Friday, August 29, 2003

Quote I am in a good mood. I know not why but alas it remains. The morning is glad to meet my gaze and I to return the favor upon the world. (My Fiancé)

Last night was cardio night and another HIIT Run for me. For the first time in a long time, I took my cd player with me. I always run faster with the tunes in my ear, and Evanescence is a GREAT motivator. Unfortunately, I think I started out a little too energetic because when it came to my last interval, I was SPENT! It took everything I had to keep going, and I had nothing left for a sprint at the end. When I quit, I my stomach, abs, quads, calves, all were cramping. While walking home, the feeling in my body brought to mind one of George Leonard's "Keys to Mastery" in his Book "Mastery, The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment", Practice. And not just Practice, but Practice with purpose. For me the Practice of weight loss and fitness includes eating right, and exercise. But one of the major changes in my life is that I do both 'with purpose'. I don't just follow my diet, I stick to it religiously... I've realized that my diet is part of a larger purpose and what I eat EACH day does make a difference and each meal is another step on the path I’ve chosen. It’s the same with exercise. It's not enough to move around the track for twenty minutes and say "I've exercised". I've got to put myself in a situation that's uncomfortable. I have to push myself beyond my preconceived limits. Is this paying off? Do I see results? Physically I believe I am seeing results, the real challenge will be when those become less obvious. Will I be able to continue to practice with purpose through the plateaus? I would like to think so. Because, for me the results I'm seeing arn't only physical. The changes on the inside are even greater, and I believe will continue to be so. So I'll push myself, further and further... and I'll be better for it.

Thursday, August 28, 2003

another great day yesterday - I had a great upper body workout, and the diet is going fine. I'm finding this to almost be too easy! (Man I hate saying that) I'm not obsessing about free days anymore either. Of course this is the 'up' part of the month, so I'm not going to get too overconfident. The only down side seems to be that someone has cemented my scale! I hasn't moved off of 194 for days! I've only got a few more days and I really had hoped to get to 192 before the end of the month. Oh well. It was just a hope. This weekend I'm taking my progress pictures and I can't wait to see how I've done. I haven't desided if I'm going to share them with the challenge group I'm part of or not. It might be better to wait and let them see the complete transformation, but I AM going to post them on my tracking site. Should be cool to see the side by side comparisons.

I kinked my neck this week and today I've been in a bit of pain, but I'm going to ignore it and get in another good run. I don't know if I'll be able to run the entire time again, but I'm still looking forward to the excercise! This time I'm not going to forget my watch!

The best news of all is that my fiance is taking a greater and greater interest in my workout and finally starting a program of his own. I know that this will be 10 times easier with him in the same boat. We are good at encoraging each other to do our best. I still need to make a plan for when the weather starts to get cooler. That's always an excuse for me NOT to excercise and I've got to plan NOW not to let that get the best of me!

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

I can’t believe how hard I pushed myself last night! I’m finally feeling like I really can do this, and that it is possible to make a difference in my body. I’m on fire! Things didn’t start out so well. I was nearly at the track when I realized that I had left my watch at home. My fiancé didn’t want to go back so I decided to do my best without it. I started around the track on my warm up, testing how my body was feeling. I was still feeling my leg workout but felt strong, so when the time came to start the first interval I went ahead and started at a jog. Yes! I jogged the entire workout! I was so excited when I finished. I even did intervals, doing my best to ramp up every 60 seconds. When I finished the last 60-seconds I sprinted as hard as I could for as long as I could just to finish myself off. When I stopped I felt like I was going to puke and I was ecstatic! I have been on a high ever since. Dinner turned out great, my fiancé was appreciative of not only the newer sleeker me, but the obvious hard work I’ve been putting into me, AND I managed to throw in some pilates on top of all that. Score one for the home team, cause I hit a home run yesterday!

On a side note I think I found a protein drink I can stomach. I’m using pure soy isotope. I mixed ¼ cup soy with 1 tsp cocoa and 2 packets of splenda, and 1 cup of water. It made a nice think goopy chocolaty mess that I ate like pudding (thanks for the idea). Not only did it take the edge of my hunger, but it stamped out any lingering sweet tooth I might have, not that I intend to add desert back into my plans anytime soon. I just needed something to take the edge off, and I knew I was short on calories yesterday. I may have to try the same thing with colder water and see if that is even more refreshing.

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Yesterday went really good. I had a great lower body workout, though I'm thinking of changing it up a bunch starting next week. I've asked some 'experts' about it. I've always been impatient quickly jumping from one thing to the next, so I'm letting others deside if it's too soon to revamp my workout. You see, one of my biggest fears is bulking up my legs. I've always had 'thunder theighs' and I have 'calves of steal' I really don't want to add any muscle to them, I just want to 'trim the fat' . They are really muscular already, after all they've carried my 200lb body around for years! And I'm not talking about doing 'the fat lady shuffle'. I run, walk, pay tennis, bike. Anyway! :) I read an article in this month's Muscle and Fitness about paring down a pare shaped body. I'm not exactly pear shaped (I'm very broad shouldered). But I do have trouble taking the fat off my lower body. So, this article talked about doing more reps and lighter weights to increase the calorie burning effect of weightlifting. It also talked about doing cardio EVERY day. Though with studying and everything I don't know HOW I would find the time. I don't want to fall into my old habit of switching programs as soon as some other comes around, but I want to make sure I'm doing the program that works for ME!

Otherwise, I'm looking forward to my cardio tonight. In the past three weeks I've virtually eliminated the pain in my right foot! I'm so excited! I think the strength training had a lot to do with it. Plus I'm very careful to stretch stretch stretch.

Ate clean yesterday and have been great so far today.

Monday, August 25, 2003

Wow! I can't believe how long it's been since I posted! Things are going GRAND! I'm still seeing amazing progress, and I'm feeling really good today. I think my hormones have stabalized and I'll have a few weeks of feeling good to look forward to. Thursday and Friday I really had to fight with myself to excercise, but I did it. By Saturday though I couldn't fight anymore and I ended up skipping a workout. This week it's my goal to make every single workout! My eating has been clean! maybe too clean. the fact that I'm feeling so tired toward the end of the week may be a sign I'm eating too little. I'll have to watch and if it seems this pattern continues, then up my calories each day. I'm still losing and the Body Fat percentages are going down. The tape measure is being kind too. I'm super excited to take my 4 week pictures next week. I'm positive I'm seeing changes in the mirror, I can't wait to see it on film.

My slacks this morning were feeling like they 'fit' for the first time in a LONG time. Yet another shot in the arm. according to my stats I've lost 13 lbs of fat! It feels fantastic. I can't wait to see what I can do with the remaining 9 weeks.

Friday, August 22, 2003

I had a HIIT cardio run last night. I can tell my body is tired and reacting to all this new activity. It was one of those days when it felt like my feet were stuck in the mud and I was running through syrup. It took everything I had to continue to put one foot in front of the other and SLOW! And yet I was totally spent when I finished. I felt horrible and euphric all at the same time. My fiance even mentioned that he could tell I was struggling, and he was proud of me because I didn't quit.

AND I ended up with a workout partner last night. About a year a ago June I discovered running and began a quest to turn myself from a beginner to a runner. I started slow and built up my stanima. I was SO excited the first time I ran 30 minute without stopping! At the same time I talked my fiance into comming with me. He kept telling me "I can't run, I'll just make myself sick..." and other such things. Of course with me beside him he couldn't run very fast, and I was building up by taking breaks, and before he knew it, he too was running 30 minutes without stopping, and soon was outdistencing ME. The bug bit us both and I started training heavily, setting my sites on running a marathon. Then, one day after a 6 mile run I stood up and realized that I couldn't touch either heal to the floor. I had strainded the ligament in the arches of both my feet! I was practically a cripple for a few days and gradually I heeled. But running has been out of the question. And my fiance too gave up running. Now I'm armed with special shoes (I'll have to take a picture of them sometime - they are funny) and inserts, and I'm back on the track. So, last night as I was changing he asked me where I was going. I told him I was going to run and gently asked him if he wanted to come. He said no, that he was too tired. He's been under a lot of stress at work, etc and it really has worn him out. So I just continued to get ready, not put out at all. Before I left though I asked him if he would like to walk to the track with me and at least watch and keep me company. To my surprise he asked me if I would mind waiting for him to change! He joined me and ended up circling the track with me. I guess I'm just really excited that I'm able to set a good example for SOMEONE.

Today I'm planning on working upper body. I'm going to have to get creative to figure out a way to work my back though. So far I haven't been able to really push that part yet. Is it perhaps like legs? Just hard to do? I have surprised trainers on occasion with my back strength. I think it's because I used to be a swimmer.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

I suppose I should have been clearer in a previous post, in that, logically I know weight lifting is good for me. That muscles = fat burning. And that 1 lb of steal takes up a lot less room then 1lb of feathers. But, there are times when this little voice (who sounds an awful lot like my ex) says "You're already too muscular... " and other such things. Just one of those infernal internal battles that one must go through on this journey to fitness.

I was thinking about weight training last night and trying to figure out why I have such conflicting emotions about it. First of all I have this deep fear of becoming "Monster Woman". For some reason no matter what I read about women not being able to 'bulk up' like a man, I still find myself wanting to lay back on the weights. I think it's this mental image I have of myself of being a 'big girl' For many years I was told my family and my ex that I could "never be 'really' thin" because I was "Big Boned" or "Too muscular" of course the fact that I'm at least 4" taller then my mother, and her 4 sisters... none of whom weighed more then 102lbs the entire time I was growing up didn't help that image. One other thing that came to mind was, though my Dad is a personal trainer himself, I have never once asked him for help. I've always secretly thought he must be embarrassed by me. I think one of the things on my 'to-do' list is to call him and let him know what I'm up to, and get some input from him as well.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Bleh! My tummy isn't liking these meds I'm taking! I'm feeling sicky... I hope this doesn't keep up. My brain is rather weird and when my stomach is upset I tend to crav carbs.. BAD carbs more then ever. I'm doing ok right now, though drinking more soda then I should, but no cravings. I had my energy bar and that usually calms my sweet tooth. I just need to make it through the day - and make it through my darn meeting tonight. They've told us they will be serving 'heavy appitizers' whatever THAT means. I'm sure it's nothing I want to eat :(. I only brought lunch, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll just take an extra bar with me to tide me over until I get home tonight.
195.5!! Yay! I've finally started loosing weight this week! I ran last night. What a great experiance. I wish I had a tape recorder in my head to keep track of all he things that are going on in it while I run. I kept to the walk 1 minute jog 3 format. Minute 0 and 1 were an easy warm up, as was minute 2. minute 3 was the first minute of jogging, and it was pretty easy to get started. I start out jogging as slow as I possably can. Practically a walk. But it's a good warm up. There was a Soccer team practicing on the field in the middle of the track and I was feeling pretty self contious. All these lithe quick guys. I just knew they were watching me and thinking "What in the heck is this fat chick doing? and why is she so slow?" I kept up this argument with myself saying, "You are NOT the center of the Universe, no one is looking at you." But it was hard. About minute 5 Things got really hard. My shin on my left leg, and the ankle on my right started hurting. I tried to ignore everything on my body below my waist, and that helped some. I tried to keep my mind on other things, practiced visulizing my body as I would like it to look. Long strong and shapely legs that carry me easily. I managed to keep up the visualizations for most of the rest of my run. Thinking abut having a nice flat stomach, and strong shapely arms. The only problem with doing it, is that I would tend to speed up too early, and I would have to remind myself to slow down now and then. I also imagined peoples reactions when I could flex a decent muscle and/or show off a six pack. It would be kind of funny to have the guys at work panting... heheheh. Especially one who's made some 'honest' but hurtfull commments on my figure before. I probably shouldn't think that way. What do I care what other people think. But I do. I would love to use my fiance's reation as motivation, but he's reactive to my body, no matter what shape I'm in. NOT that I'm planning to show my body off to anyone else!! One guy kind of gal here... but, just in the 'girl walking by' kind of way. It would be fun to have a whole new body for next years company river rafting trip. Nothing like wearing a bathing suit in front of your coworkers to huble you. Anyway. I finished up my run very strong. Somewhere around 18:30 the nausia started. I knew then that I was doing it right. I was pushing myself to new limits. It felt good in a 'sick' kind of way. And I kept it up all the way to minute 19. I streatched afterwords, and my foot feels pretty good. I'm really happy that I've been able to keep this up, and not have a lot of pain.

Eating wise I did good. We had a GREAT dinner of stuffed chicken breast, and I stayed on plan ALL day. Today should be a challenge, as I have a meeting for work after hours and won't be able to eat dinner at home. I know that the food they have at the meeting will be crappy!

I need to drink water! The meds the Dr gave me say I need to drink Extra water. I did really lousy yesterday. I drank about 4 sodas. And the worse part is I didn't even have any anguish over it. I just bought them and drank them. I'll do better today.

Well, I'm off to do my lower body workout. This should be interesting since I just ran last night!

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Things are still going fantastic! I feel like I'm doing everything that I need to do. The results aren't entirely there (still 196), but I know what I'm doing is good for my body, so I'm sticking with it. Of course that might be more of a struggle when things get harder. I know there are times when I'll start to think "Why am I killing myself for no results?" and those will be the times I'll need to get through! For now, things are fairly easy. I'm not having any cravings. I can only attribute THAT to free days. My workouts are intense, but still fun, and I've not been pressed for time lately so I'm not having problems with those either. If my evenings were busier it might be harder, because I would have to workout in the morning, and THAT has always been a issue for me. I've been working on getting up earlier in the mornings, 1 - because I've promised myself to try to get to work on time, and 2 - because I know there are going to be some mornings I have to get up early to excercise. So far I've managed to get up at 7:30 two days in a row. I know that sounds bad to some folks, but I'm a REALLY late riser, so for me 7:30 is early.

I hate my 10's on my upper body workout last night. Everything but the back. I still need to add more weight for that. The amazing thing is that I feel like I've really been working hard and yet I'm not really sore the next day, and I seem to recover quickly. Not that I'm complaining!

Call from my Dr. I have a bladder infection. But other then that I'm OK. My bruise appears to be nothing more then a bruise, which is good news. I was really worried that I might be low on iron or something like that, but I've call the 'all clear' in that regard.

Monday, August 18, 2003

It's monday - the start of a new week. All old ills are forgotten ;) I actually feel like I had a really good week, even though I only lost 1 lb. My measurments are down more and my body fat is down, so I'm making progress. I have to remember not to get all caught up in goals and results and find pleasure in the journey. Not that I'm not planning to see results! I had a great Lower Body Workout on Friday and I ran again on Saturday. My eating has been right on track (if not a little low), and my free day yesterday was in control. I'm finding I can't eat like I used to and even on my free days I tend not to over do it. I'm drinking water more and more, and I'm still staying down to 1 or 2 diet sodas a day. Mentally, I'm feeling a lot better. Of course the fact that 'aunt flo' came to visit helped. I'm still taking pleanty of calcium because I don't want to 'crash' like I sometimes do after my period - depression etc.

I've got a menu planned for the week and I'm going to stick to it! I've got my workouts planned (of course) and I'm going to do all I can to do them all, and to hit my 10's. I WANT to see progress. I will practice with purpose!

Friday, August 15, 2003

I've given up on my "pepsi challenge" All these changes at once, and added on top of that, the fact that they laid off 7 people at my work, was just too much stress. I gave in and bought my second diet soda of the day. I'll give myself a few more weeks and then try to cut back again. I don't have any soda at home, I didn't buy any at the store, it should be easy to skip it over the weekend.

I visited the dr about the bruise. He couldn't tell me much and just ordered a bunch of tests. He didn't tell me that I couldn't continue normal activities, so I'll assume I can. I plan to do my Lower Body Workout when I get home, and do one cardio on Satuday and make up the one I missed yesterday on Sunday. I've got pleanty of good food at home for Saturday, and I picked up some fancy cookies for my free day on Sunday. Looking forward to a GREAT weekend.
Yesterday was bad. Bad bad bad. Here is my list of 'excuses'. I started on my way home and had trouble, so my fiance and to come get me. It was 7:00pm by the time I got home and we left right away to go grochery shopping. So, one good thing there - I did GREAT shopping. I stuck to my list and got a LOAD of good foods! BUT, I didn't get home until 9:30! By then I was STARVING. So, we threw together a salad, I filled up my bowl, inteding to EAT. I got about 1/2 way through my bowl and was feeling full, so I stopped. The bad news is, I only ate a little over 700 calories last night, and after all that I was too tired to workout, I just crashed on the couch and went to sleep. A totally unproductive day. I felt so gulty for not working out, but couldn't find the energy! I WILL make up that missed workout, and I WILL eat better today. I do feel really good about being prepared for the next two weeks. Menues are made and food bought, I have NO excuses in that regard. I'm still strugling to remember to eat. I'm just not feeling hungry anymore. I'm drinking water, and I'm skipping the work BBQ. Nothing there appeals to me. Fish Fish and more fish. Doesn't sound good at all. I wish I could work up a little more enthusiasm.

I'm going to the Dr this afternoon. I have a bruse that isn't healing. I suppose I should talk to him about other things too. I should make a list. I'm really bad about not wanting to go to the Dr. Hopefully this one will have time for me.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

All right, I said I would be back, and I am! It's been a strange day! I rushed around this morning, focused on getting all set up to drink my six bottles of water and then left forgetting I needed to pack something to EAT! Duh! I have no cash with me, so I was sitting here fretting about not having anything to eat but read to drink shakes and energy bars when I remembered that I deliberately only ate 1/2 of my sandwich on Tuesday and the rest was still in the fridge. So, I had lunch! So, here are my notes and thoughts on George Leonard's Book called "Mastery, The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment". For anyone looking at long-term goals it a great book to read. Basically, here's how I've applied his thoughts to my goal of weight loss and fitness.

Key 1: Instruction

I suppose a great deal of the blame for my failure to achieve "mastery" of my weight loss and fitness goals has been my lack of choosing an Instructor. Sure, I'll choose one for a while, but it usually doesn't last, and before long, I've moved on to some other method or teacher. Of course, there is a time and a place to move on, but I know I never have REALLY made a commitment. I'm not sure if I should decide now, how long to give this (BFL) to work, or wait. For now, I suppose it's enough that I've committed 12 weeks.

Key 2: Practice

At first, I thought this didn't apply. But then, I realized, at least in the realm of exercise or fitness, there is a time for practice. Then it came to me that in diet too there is practice. It just happens to be on that occurs every day. Sometimes every minute of every day. The key is, as they say, "Staying on the Path". "To practice regularly, even when you seem to be getting no where."

Key 3: Surrender

This was easy for me to spot as a problem area for me. Even when choosing a plan, I was constantly making my own modifications to it. I'm still doing that. Instead of accepting the teacher’s plan, I choose the parts I like and ignore the rest. There will be a time and place for that, but, for now, I'll cease to be "Player of all, Master of none"

Key 4: Internationality

Much of this is - practicing with purpose, but also there was a great deal here that has to do with visualization. Visualization is something I may currently have a problem with. Sure I can see myself exercising, eating correctly, and even running effortlessly, but I cannot, yet, visualize myself as thin toned, and in shape. I'm not even sure how to start. I can't remember ever feeling proud of my body, so I don't even have memories to go on. I'll continue to visualize what I can, and maybe the rest will come to me. It's something to research at the very least.

Key 5: The Edge

I'm not even close to looking over the edge... It may be years before I am... and I'm happy that way, for now.

There was so much more to this book that was both useful and insightful. Perhaps tomorrow I'll put in my notes about resistance to change.

On a less mental note :) I'm still at 196. Feeling mentally like PMS is starting it's strangle hold on my emotions and will power. I WILL work through this. I

WILL not let these dark thoughts keep me from achieving my goals, and if I slip, I'll get back on the path and continue my journey.

Yesterday was a good day. I did my pilates last night, and again it was hard!! I finished reading the book on mastery, and I'm working to put those practices into action, and apply them to my life. I think it's PMS time :( and I'm fighting it with calcium to see if I can beat this. I'm feeling tired and emotioinally wrung out. Will post more later.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Ok, so I'm a posting fool today. I just feel the need to get stuff out right now, I guess. So, its almost 4:30 and I just opened my first pepsi! Now, granted a bought a 1 litre bottle, but still I went most of the day without it. I was getting a mild headache so I figured I better get one before it turned into a NASTY headache. I've also desided to set aside 6 water bottles so that I can make sure I get my 90oz of water in. Baby steps, baby steps. Maybe after I feel comfortable while staying around 1500 calories a day, I can start working on making my meals more nutrisious. I know I should be eating more fruits and veggies! Hmm.. maybe I should start now on a grochery list for next week. It can't hurt to plan, now can it?

I looked at my 'before' pictures again today. They look so sad! I want to put them someplace where I can see them all the time to remind me to 'be good' but I dont want to subject others to the view. I'll have to think about what to do there.
I got my package for the BFL challenge!! I'm actually pretty excited about it. Funny though, I get more fire from the Bikini Babe challenge. Maybe because it seems as if I'm competing against real people, not some unknown faceless crowd. While I was walking to the mailbox I thought of one other reason for doing what I'm doing. I want to be able to walk in shorts and NOT have them crawl up my inner thighs! Why is it, that never seems to happen to the skinny chicks? *sigh* Yet another goal to add to my list!
I ran last night! and it felt so good!! It was like meeting up with and old friend. I really felt like I had worked out at the end of 20 minutes. The time just flew by. My foot hurt a little, but I stretched REALLY good, and took something to keep the inflamation down, and this morning woke up feeling fine! I did good food wise yesterday, though I think I might have to up my calories a bit. They are getting scarily low. I know I need to find more ways to get in my protien. I drank my water about 90 oz or so and I've serisouly limited my cafiene intake. I know it's good for me. I'm still waiting to feel it though. My pilates last night was HARD! The hardest it's ever been. I can feel all the work I've been doing on my abs and they are protesting. I was way out of form last night but finished my practice as best I could. Hopefully it will be better tonight.

I did my upper body workout this morning as I have rehersal tonight. It was HARD. The second week of workout out usually is. But I was so tired! Again, I think upping my protien intake might help that some. But I have to realize that this is all new stuff for my body,and it's going to take some time for it to get used to all this excercise. As usual I'm impatient, but I'm reading a book on mastery that talks a lot about enjoying the journey and not just the destination. I'm working on that.

I was thinking today while I was working out - "Why am I doing this?" I know I want to loose weight. That's a given, but what else do I want out of it, so I started making a list. I want a sexy back, strong firm arms, a flat tummy, a butt that ends were it's supposted to and not high on my back, I want to run a 5K. I want to finally feel like I succeeded.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

I bought a book yesterday. Of course that's nothing new for me. I love to read and study, and if weight could be lost by knowledge alone, I would have been at my goal YEARS ago. Still, I find each book I read has at least one point that worth it. This one brings up the idea of UFO's Unidentified Fitness Obstacles. Things that could be keeping you from getting and staying in shape. I took the test and found the results really interesting. Some, I read through and discarded. But there were others that really made me THINK about my actions. One was "Perfectionism" I am terrible for that. When I go on a plan it's ALL OUT, and when I fall off.. I'm ALL the way off. I've got to learn to take small steps and strive for progress. Another item was what they called "Askaphobia" or the Fear of asking for help. I'm rather bad about this, and even when I join support groups, I tend to fall into the habit of being the person offering help instead of asking. I even find that I resent help when it's offered because of my "I'll do it' myself" attitude. I'm working hard on breaking that habit. I know I need diet buddys. People who will support and hold me accountable. The last issue that really caught my eye was "Quickfixia Nervosa" , or Erratic Diet History. This is me in a nutshell. I've barely started one program when I'll read about something else to do or try, and skip on to it. I want so badly for this all to happen quickly and easily. I HAVE to convince myself that I'm in it for the LONG HAUL.

On a less mental note... I did great food wise yesterday, and stayed under 1400 calories. It's almost getting scary how easy it is. Today after two meals I'm feeling really bloated. I think I need to go for a smaller breakfast, and make sure I don't eat until I begin to feel hunger to avoid this in the future. I did a lower body workout yesterday and felt GREAT about it. I have read some 'tips' in my new book about what it means to work a muscle to failure, and I'm going to put them to use on my next workout. I feel as if I could and SHOULD be doing more. I desided not to do pilates yesterday because I really worked my abs during my workout, and I knew I wouldn't be able to be in control for pilates. I think I'll skip pilates on Lower Body Workout days, or only do breathing excercises those days to avoid overtraining or hurting myself.

Engery wise, I'm feeling GREAT. I know that TTOTM (sorry any men out there) is coming soon and I'll be battling fatigue, cravings and weight gain, but I know if I can make it through the first month of that.. I'll be able to battle in on successive months. Funny that PMS is one of the top UFO's for women...

Today I'm going to do some Tae Bo when I get home - and some pilates in the evening. OH and I have no more pepsi at home and I don't plan to buy any more, SO I'm only drinking water at home. That's made it much easier to get my water in. I'm still drinking soda at work, but I'm bringing a 33 oz bottle of water to work and I'm making myself finish it before I'll allow myself a soda. I'm working on breaking this addiction!

Monday, August 11, 2003

I am so pleased with how the weekend went - and how the week went in general. Yesterday was my free day, and I did go wild, but not as wild as I could have. After logging all my food, it looks as though I still stayed under 2500 calories, and with the bike ride and other excercise I may have still not exceeded the number of calories I burned. I can't believe how positive I'm feeling. I took measurements today and they are ALL down! I used them to update my scale and now the body fat percentage is finally going down too. I can definatly feel the difference in my clothes as well. I can say for certain that having that free day certainly made a difference in my will power too. I feel ready to face the week.

I want to make sure I get all my workouts in this week. Like this week, if I miss one day, I'm going to make it up the next. It may not be the optimal way of doing it, but it has to be better then not doing it at all. I also want to work on drinking more water and less soda. I love (diet) soda, and many times I think it saves me from my sweet tooth, but I'm tired of the addiction. I'm tired of always having to make sure I've got a soda around, or face the HEADACHE. I'm going to taper off slowly. I doubt I'll cut it out completely, because it is one of my daily pleasures, but I want it to be a pleasure not a nessecity. I'm not planning to change anything with my food plan. I may try to find a multi-vitamine that has iron in it, and add some brussle sprouts or broccoli into my diet, but otherwise I'm happy with the results. I'm planning on continuing to journal ALL my food, because that has helped SO much. I just need to keep my determination and focus on al the positive things that are happening. I'm going to keep bulding one week on the next until I've finally got the body I want. Maybe one day I WILL be able to visualize a lean and strong me.

Saturday, August 9, 2003

yesterday ended well. I didn't get my upper body workout in. I was feeling guilty later for not getting in a workout, so I did a session of pilates. I felt SO much better after that, and I'm actually getting much better at it. I did make one discovery last night. I was laying in bed and was thinking over my week and how well I seemed to be doing. I starting thinking about what it will be like when I get closer to goal, and tried imagining how my body would look. I realized, I couldn't. I have no idea what I would look like, toned and thin! I'm going to have to work on that, that's for sure.

Today I did my upper body workout to make up for yesterday and it went really well. Then we walked a LOT at the Ren faire. I've been doing GREAT food wise, and even managed to pass up cheesecake. I picked up some sugared almonds (some of my favorites) for my free day tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to a really nice, relaxing day. Though I think we're going to go for a bike ride, so I'll get my last cardio in for this week.

Friday, August 8, 2003

Things are going GREAT GREAT GREAT!! I've been dillengent about taking my vitamins, and now I'm looking for holes in my nutrition. It looks as though I'm low on Vitamin K and Iron. Which is interesting because I bruse very easily, and I'm always fighting being tired, so it's possable that the lack of those two vitamins could be causing some anemia. So, I need to up my Dark green veggies. Perhaps some brussle sprouts every day.

So, I don't even know where to start - I did great on my intake yesterday. perhaps a little too low (just under 1300) but I managed to not feel ravinous all day! I think the water helped a lot, and I plan to keep drinking today. I did my cardio when I got home from work. And it was hard! maybe a bit too hard, so I may wait to do that tape again, until I lost a bit more. It's too hard on my knees. Mentally, I'm feeling stronger every day. I'm starting to feel the changes my body is making and that's all I need to keep on keeping on. keeping to my plan through the two rough days Tuesday and Wednesday really did a lot to boost my moral.

I haven't said a lot to my fiance about my new program, mostly because he tends to be a little 'over' supportive. He starts telling me he can see a difference even when he can't. BUT he has noticed my increase in excercise and last night while I was doing cardio, went out to use the total gym. I would love for him to want to tone up, but I'm not going to say anything. It has to be his decision.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. this will be the REAL test. To not let the weekend get the best of me.

Thursday, August 7, 2003

The fat fairy must have visted me last night because this morning I woke up and the scale was down 2 lbs!! Ok, so I know people are starting to grumble about me wieghing everyday, so I think I'll explain. I weigh daily, or at least try to. I record those weights and then at the end of the week, I average them for my 'official' weigh in. What I look for is that the average weight goes down. After all, as any woman can tell you, a simple change in hormons can cause an overnight gain of 5 or 6 lbs sometimes. My way of weighing in tends to negate those water gains, and I think keeps me more mentally stable. Last week my average (and I missed weighing in two days) was 199.9. This week my average so far - 199.9! And I'm feeling good about that. Add the fact that I'm feeling good today, and I've got a much better mental outlook.

Here is what I've noticed so far:

I'm starting to feel more energetic in the mornings, and I'm hoping that eventually I'll be able to get up early and do my workouts then. Yesterday the shorts I wore (wich were just slightly too big before) were fairly hanging off me. I think I could have pulled them off without unbuttoning them. The slacks I put on this morning feel a LOT more comfortable, and I don't have the roll at the top of them showing against my blouse. I'm standing taller (thank the pilates) My ring fits better. AND, I cheeted and took my waist measurement (where I see losses first) and it's about 1 - 1.5 inches smaller!! yay!

I'm going to have to remember all these postives when the going gets tough! I've also figured out that I need to drink more water. I think that has a lot to do with the overwelming hunger I've been feeling, and the shakeyness. I've really tried to focus on my workout this week, but I may have to shift focus just a little to the water so that I feel better.

Other parts of my life seem to be benefiting from all this work as well. I'm finding it easier to keep up with the housework with the extra energy I have. This morning I was able to make sure everything was picked up and neat before I left, and it's a great relief to know it will look like that when I get home. That way I can do my workout as soon as I hit the door.

Wednesday, August 6, 2003

I dropped off my car and walked back home. Two miles in 35 minutes and I feel GREAT!! I can't believe how good that felt. Just that chance to stretch my legs and not be worried about HOW I was doing it was really refreshing. for the past two days, whenever I've excercised it was with control. Weightlifting, kickboxing, and pilates are all about form. whereas when I walk I just do it. I don't have to think, I breath, my legs move, my arms swing, and I can enjoy everything that's going on around me. I really need to do that more often!
Still no car, and I'm stuck home again. I ate 1400+ calories yesterday, but felt hungry all evening. I don't like that! I woke up this morning feeling ravinous, shaky and queezy! It was awful. I quickly ate some breakfast (scrambled eggs wrapped in a tortilla) and have been feeling better all morning. I think someone super glued my scale though! I stepped on this morning and it's still exactly 200lbs. I usually do find, that's what happens the second week into a diet. My water weight finally finds a set point. Now I just have to wait for the 'fat flush' I've been working out really hard. And I know that I'm going to build some muscle. I just don't want to get discouraged. I so want to see a change. I want to know that what I'm doing is making a difference. I simply have NO patients. I'm going to have to work on that I suppose. I was running about 185, this time last year, and it took me 12 months to get up to 200. So, I guess I shouldn't be too upset that it's going to take a few months to take it off again. It's just hard. I just find that I need to give myself these mental 'pep talks' way too often. I'm going to stay focused! I AM!

Tuesday, August 5, 2003

My car broke down, and I didn't go to work today. That was good because I had the time to do my cardio. It felt so good! I actually managed to keep up with most of it. I'll keep doing the beginning kickboxing tape until it doesn't feel like a 10 anymore, then I can work up to the more advanced one. One problem with being home, is that I'm getting bored, and that makes me want to snack. I've worked really hard and keeping myself busy. Finding people to talk to, etc. One good thing that's come from my being diligent about my journalling is that, at least today, It's kept me from eating mindlessly. I keep thinking about snacking on some nuts, but then I think about the fact that I would have to measure it, and then record it, and it becomes too much trouble. So I haven't. One victory for me!!
I had a GREAT day yesterday. This week started the addition of excercise to my schedule, and, as always, it's made a huge difference already in how I feel. I got home last night, tired and ready for nap, and instead I got out my Total Gym and did an upperbody workout. I'm still getting the feel of my limits, but it felt GREAT to get the blood pumping. I don't think I overdid it too much as I'm not over sore, except in a few odd places, like the sides of my elbows. Who knew I had muscles there? I also started practicing pilates. Wow! what a workout. I couldn't believe how week my 'core' muscles were. I'm sore from that too, but it's a good kind of sore. I'm planning to practicing again tonight.

I did great eating yesterday too. I didn't really have any cravings and I did really well on calories. I also did much better with drinking my water, so I feel that over all it was a fantastic day. I'm feeling thinner and my pants feel looser. I'm going to try to restrain myself and NOT take my measurements just yet! But it's hard when I so long for results.. immediatly.

Monday, August 4, 2003

Well, it's monday - 1 week down! Today I 'officially' started the Bikini babe's challenge and I'm also 'officially' starting the BFL challenge. I had a rough weekend. With moving I didn't find the time or energy to eat as I should and last night when we took our moving helpers out to dinner, I threw all the rules out the window and ate everything I wanted. Therefore I knew weigh-in today would be BAD. And it was. Back up to 201.5, but that's still 1 lb less then last week, so postive steps have been taken. The other good note is that I lifted and toated a LOT of stuff this weekend, some of it quite heavy, and I'm not as sore as I was two weeks ago when I helped someone else move. So, I'm taking that to mean that I'm in better shape!

I haven't done my workout yet today. I'm planning to do that when I get home. The 'total gym' is set up and ready to go, so all I have to do is go home and change. For my cardio workout, this week, I'm going to try rotaiting between the different workout tapes I have at home. I have by kickboxing tape and bellydancing tapes that should at least be a start. Hopefully as my weight goes down I can work into running again, but I'm willing to be patient.

I also bought a new lunch box this morning. That way I can pack my lunch and snacks so I'll not be tempted to 'fast food' it while at work. I'm set and ready to go!!