I don't know what to do



I've tried being excited, getting angery, sad... taking a day at a time, planning 12 weeks, looking forward a year... Still I struggle, and feel as if I'm running in a hamster wheel - getting nowhere. Part of myewants to take everything I've been trying to do and throw it out the window and find a whole new approach. Yes, I'm talking about the BFL lifestyle - It's not that it doesn't work. I know it does, but somehow, I'm broken... at least it feels that way. But then the other part of me says "It works if you do it... you just need to do it! Don't quit, don't be a failure!"



What am I working against here?



1) an addiction. As Jay said, a destructive behavior that I recognize, but don't seem to be able to do anything about. At least not for large periods of time. I do it for a while. Usually only if I'm super stict- then I start getting obsessive about being strict and the next thing I know I'm starving myself. Not Good. It's not emotional eating. It's not hunger. Those don't drive me to eat. But it's the sheer PLEASURE of eating. I love food. I love the taste and the variety. I love cooking it and eating it. and the more I focus on it, the worse it seems to get! It's Glutony pure and simple! So, what do I do? Do I pick up the pieces and plow on? Spend hours planning meals, focusing on what's 'good' and 'bad' and continue to give food power? I'm just so FRUSTRATED! Here's what I'm SERIOUSLY consitering...Returning to Weigh down. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a christian weight loss program that tries to 'cure' you of your food addiction. Helping you recognize hunger and eat in accordiance with your bodies needs. It also strips foods of thier power. There is NO 'Good' or 'Bad' food. Everythings allowed as long as your are hungry when you eat it and you stop when you are full. Sounds simple, but it's not. But taking away food's power over me. It's ability to make me FEEL as though I'm worthy or unworthy... I may need to go back to that.



2) Lazyness - That's the only reason I can give for constantly skipping workouts. I'm not ill. I've got a lot of time. I'm reletively healthy, but do I do what I should? No! It's like that law you learned in science class... an object at rest tends to stay at rest.. that's me a big ol' resting object. Wanting to be healthy isn't enough of a motivator, and as I said before all those other emotions haven't changed anything either. I need some purpose. Some good and valid reason to workout. The only idea I've had so far is to join a dance class. Returning to Ballet... Perhaps THAT would motivate me... I dunno... At the moment I'm stuck and I'm at the end of my rope. But maybe that's not an entirely bad thing. maybe what I need to do is let go?