Tuesday, December 6, 2005

The first question of the day should be, Did I reach my goals yesterday?

Well….. I didn’t over eat :P

Totals: 1500 Calories 42% Protien/35%Carb/18%Fat

Considering my BMR has been measured at almost 1800 that’s kind of scary. Maybe it’s the effect of the alcohol I had over the weekend. It’s been purported to suppress your metabolism.

I’ve plenty of food packed so should have no problem with food today – I’m going to track it anyway.

Perhaps the low calories are why I did NOT want to get up today. The alarm went off at 4:00 and somehow I managed to turn it off. I finally got out of bed at 4:20 but without the extra boost of my fiancé (he wouldn’t get out of bed) I ended up falling back asleep. I was STILL tired when I got up at 5:15, ended up sleeping in the car on the way to the ferry and the sleeping on the ferry. So I missed the gym. I’m trying not to get wrapped up in the fact that I missed. I can either make it up tonight or on Saturday.

Despite the fact that I said I wouldn’t I started doing some long term
‘dreaming’ yesterday. My mind wandered down some well worn paths. “If I lose XX by the first of the year, then in twelve weeks I could been down too… etc etc

But here’s the weird part. When I started getting down to certain numbers I found myself feeling kind of, frightened. I’m talking big numbers, numbers like 150lbs. I don’t know if I was scared to think about reaching that number because I haven’t quite convince myself that I can do it or what. I suspect that’s a big part of it. It’s really kind of funny that I can think about 130 being my ‘ultimate goal’ and it doesn’t phase me. Maybe because that’s been my goal for so long that I’ve gotten used to it. It’s almost a it’s just number I say because I need a goal. Why not that one? It seems unreal and thus I don’t think I would be truly disappointed if I didn’t reach it. But these other numbers… 165? I remember 165 and when I start thinking about the fact that in the near future I could actually get to 165 then that other, less brave part of my mind starts throwing off all these, panic signals. She starts saying mean nasty things like, “Don’t set your heart on that number, you’ll never get there, certainly not on THAT date.” The horrible thing is that I do fail myself over and over again and I just give that little voice more fuel for her fire.

I don’t know if I have a ‘cure’ for these feelings. Maybe one day I will, but I know I need to acknowledge them, evaluate them and deal with them. I'm doing that now.

Alrighty then. Goals for this day – these I know I CAN achieve. Another step in the journey, another rung in the latter.

Since I didn’t hit the gym today I’m going to go for calories between 1900 and 2000. again somewhere near 30/30/30
Lastly I wanted to say thank you to everyone who complimented the photos. I was really happy with the way the whole ‘look’ came off.

It really was weird to have a ‘hang over’. I’ve never ever had one before and believe me I’ve done some HEAVY drinking in my time. Guess wine doesn’t agree with me.

And Tania – yes I plan to join the Ms. Fit's Meltdown challenge on Jan 2nd. Maybe by then I’ll have enough ‘One day at a time’s under my belt I’ll feel ready to set some longer term goals.

Take care everyone and have a great day!


  1. In my humble opinion, if you want 165lbs, or you want to aim for around 150lbs, I think you can :-).

    I know it might be hard for you to enivsage such weight targets at the moment, but it can be possible.

    You can achieve your goals, it just takes time and understanding.

    Again, you should be proud of hitting that P.C.F. calorie target Monday. Obviously not quite your optimum target, but excellent none the less.

    I like the fact you decided to reschedule that workout, and not skip it. Good for you :-).

    As for the voice in your head. She is already retreating, since you started all this, because whatever you believed about your appearance and health, your thinking is much different now, so that helps to keep those pesky voices in check to some degree.

    You can set targets, you just don't have to set any dates. It's your life and you are in control, so you cam decide what is the most comfortable, guilt free way to achieve what you want.

    Just keep telling yourself you can do it, BECAUSE YOU CAN!!! :-) :-).

    Or if it helps, try writing down some Mantras, you can read whenever you feel lost or down.

    Things like

    1. I can achieve my goals.

    2. I can do what I want.

    3. I deserve to feel special.

    4. I can be a winner.

    5. I have the right to feel proud of myself.

    I hope that all helps.

    Take care, and keep up the great results. You are an inspiration to us all :-).


  2. I would take Matt's mantras comment one step further... your subconscious doesn't know "can", it knows "I am".

    1. I AM achieving my goals.

    2. I AM doing what I want.

    3. I DO feel special.

    4. I AM a winner.

    5. I AM proud of myself.


  3. Wow, I just saw your photos! You are absolutely gorgeous! I LOVE that dress!!!!

    Listen, you are doing so well, and you are such a huge inspiration to me. You have been from the moment I first logged onto tracker. You set the goals, and don't be afraid of not achieving them. I know you can achieve anything! But like you said, make sure it's a realistic goal, and don't beat yourself up if you don't get there in the time you wanted to. Just keep working like you are, and before you know it, you'll be there!

  4. You'll get to your goals, just use the one day at a time philosophy.I think when we look at the whole picture of a goal it can become overwhelming and our mind plays those little tricks on us, but when it's just one day, our minds seem to grasp that aspect better. Oh by the way the horse and llamas get along great, except at feeding time and you misread that word verification, it was eanumb as in your pics on your last post left me feeling numb, very nice indeed.

  5. Set your goals high. You'll be amazed at what you can do.

  6. I'm reading a book called Taming Your Gremlin...it's about that narrator in your head..the one that trys to squelch the natural, vibrant you within. I'm quite enjoying the book and it's a pretty easy read. i'll likely re-read it from time to time. The author is Rick Carson...might be something your interested in.

    Cool..can't wait to "meltdown" with ya sista!

  7. Dang thinking huh? I hate feeling like I can't do something, even though I KNOW through and through that it is way possible. Don't be scared of those goals... you will reach them! I know how the alarm clock can be... just hitting it a few times and going back to bed. Keep up the good work and just remember that you are stronger than anything that can come in your way~!

    Also, thanks for the support on my blog :-)