Friday, December 30, 2005

I posted this on my other blog a LONG time ago, but thought I would share with my Blends here...

100 Things
1. I was born in Germany
2. My parents are Americans
3. I have a German birth certificate
4. I have naturalization papers
5. Because of the afore mentioned points, and the fact that my maiden name is German, people often assume that I am a first generation American
6. I often don't debase them of this notion
7. I set foot on American soil for the first time when I was 18 months old
8. I don't speak German
9. My parents divorced when I was six
10. I have four brothers
11. I have two sisters
12. I'm an only child
13. Two of my brothers are younger then my children
14. I grew up living with my mom and her husband
15. When I was growing up we moved 13 times in 10 years
16. Since I left home, my mom has only moved twice
17. I left home when I was 16
18. I went to five high schools
19. One of my high schools had 25 students total
20. One of my high schools had 3500 students total
21. I play trombone
22. I missed going with my school to a national band competition because I had "Unsatisfactory Citizenship" in two classes
23. I was getting straight A's at the time
24. My dad has the word DAM tattooed on his forearm - it's his initials
25. My dad has been married three times and is now living with a different woman
26. My initials spell something too
27. I graduated high school on a Thursday and got married on Saturday
28. I was married 13 years
29. I was 19 when I had my first child
30. I have three children
31. I have a nice singing voice
32. I often enunciate while talking as if I'm singing
33. This makes people think I have a foreign accent
34. My hair is (in real life) light brown
35. My eyes are blue
36. I've been overweight since my Jr year in High school
37. I thought I was overweight long before then
38. I've often been told I have nice bone structure
39. I am a project manager
40. I'm not afraid of public speaking
41. I'm not afraid of dying
42. I believe in God
43. I was so shy in school that the other kids thought I was stuck up
44. I went to a counselor in Jr High
45. I was accepted to be a foreign exchange student but we moved
46. I skipped kindergarten because I could already read
47. I don't remember `learning' to read, I just remember doing it
48. By my second year of school I was already reading at a sixth grade level
49. I never fit in at school `socially'
50. We moved after 5th grade so my mother let me repeat the grade even though I had passed so I could be the same age as everyone else
51. It didn't really help `socially'
52. I usually smile while walking down the street and while shopping
53. Perfect strangers often greet me or talk to me for no reason
54. Especially the homeless
55. Two children that I played with in the fifth grade were abducted and never found
56. I babysat for my mother for one whole summer and earned $222.20 - I bought a horse
57. She was six months old and had never been touched by a human before
58. I did all her training
59. I cried when I had to sell her
60. I have a sleep disorder that makes it hard for me to fall asleep at night, or wake up feeling refreshed in the morning
61. I have an extreme form PMS called PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder)
62. My PMDD is mild
63. it's actually worse AFTER my period then before
64. My children were born in 3:15, 3, and 2:45 hours respectively
65. I was present at the birth of all three of my mother's other children
66. They were born at home
67. My oldest was present when her sister was born
68. I've never went to college
69. My bowling average is 89
70. I think buying gifts is a perfectly acceptable way to show your love to someone
71. My birthday is nine days after Christmas and growing up it would often get forgotten in the post holiday let down and back to school rush
72. I still resent that
73. I had spinal meningitis when I was 9 months old and almost died
74. I'm still waiting for the day when this effects my life somehow
75. I learned to swim when I was 18 months old
76. I almost drown when I was four while swimming in a canal
77. My dad rescued me
78. He was my hero long before then
79. I once belonged to a synchronized swimming team
80. We moved right before our first competition.
81. I'm addicted to diet Pepsi
82. I can drink diet Pepsi or diet coke interchangeably
83. I'm really good at a lot of things, but not GREAT at any one thing
84. This is because I don't `apply' myself
85. I actually LIKE being intiment with my fiance
86. My fiance calls me punkin - he's the only person who ever has
87. My 18 year old will sometimes still calls me Mommy
88. I sometimes still call MY mom Mommy
89. I don't laugh out loud often but when I do it's REALLY loud
90. This used to irritate my ex who seemed to think I was laughing JUST to piss him off
91. I love planning things, trips, big dinners, work projects
92. I love it so much I've been known to actually put the preparations for Thanksgiving dinner into MS Project
93. I love to dance
94. I took ballet for years as a kid
95. I quit when I saw of picture of myself in my tutu and realized I looked NOTHING like a ballerina
96. I can still memorize and execute steps easily
97. While in a dance club I was told by a guy that I danced like a `Solid Gold Dancer'
98. I took this as a compliment!
99. My fiance and I fell in love at first site and moved in together after month
100. We have been together five years and engaged for three years

100.1. We love each other as much today as then.
You knew I wouldn't be able to stay away - didn't you?

Ok - found this on the "Buff Mother" forum and had to share...

People always say to me, "what keeps you so motivated to work out?" I
have many responses but if I had to name just one it is because I know
that every rep I do in the gym changes me forever! EVERY SINGLE REP!!!
That might seem foolish to many people but working out gives me momentum
in every aspect of life. The more energy I pour into my workout the
more energy life gives me in return. I am convinced this is the first
law of working out.

Live this law and you will get buff!

Change your life with me in 2006!

Because I know you woke up this morning and asked, I wonder what size pants Shawn wore today, I’m going to tell ya. I’m wearing size 14 jeans. Please note that’s NOT 14W.

Ok, so I admit they don’t fit perfectly, but they button and zip and I can sit in a chair and still breath :P I’m at that lovely ‘in between’ size right now. Size 16 is baggy – 14’s? Well can you say muffin top? I did NOT, however, wear a skin tight (or tighter) blouse over the top of them. I do have SOME level of modesty left in my body. Ok so not so much modesty but simply respect for other people’s feelings. I mean I post pictures of myself in a bikini for God’s sake – I don’t think modesty has any hold left on me.

And thus ends our TMI portion of the post ;)

Food yesterday was good. 1850 calories (yeah lower then I would like – but I ended up falling asleep for finishing meal 6 – duh.) 29/39/33% F/C/P

Up at 4:00AM again this morning. Actually woke up before the alarm, how sick is that?

We made it to the gym. Unfortunately I had forgotten to put the workout papers back in my fiance’s gym bag. We managed anyway ;)

Shoulders and Triceps (This seems like a weird combo to me but hey – I don’t write the program I simply follow it).

After warming up – here is what I did.

Barbell Shoulder Press (Plus Bar): 40 x 5 / 35 x 6 / 35 x 5
Yeah – I was having some trouble with strength today :( Maybe it was the lack of calories from the day before? I don’t know, I just know I felt wiped out from the very start.

Arnold Presses: 30 x 6 / 30 x 6
Standing Side Lateral Dumbbell Raises: 15 x 6 / 15 x 6 (I could have done 20… next time!)
Upright Row (short bar – total weight): 55 x 6 / 60 x 6
Tricep cable pushdowns: 100 x 6 / 105 x 6
Dumbbell Kick-backs: 25 x 6 / 25 x 6

Then we stretched a bit and hit the showers. I enjoyed what was probably my last peaceful workout for a while. I expect the resolutioners will be arriving any time now ;)

Today’s a big day for me. Friday’s are notoriously bad for me nutrition wise. I WILL stay on top of my eating. No, “I’ll make today a free day” for me. Today is NOT a free day! I’ll keep my calories at 2000 and I will finish the week as strong as I started it.


I may or may not see you (post again) before the first of the year – if I don’t, please know that I wish every one of you a Happy New Year. Be safe!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Yet another thing...

It's goal setting time. Challenges are starting AND it's the first of the year and resolutions are being made.

A while back I found this AWSOME website

Goal Setting Tutorial

I would suggest that those who have struggled in the past with following through go there and try the excercises - you may just find a nugget there that make THIS time differnt.
Quote for the day...

"There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which
is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend."

I forgot one other important element of my plan...

One of my nutritional downfalls is eating - out. There are just some days when things don't work the way they should and I won't have food here at work. Then there are the days when the 'gang' goes out to lunch. Or when my boss invites me to 'lunch'. (You know those times when they want to have a meeting with you and the only time they have is during their lunch hour.) Then there are the times when my sweetie and I are out and about late at night and we need to eat...

There are a number of strategies I could use for these. I could keep a supply of RTD shakes and MRBs. (and I probably will). And when invited to lunch I could decline. But frankly that plan hasn't worked in the past. I don't have any illusions that it will in the future. Rather then expect that a leopard will change her spots I'm going to try another strategy.

So, what I'm going to do is so forward planning of another sort. I know the two or three restaurants in the area that we normally hit (either with the gang or with the boss). So I'm going to go through their menus and create meals that are on plan. If I already know BEFORE I get there what I'm going to order I won't have to worry about being tempted by the other stuff that's available.

Then I'm going too create a list of 'fast food' meals - also on plan. The places we/I normally hit like Subway, Jack in the Box, Arby's and the deli across the street from work. From each of these places I will also put together an 'authorized' meal. Again, knowing what I'm going to have before hand will eliminate the "I guess I might as well have frys" syndrome. It'll also mean I'll go into these places fully armed with the info I need. Normally I go in, order something, eat it and go, "I hope that wasn't TOO bad" then hold my breath as I enter the info into fitday later.


yesterday's nutrition was right on track. 2000 Calories at 30/38/29% F/C/P

Oh - and for folks who've wondered why 2000 Calories - I had my BMR tested at the gym last month and it was over 1700 for a day. If the test was accurate (and it's supposed to be) then 2000/day should be a good number for me. Also I found that I was able to eat 2400/day and not gain. In fact I checked my Body Fat last night and it's down to 43%!

So - I started a challenge 12(ish) weeks ago at 205 and 48%
I've (almost) ended it at 204 and 43%

To quote tracker

Comparing Week #0 to Week #12, PartTimeMom started with a lean bodyweight of 106.6 lbs and 98.4 lbs of bodyfat. If PartTimeMom's measurements are accurate, she currently has a lean bodyweight of 116.3 lbs and 87.7 lbs of bodyfat. This is a change of 9.7 lbs of muscle and 10.7 lbs of bodyfat if the measurements are correct.

Not bad for 'no progress' eh? Let's see what dropping the calories a few points does.

(oh, and yes I was at 204 today)

And now onto today.

The alarm sounded at 4:00AM - I called it dirty names but got up anyway :) Hit the gym at the normal time and noticed how empty it was AGAIN. I'm REALLY not looking forward to the crowds next week, but oh well, I'll deal. It was cardio day AND because our schedule is a little weird this week, it's also leg day. Yes you heard that right I ran AND did legs. gah!

So I started with a 20 minute HIIT run. 1.5 miles in the books. I actually didn't struggle with it as much as I had thought I might but MAN was it hard at the end. A definite 10!

Then it was off to the weights.

45 degree leg press: 500 x 6 / 500 x 6 / 500 x 6 (that's 227.25 Kilograms for our UK friends and a personal best for me!)
Squat (+ bar): 140 x 6 / 140 x 6
Seated Leg Curl: 90 x 6 (this was WAY too light so I upped it and did two more) 120 x 6 / 120 x 6
Stiff Legged Dead Lift: 90 x 6 /90 x 6

I ran out of time to do calves but I'm not that worried about it.

And yes, I walked out of the gym.

- Lunches are packed for the day

And yes, I'll be posting my meals when I get them together.

lastly Kim thanks for your suggestions! I'll certainly add those to my files and I would love more :)

The new year is almost here - are YOU ready to make it the best one ever?

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Today I finally started. That's right I started setting goals.

I realized that the easiest way to figure out my goals for my upcoming 12 week challenge was to figure out what my goals for this year were… then figure out what I would need to accomplish this first quarter to make those happen.

So far I've come up with the following 2006 Fitness goals:

1. Weigh 130 lbs
2. Reach 18% Body Fat
3. Run the Bay to Breakers in May
4. Do 10 Unassisted Pull ups
5. Bench 100 lbs (plus the bar) for 10 reps
6. (Just in case I come up with more)

As and end to these means, I created the following 12 week goals:
1. Lose 20 lbs of fat
2. Drop 6% off my Body Fat
3. Create and start using a Running training schedule
4. Do 10 Pull ups with 130 lbs of assistance
5. Bench 80 lbs for 10 reps

In addition I created some other goals that I think I can achieve in the next 12 weeks:
1. Do 10 military push-ups
2. Bench 50 lb dumbbells for 10 reps

THEN I went through and set the goals I would need to reach the first week to get to my 12 week goals
1. lose 1.7 lbs of fat
2. Drop .5% Body Fat
3. Run three times (per schedule)
4. Do one pull up with 160lbs of assistance and 9 more with 170 on back day
5. Bench 75 lbs for 10 reps on chest day
6. Do 10 Negative pushups and then 'modified' pushups to failure
7. Bench 45 lb dumbbell for 10 reps on chest day

Do I think these goals are aggressive? Hell yeah I do! Do I think they are attainable – you better believe it!

Then I started thinking about nutrition. My goal here is to find something that works. That means I don't want to have my plan set in stone. But, I need a starting place so, here it is. 2000 calories a day six days a week. On the seventh day God rested and so will I. That's my free day. BUT it's not a free for all. I want to keep my calories under 2600 that day.

I will eat six meals a day – six days a week. Again the seventh will be less structured, but I should be eating at least three meals. Because I'm eating six times each meal will be about 330 calories.

Now, meals. If you've been here any amount of time you know that I complain about my lack of time for meal planning/preparing. So, I've come up with a solution. I'm going to plan 15 meals a week. I'm going to break that down this way:

2 Snacks
2 Breakfasts
3 Lunches
6 Dinners
2 Deserts

And the rules for these are…

Snacks: Must keep well (all day). Must be able to eat on the go and be assembled in less then five minutes and prep time should be less then 5 minutes.
Breakfast: Must be able to be eaten on the go (in the car). Must assemble in five minutes and prep time should be less then 5 minutes.
Lunch: Must keep well (half the day). Must be able to eat on the go and assemble in five minutes. Prep time should be less then five minutes (unless able to make ahead on the weekend)
Dinner: May be simple or complex…
Deserts: Must be able to make a week ahead OR have a prep time of less then 10 minutes

Now – 2 snacks, breakfast and lunch have to come with me to work. If I plan my meals right that means I'll be spending less then 20 minutes packing my lunch! Perfect!

Now at the end of January it'll be time to evaluate. Is this working? If not the first 'tweek' will be to drop calories, the next taper calories at the end of the day and the next carb cycling… I think that should get us through the end of twelve weeks.

As for my workout… I think I'll keep on with 'stage two' of Max-OT (with the exceptions noted above). Cardio will be a running program gearing up for my 12K – which will mean I'll be running for miles three days a week. 2 at the gym and one on the weekend. However – If come my mid-week weigh-in (on Friday) my weight hasn't dropped 1 lb. I will add an extra session of HIIT. (How's that for motivation to stay on track with the nutrition.

Well – I think that's about it for now! Next week's running plan will be posted as soon as I get it put together.

Let's rock this town!
Goooooooood Morning

I seriously think there’s something wrong with me ;) I’ve never been in such a good mood AFTER Christmas. I’m just so excited about the coming new year! Actually I’m finding I’m excited about each new day – another chance to prove myself. Another chance to be the best I can be.

I did really well on food yesterday. I managed to avoid all the left over treats here at work, and the left over treats at home. The food I had was very good and very satisfying. I kept my calories almost right at 2000 and ratio at 23/40/34 F/C/P – overall I’m Thrilled ;) If I keep with this there’s no doubt in my mind that I’ll start to see results quickly and consistently.

This morning 4:00 AM came REALLY quickly though. It took me forever to wake up. In fact I think I was ½ way through my workout before I finally felt human :P

I couldn’t believe how empty the gym was today. There were two other people besides my fiancé and I in the weight area and maybe 12 (or less) people on the cardio machines. It was SO nice ;)

It was back day. After 8 minutes of peddling on the bike and a few warm-up sets I started my workout.

Bent Rows (+ bar): 60 x 6 / 60 x 6
Close Grip Pull down: 105 x 6 / 115 x 5.5
I probably could have finished the last rep for these but my fiancé started playing ‘personal trainer’ and was being so goofy that I started laughing.
Wide Grip Pull Ups (Assisted – these make me feel like such a looser because I can’t do them): 170 (I think that means 170lbs of assistance?) x 6 / 170 x 6
Olympic Style Dead Lifts:

Now I did the Dead Lifts on this machine they have at the gym. Since it was my first time doing Olympic Style I felt better doing it on a machine. It allows me to focus on my form more and less on ‘don’t drop the bar’. This machine has three grips much like a pull up setup: Narrow Grip, Wide Grip and Parallel Grip. I get all set up, and take a narrow grip because it seemed the most comfortable to me. I was all focused on my form, weight back so that my knees were behind my toes, back slightly arched, head up. I was watching myself in the mirror as I stood, looked good, and then at the top of the lift I made sure to pull my shoulders back and give my lats a good SQUEEZE. My fiancé almost jumped across the room when I hollered ‘OWE!’.

“Oh my god, are you aright? Do you need me to take the weight?”

“No, it’s ok, I’m ok…”

What had I done? When I had stood up straight and rolled my shoulders back I had rammed the pegs for the parallel grip into my thighs. I’m such a dork! I finished my sets anyway.

45 x 6 / 70 x 6

That was it for the day – I hit the showers.

Chest yesterday and back today? Let’s just say my upper body is a little sore.

A few last notes. Having committed to several challenges for the new year: Julies “Torch” Challenge, Ms Fit’s Challenge, Pink Dumbbells challenge and a challenge at Body Blog has got me feeling anxious. I’m suddenly feeling pressured to have a ‘transformation’ and in my mind that requires doing things ‘right’. This has left me questioning everything I do. Is –Max-OT the right weight lifting regime? Should I do cardio every day? Twice a Day? HIIT or LISS? Run or Bike ahhhhhhh!! And then there’s the nutrition. Do I low carb it? Only eat fish on Sundays? Have cabbage every third hour? (I know I’m getting silly now)

The easy thing would be to do BFL by the book. Frankly I feel I’m a little beyond that. But maybe I’m giving myself too much credit. I just know I don’t like the two day split, Upper Body one day and Lower Body another. And on average I think the palm/fist method leaves much to be desired on my body. I’ve tried ‘winging it’ and that’s gotten me no where.

I know there are a lot of people out there who feel the same way. Completely confused on what program to do, when to do what and how many reps; it’s overwhelming. I don’t have any answers yet. What I’m NOT allowing this to do is paralyze me. Yes, I don’t have plan yet, but that doesn’t mean I sit around and do nothing!

Because of this confusion of mine I went and checked out some training programs. Two I’ve been interested in for a while now SGX and Leanness Lifestyle. While looking at these two programs I was scrolling through their ‘results’ photos. That’s when my fiancé made a comment. He said, “I see you looking at all these photos and I wonder when are you going to stop looking and start doing?”

I had to think about that for a while. I told him that I look at the before/afters for inspiration. To assure myself that it’s possible. We then got into a discussion about me and my lack of results. (Yes we’re back to that). What it comes down to is that he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand that working your ass off at the gym isn’t enough. I do that. You have to plan and carefully execute your nutrition to get the results that we see in the magazines. Don’t get me wrong here – it’s not that he doesn’t believe in me. The thing is, he believes in me too much! He believes I’m capable of an amazing transformation. That I’m capable of achieving amazing results, what he can’t understand is why it hasn’t started yet…

And really I don’t have the answers - yet. I’ve spent the past year (or more like the past 6 months) figuring out what DOESN’T work for me. Eventually I’ll figure out what does. And when I do, whoa Nelly!

Have a GREAT day everyone.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

I just HAD to share!
Nicole Weeks posted some new photos in her blog on body blog.

Go Here and scroll down. I mean I AM a chick and all, but is this woman SMOKING or what? We have similar body types (believe it or not) and everytime I see her photos it gives me hope that even a girl like me who puts on muscle like there's no tomorrow can look sleek and sexy and VERY much WOMAN.

Roar! ;)
"Dreaming is wonderful, goal setting is crucial, but action
is supreme. To make something great happen you must get
busy and make it happen. Take that action step today that
will put you on your path to achievement."

*Greg Werner {Strength & Conditioning Coach}

The holiday went well. The kids arrived late in the day on Christmas day and we opened presents, ate chocolate and generally enjoyed each other’s company.

Yesterday we had our ‘feast’. Tons of food and a lot of good company. I think everything went over well and I was happy to get to do it, and even happier that it’s over ;). I do know that yesterday was one of those few times that I ate so much I honestly thought I was going to be sick. BLEH! I was STILL full when I woke up this morning!

But, today I woke up feeling like it was the first day of the rest of my life. I know, all the challenges and new years resolutioning is supposed to happen on January 1st or 2nd but I figured why waste a week? So, I was up at 4:00 AM this morning and ready to hit the gym. It felt so good to force my sluggish body out of bed and MOVE.

The gym was relatively empty this morning. I think most of the ‘regulars’ have taken the week off and resolutioners haven’t started yet. There were a FEW new faces at the gym today, a few regulars and a lot of empty space. It was nice. I hit the treadmill first off and did 20 min HIIT. I was surprised at how ‘easy’ it was. I actually kept my normal pace and didn’t feel like I was going to die. Considering I still felt like I had food in my stomach from the night before that was a big plus. Not to mention I got to thinking. I didn’t workout much the week of Thanksgiving, then we worked out with the trainer for two weeks, then we were sick for a week and then we only made it to the gym one time last week. So it’s been over a month since I’ve had a good consistent gym schedule. It’s going to be an interesting week.

After my run I headed to the weight room and started my chest workout. I was a little nervous (see note above about not working out in a while) that I may have lost a lot of ground, but again I was pleasantly surprised.


Bench Press (+Bar): (Two warm up sets) 70 x 6 / 70 x 6 / 80 x 5
Incline Dumbbell Press: 45 x 6 / 45 x 6
Flyes: 25 x 6 / 25 x 6

Then because I had some extra time I threw some ab work in there

Cable Crunch: (190 x 15) x 3

A little stretching and I was ready to hit the shower.

I am feeling REALLY good.

I had meal one after the gym and I’ve got all the food I need for the rest of my lunches. Ready to make this an amazing day.

Oh! And the best news today? Weight 205.2 – I made it through the holidays without blowing myself out of the water! Yay!

Besides being a practice run for the start of my first challenge of the new year, I have some other things I want to accomplish this week.

1) Get my training schedule/program set out for the entire first twelve weeks.
2) Get my goals worked out

I’m sure there’s at lease one thing on that list that I’m forgetting – so expect it to grow.

I hope everyone had a great holiday and is looking forward to the new year as much as I am!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Just a quick one to wish you all a Merry Christmas!!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

I was 'called out' so I'm doing this, enjoy ;)

7 THINGS I want to do before I die...

1. Go Home (Germany)
2. Go to My fiancé’s Home (England)
3. Learn to play the guitar
4. Reach my Goal Weight
5. Sing with a Band
6. Manage to convey to my fiancé how much I truly love him
7. Actually finish a major creative endeavor (a book, a painting, a song…)

7 THINGS I cannot do...

1. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane (actually I don’t know that I can’t I’ve never tried but to my knowledge I couldn’t).

Ok I give up. There are lots of things I probably WOULDN’T do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t. It’s weird – I start to get nervous when I limit myself with the word ‘can’t’ I know it sounds like a cop out but it’s true.


7 THINGS I admire in others..

1. Honesty
2. Caring
3. Selflessness
4. Marching to your own beat yet not upsetting the tempo of others (Unique without being in your face)
5. Drive
6. Style
7. Beauty (Hey – had to be honest here) Inner and Outer

7 THINGS you'll most hear me say..

1. Annnnny way
2. Dude
3. Shit!
4. Don’t say that, I love you and I don’t allow the people I love to be talked about that way.
5. My fiance __________(fill in the blank)
6. Bloody Hell
7. Are you ok? (I worry about the people I care about – ok?)

7 SEVEN books I Love…

This is so hard – you folks have no idea how many books I’ve read… Books I’ve LOVED? Hmmmm

1. The Bible
2. Where the Sidewalk Ends
3. Beastly Rhymes

Sorry I can’t think of any more. The rest sort of just Blur together – so I’ll include authors instead

4. Pierce Anthony
5. Mercedes Lackey
6. Anne McCaffrey
7. Terry Pratchett

7 SEVEN movies I have watched over & over..
1. The sound of Music
2. Labyrinth
3. Legend
4. The Dark Crystal
5. Office Space
6. Christmas Story
7. Shrek

7 SEVEN people I want to join in...

…. Is there anyone left who hasn’t? ;) Then YOU… you do it!
Yesterday didn't go entirely on plan. I didn't do an arm workout and I didn't run on the treadmill. I did however stand on my feet for about 6 hours. Shopping with my daughter is never an easy task. It took us all day but we finally found her a dress for her winter formal. Thank God it's the last year of that! Of course the baby will be in Highschool in a few years and we'll go through this all over again.

Food was pretty good yesterday all things considered. Best of all though is that I'm back at work today, and all my lunches are packed. It's going to be a super clean day - I'm going to need it with the festivities planned over the long weekend. I really can't wait.

The kids went back this morning and won't return until later Christmas day. Then Moday we're having our Big Christmas dinner.

Honestly, as much as I love the holidays, my pocketbook will be glad when they are over! sheesh!

Have a great day everyone.
"Anything can be achieved in small, deliberate steps. But there
are times you need the courage to take a great leap; you can't
cross a chasm in two small jumps."

*David Lloyd George

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Just when I think I'm making no impact on my children...

I've been really worried about my oldest daughter. She's nearly 18 and over the past few years has gone from a size 8 to a size 14. Her current 160 lbs doesn't flatter her petite 5'2" frame. Although I worry I do my best not to say anything. My harping about her weight isn't going to win me any frieds and I certainly don't want to add to any poor body image issues she might have. The most I've done is say something when the outfit she was wearing was WAY too tight. The other thing I said was, "If you ever deside you want to lose weight, PLEASE come to me first!"

When she started school this year I think she was suprised to find out none of her clothes fit. She finally picked up the first diet book I wanted her to read called "The Habits of Thin People" (or something like that *grin*). She read it and I feel got a lot out of it. Within a few months she had dropped a pant size.

Yesterday, however, she picked up my new "Eating for Life" book. Being a foody (like me) she loves cookbooks (like me). She started thumbing through the book and commenting on how good everything looked. She then started reading the front of the book. Still, you could have knocked me over with a feather when she came into me and asked. "So a portion of meat is this size?" pointing to her palm "and a portion of carbs is this size?"

I happily said, "Yes!"

Later she asked if she could make one of the recipes out of the book for her lunch and I happily agreed. What suprised me even more was when she approached me before dinner and said, I started to snack but stopped.

I just had to say YAY! I think my patients is finally starting to pay off! Not that I want her to be food/weight obsessed but I also dón't want her thinking she can eat like her father and not LOOK like her father (ewww).

As for me? I had yesterday and today off work. I had good intentions to workout at home yesterday but it didn't happen. I ate pretty good cosidering I was home all day. But I did have a few of the Sugar cookies I had made. I'm not beating myself up over it. I'm enjoying the time with my kids.

Yes I mean everything I said over my past few posts about being dedicated about reaching my goals etc. I'm even more determined now then ever because it seems that yes, my children ARE paying attention. But I also know that my time with them is short and I want to make the most of it while I can.

I'm going to do an arm workout later today and I'll hit the treadmill too. I don't expect my diet will be 100% clean. There's cookies to frost and fudge to make. But I'm going to moderate myself and eat clean balanced meals otherwise.

I hope you all are ejoying yourselves too!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I'm so incredably touched by Julie's passing. I would say sad, but that doesn't encompass the entirity of my feelings. Yes, I am sad. Sad for her friends and family and sad for us, the BFL community that looked up to her so much. We are all missing her and the inspiration that she provided. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that she was a candle in a dark place. That she gave us an example of not only how to live our lives but to do it with purpose. An example of giving our all. And an example of how petty most of our excuses are when we fail to take care of ourselves. When you looked at Julie you realized that things like "I'm too tired" and "I can't" didn't belong in your vocabulary. I miss her shining example already and I'm horribly dissapointed that I didn't follow it more regularly.

But for her I am joyful. There is no doubt in my mind that she's in a better place. She's getting her reward. She sits in heaven now.

And what of those us left behind? I can think of no better way to honor Julie then to simply follow her example. To be the best me I'm capable of being. To throw all my petty excuses out the window and do what I know I need to do.

At the Help Julie Whitt website there is a call to honor Julie and dedicate your next challenge to her. It was a plan I had even before reading their call, but I'm even more determined now.

Lastly I wanted to make sure to thank each and every one of you. You're friendship, suport and inspiration is invaluable to me, and as rocky as my road has been, I wouldn't have made it this far without you.

Monday, December 19, 2005

It feels so good to be back!

Because I’ve been sick, I haven’t been to the gym since a week ago Friday! EEK! But I think my body got some well deserved rest. Add that week’s break to the two weeks I’ve been doing funky workouts with the trainer and I was almost lost trying to get back into my old routine. I got into the groove quickly enough though.

Amazingly enough, I didn’t lose that much strength! AND because I’ve really been working hard on watching my nutrition, I started the week at 204.5 down two pounds from a few weeks ago. With the workouts going now, AND the nutrition shored up I can’t WAIT to see what the results for this week will be. I’m looking to give myself a really good Christmas Present I know it’s asking a lot what with Christmas AND a huge Christmas dinner coming up, but if I could start the new year (or at least my birthday on the 4th) less then 200 lbs I would be THRILLED.

So it was leg day. A rather auspicious way to start back in – but hey who am I to argue?

I started with 25 minutes of cardio. A warm up and then a nice walk at 3.5 MPH and 10% incline. Worked up a good sweat.

Then it was time to hit the weight room.

Warmed up with the bar and did some squats – slowly adding a bit more weight for four reps, then…

Squats (+bar): 140 x 10/140 x 10/140 x 10
45 degree leg press: 450 x 10 / 450 x 10 (need to up this weight)

Did something stupid on the dead lift – I normally do 110, but for some reason I miscounted when I was putting on weight. I loaded 130 lbs on the bar – duh. I went down for the first rep and MAN did I feel it! It’s a good thing I’m such a stickler for form because I probably could have really tweaked my back. Not that I didn’t feel it in my back – wooo baby! But I quickly racked the weight – pulled forty pounds off the bar just to be safe and finished my sets. Note to self… learn to add. 2-10 lbs weights on each side is FORTY pounds NOT TWENTY ;)

Straight Legged Dead Lift(+ bar) : 90 x 10 / 90 x 10

Single legged Calf Raises: 55 x 6 / 35 x 6

Can someone tell my why when I do both calves at once I can do over 200lbs but on single calf raises I was struggling to do 35?

Anywho – finished my workout and I’m feeling GREAT! I’m so glad to be back where I belong!

Friday, December 16, 2005

Because it's friday and... well we were on the subject of cookbooks I had to drop in these two links for your viewing pleasure.

The Company Cookbook


Weight Watchers recipe cards, circa 1974
Oh - I almost forgot!!!

I bought EFL last night! I was so excited. Then I got home and started reading it... heh

Yeah it's good - it's nice to have all those 'clean' recipies in one place, but honestly there isn't much in there I hadn't figured out how to make on my own...

BUT the good thing is, here's a cookbook my fiance KNOWS he can pick up and cook someting out of and it's 'Bodybuilding Food'. He doesn't have to worry about 'is this something you can eat?' That part (I guess) makes it worth the $30.
HA! someone actually sent a 'treat' to our office that I feel is worth having a bit of. Pecans.

As I’ve said before, I’ve always gotten support from my fiancé in regards to my goals, but lately he’s been in overdrive. It’s done so much to inspire and motivate me! Last night we were laying in bed, me reading oxygen and he reading some men’s fitness magazine. While we were laying there I read aloud some snippet regarding ‘tips’ for your contest, and as usual followed it with some sarcastic “As if…” meaning ‘like _I_ would be on stage’. My fiancé looked over at me and said, “Why not?” My first and instinctual answer was, “Because I can’t”


“I can’t” isn’t allowed in our house anymore.

Every time I catch myself saying or thinking that I’m reminded of snippet from Tom Venuto’s “Burn the Fat Feed the Muscle” book. In it he talks about a story told by Anthony Robbins about a man at a seminar who was extremely frustrated with his lack of results in his business. The befuddled businessman said he had tried “everything” but nothing worked. Here is the exchange that went on between the two of them:
Robbins: "You've tried EVERYTHING???"
Attendee: "Yes, I've tried absolutely everything!"
Robbins: "Tell me the last HUNDRED things you tried,"
Attendee: " I haven't tried a hundred things."
Robbins: "OK, then just tell me the last FIFTY things you tried."
Attendee: "I haven't tried fifty things."
Robbins: "Alright then tell me the last DOZEN things you tried."
Attendee: (getting somewhat embarrassed) "Well, I haven't tried a dozen things."
Robbins: "I thought you said you tried EVERYTHING! So tell me then, how many things HAVE you tried?
Attendee: (shrinking back into his seat, embarrassed), "Two or three."

So I had to ask myself, honestly, why couldn’t I compete? Yeah I’ve got some skin issues – stretch marks and lose skin. But what have I tried to resolve that? Certainly not one hundred things, and no not fifty, in fact, I’ve probably not even tried three. And I certainly haven’t given simple weight loss enough time/effort to say that it ‘doesn’t work’ either.

It really is time that I stop imposing limitations on myself. That glass ceiling I complaining about – Most of the time, I put it there.

Then, this morning, while waiting for the ferry, we started talking about the sheer number of dumpy unhappy looking people who were walking by. My fiancé said to me “I could see you using your project management skills and fitness knowledge and becoming a personal trainer.”

I admitted to him that I had some dreams of being a personal trainer or even something more then that… we talked about it and I realized. Once again I had been putting limitations on myself. I’ve been allowing my dreams to be ‘too small’ and I’ve settled for what other people have told me I’m capable of.

Yes, it’s hard to think about helping other to people to succeed when I’ve not succeeded myself. But it’s not too early to set myself up so that I’m ready when the time comes. To get to where I want to go it’s going to take a few years of school. But during that time I can be working toward becoming my own best customer. A shining example of not only what _I_ am capable of, but what other’s are capable of if they are willing to give up one thing… their doubts!

To that end – I ate clean yesterday. I fought a battle with the chocolate chip cookies and won even though the smell of them in the break room was so overwhelming I could smell it even through my stuffy nose. Today, they are still there but I do not have to pull my hand back from grabbing one every time I walk by anymore. I don’t find excuses to adjust the covering. I don’t feel deprived.

I’m so ready to get back to the gym that I’m practically crawling out of my skin. Monday can’t come soon enough.

I’ll leave you with another quote from Dr. Stephen Gullo.

“…none of us wants to look back to the prime of our lives when we had our youthfulness, attractiveness, and health to realize that we squandered it all to hang out with a bread basket, a bag of candies or a pizza pie. This is the greatest deprivation of all.

If I don’t talk to you again before then… have a great weekend!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

I still haven't made it back to the gym, but I don't feel bad about it. I'm enjoying the rest. I'm still not 100% and add on top of that all the hustle and bustle of the holidays and well. My workouts have suffered. But - as I said I don't feel bad about it.

Food yesterday was Great! I did not eat a single thing that wasn't on my plan. Yes I passed up the brownies and cookies that the building management company sent down. And the candy canes that the receptionist brought to everyone's desk. AND while out shopping I refused to eat at the outlet mall 'food court' because I wasn't going to make my sacrifices moot by having crappy buffett style chinese food or a slice of 'pizza under the lights'.

Today's food will be just as good. I didn't have time to make a new plan last night, but yesterday's plan was good enough I can reuse it.

I just keep reminding myself, "it'll all be over sooon..." lol

seriously I'm enjoying the holidays even without the food indulgences, and I haven't seen anything yet that I haven't seen/eaten before. If I did - THEN it might be an excuse to splurge.

I wanted to add one last thing. I'm reading through the "Thin Commandments" again. As I've said before, I know what I should do, it's just wrapping my brain and psyci around doing it and this book helps. Anyway - I found this little blurb that lifted my spirits a little.

"No matter how many times you failed in the past, and regardless of all the setbacks, remember that you have never given up. You have always held on to that desire for success. And how strong and powerful that desire must be!"

-- Stephen Gullo, Ph.D. "The Thin Commandments Diet"
Ok - this is freaky. I haven't posted on tracker since... (I just looked) November 3rd. I just couldn't take all the BS and drama anymore. Yeah I update my profile periodically but even that I haven't done in a few weeks. But today I got two - TWO Private messages?

What's up with that?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

"Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it
are the requisites for success."

*Alonzo Newton Benn
Hello Hello Hello!!

I’m still sick but in an excellent mood. I didn’t hit the gym this morning because the fiancé and I decide that we needed at least one more day to rest and recover. Of course that didn’t stop us from enjoying a little box springs cardio last night :)

I got a call from my Son this morning shoring up all the Christmas plans. That has managed to finalize tapping the keg of my Christmas Joy and I’m bouncing in my seat with energy ready to enjoy the remainder of the holiday season.

On Saturday we’re taking the kids to Grace Cathedral to enjoy a Christmas concert (I would highly recommend it to anyone within driving distance). It's an awsome concert and one I hope to make a new family tradition. Then it’s Christmas shopping and light looking – a great way to kick off the week before Christmas.

The kids will be staying until Thursday and we’ll be doing all kinds of fun stuff like making sugar cookies and fudge. Plus we’ll be putting the finishing touches on the planning for our Christmas dinner. I can not tell you how excited this makes me! Since the kids area coming back late on Christmas day we’re planning our dinner for ‘boxing day’. We’re going for the whole shebang. Turkey, a small ham (for those who don’t like turkey), stuffing (both bread and sausage), gravy, mashed potatoes, pumpkin sausage soup, asparagus casserole, homemade dinner rolls, homemade cranberry sauce, and last but not least pumpkin, chocolate brandy pecan, and apple pie. Whew!

Now – onto fitness…

If I haven’t made it clear before, I would like to state here and now that my honey is the most loving support and wonderful man alive. He’s done anything and everything to support me in the journey toward my goals short of tying my hands behind my back so I couldn’t eat (though I think he’s thought of doing that from time to time). Yesterday while he was home sick he started working on the things we’ve decided we’re going to complete in the coming year. Getting fit is one of them. So, for inspiration he went out to the internet and found a bunch of pictures, printed them and created a collage that he put up on the refrigerator. But, this isn’t just fit women. He also put up picture of men because, he said, if _I_ was going to get into shape, he better have a body to match mine. I LOVE THIS MAN!!

With all this support coming my way I finally committed to sitting down and PLANNING my meals for the next day. So I pulled out my spread sheet (thank you Maggie Wang) and started looking at the numbers. Since my BMR had already been figured out I plugged that number in and over road the formulas. What I saw staring back at me was some numbers that finally flipped on the light in my brain. Hello – I have been eating too much!! It’s clear from my tracking over last week that I’m probably getting close to 2400 calories a day. AND I’m taking a free day. 2400 should be my FREE day if I want to lose! And the rest of the week 2000. So with that thought firmly in mind I figured out my meals, my ratios, and wrote it all down. I went to bed feeling like I’ve actually taken a HUGE step in the right direction.

Then this morning on the way to work I had an epiphany. The fiancé and I were talking about his goals. How he wants to get buff. Not monstrous but really lean and muscular. I commented that if he wanted to do that he was going to eventually get to the point that he was going to have to not just ‘watch what he ate’ but actually plan his meals etc. He started getting a little agitated – not angry but frustrated because he has no idea how to even start eating for ‘bulking’ or ‘cutting’. That’s when I said the thing that just might put this in high gear for me. “If I was at the point where I had my plan dialed in and I was steadily losing then I could put a plan together for you…”

If I had MY shit together I would be able to help you…


Ding ding ding…

Do you know why I’m able to get up at 4:00AM most mornings and hit the gym? Because I know that if I don’t I will be disappointing/letting down him. He needs me to get up and get gong so he can. (and vice versa).

Now he NEEDS me to get my food dialed in so that I can be there to help him reach HIS goals. This THING I’ve been struggling and failing to do for myself just might be a LOT easier when I know I’m doing it for him.

It’s weird, I know but heck I may have just found my inspiration – let’s not knock it!

So my meals are planned. I’m hitting the gym tomorrow morning. This week will probably not be my ‘normal’ plan. Some walking some lifting. Monday though – I’ll be hitting the gym with the new program I’m writing up over the weekend.

And Brit-Man – I haven’t forgotten your question about ‘reps’ :) It’s just more involved then a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer and I want to give it the time it deserves to answer it thoroughly.

Have a GREAT Hump day everyone.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Not much to update fitness wise. I'm doing better today then the past two but still pretty sick. I'm back at work at least but just walking from the ferry to work took all the energy I had so I doubt a workout is in my future.

The good news is I tummy doesn't like all this drainage so I haven't felt like eating - Trying to eat clean anyway...

I hope all you all are doing ok! ;)

Monday, December 12, 2005

Merry Christmas from Imbri

 Posted by Picasa
"The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt
the person doing it."

*Chinese proverb
Since I don't have anything else to do, I thought I would post some photos from Saturday.


Happy anniversary Grandpa and Grandma

60 years!! Oh my! Posted by Picasa


My life, my love, my other half. Posted by Picasa


Beautiful and smart - how did I get so lucky with child #1? Posted by Picasa


Child #2 or "The Boy" as we sometimes call him. So typically teenage - and yet not. Posted by Picasa


Last but not least, Child #3. It may not show here but this girl's got wings and a halo hiding under there. She's got the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. Posted by Picasa


Oh wait, We mustn't forget "The Queen of all She Surveys" Posted by Picasa
Just a quick update.

I'm sick *sniiiifff*

You know the kind of sick where you sinuses are so swollen that your teeth hurt? That's me right now. I'm sure I'll be over it soon enough, but in the meanwhile I'm going to curl up in bed and sleep.

In other news the kids and I sat down and talked on Saturday (at my Grandparent's 60's wedding anniversary party) I think we've come up with a comprimise that lets them not dissapoint thier Dad and keeps me from being too dissapointed either. They are planning to come over next friday and baically stay the entire winter breadk (with the exception of Christmas eve).

I think I can handle that. My oldest still has to dog sit but she's going to pay her dad to feed/walk the dog on Christmas day for her, so she'll be able to spend part of the day over here with me.

So the spirit of Christmas lives on.

Thanks to eveyrone for your love and support in this.


Friday, December 9, 2005

This is normally something I would write about on my ‘other blog’ but since you all read hear and I don’t want to force you to click over to read it there… I post it here.

So, for the record here is… How I lost my Christmas Spirit.

For those of you who don’t already know my life story let me give you a little background.

I grew up with a ‘working’ mother. So early in my life she set a precedent. She was NOT going to spend her Christmas Day slaving in the kitchen cooking a huge dinner. One day a year was enough for her.

Fast forward a few years – I’m married. I find my mother’s ‘rule’ to be a good ‘rule of thumb’. No big dinner at Christmas. Richard (the ex-not his real name) had no problem with this so we went happily on our way.

Fast forward a few more years – my daughter is old enough to know some stuff about Christmas and it’s Christmas eve. Knowing that it was going to be really hard to get her to go to sleep I devise a plan. Step one – go out to eat for a ‘big’ ‘special’ Christmas dinner. Since we were young, poor and didn’t know any better that ended up being Red Lobster. Step two – drive around looking at Christmas lights until the little one fell asleep then go home, carry her to bed and start getting ready for Santa to come. That became our family tradition.

Fast forward many more years. Richard and I have divorced we’ve had a really UGLY custody battle. When the dust has settled we’ve got an arraignment where we’re supposed to trade holidays. Only my kids now suffer from Parental Alienation Syndrome (look it up, it sucks). So rather then force the issue I let them ‘cool’ off. Visits are sporadic and visits during the holidays, out of the question.

Fat forward to now:

Over the past few years the kids have slowly gotten over the PAS and they are on a pretty normal visitation schedule. Only, the holidays are still an issue.

Every year at Thanksgiving, Richard manages to have some relative visiting him. On Christmas – when every other year I’m supposed to have the children for Christmas Eve and be able to put them to bed, then wake them up and watch them open presents in the morning… we run into ‘The tradition’.

Sorry mom, we can’t come see you because we have to go to Red Lobster with Dad. It’s a tradition. First of all, it was MY FUCKING TRADITION! :P Secondly, do you think Richard would have the balls to say, “Hey, enough you need to go with your Mom and start some new traditions”? Well if you’ve learned anything about my ex by now you know the answer is.. No.

This year is no exception. Richard’s mother was visiting at Thanksgiving so the kids stayed there for dinner. As an incentive to get them to come over Christmas Eve I offered to break my ‘rule’ and cook a full on T-day dinner with ALL the fixings. But no… We can’t do that. So for the fifth year in a row I don’t get to see my children on Christmas morning.

Worse, my oldest has told me that she’s taken a job over the winter break and thus – I may not even get to see her Christmas day.

So, I’m sorry folks – I have run out of Christmas cheer. Which really sucks because it IS my FAVORITE holiday.

This year, I’m afraid I’m going to have to say Bah Humbug

Thursday, December 8, 2005


Just thought I would share - captured this on my way to work yesterday Posted by Picasa
I know, I know, it’s late for me to be updating but it’s been a busy day.

Let’s see… Yesterday was ‘dance night’ after work so I put on my dancing shoes and went out to boogie. Unfortunately my legs were KILLING me from doing legs earlier, but I didn’t let it put too much a damper on my night. Again I spent hours ‘goovin’ and it was awesome.

I’m a little unsure how the day’s calories came out because we ended up going for Chinese food after dancing and it was difficult to tell portion sizes but I did the best I could. Approximated totals: 2400 Calories 34% Fat/ 33% Carbs / 31% Protein. I was AMAZED at how quickly the Chinese food added up :P

In looking at the past few days I’ve realized that perhaps my ‘lack of progress’ isn’t as surprising as I thought. I’m getting a goodly amount of calories each day and several days now that I THOUGHT were close to 2000 are coming out over that. This is good to know and on several levels… reassuring. That means that with the slightest amount of tweaking I should be seeing some changes. All I can say that is, it’s about bloody time! :)

So, on to today. I hadn’t really planned on hitting the gym today – I did my cardio last night. Still it was a little frustrating to wake up, look over at the clock and realize you had a ‘twelve o’clock flasher’ on you hands. Yeah the power had gone out. I ‘overslept’ (which means it was 6:00 – what a sick, sick world I now live in that 6:00AM is oversleeping). But, as I said, I wasn’t planning on going to the gym anyway.

Food is going good today. Shooting for 2000-2300.

This last bit – you don’t have to read it’s simply for my records.

The “Bitch” arrived today.

I don’t note it because I think anyone would be interested but because when I stopped noting it I had nothing to reference the next month to figure out when I should be expecting TTOM. So I spent all this week going… Should it have come last week and I’m late, or maybe next week? Gah!

Oh – and lastly, it’s official, I have NO Christmas spirit this year. So Bah Humbug!

Wednesday, December 7, 2005

I found another shirt I want...

While I don't qualify to wear this one just yet, I can't WAIT 'til I do..

And now for my report.

I knew getting all my food in yesterday would NOT be a problem. I was not wrong. I was STARVING. So, total calories 2182 25%Fat/43%Carb/29%Protien

The ratios aren’t perfect but I feel like just tracking has been a big step for me so I’m happy with them.

Even with the additional food I had trouble getting up this morning – but I managed :) There was no way I was going to miss two days in a row.

It was leg and arm day (according to my trainer) so I hit the gym raring to go.

After warming up with a few ‘light’ squats I got started.

Squats (plus bar): 90 x 10 / 140 x 10 / 140 x 10

Then it was off to the leg press machine. BTW does anyone know what the ‘sled’ weighs on this thing? Anyway I added a little extra weight this time – it felt so good.

Leg Press: 540 x 10 / 540 x 10 / 540 x 10

My goal on this is to do 700…

Then I did a little arms:

Alt Dumbbell Curl: 25 x 10 / 25 x 10
Triceps Cable Push Downs: 100 x 10 / 100 x 10

And that was that.

After these two weeks ‘off’ I’m really ready to start hitting the weight everyday again – though I think I’m going to keep the reps in the 8 to 10 range for at least four weeks. I know I probably need to choose a few ‘different’ exercises so that’s my goal to accomplish before next Monday.

And, of course, I’m going to continue to keep a close eye on the food. Goal for today is 2000 – 2200.

Other then that, nothing much to report. I’m still trying to focus on doing the right thing each day. Daily goals are still about all I can handle.

Thanks to everyone for your support and suggestions. My head is up, my eyes are forward if I keep putting one foot in front of the other, eventually I’ll reach my destination.

Oh, and Jess – thank you thank you thank you for suggesting “FireFox” I installed it yesterday and started loading blogs using it - Most blogs, when loaded into firefox have a special orange icon on the far right of the address. When you click that it saves the link as a “live link” it makes it a snap to see when someone’s blog has been updated! Since I’ve currently got about 145 blogs booked marked being able to quickly see which have been updated is going to save me HOURS!

I’m a happy camper!
A few quotes

"Man has never made any material as resilient as the human

*Bernard Williams {English Philosopher}

"I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a
fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting
somewhere behind the morning."

*J.B. Priestly (1894-1984) English Author

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

The first question of the day should be, Did I reach my goals yesterday?

Well….. I didn’t over eat :P

Totals: 1500 Calories 42% Protien/35%Carb/18%Fat

Considering my BMR has been measured at almost 1800 that’s kind of scary. Maybe it’s the effect of the alcohol I had over the weekend. It’s been purported to suppress your metabolism.

I’ve plenty of food packed so should have no problem with food today – I’m going to track it anyway.

Perhaps the low calories are why I did NOT want to get up today. The alarm went off at 4:00 and somehow I managed to turn it off. I finally got out of bed at 4:20 but without the extra boost of my fiancé (he wouldn’t get out of bed) I ended up falling back asleep. I was STILL tired when I got up at 5:15, ended up sleeping in the car on the way to the ferry and the sleeping on the ferry. So I missed the gym. I’m trying not to get wrapped up in the fact that I missed. I can either make it up tonight or on Saturday.

Despite the fact that I said I wouldn’t I started doing some long term
‘dreaming’ yesterday. My mind wandered down some well worn paths. “If I lose XX by the first of the year, then in twelve weeks I could been down too… etc etc

But here’s the weird part. When I started getting down to certain numbers I found myself feeling kind of, frightened. I’m talking big numbers, numbers like 150lbs. I don’t know if I was scared to think about reaching that number because I haven’t quite convince myself that I can do it or what. I suspect that’s a big part of it. It’s really kind of funny that I can think about 130 being my ‘ultimate goal’ and it doesn’t phase me. Maybe because that’s been my goal for so long that I’ve gotten used to it. It’s almost a it’s just number I say because I need a goal. Why not that one? It seems unreal and thus I don’t think I would be truly disappointed if I didn’t reach it. But these other numbers… 165? I remember 165 and when I start thinking about the fact that in the near future I could actually get to 165 then that other, less brave part of my mind starts throwing off all these, panic signals. She starts saying mean nasty things like, “Don’t set your heart on that number, you’ll never get there, certainly not on THAT date.” The horrible thing is that I do fail myself over and over again and I just give that little voice more fuel for her fire.

I don’t know if I have a ‘cure’ for these feelings. Maybe one day I will, but I know I need to acknowledge them, evaluate them and deal with them. I'm doing that now.

Alrighty then. Goals for this day – these I know I CAN achieve. Another step in the journey, another rung in the latter.

Since I didn’t hit the gym today I’m going to go for calories between 1900 and 2000. again somewhere near 30/30/30
Lastly I wanted to say thank you to everyone who complimented the photos. I was really happy with the way the whole ‘look’ came off.

It really was weird to have a ‘hang over’. I’ve never ever had one before and believe me I’ve done some HEAVY drinking in my time. Guess wine doesn’t agree with me.

And Tania – yes I plan to join the Ms. Fit's Meltdown challenge on Jan 2nd. Maybe by then I’ll have enough ‘One day at a time’s under my belt I’ll feel ready to set some longer term goals.

Take care everyone and have a great day!

Monday, December 5, 2005

Well as you can see – the party went well and the dress went over with a bang :)

Ok course no picture of it came out as good as the one I had in my head, but I’m almost used to that happening at this point in my life.

I would like to point out in photo 1 in the post below that I think you can see my shoulder cap peeking out. It’s little glimpse like that that keep me going!

Saturday I spent the entire day getting ready for my party. Sunday, I spent the entire day recovering from my party. I’ve drank a lot throughout my lifetime, but I have NEVER had a hangover before. Sunday was my first! The only thing I can think to blame it on is the GALLONS of red wine I drank. It was the first time ever I had drunken more then 1 glass of red wine at a time. Believe me, it’s something I intend to avoid in the future. I’ll stick with my Long Island Ice Teas thank you very much.

In fact my tummy still feels ‘not so hot’ today. BUT I still got up at 4:00 this morning. We had another session with out trainer. It was a lot better then last Monday. Again it was ‘upper body’ day – chest, back and shoulders.

After our normal warm-up (crunches, hopping and step ups) we hit the weights. I was thrilled when he skipped the cable machine and said, “Let’s do bench press”. To make things a bit more difficult he put as swill ball at the end of the bench and made us put our feet up on it while we pressed. It was interesting to say the least.

Press (plus bar): 30 x 15 / 40 x 15 / 40 x 15

This we supper setted with

Seated rows: 75 x 15 / 80 x 15 / 75 x 15

The seated rows were REALLY slow, 5 count up and 5 count back. It was such a challenge!

Then we did shoulders two different ways, both using the cable machine.

Sanding on a rubber balance thing and then laying with hips on a swiss ball and legs wedged again the machine so the body was at a 45 degree angle.

We did 15 reps and 2 sets each (don’t know the weight because the trainer set it – I just knew it was HARD!) :)

And that was it.

Now – time to talk turkey here.

I’ve been looking over my blog for the past few months. All the times I’ve posted over and over again that THIS was it. THIS was the month/week/day that was going to be the start of something big. Then I go back to doing the same ol’ things in the same ol’ way and a month later I’m stuck in the same ol’ body.

So, how do I break this pattern? How do I say “This time it’s different” and mean it? I’m so sick of treading water.

I know that it’s the nutrition that’s killing me. The sick thing is that I have all the information I need to make work for me. But sometimes know and doing are leagues apart from each other.

So, today I’m not going to say that it’s the first day of the rest of my life. I’m not going to promise big changes in a month, or three months, or a year. What I AM going to do is make today a good day. What does that mean? It means actually KNOWING if I’ve had a good day or not. Not ‘guessing’. It means honoring my promise to myself TODAY. Tomorrow’s going to have to take care of itself.

So, my goal for today is to hit 2000 – 2300 calories near to 30/30/30 ratio.

Good or bad I’ll post my results tomorrow – I’ll expect you all to hold me to it.
In case you were wondering...

we did have a good time on Saturday. I got all dressed up.

Ta-da! (no - that's not my fiance)

Yeah - we had fun!

Ok - maybe too much fun? (no that's not my fiance either)

Honey - I think it's time to go home

Awwwww, I don't want to!

Friday, December 2, 2005

For all you girls out there...

Check out these "T's"

I just found an AWSOME post on Meg's Blog

While she's working toward maintaining a FANTASTIC weight loss, so much of what she says applies to those of us still trying to START our journey - and even those of us who are in the middle some where....

Actually - let me send you a bit further back into her blog... Start with
Baby steps vs. the ultimate goal

How many of us can relate to

..."The thing is, by using all these things as part of the weight loss/maintenance thing, I tied them all together in my head, and that leaves me very vulnerable to the domino effect-- screw up one thing, and everything else gets wiggy-- "

Then she made THIS statement which REALLY struck a cord with me..

..."Really, the crux of the matter is what it is for so much of the rest of my life: I need to figure out how to motivate myself without using fear or shame or self-hate as a goad."

when she was sick sick sick

Then there was today's entry when she said I think I'm putting this together.

..."If I am encouraged and praised on something, it makes me want to try it again. If I enjoy something, it makes me want to try it again. What I need, in short, is to use the encouraging teacher/parent voice on myself. The voice that teases out the fun in things and makes drudgery into a game. The voice that encourages-- "Look how far you've come! Wow, you did that all by yourself! Good for you!"-- and praises-- "Wow, you're so good at this! You're really strong! You're really talented!" The voice that, when it turns out that I've made a mistake, praises me for catching the mistake and praises me for fixing it."

If you have a few minutes, go read and be encoraged ;)
I woke up this morning and all my aches and pains from yesterday were gone. I thought for sure my knees would still be complaining because they hurt even after taking advil yesterday! But I’m pain free today – yay! I didn’t get up until 4:15 but I had extra time today because I was driving in and not taking the ferry. But I was so tired! I zombied around getting ready and then shuffled out to the car. It certainly wasn’t a good day for me to be driving because I kept trying to nod off on the drive to the gym! Once there I thought my energy level would pick up the way it always does. I loaded my stuff in my locker and went out to warm up. I had NOTHING. On the recumbent bike I couldn’t seem to get the RPM’s over 60. When that torture was over it was time to ‘lift’. Our trainer had told us to do a full body workout, but didn’t really give us any other instructions other then where our ‘folder’ was. One look at the ‘folder’ and we both said ‘no way!’ It just was too convoluted. But then we were left with no plan. By this time I was getting an attitude. I was tired to the point of exhaustion, I didn’t have a plan and I was CRANKY. This left me going – Whatever. This really frustrates my fiancé 1 - because he counts on ME to keep him motivated on the gym floor (something that’s normally not a problem) and 2 – because he was starting to worry about my current state of lethargy.

We decided to do our own version of a full body workout and started with the bench press. After warming up I could instantly tell that I just didn’t have it in me. I compromised and instead of doing 80 lbs I did 70lbs. And it was HARD. Then, when I got ready to do the third set I discovered that I couldn't lift it! We knocked off 20 lbs and I STILL couldn’t do it! I got so upset I just walked away.

Bench Press (Plus Bar): (70lbs x 6) x 2

My fiancé was really starting to get concerned and started asking if maybe we should just leave. I told him no, I would at least do what I could. We parted ways and I wandered over to the seated rows.

seated rows: (65 x 12) x 2

I was starting to feel a little better though not 100% so I kept going…

Dumbbell Press: (25 (each) x 12) x 2
Lat Pull down: (90 x 12) x 2

By now I was almost starting to feel like myself. I could actually THINK about doing legs without feeling sick to my stomach so I went over to the squat rack. I warmed up on this one with the bar and then did a few sets. I started light because of how icky I had been feeling but quickly got my confidence back

Squat (plus bar): 50 x 10 / 90 x 10

then I started to REALLY rock the house.

Leg Press: 450 x 10 / 500 x 10
Straight Leg Dead lift: 90 x 10 / 90 x 10

and lastly I finished with shoulders

Dumbbell Shoulder Press: 25 x 10 / 25 x 10

I really do feel as if I got a good workout. I have no idea why it was so HARD in the beginning. I think part of it was mental. I didn’t like not knowing what I was going to do before I got there. I’m used to my workout being written down, including the weight I’m going to start at before I even start. Wandering around in ‘limbo’ was not motivating to me.

I’ll have to remember that.

I’m feeling ok now. Not exhausted like I was. I do have to wonder if “the Bitch” is on her way because of this blast of lethargy and the constant hunger I’ve been feeling. I was trying to remember when she was last here and can’t (I’m bad like that). So it could be that – or it could be I’m fighting something, or … I could just be tired! lol

Food yesterday continued to be ‘ok’. Not perfect but not as bad as it could have been. Today, I’m still really hungry but not craving ‘bad’ stuff so it should be good.

Saturday is my company party so tomorrow’s my free day. I’m planning on a run on Sunday and if the weather stays as nice as it’s supposed to be. (60 degrees and sunny) I may just try taking a little run outdoors. Maybe get my 15 year old son to tag along.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Thursday, December 1, 2005

I read something today that made me think…

So many times I’ve read about that defining moment. That day that someone looked in the mirror and said. “I don’t want to be that person any more”. Today I saw another one at Moe’s Site and that’s what started me thinking.

You see, I’ve never had that “ah ha” moment. Not really. I was a skinny little thing (maybe 10 or ll) and saw a picture of myself in a bikini. I was bent at the waist and the skin there had ‘rolled’. Imagine the skin of a Sharpe puppy. My first thought. “I’m fat!” It wasn’t until High School that I started to diet though. I was 5’5” and 120 (ish) pounds. Today when I look back I have no idea why I felt so fat. Maybe it was the fact that I wore a size bigger pants then my mom (who is 5’1”) or that I constantly wore big baggy shirts because I was embarrassed of my DD sized boobs. Whatever the reason I stared dieting. You know, the way you were supposed to back then, eating bullion, saltines and salads and making sure to keep your calories between 700 and 900 calories. I never succeeded on any of those diets of course and by the time I graduated I had the beginning of a ‘real’ weight problem as I was now 165lbs. Eight months later I had my first child and I have never been lower then 175 since then. And never at 175 for more then a week. My highest weight (other then pregnancy) was between 230 and 250… Yeah, I fight my weight – I fight to eat right – I fight to exercise. But can I point out a time and say “There, that’s when I decided to change my life.” No.

That being said It makes me wonder. Would this whole thing be any easier if I had had an ‘ah ha’ moment? Would it be easier to pass on the cookies if I had this crystal clear vision of where I didn’t want to be? Goal setters say it doesn’t work that way. That you can’t run away from a vision only toward one because by focusing on what you Don’t want you only force yourself to move in that direction. But still I wonder. People who can point to ‘that moment’ seem to be the successful ones. Whereas me? Well my ‘baby’ is 18 years old. Isn’t that too long to be ‘trying’ to do something?
I’ve discovered a new way to lose weight.

It’s called a night club!

One of my friends from work invited me out last night and I accepted. I had almost forgotten what it was like to dance until you feel your feet are going to fall off! We got there about 6:30PM. We almost immediately started dancing (The DJ’s were awesome – playing this awesome funky techno/tribal music that you couldn’t HELP but dance to). I ended up leaving at 9:00 and I swear I sat down for a total of 3 minutes the entire time. I was DRENCHED with sweat and was just BUZZING with energy. Sure I love getting a runner’s high and all, but I would never be able to run for 2.5 hours and I’ve never felt as good as I did leaving the club last night.

To top it all off, once I got home, my fiancé displayed an interest in a little, uh, box springs HIIT. Whoo hoo!

So to sum it all up: Eating was good and I completed three workouts in one day.

Best of all the fiancé has agreed to come with me next Wednesday night so we can do it again.

When I woke up this morning I ached from head to toe! LOL My feet, ankles, calves, knees, calves, hips, and lower back all hurt from dancing. And my shoulders and arms hurt from yesterday’s weight workout. WHEW! It feels GREAT.

I’ve no doubt I did enough cardio last night to justify skipping my run today. Foods been.. so/so this morning. Mostly because I feel like I’m STARVING. I gave into the urge to have a scrambled egg and cheese bagel for meal two. I’ll go for something a little leaner for my next meal and make up for it. Good news is, I didn’t give into raiding the candy jar at the front desk.

I’m going to go home and go to bed early tonight so we can get up and hit the gym in the morning.

Have a great day everyone – and if you get the chance – take a little time and kick up your heals today!