Wednesday, April 30, 2008

BDS - Day 3 Sit Down to Eat

Yay! -finally caught up

Now I need to figure out how this works on a daily basis.

Step 1 - read the day.
Step 2 - list the to-do's
Step 3 - execute

So, today I'm reading at 2:37 in the afternoon. I think that I'll give myself 24 hours to complete my to-do's (hopefully get them done sooner). I'll list my to-do list here and then follow-up with a new post with any nessesary comments or anything that's still outstanding and why :)

And onto today's excercise:

To do:

BDS - Day 2 Commit to a Diet Plan

yeah - I'm doing a few days in a row here. I want to get and KEEP on a schedule where the days match :)

so this is about the diet plan and making it concrete.

My Primary Diet: The SAMBODDY diet (details to follow)
My Backup Diet: Body For Life

Planned Modifications?

After 7 days on plan I will have one planned splurge meal
After 30 days on plan I will have one planned splurge day


Read my reasons List (Done)

BDS - Day One

So today's exercises is about keeping my 'Reasons' in front of my face.

My main problem is - where I feel like this would do the most good. Is places where I really don't want something like this posted: the fridge at home (what if company comes over), at my desk (I share an office with three guys) - so what do I do?

Hmm, well first I'm going to create a soft copy and save it in Word - that way I can easily print it out and I can do things like save it on my phone etc.

That's done, and I've set it to synchronise with my phone so I can have a copy wherever I go.

I've also hand written a list to keep in my wallet - there's just something more personal about a list in your own writing.

so, now WHEN to read it.

1 - put a list up on the mirror so I can read it when I do my hair in the morning
2 - put a list in the folder with my program and meal plan so I can read it while eating breakfast, cooking dinner and fixing my lunch.
3 - put a list in a reminder so that at least once a day it pops up on my computer and/or handheld.

Today's to-do:

Read my list of reasons to lose weight at least once today (DONE)

BDS - Motivation "Reasons I Want to Lose Weight"

BDS isn't the only diet that's had me do this. I do think it's a good idea. The trouble is remembering to go back to this list and review to keep these "Reasons I Want to Lose Weight" in front of me

I'll look better and more attractive
I'll have more confidence
I'll be able to wear a smaller size
I'll fit into more fashionable clothing
I'll be able to buy fancy new underwear
I'll feel happier when I look in the mirror
I'll enjoy trying on clothes
I'll better in a bathing suit
I won't feel so self-conscious
I'll get more compliments
My blood pressure will go down
I'll be at less risk to develop type 2 diabetes
I'll feel better physically
I'll have more stamina
I'll have more energy
I'll make a better impression on people
I'll be less inhibited about my body
I'll enjoy physical intimacy more
I'll like myself better
I'll feel as if I've accomplished something important
I'll be less self-critical
I'll feel in control
I'll be an inspiration to others
I won't look like my mother and my grandmother as I age
"N" won't think we don't 'fit' together
Dad will be proud
I'll be more flexible without the fat in the way
I'll show my daughter that she's capable of doing this too
I'll feel sexy again!
I'll be able to dance with the burlesque shows.

BDS - Questionnaire

I thought putting some of this questionnaire up here might help others who are like me. It'll let you know that the person who's doing this is real, with real food issues just like everyone else.

Q. How many times have you tried to lose weight?
A. almost too many to count. I tried once

Teenage Years: the 900 calorie a day diet. the dieters tea diet, the bouillon for lunch every day diet, diet watchers (a book I got from my aunt)

Adult: Weight Watchers, Weight down workshop, ediets, diets-2-go, Body for Life, Leanness Lifestyle, Stop the Insanity, Opra's Trainer's diet, Carb addicts, Atkins... I'm sure there's more

Q. How many times have you lost weight but gained some or all of it back?
A. At least four times in my Adult life I've gotten near or below 175 and then gained it back. Weight Watchers, eDiets (after a year of maintaining 185 after running though the Weigh Down - I dropped 10 on eDiets - then shot back up over 200), BFL, and most recently Leanness Lifestyle.

Q. How satisfied are you with your current weight
A. Not at all

Q. How willing are you to change your eating and exercises habits?
A. A moderate amount. (In reality I love food and wish I could lose weight without having to change anything. And I'm a bonafide couch potato and would much rather be curled up with a book then at the gym.

Q. How willing are you to tell relevant people you're changing the way you eat?
A. A little (I've tried and failed so many times that I hesitate to shout once again - HEY I'M ON A DIET!)

Q. How willing are you to put in the time needed to exercises, shop for foods listed on your diet plan, and prepare healthy foods?
A. A moderate amount (see above).

Q. How often do you eat standing up?
A. Sometimes

Q. How often do you eat quickly?
A. Often (one of my worse habits)

Q. How often do you forget to notice every bite you're eating?
A. Often (see above)

Q. How often do you feel a sense of unfairness that you're not supposed to eat what or as much as others are eating?
A. Often (Again, I'm a foodie and love to eat, and watching someone else eat something I 'can't' have seems like a terrible trial)

Q. How often do you get discouraged when you're dieting
A. Often (thus my string of 'failures')

Q How often do you feel deprived?
A. Sometimes (that's because I have a habit of giving up as soon as I start to feel deprived).

Q. How often do you feel that dieting is just too hard?
A. Often (whaaa poor me :P)

Q. How often do you feel like dieting just isn't worth it?
A. Sometimes (such a instant gratification kind of person - why have the 1lb loss tomorrow when I can enjoy the cake today?)

Q. How often do you try to avoid feeling hunger or cravings (by eating past the point of just mild fullness or by eating snacks you hadn't planned o consuming)?
A. Sometimes (More cravings then hunger)

Q. How often do you think, I really need to eat something now?
A. Sometimes

Q. How often are you unsure if you're really hungry or not?
A. Never (I got a handle on this particular item years ago - one of the few things I have figured out. If I'm eating something because I crave it - or because I'm trying to stuff an emotion, I know it)

How often do you eat more then you should when...

Q. You're feeling down, nervous, lonely, frustrated, or annoyed
A. Often (Such an emotional eater).

Q. You're bored
A. Often

Q. You're trying to avoid or postpone doing something you know you should do.
A. Often

Q. You're tired
A. Often

Q. You're not feeling well physically
A. Often

Q. You're very hungry or experiencing cravings.
A. Often

When you see food you know you really shouldn't eat, how often do you think, it's ok to eat this food because...

Q. It's not a whole piece.
A. Sometimes (If I'm justifying eating something - I'll find a way to justify the whole piece)

Q. It's not that fattening
A. Sometimes (Ditto)

Q. I'll make up for it later
A. Often

Q. I can start again tomorrow
A. Often (or next monday - thus giving me days to binge - last supper-like)

Q. It won't matter this one time
A. Often

Q. It will go to waste
A. Rarely (hey at least that's one hang-up I don't have).

Q. No one is watching
A. Rarely (I usually don't care who's watching - though lately I've taken to sneaking my food behind my husband's back).

Q I already paid for it
A. Rarely

Q. I don't care
A. Often (yep - let's just flip the 'caring' switch off for a while)

Q. I really want it.
A. Often (spoiled little kid - aren't i?)

Q. I deserve a treat
A. Often (again - immature?)

Q. I'm celebrating
A. Often (oh the reasons to celebrate can be many!).

Q I have no willpower
A. Often

Q. I already cheated
A. Often

When you see food you know you really shouldn't eat, how often do you think, it's ok to eat this food because...

Q. People will think I'm strange [if I eat differently from them]
A. Rarely (I'm not into peer pressure. and I know that 99% of the time people aren't paying a whit of attention to what's on my plate - they are too involved in their own. the only time I feel weird is if everyone else is eating and I'm not. I have a hard time going to a restaurant and not ordering something.)

Q. If I don't eat it, I'll displease someone
A. Rarely

Q. Someone told me not to
A. Rarely (although this has been happening more often of late :)

Q. Everyone else is eating it
A. Rarely

Beck Diet Solution (BDS) - Get Ready

The first thing BDS has asked me to do is find a diet coach. I know how important it is. The problem is - I don't have anyone around me that I can ask to do this. My best friend is my husband and frankly asking him to do this would be a disaster. He's got too much of a 'vested interest'. Other people at work? Well besides the fact that 99% of them are men, and frankly I don't want to talk about PMS cravings and water gain with a man at all, much less one I work with. So, I've had to talke an alterantive approach. My diet coach is this blog. Hopefully someone will find it, follow along and help out. I'm also going to tie into some online forums. Although neither is a good as a real live person who can go to lunch with you and watch you order your salad instead of a burger, it's better then flying solo.

The next step is Choosing a Diet: I've done that... the SAMBODDY hybrid diet. I have it all written down on a paper. I'll transcribe it here one day. BDS also asks that I choose a backup diet in case I end up not liking this one. Ok then. BFL works :)

Also - modifications to the diet, unless it's an extreem emergancy, can only be made a week in advance. Changes to the plan are not allow - subsitutions (like food for like food) is ok but only if there is a valid reason. (because I want that is not a valid reason).

Next choosing an excercise program - done that (see previous posts).

And so we begin.

Two days down - 348 to go

All the weightloss honeymoon. I love it and hate it. I hate the struggle around day three where you body has finally realized that you mean business. It starts to get serious about hunger pains and cravings knowing now is the critical time. Most of the time when I can make it past the first week. I can make it for the next 18 weeks. :)

But then there's the benefit. A body that's been stuffed full of salty carby junk food reacts to good wholesome food by dumping gallons fluid that it was using to protect itself. The result? 4 lb loss in 2 days! I never thought I would be happy to see 216 : of course fluid loss can be fickle. I could just as easily rebound today and be a pound or two back up tomorrow. I've got to stay focused and not let that loss lull me into relaxing my diet and falling into the old pattern of lose lose then gain gain gain.

I didn't get any other structured exercise in last night, but I am still moving. I gave myself credit for 45 minutes of 'other' exercise for the hour and a half of hauling furniture and boxes down the stairs last night. The only downside to it all is that I was so exhausted from yesterday that I slept through my alarm this morning and missed the gym. I have my clothes with me here at work, but forcing myself to step away from my desk is harder then forcing myself away from the chocolate. I don't want to lose momentum. What I'm going to do is grab some cardio and yoga when I get home tonight, and make up the missed gym session on Sunday. Since Monday is a rest day anyway this should make it pretty easy to do.

Otherwise, on the surface things are going well. I've got all my food packed and have been sticking to my plan. I faced down many a temptation while at the store. The feast beast keep giving me excuses to have this or that. How I could 'skip' something I had planned in order to work it into my day. I said no to all of it. The closest I came to a compromise is, I picked up some all natural oat bars that I may sub for cereal next week. This week's meals are planned!

I also managed to say no to lunch with the guys. I love going to lunch with co-workers but I always manage to talk myself into eating something I could do without. Worse is the place they ad picked was a burger joint. Even if they had chicken it would have sat there sucking up the hamburger juice while it cooked - and then come with fries. I just don't need that kind of challenge right now. A few weeks from now I might be able to move to the looser version of the program but for right now I need to just say no - to everything.

Off to finish my lunch.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Forgot to Mention

After some pondering last night (and a bit of laziness) I decided to do a program I wrote up a few months ago (and never actually did). It's a program I got from Oxygen mag (I think). But I've turned from a three day workout to a five day workout. It's a pretty typical workout, Presses for Chest, Squats for legs etc. But the sets are interesting: 4-3 sets of 4 reps and then 1 set of 12.

It was actually kind of fun :) We'll see if I'm still saying that after leg day :P

1 Day down

349 to go :)

Weight today 218.3 - almost 2 lbs down. A good start to the week.

Considering yesterday was my 'first day'. I didn't do a great job hitting the cardio. If there's any such thing as a 'good excuse' I had one. We're still trying to move into our new place, and that didn't get us home until late. I walked the 1 mile to the 'old' apartment, and then hauld a bunch of boxes etc down the stairs so I feel I did do, SOMETHING.

Food was perfect for the day, and my lunch is packed, meals planned for today so it should be the same today. I got up at 4 and hit the gym. It felt to lift some weights, and I did my 1 mile run. I didn't get the full 45 minutes of cardio in, but I should easily get the additional 15 minutes done tonight. All in all I feel it's been a GREAT start.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Now that I know

Posting from email works... I can update my blog from anywhere! Yay! So the cardio plan. I figured out that if I want to do that 12 k I, going to have to start running now. Pleh. Oh well I'm starting with one mile. That shouldn't be too hard on the bod if I keep it slow.

So for now here's the plan

Monday: 30 minutes of some cross training (boxing etc). And thirty minutes of biking.

Tuesday: 1 mile run and walking to fill 45 minutes

Wednesday: 45 minute swim

Thursday: 1 mile run and walking to fill 45 minutes

Friday: 45 minute swim

Saturday: 1 mile run and walk to fill 45 minutes.

The running miles progress each week to match the running schedule.

Weight lifting... I think I'm going to try something really different. Four week cycles from 20 to 6 reps. That means this week will be 20 reps...ewww.

A Year's Transformation

I've started, I've stopped, I've lost, I've gained, I've sputtered, I've failed and I've never given up.

November 2006 - right before Thanksgiving I was at 171 lbs (down 36 lbs). The lowest of my adult life. I binged on Thanksgiving day. Honestly, had I been an alcoholic I probably would have died of alcohol poisoning. At the end of the day I almost threw up, my stomach was so full, I ended up spending the last part of the day on the couch with a terrible stomach ache. And after that - I couldn't seem to get back into it. As expected my weight slowly went up. I would fight it down a pound or two but then fall back into my old eating habits again. Finally when my father in law passed away I just gave up. The weight started coming back faster then. Pound after pound rolled back on with frightening speed. I wasn't making it to the gym anymore and the muscle dissolved making the weight gain even worse. Until now, 17 months later I've gained 49 lbs. Yes, that's right - I now weigh 220 lbs. The heaviest weight I've ever seen on a scale (though I suspect I was heavier at some point - but I never saw a scale to prove it).

I have a pile of clothes in my closet that I can vividly remember joyously purchasing as I fit into smaller and smaller sizes that now won't even go past my hips. It sickens me. The worse part is that I was conscious of every single pound. It's not as though I woke up and suddenly went "Oh my god, what happened?"

So now I'm left to ask/answer. Why now? What's different today? Honestly - I can't point to 'the straw the broke the camel's back" There's a few things that have lead up to today though.

1) I've steadily felt less and less 'sexy'. This is hampered my ability to feel comfortable about my myself. It's made me 'hide' my body from myself and my husband. Saturday night we were out, and one side of my brain felt like dancing and shaking my booty - but the other reminded me that there was nothing sexy about my booty anymore. The fact that I sat there - glued to a chair too embarrassed to 'shake it' was a huge blow

2) Over the years my husband has voiced his concerns about my weight, my health etc. There are times it's irritated me greatly, but I always knew it was spoken 'in love'. This past week he mentioned to me that he had 'accepted' that I will never take my health and fitness seriously and he's done worrying about it. For some reason - the thought that he had given up on me was devastating.

3) Yesterday I put on a pair of size 16 pants and couldn't button them. These are pants that I just purchased in October to take with me on a trip to Mexico. I ended up wearing a pair of sweatpants all day. I then realized that for the past month, when I wasn't at work - sweatpants had been my apparel of choice! I'm better then that!

So - as of today I am no longer a food addict. I've made my 'big statement'

I will never eat unplanned food again!! and I will never change my mind!

Yesterday I planned all my meals - went shopping and pre-made 10 dinners to avoid the 'I don't have time to cook' excuse. I also signed on to a year contract with a 2nd gym closer to my home and that has a pool.

I know that some day someone's going to ask me 'how did you do it?' I'm hoping I can just point them to this blog. Unfortunately, this doesn't show the years of struggles that got me to this point - but I'll do my best to blog my way through this process.

One thing you have to understand is that this plan/program didn't just happen when I woke up this morning. Some parts of it I've used before with success. Some parts I'm tweaking new and will continue to tweak. I'll try to give credit where it's due if I can point out the origin of a certain concept, but you'll have to realize that most of this is a weird hybrid of my own creation.


The first thing I want to point out is that I'm a food addict. Of that I'm sure. This is not a new idea for me. There's other names of this 'problem' emotional eater - binge eater and more. But I've come to realize it's not important what I label the problem, but how I deal with it. I'm using a meld of different tools the #1 being Rational Recovery.

My food program is a modified version of "Why can't I stop eating"

For daily edification I'm doing "Beck Diet solution" and "100 days of weight loss" I hope to type up my thoughts from these programs here.

Exercises isn't solid yet. I know I need to set some goals soon. I'm very much aware that exercise has been the #1 missing factor in the past year. When I can hit nutrition and exercise at the same time - the results are spectacular.

I have high goals for this first 12 weeks. 30 lbs. yes, in 12 weeks I'll be below 200 again. Come hell or high water.

I expect to lose at least 2.5 lbs his first week. I'm taking a page from leanness lifestyle to help me keep focused on my goals and using leverage whenever I can.

So this week I will workout for 600 minutes and drop 2.5 lbs or I will give up diet pepsi for a week : That's a big sacrifice for me.

As for 'big' leverage. I'm planning a trip to Mexico with my daughter to celebrate her 21st birthday and my 40th. It'll probably be the first week of Feb. I will be 145 before we leave or I won't go.

And the end of this 12 weeks? Well I want to lose 30 lbs - that's 10 lbs ever 4 weeks. Soooo I will be 210 by May 26th. When I reach that goal I'll go horseback riding with my daughter (something we both love to do).

Next - 200 by Jun 23rd and we'll go horseback riding again.

190 by July 21st and we'll do the ride in Hollywood we've been talking about - horseback riding and dinner. :)

And I've committed all of this to my daughter. I don't want to disappoint her. (she's also trying to lose weight before our trip to Mexico so I'm hoping this will encourage her to set her own goals.


Exercise. I now know I need to get 600 minutes in (calculations based on Leanness Lifestyle) to reach my goal of 2.5 lbs this week. How will I get there? (I'm planning as I'm typing).

Weight Training: 5 days x 45 minutes each. I'll get up at 4:00 AM Tuesday - Friday and go to my 'new' gym. If I over sleep then I'll have to go through the hassle of bringing my clothes to work and hitting the gym near work. (which I really dislike) - then I'll need to hit the gym once on the weekend.

Monday - 60 minutes (since I'm not weight training this day)
Tuesday - 45 minutes
Wednesday - 45 minutes
Thursday - 45 minutes
Friday - 45 minutes
Saturday - 45 minutes

Tuesday through Saturday I can do cardio after my weight workout at the gym. If I miss the morning workout - then it's cardio after work. Something I like to avoid. As far as what cardio to do? I think I'm going to avoid running for the first month. I've just put on too much weight and trying to jog with 220 lbs on my bones is just too hard on feet/hips/knees. I registered for a 12K on August 9th so I should plan to add training for that into my program. Otherwise I'm going to try to mix it up a bit: Boxing, (gulp) aerobics, walking, biking and swimming. Guess I better decide what I'm going to do for 60 minutes tonight?

6 days of yoga 20 minutes a day. Mainly because I just really love doing yoga in my home and I've got some great downloads at I just feel great after a good hip opener

alright - I'm all typed out. Will fill in more later.