Was listening to a MJ call over the weekend and she told a caller who had been 'stalled' for quite some time that 'you are only 2 bites away from weight loss'. That has been rattling around in my head for a few days. I find I want to bounce from eating how I am now to only eating 1/2 my meals and planning only 'best' foods and than back to doing nothing at all. I'm not yoyoing in 20 pound swings like before NoBS but I'm not losing weight either.

So, today while I was on the treadmill I started thinking about eating less. As I said, my process before was to either 'cook less' and/or 'eat half'. I knew I didn't want to take away one of my eggs in my standard breakfast because I had done that before and that wasn't enough and left me hungry... but I started to wonder. What if I actually tried leaving bites behind? ... My logical brain started to argue with me and said.. wellllll how must IS two bites? So I invented a new game that I tried with breakfast and it worked! even better than I expected!

Instead of 'bite behind' I 'skip bites' Twice while eating breakfast I would pick up a bite of food and than 'skip' putting it into my mouth -- I would set it to one side of my plate instead (I might change this to a small side plate or bowl.. we'll see). This let me leave those bites behind, but ALSO made me much much more mindful while I was eating. For 'set meals' like my eggs and or my sandwich that I've had over and over again it cuts out all the drama of 'should I stop now?' 'how about now?' AND some part of my brain thinks I ate all of my food.... cause I actually picked up my fork the 'normal' amount of times. It was weirdly satisfying. Can't wait to try it again for dinner and lunch!

I’ve tried several different ways (notice I didn’t say I tried everything) to do the habit tracker and none of them seemed to be working for me. I would get to the end of the month and would have to backfill the tracker from memory which usually meant I didn’t do it.

So, this month I’m trying a new experiment… I’m putting post it notes where I do the thing I want to track and hashing it when I do that thing….

Already more consistent with it than anything else I’ve tried!…

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12Kim Siberski and 11 others

 I've been in NoBS for almost four years. I FEEL amazing most of the time. I'm incredibly grateful for this program and the freedom it's given me to love myself.

But - I have not lost all my weight. In fact, as of today I'm 36 pounds down. (it was more.. but covid, regain.. blah blah blah). I weight 262 and I've been between 261 and 265 since August. Yeah.. sometimes Ol Shitty gets all wrapped up about that. But I don't let my brain lie to me for very long. I haven't done all the things.. heck I haven't even done the basic things all that much! But I do have that 'duel mind' that probably many of us who have lived through diet trauma of 'I never want to diet again-I would rather be fat than have to look at another salad EVER' and 'You need to restrict and cut and exercise 2 times a day!'

So, last week rather than whining about how I'm too fat for it to be this 'hard' to lose weight I asked myself 'what am I willing to try? What do I think is holding me back?' and after journaling on that for a bit I asked myself 'so, where are my wins to be found? What changes small and large would have the most impact on my weight loss? How do I make those changes easy?'

And I started list... as you might guess they pretty much looked like 'the four basics and level ups'. But in my own words. I sorted through the list I made and picked one of the things that I though would make a decent impact, but also be easy so I could get some reps in.

The first thing I decided to tackle was better choices for supplemental foods (My word for snacks) Now - here I'm going to tell you that even after four years I've struggled with the good/better/best list. Any time I started to make one I found all kinds of diet thinking came up and it really triggered my diet trauma - so I left it. I figured when I was ready... it would be there. So when asked myself to make better choices for supplemental foods I had to figure out what better meant FOR ME! I made a list of those things I thought were important in a snack and than wrote down anything and everything I could think of that I've ever eaten between meals (and even some things I hadn't) and scored them according to my criteria... I'm going to stress that last part.. MY CRITERIA!

What I realized was that some of the foods that I was judging myself harshly for were really pretty close to hitting all the things on my list and that felt good! But the weirdest thing it did... was it equalized all that food for me. For some reason, looking at that food with a 100% impartial scale made them all just ... food.

And that showed itself tonight. I was done with dinner and while walking through the kitchen saw the extra meatballs that I had made for snacking throughout the week. I had an urge to grab one and pop it in my mouth. My feast beast was telling me "It's ok... it's meat, protein.. it's good for you!" and suddenly I thought... but, it's equal to a cookie or that piece of chocolate N tried to give me earlier. An overeat is an overeat.. the food I overeat does not somehow make one overeat 'better' than another. You wouldn't feel good about eating a cookie right now, so why should a meatball get a pass?

I was stunned as those thoughts just POPPED into my head.

The focus on 'what small thing can I change' and 'all food matters' came together in a magical moment. Now, I can't wait to see what new thing my brain teaches me this week!

(this week's focus is drink less, and my goal life)

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24Jean Banning, Tana Warner and 22 others

 It's been a stressful week (started last week) and today has been an even more stressful day (RIF at work).

I was feeling restless and pent up and heard myself think "I really want chocolate"

Knowing it HAS been a rough time I told myself "Maybe I'll have a couple of pieces later when I'm hungry..."

I heard the voice say "I don't want to have a couple of pieces! I want to eat lots and lots and lots!"

I tried reason and to appeal to my future self vision (as has been working recently) "But if I eat that much I'll have a stomach ache!"

the reply "Good! cause it'll distract me from the other pain I'm feeling right now..."

Geez other self! Talk about dropping a bomb! I'm not promising not to each chocolate.. But I do promise to continue to stay mindful if/when I do!

 This is about fashion and a fashion icon but speaks so clearly about how our thoughts make all the difference in the world! How self esteem is a choice and how to live your life out loud. It’s something I’ve learned to do over the years but could never really articulate. But I think Dita has done so brilliantly here.

Dear Dita,

I adore your glamour style! However, I personally feel sort of overdressed in high heels, stockings & dress while around people in jeans. Everybody is staring at me & asking “What’s the occasion for that?” Have you ever been in that kind of situation? How to be brave enough to go on with glamour style every day? How do you deal with unwanted attention?

-Malina Kaa

Dear Malina,

In my 20+ years of dressing up in retro style, I’ve certainly had my fair share of stupid questions and criticisms, and I’ve even been flat-out made fun of, especially back in the early 90s before retro glamour became so popular and when my outfits were even more extravagant than they are now!

I recall a moment I had once that really cured me of feeling self-conscious. Two guys made fun of me in passing, who were both dressed in hideously ugly, stained and torn “University of Idiocy” T-shirts with mismatched shorts and some sort of offensive footwear.

I remember thinking, “Wait a minute, the fact that THESE guys think I look silly/crazy/unsexy is actually a compliment!”

I also began to realize that our appearance tells the world which tribe we belong to, or want to belong to. I have absolutely no desire to be a part of the tribe that those two guys belong to, you know? Imagine the hell of being asked out on a date with one of them? Heaven forbid I would fall in love with him and be forced to watch sports on TV while fetching a beer and a Manwich for one of those guys. That sounds like a special kind of hell to me.

I’ve said it time and time again. You can be a juicy, ripe peach and there’s still going to be someone who doesn’t like peaches, so you can either submit to someone’s criticism of you, or you can get on with the business of being your own amazing self who attracts other like-minded people that appreciate you.

I often think about my icons of beauty and style, and I am quite certain that they received their fair share of ridicule, but if they hadn’t dared to be different, there are countless fashion styles that probably would have never made it to the mainstream.

Can you imagine if Marlene Dietrich had merely accepted that hotels in Paris wouldn’t welcome her while she was wearing a man’s tuxedo? Can you imagine the things people might have said as Isabella Blow wafted down the street in a billowing cape and one of her many enormous hats? I’d met her a few times, always astonished by her inspiring style, and I can tell you that she certainly didn’t give a crap what anyone thought of her, and for me and many others, she is highly regarded as one of the most important and most fashionable women ever.

Nothing great comes without risk, and only the very mediocre are safe from being poked fun at. Personally, every time someone makes a snide comment, I feel I am proud to be part of the elite group of weirdos! If you want to read a fabulous and hilarious book about this eccentric “club,” check out Simon Doonan’s “Eccentric Glamour.”

I’ve had all sorts of comebacks to the various “vocal observations” of my attire and my look, but I try to say positive things like, “Why yes, the special occasion is life, thank you for noticing!”

Back in the 90s, before retro glamour was in fashion, I would get asked if I was in a movie and I would say, “Yes, I’m starring in this amazing story of my own life,” with a positive attitude and tone of voice whenever possible. Sometimes people don’t mean to be rude, they just noticed you and they don’t realize that what they say might make you feel uncomfortable.

I really think we just have to forgive them, because they just don’t know, and sometimes, they even fear what they don’t know, and we should have sympathy for them. And, I have to add, that if you are already feeling uncomfortable, it might not even be that they are being rude, but their words are magnified and mirroring what you are feeling, so maybe it’s more about finding ways to find your own comfort zone and working on self-confidence.

I hope this helps, carry on with being the fabulous glambassador that you are, and don’t let them get you down!

xx

Dita

(Source: Black Swan Dita)

 Super Nerd Alert... and really just me restating my post from yesterday

In my profession there is a system of practices and disciples documented by an organization called ITIL called Service Support.

Within that are two major processes “Incident Management” and “Problem Management” and today I saw a correlation between these two and my weight loss journey (weird I know! - but it’s not the first time I’ve found this kind of correlation)

ITIL incident management (IM) is the practice of restoring services as quickly as possible after an incident, and it’s a reactive process. It’s used to ‘restore service’ and is not proactive in measure. However, you do plan your response to incidents so you can address them quickly and efficiently.

ITIL Problem Management is to identify the cause of a service issue and commission corrective work to prevent recurrences. This process is both reactive and proactive - reactive in solving problems in response to incidents (se above), and proactive in identifying and solving potential incidents before they occur.

“So what does this have to do with weight loss!?” I hear you say!

Well, it came to me recently I can also divide the thought work needed for weight loss (or really any goal) into two types.

There is Incident Management. The way I handle thoughts/circumstances or anything that might cause me to act in a way contrary to my goals. It’s how I handle that thing, right there, in that moment. AKA Urges

Incident management it broken down into several steps some of which are:

Detecting and recording incident details: or as Corrine calls it “Noticing” the urge thought.

Matching incidents against known problems: Is this a thought we’ve worked on before - or are the circumstances around that thought something we are working on currently? Can we use this info to resolve the incident quickly? Is this a “normal” thought for me?

Resolving incidents as quickly as possible: What something I can think quickly that can “Neutralize” the sabotaging thoughts?

All of this about neutralizing the urge and getting past it ASAP

Now Problem Management is a similar but related program that is focused on the ROOT CAUSE of those sabotaging thoughts and how we can prevent them in the future.

This is all about the TFD cycle - the daily journaling and figuring out how to think different and feel different and change life LONG TERM.

I realized that I’m really good at problem management. I’m a thought ninja. Been working on ‘the model’, as we used to call it, since the early 2000’s Give me a TFD cycle and I’m gunna own that MFer.

I would go to camp and we would look at all the places that could trip people up ‘relationships, self worth, body image and more’ and none of them resinated with me. But what I struggled with and didn’t realize was a different issue - issue management and now that I know… it feels like finally the place I need to work is clear and I feel like I have a TRUE path to success at last.

 I think I had an epiphany last night. At least it felt like one at about Midnight right before falling asleep.

Between the thought work I've been digging into lately and the reading I was doing last night something just CLICKED. It feels like something I've been on the edge of for quite some time now and my brain finally 'got' it.

I was reading through my 'whys' (I've been adding that to my daily habits) when I came on the card that says "Get great at self control". And this little voice whispered "Self control just means talking to yourself right..."

I kind of did a mental double take... I mean... is it? really?

Yeah! it is!

I knew the way to reach my goals wasn't through will power. That white knuckle feeling of tension; of holding back or pushing forward that eventually gets exhausted. But for a LONG time I've been thinking the opposite of that was just to tell myself "NO!" or "Do it!" and meaning it. But that felt wrong too! All too often that was just a reason for my inner rebel to flip off the world and go eat a whole plate of cookies.

But last night I realized it's easier then that...(and this sounds so simple) but it really is talking to yourself in a way that makes the goal choice as attractive or more attractive than the non-goal choice. Or even just realizing there is a choice in the first place. Self control isn't a "No! because I said so" thing it's a "We could do that, but we could also...." thing.

It's using conjunctions. It's realizing that a thought, an urge a whatever doesn't have to end at the 'urge thought' but can be extended into a choice with "ifs, ands and buts"

Part of this realization came because I have been practicing this with my workouts adding a "And I'm getting stronger every day" to "I'm so out of shape". Not stopping at "I don't want to get up I'm so tired" but adding "But I'm going to, because I'm going to feel so much better in a few minutes"

I've been countering urges to impulse spend that start with "I want that!" by adding "But I want the freedom of being debt free more!"

An urge to drink last night that sounded like "It'll make the game more fun..." got the addendum of "But it'll also make me sleepy and the game harder to enjoy later"

This feels SO MUCH BETTER then what I was doing before! Before I was "Saying 'no' harder" or trying to just eliminate the urges in the first place. But that isn't self control! Self control is learning to 'control' myself and it doesn't have to be hard or feel like I'm constantly repressing or trying to eliminate a part of me. It means joining up with that part of me.. speaking to it in a language it understands and reminding it that we're on the same side!

And this is getting really woo woo I know.. but I feel like a new person suddenly!