Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Friday I leave 'on a jet plane' to fly down to see my sweety who has been 'parent sitting' for two weeks while his Dad is in the hospital. I'll be "Down South" until Monday.
This means 1) I can't do Friday night's upper body workout because - well, I'll be on the plane.

Saturday's run I can do at the park, but I also won't be able to do Monday's Lower Body workout because - well - I'll be on a plane again.

So, today - like a True Committed BFL Acolyte I called my fiance and asked him if he would pleeeeeeeeease please please please find out if there were any nearby gyms so I could get my workout done.

I think he was a little suprised but he hapily did the research for me and found a 24 hour fitness just down the road!

So, Friday's Upper body workout will be done Saturday... Saturday's run will be Sunday and Monday I'll do my Legs in the morning at the gym!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005




I uploaded a photo that I think explains why I was dreading my HIIT tonight. I just KNEW it was going to HURT. It did. Not as much as I expected, but more then I had hoped. It was hard. Not just because of the pain. I think the heat and slight dehydration (or maybe...hmm.. lack of exercise) was effecting me. I just couldn't seem to stay 'on top'. I kept getting a cramp in my right shin (a chronic problem). And my legs felt like lead. I kept pushing though, even though sometimes it felt like I couldn't 'go through the motions' one more time. On the last interval I was out of gas. But I did it anyway - I had to just burry myself in the one place that was not tired and hurt... my heart. I stayed there and focused on the kernel of desire and hope... and made it!
Now I'm going to shower - thank you.
I posted today about my 'unexplained' gains in upper body strength - then, while walking to the ferry this evening, I had an epiphiny. I walk .6 miles from the ferry to work (and back) everyday. I carry a bag with me that I pack with books, magazines notepads and my lunch. Because I was having some shoulder issues, I quit carrying the bag with a strap over my shoulder, but instead carry it by the handle with my hand. Right hand to work in the morning, left hand to the ferry at night. Tonight when I got home I weighed the bag (a bit lighter because my lunches were gone) and it, together with my purse, weigh 12 lbs!
I think I'm going to go flex in the mirror now!
Note to self:

When taking dieter's tea and the package says to drink 1/2 a cup each day - only drink 1/2 a cup each day.

Talk about a cleansing moment!
Why I believe I'm an Mesomorph trapped in an Endomorph's body.
or:

Are you REALLY sure that's all you can do?

or maybe

Rest is Good?

Last night I did my third Upperbody workout this MONTH. That's right, this month. The last one I did was on 7/13.

So, last night I pulled out my log and started my workout. Of course chest is first and I glance at my log. Maybe because I didn't have my glasses on, but I thought my log said I needed to raise my weights this time on both the press and the Flye. So I do my chest workout and then go to log to write it down. That's when I notice that my last workout said that I hit a 10 on chest the time before. And yet, I just added five pounds to both excercises and finished all my sets!

Not only that, but Shoulders and Bis, both of which I had marked as 10's last workout (and I used the same weight for) ended up being more like a 9.5.

I'm not really sure what was going on. Maybe I gain strength quickly and that was assisted by the extended rest, maybe I missjudged my 'limit' the time before, or maybe it was a combination of all that.

I just know that I was pretty proud of myself at the end of it all.
Since I've been working really hard on my focus and doing a lot of self motivation, I thought I would share some more of the motivational tools I'm using. Here's another 'self-talk' from the book "The Thin Commandments" -----------------
today, I will stay focused on what is essential, and I will not waste my time on what is nonessential. I have flipped the switch that turns off the thoughts of deprivation in my head. I've seen it all and tasted it all in the world of food. I can succeed at being trim. Each time I say. 'no, thank you.' I say, 'yes' to being fit and successful. Only the the fit say "No, thank you." To be in control is empowering. To have the power to say, "no, thank you." to that which has destroyed my figure and control again and again is liberating. I don't need to look at it, think about it or taste it. I've had enough for three lifetimes.
My first 24 hour challenge was a success!

Yeah, I'm taking it one day at a time. Yesterday I had all my meals packed. I ate them on time and I did my upper body workout. All as planned and on plan - woo hoo!

My weight has been 205.5 for two days in a row so that means that it's going to stay! yay! Now I just need to figure out how to run with this NASTY sunburn.

Monday, July 25, 2005

I've recently been looking again at my book "The Thin Commandments". It's a great referance for those of us who struggle with the 'other side' of weight loss (food addictions etc). As the book suggests I've 'personalized' the following 'obligation'. Other then printing it here, I've copied it to my palm so that I can read it daily.
--------------------------

What is wrong with this picture? I am losing to a piece of food, taking orders from a snack.

I will start my food plan today. I don’t want to wait. I won’t say that I’ll start eating right tomorrow. How many times have I said that before? Saying tomorrow is saying I won’t do it today. THIS is the tomorrow I spoke of yesterday. I would never run a business the way I’ve treated my own body and my weight problem. If this were something that I needed to do for my children or someone I loved, I would have done it a long time ago. So, I will do it for someone I love – Myself.

Today, I will start living as never before. I’ll remember that this begins in the supermarket. I will buy the foods that support my success and avoid the ones that sabotage it. If I don’t buy it, I don’t eat it. If it’s not in my kitchen, it’s not on my hips.

There’s not a single food that I’ll see today that I haven’t seen or tasted before. I have seen it all, I’ve tasted it all, and it hasn’t made me happy; it has only made me fat. But, this is not a mountain to climb. It is just a few patterns to master. I have overcome a great deal in my life. I can learn to manage six meals a day. That is my only challenge to buy a lifetime of being trim. What’s the worst that can happen to me? I will just see or smell a food that I’d like to eat. It will not be new. I have seen and tasted it before. A food temptation is simply a feeling; it’s not a command. It lasts about 4 to 12 minutes. If I break the eye contact and say ‘No way!’ it will pass. Isn’t thin worth 4 to 12 minutes of standing up to a feeling?

None of my clothes fit. I can’t bear to look at a picture of myself or in the mirror. I’m not taking care of my health or the quality of my life. What I have done in the past has not worked. That’s why I will do it a new way using new strategies. If it seemed difficult in the past, it was probably because I didn’t have the right strategy. I knew what I wanted – to be trim – but I didn’t have a plan to get there and stay there. Strategy gives me the road map that makes it possible. It’s not just knowing what to eat and what not to eat. It’s knowing how to do it, how to want to do it, and how to make it easy to do. That’s what strategy is about, and that’s what I’m working on, one day at a time.

I will follow my food plan every day, with one ‘planned’ free meal a week. I will only eat in restaurants as a reward to myself and at planned times. I will not make ‘excuses’ to deviate from my plan.

If I have an upsetting situation, I will say to myself, “I have an uncomfortable feeling, but it is not about food.” Eating over it will not make me happy; it will only make me heavy. Even if I can’t solve the problem or change the person who is upsetting me, by not eating, I break a major pattern that has made me heavy. Maybe I can’t do anything about other problems in my life, but my weight is one area that I have the power to change. And I will use that power.

In a world where there is cancer, and AIDS, and homelessness, what’s the big deal if I say no thanks to unplanned food when can say YES to being thin? Did I come this far in life to take orders from food?

I deserve to be trim. I deserve to succeed with this. I deserve to be in control of my life with food
I've changed my progress bar so that it stays at the top. That way I can change it as I go and it will always be visable.
I spent a great deal of time on Friday thinking about what I want. It was tempting to say - Oh, I'll start on Monday. I mean, isn't that what you do? Start on Monday? Instead I said, "I'll start now - right this moment." And I did. I had a great weekend. Kept things clean and drank a lot of water. My exercise consisted of walking, but I'm happy with that. The best part is I'm now three pounds down since 7/11 and I'm currently ahead of the game to be 130 by 6/6/6.
I came into work today with five meals planned and packed. My food for dinner tonight is also ready to go when I get home.

I'll do an upperbody workout when I get home, and push myself to my limits (even though I have a horrible sunburn from Saturday.) I'm looking forward to feeling good about myself again.
I spent a great deal of time on Friday thinking about what I want. It was tempting to say - Oh, I'll start on Monday. I mean, isn't that what you do? Start on Monday? Instead I said, "I'll start now - right this moment." And I did. I had a great weekend. Kept things clean and drank a lot of water. My exercise consisted of walking, but I'm happy with that. The best part is I'm now three pounds down since 7/11 and I'm currently ahead of the game to be 130 by 6/6/6.

I came into work today with five meals planned and packed. My food for dinner tonight is also ready to go when I get home.

I'll do an upperbody workout when I get home, and push myself to my limits (even though I have a horrible sunburn from Saturday.) I'm looking forward to feeling good about myself again.

Friday, July 22, 2005

although I started a challenge 7/9, this past week has been as if I hadn't even started. Last Friday my fiance' had to fly 400 miles away for a family emergency. (Everything looks to be ok now). The stress of him being away along with the worry over his family sent me on a downward spiral. Friday I started eating and didn't quit. I calmly justified it by saying that it was my free day and moved on. Saturday I was back on track, but Sunday a trip to a buffet with the kids lead to another binge and the weeks been pretty much a yo-yo between fighting to make healthy choices and giving up and pigging out. Add to this the fact that I don't like going home to an empty house, so I go out with friends, have a drink, then another... Then come home and eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's. All this bad nutrition and lack of sleep of course leaves me too tired to even think about lifting a weight or stepping on the treadmill.
The one 'good thing' I've been trying to do for myself is to stay here, reading every post and gaining strength and inspiration from it all. Every success story I read pushes me even harder to make the choice, face the abiss and make the next choice a GOOD one.

It'll be another week before my honey comes home, but last night I took a huge step in the right direction. I went grochery shopping! $130 for one weeks worth of food for one person! Holy Tow! But my fridge and cupboard are now full of good healthy choices. Now I just need to pack it all up and bring it to work with me. (Because of my schedule I eat 5 meals away from home and only 1 there).

I'm sure that with the quality of nutrition going up that my energy levels will go up and my stress levels will go down.

I'm still struggling - but the will to fight is getting stronger. Taking it one day at a time here
although I started a challenge 7/9, this past week has been as if I hadn't even started. Last Friday my fiance' had to fly 400 miles away for a family emergency. (Everything looks to be ok now). The stress of him being away along with the worry over his family sent me on a downward spiral. Friday I started eating and didn't quit. I calmly justified it by saying that it was my free day and moved on. Saturday I was back on track, but Sunday a trip to a buffet with the kids lead to another binge and the weeks been pretty much a yo-yo between fighting to make healthy choices and giving up and pigging out. Add to this the fact that I don't like going home to an empty house, so I go out with friends, have a drink, then another... Then come home and eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's. All this bad nutrition and lack of sleep of course leaves me too tired to even think about lifting a weight or stepping on the treadmill.
The one 'good thing' I've been trying to do for myself is to stay here, reading every post and gaining strength and inspiration from it all. Every success story I read pushes me even harder to make the choice, face the abiss and make the next choice a GOOD one.

It'll be another week before my honey comes home, but last night I took a huge step in the right direction. I went grochery shopping! $130 for one weeks worth of food for one person! Holy Tow! But my fridge and cupboard are now full of good healthy choices. Now I just need to pack it all up and bring it to work with me. (Because of my schedule I eat 5 meals away from home and only 1 there).

I'm sure that with the quality of nutrition going up that my energy levels will go up and my stress levels will go down.

I'm still struggling - but the will to fight is getting stronger. Taking it one day at a time here - and just letting you know that I appreciate everyone here who overcomes each and every day. You give me hope.

Monday, July 18, 2005

I found this cool graph at www.3fatchicks.com



My current - slow but steady progress

Friday, July 15, 2005

Well - I fell down on the excercise yesterday. My legs were so tight that it was probably a good thing - but I really COULD have done it, it just didn't.

Food went good although I was hungry most of the day. My weight is still stubornly set at 208.5 I'm at the point now that I'm thinking I need to readjust my goals for the next 12 weeks. I think it's better to do that then dissapoint myself with something unatainable. I'll see what things look like on Saturday, but I highly doubt there is anyway I can go from 208.5 today to 204 by Saturday. Granted stranger things have happened, but it's still unlikely. I'm trying really hard to focus on how I feel. Picking out the postive where I can find it.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

I think my body is putting up one of those 'last ditch efforts' to get me to eat more before it starts delving into my fat supply.

I've had this happen before. I eat well day after day and nothing. Then one day, though I've changed nothing at all, I'm STARVING. My body had desided to fight back. If I resist. If I stick to my plan then it's like a switch has been thrown and suddenly the weight is comming off regularly.

Today I'm starving. And the only consulation is that maybe, just maybe this is the start of one of those downward trends. Yeah, sure it's only been five days, but it's been the FIRST FIVE DAYS and I would really like to see a little reward for my effort. I am an american afterall and it's all about the reward isn't it? ;)
Yes folks, she can be taught! I made sure to pack my lunches last night so that I had food to bring to work today. No more starving and binging for me. Everything is set for the day and I'm feeling really good about it. My legs are still a little sore from my leg workout, and my shoulders are feeling last night's workout, but it's all good. I have a run planned tonight and I see no obsticals to getting it done. The only negative at the moment is that my weight is firmly set at 208.5 It hasn't moved since Monday. I'm focusing on how good I've been feeling as motivation. It's certainly not coming from the scale.

Oh - and I took my pictures last night. They didn't make me 'sick' but that's more because I've seen this before - In January, when I was also 208.5 lbs. The only thing that's changed since then is my hair color. Six months lost to neglect, but I'll make up for it.

I'm going to use every ounce of every part of my personality and strengths to reach my goal! No excuses.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I did my upper body workout tonight and it was GREAT. Nothing like last week. My joints felt so much more stable. No cracking and popping or pain. It was a much more satisfying feeling. The best part was that my fiancĂ© spent the entire outside with me (He didn't work out due to his shoulder injury) During my 'rests' he and I talked about my weight and my goals. He wants so badly to support and encourage me. He asked me what my goal weight was and nearly choked when I told him 130. Then I went on to tell him that I wanted to get to 130 and/or size six before 6/6/6. He asked why I picked that date and other things and then said, "OK, you reach your goal by 6/6/6 and I'll take you anywhere you want to go." It didn't take me long to deside where I wanted to go… Germany. I was born there, left when I was 18 months and have never been back, It's been a lifelong goal of mine to go there. My sweetie disappeared for a little while and then came back and said, "Ok, I've got it figured out. I'm going to save $1200/month and if you reach your goal by 6/6/6, I'll take you to Scottland, England and then Germany. If you don't, well then I guess we don't get to go." He laughed a little about that and I answered, "So, if I don't reach my goal you get to take that money, buy a Porsche and run off with some other woman?" We laughed again. I love that he's so willing to go to any length to help and support me.

Anyway – I'm back on track, I feel great. I feel like I'm doing the right things not only for my shape, but for my health. I like it – now I just need to keep it going.
Oh my aching {enter body part here}

My legs, calves, arms, head.. hehe you name it hurts. But it's a good kind of hurt (except for the head). Yesterday I gave myself permission to take it easy. I was worried about my knees and all. Then when I got home it was like stepping inside a brick oven (it was over 100 degrees outside and my house is made of...well BRICKS). I kept thinking - there is no way I'm going to do a full out 20 min HIIT workout. I waited several hours for it to cool down, then opened a window turned on the fan and started my workout. I started out saying, "I'll do one interval..." Then I convinced myself to do two and at that point I was half way there so why not finish strong. It was hard. I mean HARD. I was seriously feeling the heat afterwords, not to mention the effects of my leg workout the day before(a workout that has left me a little sore in my upperbody as well. Such is the power of deadlifts) But I finished and hit my 10!

The worse part of the whole affair was the heat left me feeling like doing - NOTHING. So I didn't pack my lunch or even eat dinner. (I was feeling queezy) I did have a Fat Free popcicle when I got home. then later (about 11:30PM) I finally felt like eating. BUT when I got up this morning there was no time to grab food. I got to work and had a bar I had stashed in my desk and then later a hardboiled egg I had stashed in the fridge (It was only a day old - really!). Buy 1:45 I was STARVING! And that's when cravings get bad and self control goes out the window. I managed. I gave into the demand for a salami and swiss cheese sandwich, but put off the chips. I now have something for later so I don't get into this position again, but I really have to make this a lesson learned. One must not starve onself - it's bad.

So, the plan today is an upperbody workout. I'm actually looking forward to this one. Despite my exhaustion yesterday morning, as the day went on I found more and more energy. I think my willingness to push myself into a full workout proves that. Today I woke up 'tired' but have found myself energetic throughout the day. I'm getting into that groove to where I can't wait to workout again so I can wake up the next morning and see what new part hurts today... Plus chest and back are my favorite workouts anyway.

I've done a pretty good job of upping my water intake and keeping my Diet Pepsi levels lower. Now I'm ready to see some changes - bring them on!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Whatever burst of energy I was feeling toward the end of last week... it's gone. Of course this could be a sugar hang over caused by my indulgent eating on Sunday. We'll see. I just know I was exhausted when I woke up today and I continue to feel tired now at 10:00am.

So, here's the good news. The weekend went well eating wise. I stayed on plan and had a nice free day. I even went for a run on Thursday as I had planned. I didn't get much excercise the rest of the weekend though (unless you call shoe shopping a workout). Still I felt it was positive progress.

I was down to 205.5 on Sunday (the starting weight for my new 12 week challenge) But all that junk has left me at 208.5 for the past two days. I feel like that will probably be dropping off without a problem.

My food was clean yesterday even though I had to scramble (no planning). Today, everything is planned and packed, so I'm ready. I actually did a leg workout yesterday! It was the hottest day so far this year yesterday and by the time I got home I was exhausted. I layed on the couch for a couple of hours and then forced myself to get up and go into the backyard about twilight. It wasn't easy but I did it! and I was so proud of myself afterwords. Tonight I need to run. I may take it a little slower then last week just because I found after two days of running my knees were aching. It doesn't make sense to injure myself so I'm going to slow down a little and make sure I do it right and I can keep on doing it.

I set some goals:

12 week goals:
185 lbs
Eat BFL style
Complete BFL workouts

First Mini-Challenge is 3 weeks:
200.5 lbs

First Micro-Challene is 1 week:
Drop 1.7 lbs (Hard to see on the scale)

This week my goal is to drop my soda down to 4 CANS a day (instead of 20 oz bottles)
The main reason I'm trying this is I can't continue to support my soda habit, it's just too expensive.

I will take my vitamins every day.

I will plan my meals every day.

I will eat clean and excercise everyday (except sunday which is a free day)

I will jornal every day.

I will increase my water consumption every day.


In recognition of these goals today I will:

Take my vitamins
Plan tomorrow's meals on the ferry tonight
Eat what on my plan and only what's on my plan.
Do my HIIT run tonight when I get home.
finish this jornal entry - AND write in my soul mapping journal on the ferry.
Drink 1/24oz bottle of water after each can of soda (total of 94 oz)

I will also:
Keep a positive attitude.
Visualize my goals.
Read my mind excercises.

I think that's it.


By the way - I'll be starting a journal of my soul mapping. If anyone cares to read about me going on and on about myself - I'll include a link here as soon as it's set up.

Thursday, July 7, 2005

I think I might be noticing some changes already. This morning, it was as difficult as ever to get up and around. But, once I got around, I actually woke up and I didn't feel sluggish and groggy, even without applying my usual morning stimulant of Diet Pepsi. This is a huge plus for me and if it remains and wasn't just some one day fluke I'll certainly have to add it to my list of positive things about this lifestyle.

I've desided to bring back "The Good, The Bad and The Better" part of my journal. It adds a little structure that I enjoy.

Good -
I ate on plan. I did not give into temptation, although I didn't really feel any temptation. It was really hot when I got home so I desided to put off my workout. Normally this is a recipie for disaster for me, but last night I set the goal firmly in my mind and as soon as the tempature got to a more tollerable level I jumped on the treadmill and away I went! One thing about running on the treadmill - it reminds me of how sore my chest is! heh. I drank a ton of water yesterday and I think that has a lot to do with the 2.5 lb drop in 24 hours. that's right... 2.5lbs! I'm down to 206.5 today and number I was THRILLED to see when I stepped on the scale this morning, and believe me, I never thought I would be thrilled to see THAT number. But I guess I've got my 'good attitude' going because I'm seeing everything as a positive right now. I took all my vitamins yesterday. I planned my meals and packed my lunches for today so that I was all set for another 'on plan' day. That's an exciting feeling.

Bad -
There was nothing about the day that I would classify as "Bad" I like days like that.

Better -
I would like to cut down on the diet pepsi I'm drinking. I keep hearing bad things about cafien and artificial sweeteners and how they effect cravins. Plus - I hate being adicted to the stupid stuff. Yesterday I had four 20 oz bottles during the day as I had planned, but then went home and two that I hadn't planned. Overall it's still less then I was drinking before, but I would like to to better and stick to the four bottles today.

Today's Goals -
Drink no more the the four 20 oz bottle of soda that I have here at work.
Drink 64 oz of water or more
Eat on Plan:

B - Lemon Cottage Cheese Pancakes (Done)
B2 - FF Yogurt Mixed with Protien Powder (Done)
L1 - Spicy Orange Beef (Last Night's leftovers - and MAN was it fantastic) with rice and a salad
L2 - Homemade Breakfast Bar and String Cheese
D1 - Meal Replacement Shake
D2 - BBQ Chicken/Broccoli

Do a 20 minute HIIT Run

The reason I'm doing my run today is that my Mom is flying in from out of state tonight. I know I'm not going to want to take an hour out of our time to do a good leg workout so I'm going to do cardio instead. Then tomorrow, when I have the day off and a lot more time, I'll do legs.

This weekend is going to be a challenge. Family is over, and I have my Grandfather's 80th birthday party on Sunday. Luckily - thanks to the joy of BFL I have a free day for Sunday. Getting my workouts and meals in the other two days will be the real challenge but I'm committing right now to making it happen.

No Excuses

-S

Wednesday, July 6, 2005

Just a quick note to say that I made it through day two ON PLAN! Whoop!

I did my 20 minute cardio and was really happy with my stamina. I guess all those runs to catch the ferry have paid off. Dinner tonight was MOST EXCELLENT. With the meals I've been planning I don't even feel like I'm missing anything. I have tomorrow's meals all planned and my five, yes count them FIVE lunches are made and ready in the fridge. (I eat my first breakfast on the go at 6:15am while I'm driving to the Ferry and my Fifth meal on the ferry on the way home at 5:15PM – I work out as soon as I get home around 7:00PM and usually end up eating "Dinner" my final meal between 8:00 and 9:00PM)

So, I'm all ready to go!
Oh - and the meals for the day...

B - Lemon Pancakes (Made with cottage cheese - YUMMY!)
B2 - Homemade breakfast bar and string cheese
L - Leftover Whiskey chicken from last night w/ Brocolli
L2 - Meal Replacement Shake
PreDinner - Carrots/Celery and Peanut Butter
Dinner - Stir Fried Orange Beef w/Rice

One other positive note - I managed to keep my soda consumption down to 4 20oz bottles (Down from the 3-4 One Litre bottles) I drank about 64 oz of water - a BIG plus for me. Today I'm making myself drink a bottle of water between each bottle of soda.
Well, I did it. I went home and worked out! The best part is that I'm not as sore as I thought I would be. Of course it's early yet. I couldn't believe how creaky I felt while lifting. My elbows, wrists and shoulders all complained while I was working out and actually were giving me more trouble them my actual muscles. I took it a 'little' easy to make sure I didn't pull or strain anything, but still feel like I got an excellent workout - hit my 10's.

I also ate completely on plan. Planning my meals on the boat last night worked out perfectly, even if I did get a few odd looks from some of the other commuters. I have all my meals packed for the day, and I'm planning on going for a run tonight on the ol' treadmill. Believe it or not, I'm actually feeling a tiny little kurnel of something I've been long without...Hope.

Tuesday, July 5, 2005

Ahhh the fourth of July weekend. What did _I_ do? I sat inside with the computer and ate. Lovely isn't it? I didn't feel good all weekend, TToTM. Then we got hit with a major computer problem that made us think for at least 12 hours that we had lost all our data, including four years of pictures. In reality, I really don't think I ate a 'lot'. But I ate a lot of the wrong things.

So... Last night I took the time to plan and make my meals for the day. I packed a bag with some books, pens and a notepad so that I can journal during my hour long commute and I put my 'game face' on. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hate hating myself. It's time to walk with my head up and shoulders back. It's time to take care of me.

I've got a long way to go. 80 lbs as of today, but every journey starts with a step. It's just up to me to take them.

So, the steps I'm taking today are this:

Breakfast - I started my day with a guava and coconut protien shake. It wasn't too bad. I should have put a little splenda in it is all. I'm feeling pretty good after eating it. I'm full - that's for sure.

2nd Breakfast - Banana dipped in chocolate protine powder

Lunch - Leftover hamburger patty from dinner & Salad

Afternoon Snack - Meal Replacement Shake

Dinner - TBD I brought cookbooks with me to work so I can pick something out either at lunch or on my way home.

Dessert - SAA

For excercise: I am GOING to go home and hit the weights. Yesterday I went out and looked at my weight bench - it's covered in cobwebs! This completely unacceptable. So, tonight it's an upper body workout.

Chest: Barbell Bench Press/Dumbell Flye
Back: Lat Pulldowns/Cable Rows
Shoulders: Doumbell Press/Upright Cable Rows
Biceops: Concentration Curls/Barbell Curls
Triceps: Triceps Pushdowns/Cable Extensions

Then - 10 'girl' pushups

Other then that. I plan to drink some water to get the fluids back in balance (my hands are SO swollen) and just do everything I can to keep my head in the game.

One little step at a time.

Friday, July 1, 2005

This week hasn't been so bad...

I've been eating a lot of greans (salad every day for lunch), trying to keep my portions in control and eliminate the snacking. of all those things I would say I was a success. I'm still feeling crappy physically. My clothes don't fit, I'm tired and just generally unhealthy feeling. I'm willing to give myself some time to get over that.

Mentally I'm struggling. I hate where I'm at, but at the same time finding myself having to really 'work' to be strong. I'm arguing with myself about food and having to fight myself to not negotiate 'comprimise'. I know I'm not feeling strong. One of the first cues is that I'm finding myself attracted to every ad I see for weight loss programs and even 'quick fixes'. Even though I know they don't work I still have to fight myself not to spend MORE money looking for that magic bullet.

There is no magic bullet.