Friday, February 27, 2004

My baby is 16 today. Her Dad is taking her and her date out to dinner tonight before the dance and as a surprise I've been invited along with her grandparents, and several of her friends from school. I'm bringing her 16 roses and some baloons. Her 'real' present will be a bit later. She and I are going to spend the weekend at a spa along the ocean getting facials, mud baths, massages, and riding horses. But we want to let the weather clear up a bit to go.

In other news all is going well with me. Another clean day eating though I've had to push trough a few cravings last night and today. There is little so hard on me as walking through the grochery store some days. Today was one of them as I wanted ever single sugar/carb loaded thing I walked past. I bought almonds and left. Tonight should be a challenge as the birthday dinner is at olive garden. I've already had to talk myself out of a big plate of pasta. I WILL be eating chicken tonight! I've been below 180 for two days now, I will NOT sabitague myself! There is NO excuse worth seeing the scale go back up. Not at this point.

Tomorrow we're going to the Winchester Mystery House. For those who don't know this is the house built by the Winchester Heiress. She believed that the spirits of those killed by her husbands rifles were haunting her and as long as construction was going on at her house it would keep them at bay. She had people working on her house EVERY day from 1884 - September 5, 1922. That's 38 years! Part of the home was destroyed by an earthquake and rebuilt, so it's actually smaller then it could have been.

Number of rooms: 160

Cost: $5,500,000

Number of stories: prior to 1906 Earthquake - 7; presently 4

Number of acres: originally 161.919; presently 4

Number of basements: 2

Number of windows: frames 1,257, approx. 10,000

Number of doors: doorways 467 approx., 950 doors not including cabinet doors.

Number of fireplaces: 47 (gas, wood, or coal burning)

Number of chimneys: presently 17 with evidence of 2 others

Number of bedrooms: approx. 40

Number of kitchens: 5 or 6

Number of staircases: 40, total of stair steps - 367

Number of skylights: approx. 52

Number of gallons of paint required to paint entire home: over 20,000

Number of ballrooms: 2 (1 nearly complete and 1 under construction)

Blueprints available: No, Mrs. Winchester never had a master set of blueprints, but did sketch out individual rooms on paper and even tablecloths!

The most interesting part is that though the house was built in the victorian era it has modern heating and sewer systems, gas lights that operated by pressing a button, and three working elevators. As to why it's a 'Mystery House'. It also boasts a stairway to 'nowhere' a seance room and other such 'oddities'. Truely a cool place to visit if you are ever in the bay area.

We're also planning to hike the dipsea trail this weekend for a 'trial' run. We'll walk it of course!

Also Andrew I wasn't the one bragging - Nigle and his coworkers were, I'm just along for the ride!

Alrighty then - I think that's all for me!

Have a great weekend everyone

Thursday, February 26, 2004

I forgot to add that not one but TWO different people mentioned that I was looking good and commented on my weight loss. Talk about a boost! One was my neighbor who I happen to see about once a month. He said "You're still losing weight arn't you?" when I said I was trying he said "Well you are looking really good". *ping* Then one of the ladies at work said she liked my outfit today and then said "You're looking good that outfit shows off your weight loss". *ping* again.

I wish you all could hear the conversation going on here at work concerning the poisening of america through our food. I'm just trying to keep my head low...
Another great day on plan, and my weight is still dropping - 179.5 today! My cravings have been little to none, and that's ALWAYS a boost. I did find an EXCELLENT and easy sweet treat... made with Ricotta cheese! Who would have thought. I was sceptical at first, but after one bite I realized that this was a snack for me... Basically you need .5 cup of Ricotta cheese and a packet of splenda - after that it's up to you. some suggestions: .25 tsp lemon zest and .25 tsp vanilla extract or .25 tsp almond extract and 1 tsp slivered toasted almonds or simply .25 tsp vanilla extract or .5 tsp unsweetened cocoa .25 tsp vanilla and a dash of espresso powder, or .25 lime zest and .25 tsp vanilla extract. My guess is that you could add just about ANY extract to it (I have coconut at home and may try that with some ccocoa powder tonight)... It's creamy sweet and reminds me slightly of cheese cake... one of my favorites.

Lunch yesterday ended up not being a challenge at all. I desided to skip the pizza place and got to Fresh Choice (That's a salad bar chain for those of you who arn't familure with it) I knew there I could have a much better selection and a greater supply of protien. SO... Lettuce, greens, spinach along with chicken, soybeans, eggs, bacon bits, cheese, sunflower seads, olvie oil, garbonzo beans (my 'special treat to myself) and black olives... all went into one of the best salads I've had in a LONG time... I skipped the bread even though it was included and the pasta, pizza and potato bars... amazingly the salad was satisfying all on it's own and I ate almost all of it... something I don't normally do. I did make sure that I had a LARGE variety of favors on it though and I think that helped a lot. Dinner last night was another 'new' meal for me. I had bought sirloin steak and though I love steak, I'm the WORSE at preparing it, plus I didn't have time to let it marinate overnight... So a little searching on the reynalds wrap website and I found a recipe... I sliced the steak, threw some low sugar tariki sause on it along with ginger, sasami oil and garlic powder threw it and some apareagus on some aluminum foil, wrapped it up and threw it in the oven for about 20 minutes. That and some brown rice and dinner was SERVED. I made enough that I have leftovers for lunch even! I am feeling SO much better about things now. Food is easy again and I like it that way.

No, I'm not currently exercising. I want to get through this week ON plan. Focusing on making my food goals. Next week I'm going to start to hit things once again. I'm hoping that I'll have enough extra money from this check that I'll have the down payment for my treadmill - YAY! I don't know how long it will take to ship but my hope is that week after next it will be here. In the meanwhile I may just do something simple like calastenics and/or walking for my cardio. My fiance and I have a physical challenge coming up that's lit the excercise fire in both of us. It seems one of his coworkers was complaining about the hike she went on last weekend. Of course the 'brag session' started and that lead to a challenge being layed down. We are all going to do the hike next march so we have some time to 'train' for it. It'll be fun.

Overall I would have to say my mood and outlook are improving once again. I've actually taken a few steps toward starting my own business once again. A 'temporary' webpage is up I just need to reload FrontPage on my home computer so I can upload the 'upgraded' temporary webpage. That one will probably stay there awhile until we can totally redesign. My fiance wants to write our webpage and has ALL these ideas but I know what his time is like and so I'm not going to hold up everything for the 'new and improved' website. We need to sit down tonight and set goals for our first 'cutomers' I'm thinking we might be able to have everything in place in June, or maybe even May... I want to have things established enough that we will be in full swing by winter. There I've said it!

Ok - I think I should get some work done

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Yesterday was 100% nutrition wise again. My clothes are back to feeling baggy and I'm feeling TONS better. Actually feeling that small little germ of hope again. My head always knows that change is possible, but sometimes my heart doesn't believe it. For now the entirity of ME seems to be in the same place and that's a relief.

Work has calmed down a little today.

Part of my goal in journaling was so that when I was finished, someone could look at it and be encoraged. I never expected it to be 'easy'. I think if someone else reads the things I go through and realizes that even though life and even your own body throws you curveballs, and you DON'T GIVE UP... you will, eventually, reach your goals then I've achieve something. I think there are few things more discoraging to someone on a journey then to look up at someone at the top of the mountain and have them say... "This was easy, I don't know why you are struggling so". When I make it I want people to know that it wasn't easy and yet I did it anyway... If that makes any sense at all. In a way, it's a little like christianity... Though I hate struggling I know it makes me stronger and I should be thankful for it... I learn valuable lessons every time.

anyway - I'm off to grab a salad going to get a salad bar at the pizza place - pray for me! *grin*

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Well I'm still here. Still fighting but actually winning more then losing once again. After a BAD weekend I was up to 184! but I knew most of it was water weight and sure enough, it's all gone today. I've tasked myself with being strict until I can BREAK this 178-181 yoyo I'm on... NO MORE free days until I've broken the 175 mark. I'm getting closer and closer to getting my treadmill and I have to say I absolutly CAN'T wait! we've moved furniture around and have a spot reserved for it so I'm hoping that SOON very SOON I will be running in the comfort of my own home. then I'll have no more excuses :)

Food has been 100% for two days...

Work has been HORRIBLY stressful...

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Oddly enough, feeling better

So yesterday afternoon I drew a line in the sand, and said to myself .."Self, why are you doing this? Why wait for tomorrow to get back on track? Does it really matter that I cannot get a 'green' today? NO! I can still make my next meal the best it can be, and the next after that and the next after that... " So, I did!

To try and stem a little of this yo-yoing... I cut all carbs except for veggies (and I'm eating LOADS of those) This is usually a really easy way for me to put a crunch on the cravings monster.

Ironically enough, last night I started feeling REALLY crappy physically just as my mental angst started to lift. Still, I've managed to make postive choices today despite TOM's sledgehammer-like arrival. I picked up a bottle aleve and now I'm feeling as good physcially as I am mentally. Better, but not out of the woods. One thing that hit me like a brick between the eyes this morning as that, once again, I've allowed my suplimentation to slide. My body has made it obvious that Calicium and B6 is essential to combate my PMS symtoms, and yet, for some reason, when I started stuggling this month the fact that I had fallen behind seemed to slip my mind. I carry both in my purse vitamin caddy so I've taken some today and I'll do continue to do so EVERY day!

Alright - going to keep focusing on, one meal at a time... plod through the next few days. It's not about feeling it, it's about doing it. And I will! (I got the 'Yoda' pep talk today can you tell?)

a few shouts before I get back to work...

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

My meals are planned, and I actually should have a pretty stressfree day. for the first time in about two years I'm not under the pressure that comes from working at a client site. I'm actually working the entire day out of my companies office. This is the most relaxed I've felt in ages. The really strange thing is that I didn't realize the pressure I put myself under to be 'on' when working for a client. I guess it just goes to prove that I have a serious 'work ethic'. Or maybe just a need to prove myself! :)

Last night was anothe busy night. I didn't sit down until 10:00! When I say I didn't sit down I mean it literally - I even ate standing! I had to do some shopping (I walked in for fat free cheese and Milk and walked out having spent $130 - how does that happen?) Then when I got home I found ants had invaided! Nigel's back in school (last class before he gets his BS! YAY!) so I made him sit down and study while I cleaned the kitchen, cooked dinner, planned and cooked lunches, and cleaned the kitchen AGAIN! Then I worked on the fish tank and finally collaped on the couch. Once again I found I couldn't just SIT there, so I did a nice pilates session before callapsing with a hot wrap for my neck and shoulders. WHEW! I did realize that I can't keep going on like this. I NEED ME time at night so I've got to find a way to divide the work a little better while still giving him time to do his school work. Or - I've got to stop trying so hard and just let SOME things slide - but WHAT? Today I need to plan the weekend, (we've got 4 kids between the ages of 16 and 10 coming over for THREE DAYS!) update the budget, plan and fix tomorrow's meals and find some time to workout.... Oh - and go to the laundrymat and do the laudry for the week! EEK!!! I think I'll make a list and have Nigel pick a few things and I'll try to do the rest. Whatever's not done by 8:00 just WON'T get done! (except the workout). The capricorn in me has been in full force of late.. time to let the monkey out to play! :)

I've got my lunches with me today, but I've been invited out to lunch... still debating - but it's difficult to let all that hard work go to waste... (and all the bad food go to my waist!), so we'll see. The good news is that for the second week in a row I've put on my 'tightest' pair of size 14 slacks and thought - hmmm these are loose! I think I've finally convinced myself that it's not my imagination or wishful thinking... I KNOW that these were washed in hot water and put in the dryer. They SHOULD be tight, but aren't...AND, my weigth's been 179 for two days in a row. If this keeps up I'll reach my goal of 175 before the end of the month after all! woo hooo!

Thursday, February 12, 2004

I just found this quote

And loved it, so I had to share...

It is difficult to inspire others to accomplish what

you haven't been willing to try.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Last night was GOGOGO from the time I got home until the 9:30pm. I finally collapsed on the couch and curled up to rest... BUT something wouldn't let me and I had to get up and do my leg workout. It was good, I was TIRED, my legs are a little tender today. Most excellent. Eats are VERY clean, lunches were packed last night and I've got them in my bag beside me. I ALMOST fit into my smallest skirt today.. heh. It's actually a size 14, but SOMEONE put it in through the wash and it shrunk (I swear!) It's close though, really close.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

I tend to jump on things, then when I sit down and really THINK about it, realize that maybe I shouldn’t have… the restart is one of those things. but, I realized– that I can’t throw away the start to a challenge – it’s not as if those weeks didn’t happen. They are part of the make up of ME – if the ME I’ve made isn’t what I would like it to be, then I have to change my ACTIONS I can’t turn back time.

I also agree that I need to look further then ’12 weeks’ for me especially… Somewhere in the dim recesses of my mind I think I realize that job ahead of me is going to take a LOT longer then 12 weeks. More like 31 weeks (If I’m lucky). But at the same time, it’s important for me to think about and keep sight of the small goals along the way. The next 12 weeks – the next week – the next day! No – I’m not 12 weeks from perfection, but I’m one day away from a better me… and the day after that, and the day after that ad nausium…

Impatience what a NASTY word, and yet so much a part of me – Lack of vision, that I’ve been working on, and I believe I look beyond the next 12 weeks. But it never hurts to be reminded…

As for basing my progress, and my schedule on what EAS churns out – that I WON’T do!

Now – as for my report –

I didn’t workout last night. I was just feeling too crappy still. BUT I made sure today started out AWSOME by fixing my lunch and having it all ready to go this morning. Makes my entire day better when I start it with my lunch already packed! All the crappyness from yesterday was gone today when I woke up and it only reinforces that I need to STAY AWAY FROM MILK!! Food had been right on schedule, and I’m planning a leg workout for tonight.

Monday, February 9, 2004

I guess I’ll start at the beginning…

Friday I got off early, but was busy getting the house, cat and car ready for the weekend. No rest for the wicked – we finally were ready to leave at about 7:30pm. No workout :( We stopped at the store and I picked up some ‘authorized’ snacks because I knew we would be on the road for a while and I figured I would need to eat at least one more meal before we got there. I have one question though, what is it about driving for long distances that turns me into a ‘munchie monster’? Still I kept it authorized and other then the missed workout counted it as a successful day. We got in to Nigel’s parents house at about 3:00am, we dropped off right to sleep. I didn’t get up in time to do more then get ready and eat before we were off to the orchid show. So I missed my run. We had some trouble finding things we could eat in his parents refrigerator so we stopped at the store and picked up some supplies. Nigel’s dad cornered me at one point to ask why Nigel was on a diet… I didn’t really know what to say. We did really good on each of our plans until about 3:00pm. We were tired hungry and dropped into a restaurant with less then ideal choices – that’s when the dam broke! The rest of the weekend was a feeding frenzy! One interesting tid-bit is when we went to Chinese later that night I broke open my fortune and it said, “Work on Improving your Exercise Routine”. I kid you not! The culmination of the weekend was a Oreo Cookie Shake for me last night. MAN did I pay for it! I had a tummy ache for the rest of the evening.

I work up this morning with what I suspect was a sugar hang over and/or the rest of my allergic reaction to the dairy. My nose was stuffed up, I felt like I was going to hurl and I could hardly walk across the room I was so dizzy! No more milkshakes for me! I’ve gradually felt better as the day has worn on, thank goodness.

I did go shopping this afternoon. I picked up my second pair of size 12 pants!! And (TMI alert) a new bra in a smaller size! The pants are a little tight but wearable and another goal for me to shoot for (them fitting properly).

Another note regarding this weekend: I came home to FINALLY find my EAS packet in the mail… too late for me to send in my four-week progress photos! So, today I called EAS and asked them what to do. The guy was nice and informed me that I should simply take pictures now and indicate on the packet how long of time it was… Then send in my 12-week pictures at the correct time. Not receiving my EAS packet was one of the things that prompted me to restart my challenge – now I find out that I can still go with my original start date! And I will – I want this to be a year of transformation for me, and while January wasn’t stellar for me it was still part of this year, and part of this transformation. This means that I don’t miss the first round! Yay! So tonight, I’ll be taking my photos with the ‘regular’ camera and tomorrow I’ll be getting them developed. If all goes well I’ll have my four week pictures into EAS by tomorrow afternoon! So, that leaves me 7 weeks to finish my first round ‘transformation’. Put your tray tables and seat backs in the upright position and fasten your seatbelts – it’s going to be a bumpy ride!

Friday, February 6, 2004

Took off early yesterday so I could be home before dark. I changed clothes, and headed off to the track. I wasn't really sure what my goals for the day were going to be, but after I started I desided to do a moderate intensity cardio and go for distance instead of time. I suppose the most interesting part of the workout was when I got to 1.25 miles and checked my watch - it seems I run at the same 'average' pace weather I'm doing Moderate Intensity or Interval training because I got to almost the same exact spot on the track at 17 minutes last night as I did on Tuesday. I did the last lap (to bring the total to 1.5 miles) at a level 10 and finished in 19:30. For a penguin like me - who hasn't run since October I'm pretty happy with that! The best part is that I'm not having any trouble at all with my planter faciitis. My calves are still tight in that weird spot - and I'm starting to think that it has something to do with the spongy condition of the track. Still I'm working through it. Most importantly I feel FANTASTIC mentally. I'm getting SO much done at night. AND my pant-o-meter is still showing postive signs and - as if I didn't need further proof that my scale is whacked - my weight was 169 today. lol! I think it's probably more like 179. But more importantly I'm feeling energized and thinner... This weekend will pose a challenge as Nigel and I are driving down south to visit his parents. We're leaving right after work, so I don't know when I'll get my upper body workout in. And then eating 'clean' while visiting someone else - esecially someone who like to take us out to dinner - is always a challenge. Nigel's diet is even stricter (is that a word?) then mine so he's really got a challenge. (He's keeping his fat below 10% AND sugar below 10% of his carbs) Still we're both committed so we can support each other...

Thursday, February 5, 2004

I went by the store, and since I was getting the oil changed on my car picked up "Prevention" magazine to read while I waiting. Not something I normally read but there was a BEAUTIFUL picture of Fergie on the front and I wanted to read what she had to say... BUT I ran across THIS article How do you see your body? and this Love the Body You Have


AND some info that Chaste tree may help PMDD symptoms!! Herbal Solution for Severe PMS WHOOP I've added that to my list for next time I go to the vit store...

I just remembered a dream I had last night - I pulled off a pair of pants, all excited because I was fitting into a size 7 - until I looked at the tag and they were a size 2!! Hmmm... maybe I fianlly AM planting this into my sub-consious...
Yesterday was really interesting. As I said before I managed to make it through my meeting and avoid the egg rolls and chicken wings - I got home about 9:00pm and was starving and exhausted. I ate, changed into my P.J.'s and curled up on the couch thinking I would nod off. But I didn't! My concious wouldn't let me. I kept thinking about my goals and how it felt every time I wrote out those goals as if I had already achieved them. I wanted those feelings to be REAL and that meant doing the time... So I got up, changed into my workout clothes and did my leg workout! Super set of plie' squats, dead lifts, squats and split squats 60 lbs 15 reps. I rested and did the whole thing again at 40 lbs! Mentally and Emotionally it felt like an awsome breakthrough. I'm finally back to honoring self promices!

I did a really funny thing last night. Something that's been on my 'to do' list for a while. I scanned the cover of a M&F Her magazine from a few months back. I've been saving this one just for the body of the girl that was on the cover.... I LOVE her look. So I scanned the cover and then paisted my head on it. I have to say that for maybe 1/2 a second or so I actually could see it... see myself wearing that body. The rest of the time I was too busy laughing.

My fiance' and I spent some time talking last night about goals and such. What's funny is even HE can't really wrap his head around my ultimate goal - 130. I want to lose 50 pounds! I guess I don't look or act the way that people think that someone who has 50 pounds to lose should? Anyway he finally aquiessed to the idea provided I don't get all skinny and stringy. "You have to have muscle!" was his comment. GOD, I LOVE that man! :) I assured him that 130 is a LONG way off. 9 months if I lose 2 lbs a week, and that has NEVER happend to me. Basically I told him that there was pleanty of time between then and now to reassess... He's allowed to say 'stop!' at any point along the road. In reality though my goal at the moment is 175... I told him that I can't remember what it feels like to be less then that - everything past that is all new ground. There is no doubt in my mind that my 'weight perception' is warped - I remember being unhappy in Highschool at 125 and sometimes wonder if it was just the anorexic 80's that spawned that feeling, or if I really am a lot smaller framed then I think.... BUT - as I said - those numbers are a LONG way off so for now I'm focusing on today! :)

Wednesday, February 4, 2004

Well, like the bone-head I'm known to be I left the 1/2 of a sandwich that I had planned for my dinner at work! And, as I suspected, there was nothing that wasn't breaded and/or fried at the meeting. When I commplained that I couldn't eat anything and someone asked why I answered "Because I'm alergic to being fat!" The good news I nibbled some fresh veggies and ate dinner when I got home! AND I did my lower body workout - it's turning out to be a GREAT week! More tomorrow!
I went to the store and firmed up my nutrition plans for the day. 1 Turkey Sandwich from the Deli (On sliced bread NOT a roll) and a few nutrition bars and I'm set. 1/2 the sandwich for lunch, 1/2 for dinner (I'm not going to trust "Heavy Apitizsers" again) a bar for a mid-morning snack and a bar for mid-afternoon. Now the only challenge left is skipping 'a drink with the boys' after the meeting is over!
Another Day Down

And I'm happy to say GREEN! I did as I planned and got off work early. Then I rushed home, changed and went outside for a run. It felt so good! I swear it felt as if I was flying around the track! I did the first mile in 12 minutes (a pretty good run for me) and in the 17 I ran I went just over 1.25 miles. The wierdest thing is that my gait seems to have changed some. I seem to be streching further forward (perhaps a reduction in my tummy roll?) and bounding off my back foot more - or so I'm assuming - because I got sore in a totally new spot. Just below the curve of my calf - not low enough to my ankle or achiles but not high enough for me to consider it my calf. Normally my first few runs I'm feeling it in my shins and my foot. I spent the rest of the night last night hobbling around because it hurt to flex or point my foot.

Needless to say pushing myself like that was a challenge. But a good one! By the time I finished I was REALLY FINISHED! One thing I'm curious about Tom is how you mange to run when it's so COLD outside!? It wasn't even THAT cold out but I felt the effects of it. For one, my eyes water when I run in the cold - so that starts my nose running, so it gets hard to breath through my nose so I start breathing through my mouth - spit builds up, and the cold gets into my lunges and burns... When I stopped my lungs hurt, my head hurt - my sinuses hurt from breathing the cold and I felt sick from sucking air into my stomach - and wierdest of all, my JAW hurt. And yet - at the same time I felt elated! I had set a goal and met it! I actually met the goal I set at the begining of each interval too and that helped push me along!

Nutrition was on track for the day too. Today will be a little more challenging as I have a 'dinner' meeting and I didn't pack my lunches today so I'll be eating on the run most of the day. I have a loose plan in my head of how to get through and I'm feeling confident enough to pull it off! I'm still passing up the table full of leftover Christmas food. and yesterday skipped the birthday cake. Surprisingly I haven't had any major cravings, though I'm pretty sure that has to do with keeping my fat levels nice and high.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004

Yesterday was a great day. Food was on plan and CLEAN. I did a short but intense upper body workout and even managed to keep my diet soda intake to a 'reasonable' level. I'm looking forward to another clean day today. My lunches are packed and ready for when hunger strikes! The only possible stumbling block is that SOMEONE brought in chirstmas candy! What WERE they thinking!? But I'm having no cravings and walking past it a few times has produces NO twinges.

One MAJOR alteration in my thinking this challenge is that - due to my irratic workout schedule, I'm not going to eat as if I AM working out. Instead I'm going to go lighter throughout the day and if I manage to workout, add an extra shake at the end of the day. We'll see how it goes over the next few weeks.

The plan tonight is to get off early and hopefully get a run in before it gets too dark. If that doesn't happen then it will be a nice quiet evening with Billy Blanks. In eather case, I'm planning to do some Pilates as I've found that really makes my feel GREAT afterwords and does wonder for my posture.

I'll leave you with this insite from a friend of mine...

"I had a moment yesterday where I just wanted to say "forget it, this is too hard" but then I knew I'd be so disappointed in myself and besides, on the scale of things, this isn't that hard. Getting a divorce is hard, letting go of a loved one is hard, giving up an addiction is hard...but honoring and respecting your body by feeding it well and making it a fit machine is simply conforming to nature."

Monday, February 2, 2004

I started my first 2004 challenge 4 weeks go - so it was time to take progress pictures. As I suspected there was No progress to be found. I even got a second opinion to be sure. My fiancé agreed, the two pictures could have been taken the same day they were THAT identical to each other. Every view...

A first I was bummed. After all, there was this part of my mind that had hoped that the scale was just being stubborn and that I was making OTHER changes all this time. But no. My fiancé began to worry about me. I got a nice long hug from him and a pep talk. He basically said "I don't want you to get discouraged and give up." Well, I'm NOT giving up. I've decided to 'reboot' the year. Yes, I'm going to press Ctrl-Alt-Del and begin with a fresh face, clean slate. No more memory errors :) I took a good LONG look at those pictures. and I mean REALLY looked. Although I wear my clothes well and I AM into a size 12 (below average for the US female population I'm told) there is a LOT of unhealthy fat hanging onto my body, especially on my lower abdomen. My fiancé even asked me "Doesn't that bother you, weigh you down and make you feel.. bah?" I explained to him that I've weighed this much or more since I was 19 - this feels 'normal' to me. I think that's why it's so easy to 'just have a nibble' and 'skip just this one workout'. And after all, what I spend the most time looking at is my hands and wrists and they are pretty slim looking. But it's not enough anymore to have pretty hands. I want to get some of this FAT off of me! The only way I know to do that is to stick to my diet and to exercise. I went to bed last night with visions of success dancing in my head and I think that's a good thing. I decided to do as several have suggested and write my goals as if I’ve already achieved them. I started composing my four-week goals as I drifted off and I will finish them before the end of the day.

Food is planned and on plan – Upper body for tonight – no excuses!!