Hi!



Well today I've taken the dive again. I even joined the BFL challenge - offically.



The goal - see what changes I can make by the end of the year. I know five weeks are going to see me being a BFL finalist, but I figure it can at least get a jump start on any New Year Resolutions.



Offical starting weight is 202.5



I don't have measurements yet, but I'm sure I won't like them.



Goals - same as always - lose as much as I can. But more importantly FINISH. Stick too it. Honor self promices. That's more important to me then anything else right now.



So I start the whole thing with a challenge. I'm going to dinner tonight. Chinese food. The plan? See if I can find the menu online and plan what I'm going to order before I get there.



The other option is to have a few free meals during the week but no free day.



of course that's complicated by a vacation at the end of this week, and several days in Disney Land. sheesh!



Life's full of complications though. I just need to learn to live with them.

I want to thank those of you who've posted these past few weeks. The fact that someone cares enough to post on a 'dead' blog means a lot to me.



So, where am I now? Unfortunatly, I'm back to OVER 200. It sucks go be stuck inside this body. BUT, I haven't given up. In my mind every day is a chance to make good choices. I don't always make them, but I at least believe I've got that choice.



I had a good week - two weeks ago - My fiance' started doing the program with me and I had a whole week of quailty eating. I felt great, and dropped below 200 almost immediatly. The life snuck back in. One cookie turned into a slice of cake, etc.



I haven't worked out in ages. The treadmill and weight machine mock me daily. I promice them I'll be back but it hasn't happened yet. But, as I said, I havn't given up. I'm not sure how I get back into the groove again. There has to be a way. I'll not be stuck like this forever.



Once again, thank you to those of you who responded here. It means a lot to me to know there are those who are watching and who care. I'll try to post with regularity again. Maybe that will allow me to work through some of this.



In the mean while. Weight today - 202. It's a long hard road ahead of us.

As you probably guessed, my program tood a dump. Ediets didn't help and I'm sitting here still as heavy and out of shape as before. I haven't gained back all of the weight I lost last year, but it's close. Worse, I feel like CRAP! It probably doesn't help that I'm on my period, but either way I've lost whatever edge I ever gained.



I'm not sure what is worse, feeling fat and misserable, or knowing that just a year ago I was better then this and on a path to be great. I don't know why I have so much trouble stay on this path. It's not like I don't want it. I want it so bad that feeling like I do right now makes me want to curl up in a little ball and just cry. But then life settles in and reach for a doughnut instead of something healthy. Or I sit and watch a movie instead of hitting the weights or treadmill. I really have NO excuses! And yet I continue to find them.



I'm at a loss. I'm not really sure where to turn or what to do. The problem isn't with what program I choose. It's not about eating carbs, or eating fat or do I lift first or do cardio more. It's about me - sticking to what I start and following through with my commitments to myself.



We are once again at square one folks. And if you're still with me. Thanks!

It's been a week, I know.



Things have actually been going rather well. I haven't been 100% in my eating (more like 85%) but I feel like I've made some progress. I haven't missed a single weight workout, though my cardio hasn't been consistant. The results? I haven't lost a single pound. Still hanging at 191. I suppose the good news is I haven't been 100%. If I was putting 100% into it and not losing anything... that would just SUCK. So the next week the goal is to clean up the eating some more and get more consistant with the cardio. It should be an interesting week as I'm alone Tuesday through Friday. I'm not sure if that's going to help or hurt me. We'll see.



And for those of you thinking (muscle weighs more then fat) My BF% isn't dropping either. I'm waiting to do measurements for a few more weeks. My clothes? There are days I feel like I'm doing something, and others I swear they are tighter then ever. I'm pretty sure that if I would just throw a little consistancy into the mix that I would really start to take off. Ok- I'm MORE then sure.



Oh and I really need to drink more water. I've been watching myself and I'm pretty sure that four litres of diet pepsi a day CAN'T be good for me. Time to really start working on ditching that habit. Or at least making it managable.

It figures doesn't it? I came in today primed for bear. Lunches packed, game face on and there, on the table are BOXES of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. ACK! I'm staying hidden in my corner until they are gone!

I talked to my dad today and he’s coming to visit. I’m excited about this, but at the same time I’m a little stressed out because, seriously, the thought crossed my mind, “I have GOT to lose some weight before then!” and the next thought? “Tomorrow I’m going to get serious!” So I started looking at the calendar. I was stunned, thrilled and amused all at the same time because, you see, my dad is arriving in EXACTLY 12 weeks! I’ve got 12 weeks, a BFL challenge length of time to make some serious body changes.



And why, may you ask, am I worried about this? Well, aside from the fact that I don’t see my dad that often and I’d like to make a good impression? He’s a personal trainer.



So tomorrow I start, with purpose, with goals! This is going to be cool!

A recap of my first week



Wednesday turned out to be as challenging as I had thought. Though not for the reasons I had thought. For some reason I just did NOT want to eat the food I had brought with me. I muddled through the day substituting bars for a few meals. At my meeting, I was in for a surprise: Food, real food: teriyaki chicken, steamed veggies, salad, and rolls. I had a little of everything. But, as I had figured I didn’t get my workout in.



Thursday I started on plan, then my honey called me up and said “Let’s go to Olive Garden tonight”. OG, my nemesis! I skipped a few meals so I would have room. I kind of wiggled my schedule around and labeled this as a ‘free meal’. One GOOD thing was that we did our workout before leaving. At OG I limited my bread, but didn’t resist the Italian Margaritas (I had two). I’ve been craving them for MONTHS. I had a half plate of raviolis and then didn’t even eat all of them, so I walked out of there feeling pretty strong.



Friday went well, I did my run and it was easier then the time before. Food was good and on plan with a dinner that was YUMMY.



Saturday – Dinner was a free meal with the rest of the day on plan. We did a bunch of walking, but didn’t do our workout. When I woke up I said “Should we work out now, or when we get home?” He said “when we get home”. But when we got home – well we had had a beer at dinner and it was late so the workout was put off.



Sunday – again we thought we would workout when we got home, again, it didn’t happen. BUT we did hike about 5 miles or so for our cardio. Breakfast was my last free meal and the rest was on plan.



Results for the week? Weight is down, pant-o-meter is showing positive results, though measurements are still not showing amazing results. Still I FEEL really good, and that’s positive motivation to keep things moving.