Thursday, August 21, 2003

I was thinking about weight training last night and trying to figure out why I have such conflicting emotions about it. First of all I have this deep fear of becoming "Monster Woman". For some reason no matter what I read about women not being able to 'bulk up' like a man, I still find myself wanting to lay back on the weights. I think it's this mental image I have of myself of being a 'big girl' For many years I was told my family and my ex that I could "never be 'really' thin" because I was "Big Boned" or "Too muscular" of course the fact that I'm at least 4" taller then my mother, and her 4 sisters... none of whom weighed more then 102lbs the entire time I was growing up didn't help that image. One other thing that came to mind was, though my Dad is a personal trainer himself, I have never once asked him for help. I've always secretly thought he must be embarrassed by me. I think one of the things on my 'to-do' list is to call him and let him know what I'm up to, and get some input from him as well.

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