Thursday, February 5, 2004

Yesterday was really interesting. As I said before I managed to make it through my meeting and avoid the egg rolls and chicken wings - I got home about 9:00pm and was starving and exhausted. I ate, changed into my P.J.'s and curled up on the couch thinking I would nod off. But I didn't! My concious wouldn't let me. I kept thinking about my goals and how it felt every time I wrote out those goals as if I had already achieved them. I wanted those feelings to be REAL and that meant doing the time... So I got up, changed into my workout clothes and did my leg workout! Super set of plie' squats, dead lifts, squats and split squats 60 lbs 15 reps. I rested and did the whole thing again at 40 lbs! Mentally and Emotionally it felt like an awsome breakthrough. I'm finally back to honoring self promices!

I did a really funny thing last night. Something that's been on my 'to do' list for a while. I scanned the cover of a M&F Her magazine from a few months back. I've been saving this one just for the body of the girl that was on the cover.... I LOVE her look. So I scanned the cover and then paisted my head on it. I have to say that for maybe 1/2 a second or so I actually could see it... see myself wearing that body. The rest of the time I was too busy laughing.

My fiance' and I spent some time talking last night about goals and such. What's funny is even HE can't really wrap his head around my ultimate goal - 130. I want to lose 50 pounds! I guess I don't look or act the way that people think that someone who has 50 pounds to lose should? Anyway he finally aquiessed to the idea provided I don't get all skinny and stringy. "You have to have muscle!" was his comment. GOD, I LOVE that man! :) I assured him that 130 is a LONG way off. 9 months if I lose 2 lbs a week, and that has NEVER happend to me. Basically I told him that there was pleanty of time between then and now to reassess... He's allowed to say 'stop!' at any point along the road. In reality though my goal at the moment is 175... I told him that I can't remember what it feels like to be less then that - everything past that is all new ground. There is no doubt in my mind that my 'weight perception' is warped - I remember being unhappy in Highschool at 125 and sometimes wonder if it was just the anorexic 80's that spawned that feeling, or if I really am a lot smaller framed then I think.... BUT - as I said - those numbers are a LONG way off so for now I'm focusing on today! :)

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