I've started, I've stopped, I've lost, I've gained, I've sputtered, I've failed and I've never given up.
November 2006 - right before Thanksgiving I was at 171 lbs (down 36 lbs). The lowest of my adult life. I binged on Thanksgiving day. Honestly, had I been an alcoholic I probably would have died of alcohol poisoning. At the end of the day I almost threw up, my stomach was so full, I ended up spending the last part of the day on the couch with a terrible stomach ache. And after that - I couldn't seem to get back into it. As expected my weight slowly went up. I would fight it down a pound or two but then fall back into my old eating habits again. Finally when my father in law passed away I just gave up. The weight started coming back faster then. Pound after pound rolled back on with frightening speed. I wasn't making it to the gym anymore and the muscle dissolved making the weight gain even worse. Until now, 17 months later I've gained 49 lbs. Yes, that's right - I now weigh 220 lbs. The heaviest weight I've ever seen on a scale (though I suspect I was heavier at some point - but I never saw a scale to prove it).
I have a pile of clothes in my closet that I can vividly remember joyously purchasing as I fit into smaller and smaller sizes that now won't even go past my hips. It sickens me. The worse part is that I was conscious of every single pound. It's not as though I woke up and suddenly went "Oh my god, what happened?"
So now I'm left to ask/answer. Why now? What's different today? Honestly - I can't point to 'the straw the broke the camel's back" There's a few things that have lead up to today though.
1) I've steadily felt less and less 'sexy'. This is hampered my ability to feel comfortable about my myself. It's made me 'hide' my body from myself and my husband. Saturday night we were out, and one side of my brain felt like dancing and shaking my booty - but the other reminded me that there was nothing sexy about my booty anymore. The fact that I sat there - glued to a chair too embarrassed to 'shake it' was a huge blow
2) Over the years my husband has voiced his concerns about my weight, my health etc. There are times it's irritated me greatly, but I always knew it was spoken 'in love'. This past week he mentioned to me that he had 'accepted' that I will never take my health and fitness seriously and he's done worrying about it. For some reason - the thought that he had given up on me was devastating.
3) Yesterday I put on a pair of size 16 pants and couldn't button them. These are pants that I just purchased in October to take with me on a trip to Mexico. I ended up wearing a pair of sweatpants all day. I then realized that for the past month, when I wasn't at work - sweatpants had been my apparel of choice! I'm better then that!
So - as of today I am no longer a food addict. I've made my 'big statement'
I will never eat unplanned food again!! and I will never change my mind!
Yesterday I planned all my meals - went shopping and pre-made 10 dinners to avoid the 'I don't have time to cook' excuse. I also signed on to a year contract with a 2nd gym closer to my home and that has a pool.
I know that some day someone's going to ask me 'how did you do it?' I'm hoping I can just point them to this blog. Unfortunately, this doesn't show the years of struggles that got me to this point - but I'll do my best to blog my way through this process.
One thing you have to understand is that this plan/program didn't just happen when I woke up this morning. Some parts of it I've used before with success. Some parts I'm tweaking new and will continue to tweak. I'll try to give credit where it's due if I can point out the origin of a certain concept, but you'll have to realize that most of this is a weird hybrid of my own creation.
The first thing I want to point out is that I'm a food addict. Of that I'm sure. This is not a new idea for me. There's other names of this 'problem' emotional eater - binge eater and more. But I've come to realize it's not important what I label the problem, but how I deal with it. I'm using a meld of different tools the #1 being Rational Recovery.
My food program is a modified version of "Why can't I stop eating"
For daily edification I'm doing "Beck Diet solution" and "100 days of weight loss" I hope to type up my thoughts from these programs here.
Exercises isn't solid yet. I know I need to set some goals soon. I'm very much aware that exercise has been the #1 missing factor in the past year. When I can hit nutrition and exercise at the same time - the results are spectacular.
I have high goals for this first 12 weeks. 30 lbs. yes, in 12 weeks I'll be below 200 again. Come hell or high water.
I expect to lose at least 2.5 lbs his first week. I'm taking a page from leanness lifestyle to help me keep focused on my goals and using leverage whenever I can.
So this week I will workout for 600 minutes and drop 2.5 lbs or I will give up diet pepsi for a week : That's a big sacrifice for me.
As for 'big' leverage. I'm planning a trip to Mexico with my daughter to celebrate her 21st birthday and my 40th. It'll probably be the first week of Feb. I will be 145 before we leave or I won't go.
And the end of this 12 weeks? Well I want to lose 30 lbs - that's 10 lbs ever 4 weeks. Soooo I will be 210 by May 26th. When I reach that goal I'll go horseback riding with my daughter (something we both love to do).
Next - 200 by Jun 23rd and we'll go horseback riding again.
190 by July 21st and we'll do the ride in Hollywood we've been talking about - horseback riding and dinner. :)
And I've committed all of this to my daughter. I don't want to disappoint her. (she's also trying to lose weight before our trip to Mexico so I'm hoping this will encourage her to set her own goals.
Exercise. I now know I need to get 600 minutes in (calculations based on Leanness Lifestyle) to reach my goal of 2.5 lbs this week. How will I get there? (I'm planning as I'm typing).
Weight Training: 5 days x 45 minutes each. I'll get up at 4:00 AM Tuesday - Friday and go to my 'new' gym. If I over sleep then I'll have to go through the hassle of bringing my clothes to work and hitting the gym near work. (which I really dislike) - then I'll need to hit the gym once on the weekend.
Monday - 60 minutes (since I'm not weight training this day)
Tuesday - 45 minutes
Wednesday - 45 minutes
Thursday - 45 minutes
Friday - 45 minutes
Saturday - 45 minutes
Tuesday through Saturday I can do cardio after my weight workout at the gym. If I miss the morning workout - then it's cardio after work. Something I like to avoid. As far as what cardio to do? I think I'm going to avoid running for the first month. I've just put on too much weight and trying to jog with 220 lbs on my bones is just too hard on feet/hips/knees. I registered for a 12K on August 9th so I should plan to add training for that into my program. Otherwise I'm going to try to mix it up a bit: Boxing, (gulp) aerobics, walking, biking and swimming. Guess I better decide what I'm going to do for 60 minutes tonight?
6 days of yoga 20 minutes a day. Mainly because I just really love doing yoga in my home and I've got some great downloads at Yogadownload.com. I just feel great after a good hip opener
alright - I'm all typed out. Will fill in more later.