It's late, and I can't sleep - AGAIN



I've felt crappy all day - stayed in bed until 3:30pm today...probably why I'm not a bit sleepy now. I made a decision early in the morning to postpone my UBWO. I was just feeling so ragged. Not sure if it's my alergies (The mildest case I've had in two years) or a bit of the flue that's been going around, but to be safe I thought I would rest up. Amazingly enough after getting a LOT of rest today I've been practically bouncing off the walls this evening. Guess all this exercise is paying off. I DID fit a SMALL PG&J into my plan today... and I still managed to come in GREEN! :) Yes, jelly isn't the best choice ever, but I had a VERY small amount, with 1 Tbs of Peanut better on 1 slice of bread. And the totals for the day...



I've been trying for 45% Protien/45%Carb/10%Fat so I don't think I'm doing too bad... Since I've had a couple days in the 1300 range I think I'll shoot for the lower (1250) range of calories for the next two days.



I'm just hoping for this blue funk I've been in to go AWAY. It's probably hormonal... Though it could be my body's homeostasis kicking in. I've just got to convince it that I'm serious! The good news is that I haven't burried all these feelings in a bowl of ice cream. I'm doing my best to acknowledge them to feel them fully. To take them out and look them over and learn more about them, and myself... the good, the bad... perhaps one day, I'll be better able to detach myself from them... Mitch Albom explained it this way in his book "Tuesdays with Morrie" ..



"Take any emotion -- love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotioins -- if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them -- you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. you're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.

"But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowingyourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. you know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, 'All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment'"



I'm finding I'm spending a lot of time 'over my head' lately. But, perhaps, that's a good thing.