Tuesday, May 25, 2004

So, I've not been here much. There's a reason. I SUCK. Motivation nill - Excercise Mild - and Food can you say BLECK!? This has GOT to stop! Every time I look in the mirror I see all the work I need to do and it makes me ill. So what do I do? I stop looking in the mirror... But then I went to a party on Saturday, and there was pictures, and there is only so much you can hid from the camera *sigh*. So I suck... The good news is that I still have a lot of stamina. I'm in pretty good 'shape'. I'm strong, I have endurance, but I'm fat. The only way to 'fix' this is to do something about all this eating. It's not just just eating, it's the tons of chocolate and cake and the like.

Not to make excuses, but I HAVE been really depressed of late. Sticking to any plan of self improvement while questioning your own self worth is difficult. But I'm better now. It's time not only to put away the chocolate, but to figure out how to deal with the blues WITHOUT the chocolate. But, one step at a time... Time to get on plan - a GOOD solid burn the FAT plan.

I'm tired. I'm tired of belly roles, thigh cellulite, back cleavage, and rolls along the waistband of my control top panty hose.

Damn it! I know you probably don't want to be reading this. You're probablly nodding your head and saying "yeah, we've heard this before, how is this time different"

In truth I don't know that this time is differnt. As a matter of fact, I'm scared to DEATH that this time WON'T be different and I'll be writing this post all over again in a month, but does that mean I roll over and dive into a vat of chocolate? No - it means that I write this post all over again in a month if I have to and keep trying. Keep plugging away, and if you get sick of reading it - then I guess you have to go read somewhere else. But I'm not writing for you - I'm writing for me and that's the way it has to be.... sorry. No - I'm not sorry! I'm angry!

I used anger to get myself out of slump emotionally recently - so why not for this. I'm doing it! I'm getting pissed. ENOUGH is ENOUGH!!

For the rest of the day today I will eat good, healthy clean food. The plan..

Salad and Tri-Tip for dinner

Riccotta cheese for desert

I'll run tonight when I get home...

Yay! My posts will now allow comments!

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

I took most of last week off. I just couldn't find the desire or energy to run. My nutrition sucked - well not really I barely ate. Just couldn't find the desire or energy. (seeing a pattern here?) BUT - the good news is after taking most of last week off, I couldn't WAIT to run yesterday, then ended up holding off because it was a 'rest'day. So by the time today came around I was really REALLY ready. And the three miles just FLEW by. I felt fantastic the entire time! No dead legs, no cramps. My foot felt strong. Everything felt PERFECT. Best of all I ran the three miles in 37 minutes on the nose! that's a pace of 12:20 - I'm getting faster!

tomorrow's my cross training bike ride and I'm really looking forward to that too.

Nutrition is going according to my new plan. Maybe that along with the rest is making a difference. We'll have to see

Monday, May 10, 2004

Good news first -

The race: We got a much later start out of the house then I wanted. Getting four kids going at 7:00am is a major chore. By the time I arrived (had to drop me off so that they could find parking) the men's race had already started. I checked in, got my number and started milling about. Jogging to warm up, stretching and waiting. Then, the shouting started "Clear the Track!" and the first finishers were coming in. I glanced at the clock and nearly fainted. The first man can in UNDER 17 minutes for 3.1 miles! The rest came in pretty steadily after that with people cheering each other on. It was really heartening to watch.

The ladies lined up after that. I have to admit that I was a little intimidated. After all, this is San Francisco where everyone and their dog runs - literally! There were a TON of long lithe looking women there. But, I filtered to the back of the line and didn't allow myself to think about walking away. After all, how could I? I had paid my $20.

The started everyone with a countdown 10..9.. 8... Since I knew I wasn't in the money or even concerned with placing I didn't get tensed up. I figured I would start when the people in front of my started to clear out. So, I started, jogging along in the back of the pack out to enjoy the day. And it WAS a beautiful day! We don't get many lilke this in SF. The park was the perfect temp. Not too hot, not too cold and the sun was shining (another rarity) There was no wind and everything was dewy and green. The whole first half of the race was uphill and the first mile was really difficult. I managed to keep to MY pace and not kill myself by running too fast (a real fear of mine). The second mile got easier will a few downhills. There was one 'bigger' climb but i just put my head down and bull dogged through it - it really didn't bother my pace at all. What was strange to me was how friendly everyone was! Here I was chugging along and everyone I passed (even those not involved in the race) was at least smiling and nodding, and most were offering a "Keep going! you're doing great!" (though I was under NO delusions). At mile three I was in a groove. I had found a pace that was extremely comfortable for me, though my calves, ankles and hips were starting to feel the effects of running on asphalt. (No twinges from the feet though and that was a GOOD thing). With half a mile to go I heard a little guy on the sidelines tell his mom "She should start going faster now huh mom?" and I wanted to tell him "Sorry sweetie this is as fast as she gets," but I didn't.

If there was one thing that I'm disappointed about regarding this entire race it's that I let myself be afraid. The closer I got to the finish the more afraid I got that I would leg it out too soon and have nothing left to cross the finish line. I wanted to finish with flair. I wanted to finish with a smile not with a wheeze and a gasp. I let pride hold me back, and I hope I don't do that again. I didn't speed up until I could actually SEE the numbers on the clock. I finished with a smile on my face - that's for sure! but I still had a LOT of gas left. I ran without a watch or any other gauge but my body and I liked it that way. Surprisingly I made it in less then the 39 minutes I predicted (I told you I was slow!) and finished in 38:01! That was exciting! I really can't wait to do this again!

As a testament to the caliber of women that were running the race on Sunday. I finished 7th………………… from LAST! I couldn't even see the next person in front of me!!

It's been 8 weeks since I started running and I can now jog for 3.1 miles and still feel fantastic! I think that was one of the most important parts of the day.. I went 3 miles and didn't fall over.. didn't once durning the run think "OMG can I PLEASE STOP!?" I actually held up my head and enjoyed every moment!! Most important of all, I finished with a smile. A HUGE smile! Even the guys at the gate said something about it... I'm not sure if I can properly express what this meant to me. I finished! And even more amazing.. I started! I followed through on something that for long has only been a pipe dream, and I did it by working toward the goal EVERY day! When I had a bad day I got back on the program and kept on working. I didn't start over, I picked up where I left off and kept going. I just need to apply that same focus to my other goals, and then I'll be finishing a LOT more races!

The bad news:

My weight. I don't know WHAT I've done but I feel terrible. I'm swollen beyond belief and my weight this morning was 189! EEEEK! As if the pictures taken yesterday wern't enough to scare me strait, seeing the scale almost back to 190 certainly did! I've gotten back to a sensible eating plan. Packed my lunch today and I'm sticking to it. Of course PMS has something to do with this feeling and the extra weight but still, I can't let this get out of hand. It's back to full workouts and clean eats!

The Plan:

Here's the plan for the NEXT 8 weeks.

Weight training/stretching Monday and Friday and Sunday

Running Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday

Biking on Wednesday

Hiking or Walking on Sunday