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem. This can help reinforce positive thinking and motivate you to continue making progress.

Be kind to yourself: Changing habits can be difficult, and it's important to be kind to yourself throughout the process. If you slip up or don't follow through on your plan, don't beat yourself up about it. Instead, acknowledge what happened and refocus on your goals.