NOBS women doing Karaoke and kostumes

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22Kim Siberski, Jeannie Chapman Smith and 20 others

 Today I had one of those 'DUH! why didn't I think of that earlier!?' moments.

I do ok at planning WHEN I do it at my normal time in bed, right before I go to sleep. If I miss that window it's rare that I'll pick up my notebook and make my plan... I get stuck in the 'I'll do it later' cycle. (it's a pattern with a few of my goals that I'm working on and one of the downsides of working from home)

So, while in figure it out mode I took a look at another habit that I have struggled for YEARS to adapt. Taking my daily vitamins. After reading Atomic Habits I decided to TOTALLY revamp how I do vitamins. I already had a years long habit of waking up in the morning and drinking what we jokingly call my 'coffee'. It's a mixture of creatine, a small dose of caffein, some electrolytes, collagen MCT oil.. etc. I never miss it - I even have a system for taking it with me when we are on vacation. So I did some research and found a multi vitamin that came in a powder form and added it to my 'coffee'. Success (I've since added calcium, probiotics, fish oil, vit C, and several others to my daily drink all with continued success).

So, this AM when I woke up without a plan I thought 'how can I make sure my plan happens today?' and I realized.. I make it part of my coffee!! there is NO REASON i can't just jot down my plan while I'm stirring up my powders. And so... it happened that way and it is DONE!

So now I'm going to 'make it easy' print off some blank planning sheets and put them in my 'coffee' basket with a pen.

Ladies. Let me tell you a tale. A tale of the best patty melt I ever had.

Around the time camp ended, I got a hankering for a patty melt. I thought about it for a few days and then mentioned to my daughter that I wanted one. She suggested I plan one for Wednesday when we were going out together.

Well, Wednesday rolled around, I had planned a patty melt …but then our plans didn’t go as planned and it ended up we were doing take out instead of sit down. I decided if I was going to have a patty melt I didn’t want one that had been sitting around in a bag for half an hour. So I #plmf and had grilled chicken instead.

Meanwhile we started making plans to go out on Friday with friends and while doing that decided to go to the local Irish pub who happens to make awesome patty melts.

Last night (Friday) we went out with friends to that pub and I ordered a patty melt and I ate half of. I savored EVERY … SINGLE … BITE. and it was so good! Probably the best I’ve ever had.

This morning I was thinking about that experience, and how glad I was that I had planned that burger, that I had visualized how I was going to enjoy it and how I was going to stop at enough because there was no way the second half would taste as good as the first. But then I had another realization. That I enjoyed the anticipation of that burger almost as much as I did eating it. And that all of that would have been lost if, when I first I had urge I had just pulled into any old place and ate any ol’ patty melt simply because I had a craving!

Lesson learned!

 Second run of the week - DONE! one more to go on Saturday.  I also have a goal to do that 'one extra' cardio this week, so Im going to shoot for something tomorrow morning at the hotel (going out of town this weekend).

loads of good news and good feelings right now... all my blood pressure readings this week have been lower then my high of 154/96 with a average reading today of 143/86

Weight is down this week though now down below my pre-vacation weight on Sept 27th

Average carbs have gone down, and protein has been steadily at or close to goal.

I'm going to celebrate every bit of that!  It feels a LITTLE like my clothes are feeling better too.

So... weight wise.  Goal for Monday is to be at or below pre-vacation weight (274.9)

Goal for the end of this month 270

Goal for the end of the year 255

Goal for one year from now 210 ooo.. this makes me 'grump' a little.  the inner dictator wants to get all riled up and make this goal for 199...

10 more pounds over 12 months is another .8 a month or another .2 a week.  Basically it'll mean shooting for 6 pounds a month which sounds REALLY doable!

Which means... goal for the end of this month (still) 270

Goal for the end of the year 256.5

Goal for 12 months (beginning of Oct) ONERLAND! :D 199

When I joined the PNP Tribe (now NO BS Weightloss) in April 2019, I was doing Keto (again), and down 3.75 pounds from my all time high of 295.75 on Christmas 2018.  I had hit a low of 282 but was working my way back up again.  I was sick of the yoyo diet train and ready to lose weight for the LAST TIME!

I had written this letter to myself to remind myself for all the reasons I had for losing weight...

I hate…

The hormonal backlash that is part of the price you pay for being a woman

That your husband is secretly disgusted by you and only overcomes it because he has needs that he won’t fulfill other places because he’s such a good man.

That everything you eat is viewed as unhealthy. After all how could it be healthy if you are eating it.

That any knowledge that you have about fitness and diet is ignored because... you are fat, what do you know?

That you lose breath just walking across the street or up a flight of stairs.

That you hate yourself

That you can only feel sexy for a few moments of delusion... until you look in a mirror or see a photo.

That every bump and bruise is slow to heal and injuries seem to take months and months to recover from. 

That you are pre-diabetic and have high blood pressure and who knows what other health issues wait for you.

That you can’t get tattoos because they would be stretched out and aweful.

That you disgust people in the locker room.

That you walk around constantly in fear of falling.

That you can’t wear shorts and even dresses are questionable. The chafing is just too real

That you have failed so many times

That you have lost 50-80+ lbs multiple times but gained it all back

That you sweat so much

The way you look

Your bloated belly

that you have a closet full of clothes you can’t wear.

that you can’t fit into an airplane seat and on roller coaster rides

People fear you sitting next to them. 

and I was at a super low place, emotionally and mentally.

Since Corrine's program was all about 'start where you are' I kept doing Keto/Low Carb but started implementing the hunger scale to my eating.  Eat when hunger, stop when full... and began my thought work.

I was no stranger to the TFD model, but this time I was ready to hear these messages.  My mood lifted, my attitude improved, my relationships got better, started to love myself.  By Oct I had lost a total of 46 pounds (down to 249 lbs) and I was at the lowest weight I had been at since 2014!

But all was not perfect... I was still 'doing Keto' because it was the 'right thing' to do... but faltering in my weightloss.  I found myself frustrated, wishing I could just lose this weight and then 'this' would be over....

Uh.. what? I had to examine that that... what THIS was I talking about?  "The dieting" was the answer

Oh, crap, I was still dieting!

I realized that living a life I loved meant - sometimes having toast with my breakfast - or a slice of cake after dinner.  But, I had no idea how to eat those things and still lose weight!  I also had no idea how to want to lose weight without hating myself.  How did I eat in a way that promoted weight loss without hating my current self as a motivation to lose weight?  How did I lose weight if I wasn't on a diet!? I knew there was an answer there.  I felt it in my bones, but I didn't know what it was yet.  

I kept at it... I learned to plan more realistic, to make and follow a plan and how to stop telling myself losing weight was HARD.   I still didn't have a new hard why.  and yet by Mid march 2020 I was down 12 more pounds. For a total of 58 pounds. (237)

But then everyone's circumstances changed! We all learned what 'new normal' meant.  I lost my ability to go to the gym, while not necessary for weight loss, I found it was a way of setting my intention for the day, and were I did a lot of my audio book and active meditation work.  Although I knew I needed to figure out a new why...  I was focused on figuring out other things.. so, by the end of 2020 I had gained back 37 pounds (274)

The start of 2021 brought a lot of changes - a new home, new state.  My daughter stepped up as my accountability partner and months of practice on guiding my thoughts about the pandemic and lockdowns started to pay off.  My weight pretty much stabilized, sometimes raising or dropping by 4 pounds but not more.  I started to play with the idea that maybe I didn't have a hard why because... I didn't need to lose weight.  I loved myself - why change anything.

But, something in me wasn't satisfied with that.  274 still came with a lot of fear.  Fear and physical pain... was over eating (cause I wouldn't be 274 without over eating) worth the worry over high blood pressure and stroke.  What about diabetes? My hips, knees and feet hurt constantly.  What about the constant arm and hand pain from the weight of my body pressing on my shoulder? 

I took my focus off weight loss and started thinking of self care.  How would someone who loved herself take care of herself?  I experimented - eating more of somethings, eating less of others.  

By Oct of 2021 I was still 274 BUT my mind was in the best shape of my life and over a series of weeks all that work paid off!

I was able to get serious and VERY specific about what self care looked like.  I wrote down a page worth of things someone who practices exceptional self care did and started figuring out how to implement them.  I got a glimpse of my future self.  Someone just like I am now only brighter, happier and....

(the glimmer of the next step came to me)

... "In Charge!"

 I realized that yes, weight loss was part of my overall self care program... BUT I also realized that I LOVE being in charge, and I gave myself the authority to be in charge of my body and mind.  I could lose weight just because... I freaking wanted to!  I didn't need anyone else to understand my why.  I didn't need to explain or justify it to them.  Only I had to know and understand that I wanted to lose weight because I want to, and I was deeply curious to know what it would feel like to be at my goal.  

Someday someone is going to ask me how I lost all my weight and I'm going to tell them.  I was stubborn and curious.  And I'll smile, and they will be confused... and I'm ok with that. 

In three weeks I'm going to post that I'm below 270.. my lowest weight of 2021.  Then at the end of the year below 260!  By Oct 2022 I will be in Onderland.  I'm ready! I'm ready to lose weight to see what it's like.  I'm ready to manage my thoughts around food and drink and not ever g o on a 'diet' again.  I'm willing to stop pushing he snooze button on my life, get up and DO the things I've set myself to do.  I'm ready to live, I'm ready to succeed and I'm ready to be the Hero of my own story!

When I joined the PNP Tribe (now NO BS) in April 2019, I was doing Keto (again), and down 3.75 pounds from my all time high of 295.75 on Christmas 2018. I had hit a low of 282 but was working my way back up again. I was sick of the yoyo diet train and ready to lose weight for the LAST TIME!

I had written this letter to myself to remind myself for all the reasons I had for losing weight...

I hate…

The hormonal backlash that is part of the price you pay for being a woman

That your husband is secretly disgusted by you and only overcomes it because he has needs that he won’t fulfill other places because he’s such a good man.

That everything you eat is viewed as unhealthy. After all how could it be healthy if you are eating it.

That any knowledge that you have about fitness and diet is ignored because... you are fat, what do you know?

That you lose breath just walking across the street or up a flight of stairs.

That you hate yourself

That you can only feel sexy for a few moments of delusion... until you look in a mirror or see a photo.

That every bump and bruise is slow to heal and injuries seem to take months and months to recover from.

That you are pre-diabetic and have high blood pressure and who knows what other health issues wait for you.

That you can’t get tattoos because they would be stretched out and awful.

That you disgust people in the locker room.

That you walk around constantly in fear of falling.

That you can’t wear shorts and even dresses are questionable. The chafing is just too real

That you have failed so many times

That you have lost 50-80+ lbs multiple times but gained it all back

That you sweat so much

The way you look

Your bloated belly

that you have a closet full of clothes you can’t wear.

that you can’t fit into an airplane seat and on roller coaster rides

People fear you sitting next to them.

and I was at a super low place, emotionally and mentally.

Since Corrine's program was all about 'start where you are' I kept doing Keto/Low Carb but started implementing the hunger scale to my eating. Eat when hunger, stop when full... and began my thought work.

I was no stranger to the TFD model, but this time I was ready to hear these messages. My mood lifted, my attitude improved, my relationships got better, started to love myself. By Oct I had lost a total of 46 pounds (down to 249 lbs) and I was at the lowest weight I had been at since 2014!

But all was not perfect... I was still 'doing Keto' because it was the 'right thing' to do... but faltering in my weightloss. I found myself frustrated, wishing I could just lose this weight and then 'this' would be over....

Uh.. what? I had to examine that that... what THIS was I talking about? "The dieting" was the answer

Oh, crap, I was still dieting!

I realized that living a life I loved meant - sometimes having toast with my breakfast - or a slice of cake after dinner (Had a coaching call with Corinne did 1-1 coaching with @Betsy). But, I had no idea how to eat those things and still lose weight! I also had no idea how to want to lose weight without hating myself. How did I eat in a way that promoted weight loss without hating my current self as a motivation to lose weight? How did I lose weight if I wasn't on a diet!? I knew there was an answer there. I felt it in my bones, but I didn't know what it was yet.

I kept at it... I learned to plan more realistic, to make and follow a plan and how to stop telling myself losing weight was HARD. I still didn't have a new hard why. and yet by Mid march 2020 I was down 12 more pounds. For a total of 58 pounds. (237)

But then everyone's circumstances changed! We all learned what 'new normal' meant. I lost my ability to go to the gym, while not necessary for weight loss, I found it was a way of setting my intention for the day, and where I did a lot of my audio book and active meditation work. Although I knew I needed to figure out a new why... I was focused on figuring out other things.. so, by the end of 2020 I had gained back 37 pounds (274)

The start of 2021 brought a lot of changes - a new home, new state. My daughter stepped up as my accountability partner and months of practice on guiding my thoughts about the pandemic and lockdowns started to pay off. My weight pretty much stabilized, sometimes raising or dropping by 4 pounds but not more. I started to play with the idea that maybe I didn't have a hard why because... I didn't need to lose weight. I loved myself - why change anything.

But, something in me wasn't satisfied with that. 274 still came with a lot of fear. Fear and physical pain... was over eating (cause I wouldn't be 274 without over eating) worth the worry over high blood pressure and stroke. What about diabetes? My hips, knees and feet hurt constantly. What about the constant arm and hand pain from the weight of my body pressing on my shoulder when I slept?

I took my focus off weight loss and started thinking of self care. How would someone who loved herself take care of herself? I experimented.

By Oct of 2021 I was still 274 BUT my mind was in the best shape of my life and over a series of weeks all that work paid off!

I was able to get serious and VERY specific about what self care looked like. I wrote down a page worth of things someone who practices exceptional self care did and started figuring out how to implement them. I got a glimpse of my future self. Someone just like I am now only brighter, happier and....

(the glimmer of the next step came to me)

... "In Charge!"

I realized that yes, weight loss was part of my overall self care program... BUT I also realized that I LOVE being in charge, and I gave myself the authority to be in charge of my body and mind. I could lose weight just because... I freaking wanted to! I didn't need anyone else to understand my why. I didn't need to explain or justify it to them. Only I had to know and understand that I wanted to lose weight because I want to, and I was deeply curious to know what it would feel like to be at my goal.

Someday someone is going to ask me how I lost all my weight and I'm going to tell them. I was stubborn and curious. And I'll smile, and they will be confused... and I'm ok with that.

In three weeks I'm going to post that I'm below 270.. my lowest weight of 2021. Then at the end of the year below 260! By Oct 2022 I will be in Onderland. I'm ready! I'm ready to lose weight. To see what it's like. I'm ready to manage my thoughts around food and drink and not ever go on a 'diet' again. I'm willing to stop pushing the snooze button on my life, get up and DO the things I've set myself to do. I'm ready to live, I'm ready to succeed and I'm ready to be the Hero of my own story!

Today I decided to practice some Marie Kondo shit… only the closet I was cleaning out was my brain!

One of my self care goals is to experience more joy. Joy is a feeling…brought out by a thought.

So, while traveling to camp (often an frustrating and stress inducing experience for me) as thoughts passed through my head I stopped them, examined them, asked myself “does this thought spark joy?” And if the answer was ‘no’ I told that thought “thank you for your service thus far in my life, but I’m letting you go now…GTFO”

I’m going to practice Marie Kondoing the fuck out of my thoughts more!! Bring on the joy!

All reactions:

411Kim Siberski, Rosie Mercedes and 409 others

 Well, I've been eating better and taking my vitamins and all that for a day and a half and my blood presser isn't perfect yet! what gives! 

But, my body is giving me signs that what I'm trying to do is the right direction.

Yesterday was pretty much an ideal day.  I ate when I was hungry, took all my vitamins, went for a run.. and got to bed early.  If I could just clone yesterday I would be golden.  

But, of course today is a different beast.  I did take my vitamins and did all my morning routine, but, had folks over to the house to do work that required my presence so, no workout.  Then had to rush to take meetings at work. and now it's nearly 2 and I haven't eaten!  THIS is a problem!  My pattern is, don't eat all day and then binge overeat and/or eat loads of things that aren't BEST for me. PLUS tonight is an eat out night.   and beer and trivia night...  Beer is part of my plan, part of my lifestyle, but it's not something to go off having on an empty stomach.

Why am I posting all of this? as a bit of accountability for myself.  1 - to do better at eating when I'm hungry 2-so I can come back and say I handled trivia night like a BOSS!