Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Happy Holidays


Happy Holidays, originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.

"Faith that the thing can be done is essential to any
great achievement."

*Thomas Carruther

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

yay!

The Good: So I made it to the gym for the second day in a row - for the first time since before thanksgiving! yay! Last night while we were at the store doing our x-mas shopping my honey decided to buy himself an alarm clock for his side of the bed. Our previous situation was I have this lovely 'chime' alarm clock that softly plays a little tune to wake you up. And it does wake me up because I'm a pretty light sleeper. Unfortunately, I'm also not a good 'waker upper' so it's not unusual for me to turn off my alarm and not even remember doing it and in the meanwhile my loving husband hasn't even stirred. But now? Now my lovely chimes wake me up on MY side of the bed, and if I don't get up about 30 seconds later I get to hear *meep*meep*meep* which it annoying, loud and fortunately wakes him up too. So we'll see how it goes in the weeks ahead.. lol.

The Bad: Unfortunately - I'm out of no-xplode (my favorite supplement in the world) Not that I can tell that it helps build muscle or anything but because I DESPERATELY need that shot of caffeine in the morning. So I was up but not awake. I practically sleep walked my way through my workout. Still managed to lift decent weights though - just couldn't seem to focus. Oh and the bloody gym was FREEZING! I would do a set, break a sweat and then end up standing there shivering and covered with goosebumps while I waiting for my honey to finish his set. When we checked the wall thermometer it was only 57 degrees in there. FEH!! One of my coworkers says I'm not allowed to complain about the cold though because no one's supposed to be actually out and about at 4:00AM but hey - this girl has to hit the gym when she can.

Oh and if anyone wants to buy an x-mas present for me? I want the bottom t-shirt on this page.. lol http://www.trionutrition.com/tshirts.php

and lastly - has anyone seen the 'new' Monica Brant Ads? she looks SO freeking HOT!!! http://www.trionutrition.com/images/downloads/Monica_01_1024.jpg I have that photo on my fridge. Keeps BOTH of us motivated.. heheh

Anyway - training today was back

Assisted close grip Pull-ups (still can't do a pull up *sob*): 80lbs (assistance) x 10 x 4

Seated Cable Rows: 135 x 10 x 4

Lat Pull-downs: 105 x 10 x 4

Barbell Bent Rows: 70 x 10 x 4

Barbell Shrugs (smith machine): 145 x 10 x 4

Then I walked for 30 minutes and my gym time for the day is done - whoop!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Inspired

As you may or may not know I've struggled a little with 'getting my head in the game' since I came back from my Honeymoon. Part of it has to do with the fact that I'm at 'that spot' - the one where I've stopped every other time I've lost weight. And... frankly I'm pretty comfortable at my weight. Dropping 40 lbs feels like such a difference it's hard to imagine I could make even MORE changes.

But Friday I went shopping for a dress for my company christmas party - and while it wasn't the tearfilled disaster that last year's dress shopping event was it was eye opening because for some reason - while under the harsh dressingroom lights I realized that although I've dropped 40 lbs, and I'm a size 10, and I'm the lightest weight I've been my entire adult life... I am still fat.

Now I don't mean that in a disparaging way... what I mean is I looked at myself and for some reason really SAW the potential that's waiting there. I've spent so much time recently - reveling in how far I've come. And yes, that's a good thing to do, BUT I wasn't spending enough time thinking about where I want to go, not in a postive sense. Well I have now and you know what? I'm EXCITED!

Hit the gym with new focus - I'm liking my planned meals again I'm looking forward to the new year and new goals and a whole new me. These next few months are going to ROCK!!

(Photos from the party to come soon)

Happy Holidays!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Happy Holidays

Sorry I haven't been online much - I've been very busy being 'Santa's little helper'

elouai's doll maker 3


But - I can assure you that in the next few weeks I'll be recapping this year and setting up my goals for the new year. I'm 'on break' until the second week of January - just maintaining my current loss and enjoying the holidays.

I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and/or whatever other holidays you choose to celebrate this time of year.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Photos!

I was going to wait until thanksgiving but i think next week is just going to be too busy so I took some progress photos today - and I'll share them :) Sorry that I still can't seem to work up a smile for these... heh

So, some of you remember me from this photo take in May of this year:

Front Bikini

I've made a little progress since then :)

Front..

May to November

Side..

(sorry about the hight difference)

Side May to November

Back..

Back May to November

And just in case you wondered what I look like with CLOTHES on :)

Progress with clothes May to November

And here's a bonus for those who like a 'strong woman'

(viva the tummy and why I'll never be on stage. :( )

Poser November

The Hulk! :)

The Hulk Nov

And right and left Bis

Right Bi November

Left Bi November

Little back action going on

Back November

My "I scare boys at the gym" pose

Poser 2 November

And, because I like to show off :)

Chin Up

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Just a quick one

I promised myself not to neglect my blog :) so I'm going to throw a quick post up!

Still going really really well and it's paying off! 170.7 today - I'm close to breaking through the next decade! just 5 lbs and I'll be the weight I was when I graduated high school. also I promised myself a LONG LONG time ago that when I hit 165 I would take up ballet again - I guess it's time to go look up some schools! I'm not sure I ever REALLY believed I would get to this point and yet - here I am!

Had a killer leg workout today - feeling GRAND!

Thanks everyone for the fantastic support.

Oh - and LaLA - I was 'trial and erroring' things for a while myself and it just wasn't working. that's why I did the elimination thing. four foods ONLY for three days and now I'm adding 1 food every three days back in to see how I react. It's certainly NOT easy. Thanksgiving day though - all bets are off. I'll deal with the three days of pain I KNOW are coming after :)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Long Overdue Update!

I’ve been a BAD blogger and I’m so sorry!!

So let me start with a summery:

Things have been going GREAT! It’s been tough but I’ve been making the hard choices MOST of the time and I’m seeing results … and those are?? 171 lbs today! I weigh less then I have in 19 years! And even better when shopping on Sunday and tried on, fit into and bought 1 pair of slacks, 1 skirt and two pairs of jeans in size 10. size 10!! Sometimes I can’t believe this is really happening.

Now for the nitty gritty:

We had a great time on Halloween. I minded my P’s and Q’s no alcohol etc. BUT by Thursday 11/2 I was up to 176 – 2 lbs behind goal. Coach and I had a big long talk. I’ve been struggling with a lot of issues since coming back from Holiday – the biggest being the discovery that I have some abdominal adhesions (scar tissue) that are effecting my large intestine. Digestion hasn’t been ‘fun’ of late. And the output hasn’t always been matching the input – not to mention I’ve been in a lot of pain. So, coach suggested that I treat this like I have IBS – and I go on a STRICT elimination diet. Soo.. 11/3 I started my plan with only 4 ‘allowed’ foods. Chicken, Turkey, Rice and White Potatoes. Every three days I add a new food and see if I have a negative reaction to it. The result – well my food plan has been really easy :) My digestion working better and pain is minimized! Whoo hoo! You would think that all of that would make sticking to my plan a snap but No. I still struggle with temptation daily – ok sometimes hourly. And there are times when passing by the bakery and smelling the bread and cookies that I feel really depressed. But – my life does not revolve around food. Happiness is not determined by a cookie! :)

Workouts were another struggle – I found myself constantly struggling to find the time to workout and feeling guilty about missing. So – 1 I committed to making my 4:00AM workouts. Got all five of them in last week yay! Over the weekend I committed to doing my cardio on my lunch hour instead of trying to squeeze it in after work. I did that yesterday and what a WONDERFUL difference! It was so nice to get home and climb into my PJ’s guilt free. The last little bit came into place last night. Working out on my lunch works for me except my swimming workouts – there isn’t a pool near my work. There isn’t a pool near my house either so getting to a pool to swim is a point of major stress in my life. Frankly – I don’t need stress. Soooo even though I’m going to do a triathlon (sprint) in the spring – (for now) I’m not going to specifically train for the swimming part. The truth is I’m a very strong swimmer already and I don’t truly feel like I need to specifically train to swim the length required for the sprint. So the plan is this: Run three days a week, bike three days a week. Swim when I’m at a gym that has a pool (which happens usually on the weekends). No more driving 30 + miles out of our way on the way home so I can hit a pool. No more getting home at 9PM and then trying to pack my gym bag for the next day, have dinner and pack my lunches. Life is much simpler and much less stressful. I feel better already.

And that’s my update!

Monday, October 30, 2006

Monday Monday

Weight in today 175.5

I think my weight is being a little stubborn right now - not because of what I'm doing as much as a time of the month thing - I've got myself dialed in and focused this week and actually I came off a pretty good weekend so I'm raring to go.

Goals today is 1242 to 1342 Calories and 150 minutes of excercise.

Got up and made it to the gym this morning and did chest and abs.

Chest:

Dumbbell Incline Bench Press: 35lbs x 12 x 4
Dumbbell Bench Press: 40 x 12 x 4
Barbell Decline Bench Press: 85 x 12 x 4

Abs:

Hanging Leg Lifts: 4 x 12 x 4
Cable Crunches: 100lbs x 12 x 4

total time 70 minutes

This is an 'easy' week and it was nice to take a little break from the heavy weights. I'm doing periodization training again so these numbers should change a lot over the next few weeks.

I've got to do a 30 minute bike ride after work and I'm going to do a 60 minute yoga session and that should get me the minutes I need. Lunches are made and in my bag - I've had over 1 liter of water already today and have a goal to have three more.

Meals Planned (in case anyone is curious):

Meal 1:

1 Egg/2 Egg Whites
Light English Muffin

Meal 2:

Zone Bar

Meal 3:

Salad (4 cups spinach and 1 cup broccoli/Carrots/Cabbage Shreds)
and 1 cup Stallone High Protein Pudding (vanilla)

Meal 4:

Turkey Sandwich (2 Slices Light Wheat Bread and Turkey Breast)
1 Cup Strawberry halves

Meal 5:

1 Banana
Soy Protein mixed with spenda and cocoa powder (unsweetened)

Meal 6:

Grilled Chicken Breast
Steamed Broccoli

Here's to making today a masterpiece!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Attitude


Boats along Lake Windermere, originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.

"Attitude and expectation have to be renewed daily. The first
step is to believe that we deserve what we desire. That sets
the tone for the rest of our day and thought processes."


*Gail Pursell Elliott, "The Dignity and Respect Lady

Hump Day Update

Well - I'm chugging through the week. The weekend din't go as well as I had hoped. Eating in the car and at someone elses house is always a challenge. went back above 176 but I'm working on getting below that and STAYING there. Seems 175 is turning out to be much like 200lbs for me - a bit of a struggle, but I know once I get past this that things will pick up for me again.

I've hit the gym the past three days (took a sleep in day today) and have really just rocked the joint. I've increased something every day and I just love it. Next week though I'm staring another 12 week periodization program - just cause it's a nice change of pace.

I've been looking for something I can do to add some extra excercise minutes to my program and have struggled with that for a while. I can always walk and do interval inclines but there are some days when the treadmill just isn't my thing. Last night I think I found one alternative...

check out
yogodownload.com

They offer a free class (two free classes if you go to the itunes 'podcast' section. I tried them both last night and just loved them. The instructor was very precise in her explinations - her flow was great and I was sweating and panting by the end and (as I usually do) ended the classes feeling better then when I started. The two 'power yoga' classes that I tried were light on the 'ooooommmm' hippy dippy metaphysical stuff for the most part which I like. They offer a few other 'types' of yoga some which are specifically for relaxation which may have more of that kind of stuff (for those of you who like that). At less then $5.00 a class I can certainly say they are worth the cost. I've spent tons more then that on vidios that I watched once and then threw away. These are great because they are MP3's so you can load them on your ipod (or whatever) and take them with you. Although they do require the certainl level of yoga 'knowledge' to hit the poses cause there's no visual to go by.

ok - so enough of the infomercial ;)

One other quick bit of interesting info. My husband is starting to 'suggest' to me that I have a book in me. I actually have an idea for something I would like to put together and may start sharing bits of it here. When I do I would love some feedback from any of you. :)

We'll see - it's not like I don't have 1000 other things I need to do - and I've already told him I can't publish anything until I've lost the rest of the weight. Hmmm more motivation for me eh!?

take care everyone!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Finally!

175.5 today. I'm seeing a downward trend again yay!! I've got my sites set on being OUT of the 170's the first part of November - how cool is that??

The key will be to remain really focused this weekend - I'll be out of town for three days and I plan on going out to eat with my Dad on Saturday so it'll be a challenge but NOT Impossible. The good news is I'll have pleanty of time to workout :) I may even meet my dad at the gym again as working out with him was a LOT of fun.

I'm going to have to set a date for new progress pictures... oh heck - Thanksgiving is my 'goal' date so Thanksgiving will be progress pics - you can bet they'll knock your sox off.. :)

Realities


Look out it's Nessy!, originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.

"As spiritual beings we have the ability to create that which we
first imagine. What we think about with conviction and emotion,
clearly focusing on, can and will become our realities."

*Sharon Gilbert {The Power of the Universe}

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

It's been a week?

Time flys when you're having fun? :P

Well, for once my absence isn't because I'm struggling. Things have been going great. I've been focused and doing what I needed to do. And the results? I'm down to 176.4 today. YAY!

In non-weight related successes - I hit a new record last week - Barbell Bench Press - 145 lbs for 6 reps! That was one of my goals at the begining of the year and it feels GREAT to have achieved it.

Oh - and I finally paid my money and I'm all signed up for the Sprint Triathalon on Sunday, May 6th - that means no more slacking! I need to keep to my training schedule.

So - that's it for now.

Thanks again to everyone for thier support. And for those of you who came out of the shadows to give your support... You did a good thing ;) thank you!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Is it Wednesday?

Things have been busy at work - which is a good thing because it makes time go by quickly but it means it's harder to give a good update here - so I'll try to make this short and sweet.

today's weigh in 178.1...

Monday - Ate on plan, drank water and excercised... Got in my back workout, biked for 30 minutes and then walked for another hour after I got home.

Tuesday - Ate on plan (with a extra large 'splurge meal' with my honey since it was his birthday), didn't drink as much water as I would like and walked up to coit tower in San Francisco. walk took an hour in total. We didn't get a weight workout in because the bathrooms are closed at our gym so we can't go in the morning and we used the evening to celebrate.

A few things have happend to really shore up my resolve...

1) I've been listening to an audiobook on my ipod called 'today matters'. It's helping me to really focus on today and doing what needs to be done. (in more then just weight loss). He's got some great tools and suggestions on working to 'make today a masterpiece' that I'm applying to my weight loss efforts.

2) I've been reviewing the audio version of the Leanness Lifestyle book on my noontime walks. yesterday I listened to the one on goal setting. In it coach details goal setting (something I'm a firm believer in and a doer of) and for some reason as I listed to something I've known/heard before it 'clicked' with me. I've really missed out on making daily goals for myself. Yes yes I set up 'to-do' but recently they have just been a set of 'tasks'. I had kind of lost the tie in between those tasks and the reason for doing them. For instance: Plan and make my lunch every day. It's a task, a chore I do each day. In some part of my mind it was linked to this goal of 'weight loss and better health' which is all good, but yesterday it clicked for me that it's also linked to my goal of lose .22 lbs today. For some reason linking those two nearly stopped me in my tracks. These things that I do arn't for some far off five week hazey number in the future. These things are for tomorrow - for a number on the scale I can wrap my mind around... .22 lbs lighter tomorrow then I am today. WOW!!

By making 'today a masterpiece' I directly affect my tomorrow - measurably and that thought has settled into the back of my mind and sits there like this little flame. It's something more then desire... it's kind of like I've found renewed... hope.

Anyway - I've probably just confused everyone :)

I will say Matt - I hear what you are saying about increased excercise. Believe me I'm not planning on running myself past the point of diminishing returns. However, when I was steadily losing about 2.2 lbs a week I was doing about 630 minutes of excercise per week. I've been no where near that of late. I would like to see those sorts of results again and I believe upping my excercise minutes is one of the many of the steps I need to cary out in order to do that. Thank you as always for your concern and honest input.

Monday, October 9, 2006

Monday Update

Today's weigh in 179.1

Despite that number I did have a GREAT weekend. kept to my plan and even got some cardio in yesterday. This week is going to be a little challenging as our gym is undergoing construction and the bathrooms are out... That means we're going to have to use another gym and workout at night. However - rather then let this be a stressful situation I've desided it's going to work out great for me because I can go ahead and get up early in the morning and walk on the treadmill before work THEN get my weight training and Triathalon training done after work - more excercise minutes for me and more excercise means more losses - and we all like more/faster losses right!?

I do know that despite my weight sticking at 178 all last week I'm dropping inches - my size 12 pants are all starting to show a little gaping around the waist; a fact that leaves me surprised every time I notice it. I have no doubt that a consistant week this week will see some TERRIFIC results and so excited to see what changes are in store.

I'll keep you all updated - of course :)

Friday, October 6, 2006

Demon's beware!

I have to start by saying you guys are the BEST! Matt – your unfaltering support means so much to me. Every time I post I look forward to seeing what your comment will be. It really gives a boost!

Cynthia – thank you so for coming out of the woodwork :) It makes me incredibly happy to know that even though I struggle and have some good and some ugly times there are people who can take something positive from my experience. I’m glad you feel inspired – for me hearing that is a dream come true. Good luck in your continued journey. No, I’m sorry good luck isn’t the right word… kick butt! :) As for the weights, hang in there – you’ll get stronger and stronger as you go. When I started back in 2003 I’m pretty sure I was using 20lb dumbbells. One of the biggest things I had to overcome was not my body’s lack of strength, but my own fear. Fear of lifting heavy – fear of ‘bulking up’ – fear of not being able to lift the next heavier weight or not being able to finish the set. When I got over all of that, my strength gains grew by leaps and bounds. You won’t know how strong you are until you try :)

Kana – you too almost brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad to know that there are people who come here and are inspired. I glanced at your blog quickly and you are doing GREAT! Keep up the intensity and good luck w/your surgery. I’ll keep you and ‘the man of your dreams’ in my prayers

So… about those demons I dragged out? I’ve locked them up again and I’m starving them with confidence. You see – As people we are capable of ANYTHING! We just need to remember that we are what we think about. If I think that I’m a loser and fat girl who can’t get below 175… then I won’t. But if I think that I’m a fierce warrior lean and strong and capable of reaching 130 and even looking ‘stage ready’ then I am. Well kids – guess what the Valkyrie has strapped on her armor and is bringing death to self doubt and self pity.

One thing that really helped is I talked to the coach last night. We went over the stuff I talked about here and then gave me a good reality check. He reminded me that while I have ‘been here’ before and this IS the place where I’ve ‘lost the war’ every other time this time is different. Why? Because I have more confidence I’m sure in myself and my program. I’m not given to knee jerk reactions. I take the ups and downs of weight loss and approach them with sanity and logic instead of panic. And most importantly – I’m not doing it alone. Last time I was here, yes, I started to struggle. I panicked as I grew close to the number and would deprive myself to try to achieve then binge up again. I did that over and over and over again. This time? This time I have someone watching and mentoring me – someone who’s willing to catch me two weeks into this and say ‘Don’t make me bring the hammer down – enough of this, do what you know you need to do’. So guys – we’re not going to talk about the ‘175 mystery’ anymore. Except if it’s a weigh in, I’m not going to mention the number again. 169 is the goal for this phase and that’s the number to focus on – we’ll have a party when I get there ;)

And so… stats:

Today’s weigh in 178.1
Water: 3L
Diet Pepsi: 32 oz
Minutes Exercised: 70
Minutes Remaining: 530 (this is not going well)
Ratio: 44%/44%/16%

Yesterday’s workout Legs (yay!) and abs:
Box Squats (Plus Bar): 105 x 6 x 3
Straight Legged Dead Lifts: 110 x 6 x 3
Lying Leg Curls: 85 x 6 x 3
Leg Lifts: 8lbs x 6 x 3 (used a medicine ball)
Incline Crunches: 6 x 3

For those of you who don’t know what a box squat is…there’s some great pictures here http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/schultz22.htm a good picture and description here.. http://www.weightliftingdiscussion.com/boxsquat.html

If you read these you’re probably noticing that these SEEM to be geared toward power lifters. Which I’m not, nor do I plan to be – BUT I also think that fear has kept me from dropping my squat as low as I should have – so I’m using the box squat to teach myself to ‘stretch’ it just a little and it relaxes the fear a little because I can’t fall on my butt with the box there to catch me – right? Plus I’m actually ‘sitting’ on the box (as apposed to touching) so I’m building my strength at the same time. Everyone should try it!!

Alright – I’m off now I hope everyone has a great Friday and an excellent weekend.

Thursday, October 5, 2006

Yes - I'm updating AGAIN

Let me get the mudane stuff out of the way first:

Yesterday's weigh-in 179
Today: 178

(dropping water weight from weekend crap food)

Yesterday's Stats...
Water: 4.5L
Diet Pepsi: 0L
Minutes Excercised: 70
Minutes Remaining: 600 (I better get on the stick)
Macro Ratio: 46%/43%/14%

Workout last night was solid

Seated Dumbbell Press (shoulders): 35 x 6 x 3
Barbell Press (plus bar): 60 x 6 x 3
Lat Raises: 20 x 6 x 3
Wrist Curls: 35 x 6 x 3

Alrighty then - so that's what's going on physically - let's talk about what's going on mentally :) I can honestly say I have 'tunnel vision' again. I really don't know what happened over the weekend but something flipped a switch in my head and I was 'ready' again.

But - I voiced my concerns to my coach. As I've said before this is not the first time I've hit a stall at almost this same exact weight. When I look honestly at what I was doing I could have lost about three more pounds before leaving on vacation. And the past two weeks were an obvious face plant. Why is that? He gave me some possable reasons to think over...



1. Sexual abuse - fear of men if more attractive

2. Fear of NOT being attracted to spouse if more attractive

3. Fear of having to finally grown personally/professionall by NOT having weight as the constant excuse not to grow.

4. Fear of the b.s. mindset of "I'll never get to have good food again." OR "I'll never get to have my favorite treats again if I keep losing" etc.

5. Fear and mindset of I DON'T DESERVE IT

Any of the above ring true? They are the top 5.


At first I dismissed all these -

1. I've never had problems attracting men at ANY wieght. I'm sure of myself, and my atractivness even at 200+ AND I'm confident that internally I'm an atractive person and that transends the weight factor. So lets just say that I don't suddenly 'start' getting noticed by men when I hit 180

2. I got over the whole 'what if I'm not attractive when I'm thin' thing a long time ago. It was an easy issue to settle - if I don't like the way I look thin, I can always go back again ;) As for my spouse he somehow manages to make me feel loved at any weight. As I get thinner he's my biggest supporter without ever making me feel as if I was 'unattractive' before.

3. Just like number one - I don't judge myself 'inferior' before of my weight so I assume others don't either. I've never felt my weight impacted my career or the way people judge my performace - so why would me being thin affect that?

4. The BS mindset was an issue for me a few months ago. At a 'low' moment I started the whole 'whinning' thing "dieting sucks" "I hate all this food' blah blah blah but I worked through that as well - throwing out the few things that seemed a 'chore' to eat and making sure my meals were full of foods I liked while still fitting into my plan. AND eating healthy is a big deal for me - weight loss or no.

5. Of COURSE I DESERVE it... I'm a decent person. good things are allowed to happen to me...even weight loss.

So, I was stumped...

Last night while I was swimming I started mulling over this in my head... why? why? why? I thought back to the last time this happened and tried to disect it. I started asking myself questions

Why did you gain the weight back?

Well - I was on a roll, then I stopped making the right choices. First it only stalled my weight loss but eventually I gained the weight back.

Why did you stop making the right choices?

I guess the pain of losing became greater then the pleasure of being thin.

Why is that?

There's a lot of reasons I suppose:

I've been 180 before so it's easy to focus on that as a goal - I know how it feels, but I've never been BELOW 180 so it's hard to convince myself that it's going to feel even better. In fact if I think about the last time I remember being 160 all my thoughts are rather negative. I hated the way I looked I felt fat and ugly. The same goes for every weight below that... even 125.

Then why do you want to be 130?

...

And there I get a little stuck :)

But I asked myself another question... Do you believe you are capable of getting to 130?

My first response was "YES!" but then I heard a quite little voice say "I guess"

huh? you mean there's someone else in my head besides me and myself.. oh yeah that "I" guy.

As soon as I spotted him hiding in the darkI pulled him into the conversation. He's kind of like "Gollum" he's withered, ugly and doesn't like the light but when I turned my attention to him he started to throw his barbs.

"Are you kidding? You're not capable of being thin! Remember, you're a 'big' girl. You're too broad shouldered, big boned - lose all the fat you want you'll still just be a big clumsy oaf!"

But! Look at Monica Brandt - She's lovely...I could have a body like that.

"Ha - she's also got a model's face and long beautiful hair - you don't, don't even begin to THINK you'll look like her when you're done!"

But... Maggie Diubaldo has short hair and a strong jaw and a rocking body...

"She's also 5'10" - you're only 5'5" with short legs and big thighs....Forget it - your goals are goals at all they are unatainable daydreams. You'll fail."

------------

You know once that guy starts he's rather hard to shut up. But it's obvious I've spent WAY too many years listening to him. How do I know? Because when I embark on something that seems like it'll fail - I stop trying. Why? to protect myself - afterall I can't REALLY fail if I don't try... right? right?

After listening to the Gollum spill his vile I had flashes of other things in my life he's talked me out of Like Ballet:

When I was a child I spent years in Ballet Class. I loved it! I had grace, rythem and a hunger for perfectionism. My mother (who doesn't comilment often) told me that at once recital she had another mother point me out of the crowd of dancers and compliment my style without knowing who's daughter I was. When I went on stage I didn't just dance, I WAS a dancer. Then came the day when 'school photos' came in. I opened them eagerly knowing what the picture in my mind was when we had them taken. But - instead of a picture of swanlike grace I saw...me - My carriage was perfect, head heald high, arms and legs in perfect symitry... but my hair was stringy and half falling out of my lopsided bun. My legs were short stumpy and thick and my child's body looked sausagelike in the blue satine of my tu-tu. Gollum threw it all in my face and I never went back to ballet class again.

-----------

I tried to nullify Gollum's assessment of my less then ideal traits once more by announcing - fine, I may not be able to be a fitness model but I can at least an athlete.

He laughed in my face, "You! an athlete?! who are you kidding? You're a clutz - slow and uncoordinated. Why bother with this tri-athlete training you are doing? You'll never do it - you know it's just a waste of time"

Gah!

-----------------

I stopped talking to him after that - but it really has me thinking. Do I REALLY believe I'm capable? It's easy to say yes. But do I mean it?

Here's the most important thing... does any of this REALLY matter? Or do I just need to shut up and get the job done? Who cares about my Psyche

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Hey again!

(Told you I was on a roll)

Yesterday was another banner day... I did everything right and I'm feeling great about it!

Weight (Yesterday): 179.0
Water Consumed: 4L
Diet Pepsi: 32oz (I was 2 hours from home at 10PM last night - I figured having a diet pepsi was better then falling asleep and driving off the road)
Minutes Excercised: 95
Ex Min Remaining for Week: 670
Macro Ratio: 36% Carb / 48% Prot / 17% Fat

Workout was Chest and Calves..

Standing Calf Raises: 245 x 8 x 3
Seated Calf Raises: 145 x 8 x 3
Barbell Bench Press (plus bar): 90 x 6 x 3
Incline Dumbbell Bench: 45 x 6 x 3
Assisted Dips: 130 (assist) x 6 / 120 x 6 x 2

Good and sore today.. wow! The plan is to hit the gym tonight after work, do shoulders and swim - I'll update tomorrow on how that goes.

If feels good to have my head in the right place.

Two more things I wanted to add to my posts

Currently Listening to: Today Matters: 12 Daily Practices to Guarentee Tomorrow's Success
Currently Reading: Six-week Start-up

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Hello Everyone!

I'm back :)

As you may have guessed I had some trouble getting my head back into the game after coming off vacation. Many many things contributed to this and I struggled day to day to do what I needed to do. BUT here it is - two weeks back from vacation and suddenly, it's easy again *grin* (or as easy as it ever gets) I can't really tell you what's changed. I just know that my husband (ok it's still wierd typing that) and I looked at each other on Sunday and went - ENOUGH! We packed up our bags and committed to each other to make this a 'perfect' week.

So, yes I'm a little behind on my weight loss goals and no I haven't gotten back down to my 'before vacation' weight but I'm well on my way and certainly in the right frame of mind. I'm on FIRE (and this isn't just me giving myself a 'pep' talk).

So... To sum up yesterday (I'm going to try this new format to help organize myself - heheh)

Weight (Yesterday): 182
Water Consumed: 2L
Diet Pepsi: 0L
Minutes Excercised: 75
Ex Min Remaining for Week: 765
Macro Ratio: 42% Carb / 47% Prot / 15% Fat

Yesterday was Back day and I gave myself quite the workout...

Lat Pulldowns: 115 x 6 x 3
Close Grip Pulldowns: 125 x 6 x 3
T-Bar Row: 75 x 6 x 3
Dead Lifts: 75 x 6 / 80 x 6 x 2
Dumbbell Shrugs: 65 x 6 x 3

Then I did a 35 minute bike ride

Overall I'm feeling happy and focused and glad to be headed in the right direction again instead of stuck in this start/stop flux.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Day four or Day two?

Today is the fourth day of my being 'back' but I didn't 'officially' start back until yesterday... so that's why the title :)

I'm a little behind on updates so I'll try to catch you up.

Tuesday was Chest and Calves - we had fun doing barbell presses, incline dumbbell presses and dips for chest and seated and standing calf raises (I'll have to post the numbers on those later)

And then I ran for 20 minutes

I had an excellent day food wise and everything went as planned.

After two days back my body was hurting from head to toe so Wednesday we took a day off to recover.

Woke up Wednesday morning and had an 'offical' weigh in of 180.6 - I was a little bummed because I KNOW I'm still retaining water and was hoping for a better start then that, but hey - it just means that I'm going to end up with an 'easy' 2 lb loss real soon.

Today we were up at our 'usual' time primed and ready to go to the gym again. Ok so I ACTULLY hit snooze twice and then had to drag myself out of bed using all the will power I had - BUT we made it ;)

I suffered again with a case of under motivation. I know it's a case of the PMS blues that are always worse for me when my nutrition is 'off' - which is was because of vacation. BUT - knowing WHY you feel sad doesn't always make it easier to deal with. Anywho... I was just feeling BLAH this morning. Even seeing my 'dent' in the mirror when I was warming up wasn't helping... But I did it anyway. Arms today... not normally even my favorite day to workout. But I put everything I had into it and you know what? by the end of the workout I was feeling pretty good again! Pumped and as I knew I would be, glad I had done it.

That good feeling hasn't lasted all day, but for at least a few hours I got to feel good about my day.

PS - don't worry I'll get over this 'blue' funk in a bit. It's tempting to leave stuff that out of my journal. After all I don't want people to worry about me, BUT one day someone else is going to be reading this and I don't want anyone to ever thing, 'yeah, she did that, she lost 70-80 lbs but look it was EASY for her... No - it's not easy for me. It's a challenge every day - some days I enjoy the challenge and other days I don't... this week just happens to be a few of those 'don't' days - but this too will pass. And the best part is, the more I excercise and eat right the sooner 'this too will pass' will come.

Ok enough about that....

food had been ok today. I was craving chocolate so bad today. I did my 'normal' drink water, go for a walk, chew gum.. but it just kept getting worse, so I got a mini bag of peanut m&m's and ate them (about 6 in the bag). Now the craving is gone yay!

what else? Uh I'm sure there is something but I can't think of it right now...

I've started Uploading my Photos from the Trip here… I've only got four days up so far.

England Photos

The photos from our photographer of our wedding

Photographer Photos

Photos we took ourselves after the wedding

Our Photos

Monday, September 18, 2006

Day One...

After coming back from a three week layoff – I was having a little trouble getting my ‘mo-jo’ back. I was feeling rather under motivated. Part of it could be I’m at that ‘danger zone’ for myself. The 175 to 180lb range that’s been barrier I’ve been unable to break through for 18 years now. I’m ‘average’ again. Buying clothes from the normal stores… blending in with the rest of the crowd. Why the heck am I getting up at 4:00AM again?

But, even under motivated, I got up and went to the gym this morning. Amazingly enough it was all I needed. Once at the gym, in my ‘muscle’ shirt – one look in the mirror was all it took. Seeing the ‘cut’ in my arm separating my delt had me back in the right frame of mind as soon as I started warming up. Then seeing my lat bunch up while doing pull downs had me plotting the next five pounds I would be throwing on the machine.

You see, I’m not interesting in being ‘average’. I’m no longer interesting in ‘settling’ for size 12 pants and just buying off the ‘normal sized’ racks. I want to turn my body into a lean mean weight lifting machine. I want to see definition… I want to have arms that make guys go home and flex in the mirror to reassure themselves that their arms look better.

Most importantly, I don’t want to be ‘that girl who lost 30 lbs - hasn’t she a nice job?’ I want people to look at me and think ‘she works out’. And if you tell them that last July I weighed 214lbs that would look at you and tell you that you were crazy. I want people to look at me and never suspect that I ever had a weight problem. I want to be accused of having ‘good genetics’. Not because I’m thin but because I’m fit…

Today I got up at 4:00 am and hit the gym… even though I flew home from England less then 48 hours ago.. and it felt GREAT!

Today was back and trap day:

Lat Pull Down: 110 x 5 / 110 x 6 / 110 x 5
Close Grip Pull Down: 110 x 6 / 115 x 5 / 115 x 5
T-Bar Row: 70 x 5 / 70 x 5 / 70 x 4
Dead Lift: 70 x 6 / 75 x 6 / 80 x 6
Dumbbell Shrugs: 60 x 6 / 60 x 6 / 60 x 6

Then I road the bike for 35 minutes – average speed of 20 mpr :)

Food has been perfect today… This morning’s weigh in was less then stellar. I’m retaining water like crazy so I’m holding off just a bit before recording my ‘official’ starting weight for this next phase – I suspect I lost two lbs just today and don’t want to skew the numbers with a ‘water drop’ like that… I will get my starting stats up very soon though!

First Photos Are Up

Day One photos are up - I'll add more daily

of course this is about 1/4th (or less) of the actual photos I took.

My England Photos

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Quick Hello!

We're back! the trip was fantastic - the wedding was GREAT! I'll be posting tip photos and some commentary on our trip on my 'other blog' should you want to read more about it later.

As for this blog? Well it will continue to be about what it's always been about - me ;)

The biggest accomplishment of the past three weeks is that I went the entire vacation without going over 180 lbs! It was so exciting to take some time off and not have a big back slide. "the coach" and I had set a 'limit' of 185 and I did even better then that!

Now it's time to start a nice big 'action phase' That means - taking action ;)
And an action phase starts with some clear goals... And I'm going to make them clear and VERY Public right here and now. By November 22nd (the day before Thanksgiving) I'll be 160 lbs. That's 9 weeks and about 20 lbs - very doable. (offical starting date of 9/20)

I also start SERIOUSLY training for my first 'sprint' triathalon. Bye the end of this month I will have paid my entance fee and be all signed up - there's no backing down. That will comprimise most of my cardio training.

As for weight training. I think I'm going to spend the next 8 weeks doing Max-OT again. BUT I'm going to be really meticulous about it. EVERY rep is going to be perfectly executed. I'll go through two 4 week cycles - 4 to 6 reps per excercise. This keeps my weight workouts very focused and rather short so that I can get to my cardio. We'll see if between that and my tri-training if that's enough excercise minutes :)

Weight training will be heavy with focus on building strength. I still have some unfullfilled goals for this year such as benching 100lbs plus the bar (145 lbs) and doing pull-ups. Between the strength training and the weight loss I expect to be doing pull-ups by the end of the year... I can get to within 2 inches of the bar now and with a little work (and a few less lbs) I should be able to do more then 1 before Jan 1st.

As usual I'll let you know as things progress.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Quick Update

Just had to update you all :) It's been a busy busy week. I'm maintaining my weight loss and have been have to catch exercise when and where I can (like taking walks at lunch).

My wedding dress fits great and I've got room to 'shrink or grow' a bit if need be. If I'm going to either, I would rather it be 'shrink'

For the Voyeurs among you...

you can watch our wedding online http://www.anvilhall.com/ and just click on webcam. It's not 'video' but you might get to see a shot or two.

The ceremony is at 10:30 AM British Time on 9/9. You'll have to do the time difference calculations yourself. I know if you're in California that means 2:30 am.

((I just wanted to update with this link - it'll tell you what time it is at your house when we're getting married What time is it?))
In case anyone gets a 'wild hair' I will say that this is a private ceremony... as much as I love you all I'm afraid you aren't invited other then virtually ;) We want this to be 'moment' for just the two of us.

As for meetups while I'm in the UK... email me Part Time Mom at Hot mail dot com

We leave tomorrow and I don't know that I'll update before then. I do want to say thank you to all of you for your support and encouragement. Although I've still got a long ways to go, I'm so happy to be 30 lbs lighter for my wedding day and you all have been a part of that journey. I'm looking forward to getting to it and dropping the next 15 by Christmas - you can bet I'll keep you updated along the way.

Byeeeeeee!

Belief


pollinate me baby!
Originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.
"Believe you can do it. Believing something can be done puts your
mind to work for you and helps you find ways to do it."

*George Shinn

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Killer Leg Workout

I walked out of the gym last night feeling totally pumped! Let me show you why ;)

I’m currently in week 11 of a 12 week periodization program. This is where the rubber meets the road. It’s a heavy heavy week and frankly some of the weights that were in the program were kind of scaring me. Well, last night was legs and even though I approached my workout with a slight case of the nerves…I BLEW all my Personal Best numbers OUT OF THE WATER!!

Squats: 220 x 7 / 220 x 7 / 230 x 6
(here is where it got REALLY freeky)
Leg Press: 585 x 7 / 585 x 7 / 615 x 6

Yes, that’s right I did 615 on the leg press and walked away!

Seated Leg Curls: 145 x 7 / 145 x 7 / 180 x 6
Straight Legged Dead Lift: 170 x 7 / 170 x 7 / 180 x 4

I could have done more at 180 but my grip gave out… I even set the bar down and tried to go back to it and could only do one more before my hands went.. no way! Bah!

Still I was beyond excited about the numbers I was able to move. Chest day should be interesting as well!

Going to do back tonight :)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Here you go... glimps #2

It's not finished yet but here's a second look at my wedding dress...

 
 
  Posted by Picasa

Monday, August 14, 2006

Why my guy is the greatest....

almost forgot this part....

(most of you know the 'begining of the story already - but I'm including it just in case)

When I fist started 'seriously' lifting my fiance was a little...worried. He (as most people in the world) had no idea what weight lifting would do to a woman's body and even as a 'beginer' I was lifting pretty heavy weights. While I didn't let his concerns STOP me it did mean he had some trouble all out supporting me. We had discussions about what my goals were and how my lifting weights was NOT going to turn me into Chyna of WWF fame. He still struggled... then one day while at the Scotish Highland games we ran into world champion Shannon Hartnett. She was STRONG... and muscular. But seeing her in person and getting a glimps of just how beautiful a strong muscular woman is changed him.. forever.

How much? Well yesterday after working out we got into one of our 'posing' contests. Yes we are a REALLY wierd couple ;) what happens is usually he flexes a bicep... which means I have to answer with a double bi... and it just goes up from there. Well in the spirit of one upmanship I stripped off my tank and flexed my back. Jokingly he poked me in the lat and then went.. holy cow! That's muscle! I thought that was fat! Look at that! When I told him it was a little hard to see my own back my sweet loving man ran to the bedroom, pulled the mirror off the door and drug me in the bathroom so he could hold the mirror up for me and let me see my back! Then he shoves the mirror in my face and says... now do the 'hulk'. (You know slightly hunched over with fists down and pointed toward each other...) I did and he pointed at my chest... do you see that? Look, your chest lifts, see the line? And he was right... when I flex I can now see a line between my pecs! Not only was I seriously thrilled at the changes I was seeing but I couldn't help but revel in the fact that I was getting to share them with the person I love the most.

What a great life this is!

(PS - I later held the mirror for him so he could see the lats HE'S getting)

Longer Update

Whew, I lot to catch up on!

Let’s see… Wednesday I didn’t hit the gym for a second time, I was just feeling too lousy. I went home and went to bed and didn’t get up again until 1:00PM the next day! Apparently that rest was what I needed though because my cold has been on the mend ever since.

I didn’t hit the gym Friday morning either so by the time I got home from work, I was practically bouncing off the walls! I changed, put podrunner on the ol’ ipod and headed into the great big world to run. And run I did! With a prodrunner set that was keeping 130 beats per minute I found I had no problem at all keeping a ‘quick’ but steady pace. I ran for an hour and managed about 5.4 miles! And that included two five minute walk breaks. For me that’s an OUTSTANDING pace and to keep it up for an hour…I’m really excited.

Saturday night was my bachelorette party and I fully enjoyed myself. I think the two hours I spent out on the dance floor had a lot to do with the fact that my weight barely spiked at all afterwards.

Sunday it was back to the gym and I ended up having to combine chest and back because I had missed those few days. Not my favorite way to workout but a girl does what she must ;)

Chest:

Incline Press: 110 x 7 x 4
Dumbbell Press: 50 x 7 x 4
Barbell Press: 135 x 7 x 4

Back:

Cable Row: 110 x 7 x 4
Bent Row: 105 x 7 x 4
Lat Pulldown: 110 x 7 x 4
Shrugs: 180 x 7 x 4

Needless to say, I was whipped after that.

This morning we were up at 4:00AM and at the gym for arm/abs - some days I surprise myself.. lol

Dumbbell Curl: 35 x 7, 35 x 7, 35 x 6 (lots of ‘help’ from the fiancĂ© here…I can do about five reps at 35 on my own and then he has to help me)
Barbell Curl: 60 x 7, 60 x 7, 60 x 6
Curl Bar Cable Curl: 85 x 7, 85 x 7, 90 x 6

Dumbbell Wrist Curls: 40 x 7, 40 x 7, 40 x 6

Ab crunch Machine: 125 x 7, 125 x 7, 130 x 6
Cable Crunches: 110 x 7, 110 x 7, 115 x 6

Then I went and walked at 4 MPH with 1 minute intervals from incline level 0 to 15 and back down again.

I’ve got a bike ride planned tonight so I’m staying busy! :)

On the plus plus side… I weighted in at 178 this morning! That’s 29.7 pounds gone. I wore size 12 JEANS all night on Saturday with NO muffin top and my cold is on it’s last leg. Two week until we leave for England… and I think I may just be at my lowest weight in 18 years when we tie the knot.

Oh and the final fitting on my wedding dress is tomorrow! I can not WAIT to see how it looks!

quicky

just wanted to quickly update and say I hit a new low! 178 lbs - 4 lbs until I'll be at my lowest in 18 years

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Hump Day!

This week is going well - I committed over the weekend not to miss a single workout and so far this week I haven't. I went back (as I committed to) and did a 30 minute bike ride on Monday. Tuesday it was shoulders and Calves...

Seated Calf Raises: 180 x 7 x 4
Standing Calf Raises: 235 x 7 x 4

Barbell shoulder press: 110 x 7 x 4
Lat Raise Machine: 70 x 7 x 4
Reverse Pec Deck: 70 x 7 x 4

Then I went and swam for 20 minutes. I have to say... I've always been a proponent of having the right equipment but somehow always have to learn the hard way myself :) Last night I tried out my new swimsuit, goggles and nose plugs. Oh MY what a difference! The nose plugs were the best part - I wish I had started wearing them earlier - I could swim so much better when I wasn't fighting water up my nose constantly and aftewords I didn't feel like someone had packed my head with marbles...

Anyway - today we did legs

Squats: 200 x 7 x 4
Leg Press: 520 x 7 x 4
Leg Curls: 145 x 7 x 4
Stiff Legged Dead Lifts: 160 x 7 x 4

And finished up with 30 minutes on the treaddy doing hills

Tonight I'll run

Eats have been super clean - if I could just get rid of this cold I would be GREAT!

Monday, August 7, 2006

Monday Monday

Let me start by saying that I didn't excercise as much as I should have last week and food wasn't as 'clean' as I would like it to be. No major issues just a little lazy and sloppy. Things are back on the straight and narrow this week. I have to be 181 by Saturday if I want to go all out at my 'doe' party.

Hit the gym this morning and did arms. I've been either fighting a cold and/or alergies since Thursday AND we drove over 800 miles this weekend so it was a little tough getting started but I made it.

It was arms and Abs today:

Dumbbell Curls: 30 x 7 x 4
Barbell Curls: 55 x 7 x 4
EZ Bar-Cable Curls: 75 x 7 x 4
Wrist Dumbbell Curls: 35 x 7 x 4

Crunch Machine: 115 x 7 x 4
Cable Crunches: 115 x 7 x 4

Then I went and walked 'hills' on the treadmill for 30 minutes

the plan for tonight is another 30 minutes on the bike.

Food is right on track for the day and rest of my 'lunches' are sitting beside me waiting to be eaten. Now if I could just get to where my head stops pounding and I can breath again....

Thursday, August 3, 2006

Leg day and more


Thistle
Originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.
All's well here.. Made it to the gym last night - FINALLY. Haven't had a good week so far workout wise. Even last night I felt really worn out.. but did what I needed to so anyway...

Last night's workout was shoulders and calves:

Seated Calf Raises: 180 x 7 x 4
Standing Calf Raises: 235 x 7 x 4

Barbell Shoulder Press: 105 x 7 x 4
Lat Raise (Machine): 65 x 7 x 4


Then I went and swam for 20 minutes

This morning we managed to drag ourselves out of bed and make it to the gym early. It was leg day - whoo hoo!

After warming up

Leg Press: 510 x 7 x 4
Squats: 180 x 7 x 4
Leg Curls: 145 x 7 x 4
Straight Legged Dead Lift: 115 x 7 x 4

I'll be doing so cardio tonight so all is good.

Weight is holding steady at the moment in the 181 range. I'm still ahead of schedule so I'm not too concerned.

I've been doing Excellent on my nutrition - but it hasn't been easy. Lately when I go to the store I feel like I'm walking through one of those 'house of horrors' at the carnival. Every time I turn a corner I brace myself for facing SOMETHING that I know I'm going to want. Frozen Pizza, Chocolate, Ice Cream, Bread in obcene quantities. But I've been good - I know if I don't buy it I can't eat it so I just hurry past those aisles and head to the fresh produce. Even so sometimes the power in the 'dark side' feels very strong ;)

I know this is one of those 'bad weeks' for me. wierdness in my hormones makes me 'blue' this week and when I'm 'blue' I have the urge to comfort myself with food. Not going to do it though - I'm finding my comfort in good food and excercise.

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

Words


Bee Butt
Originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.
Did is a word of achievement,
Won't is a word of retreat,
Might is a word of bereavement,
Can't is a word of defeat,
Ought is a word of duty,
Try is a word of each hour,
Will is a word of beauty,
Can is a word of power.

*Unknown Author

Tuesday, August 1, 2006

Why my clothes don't fit


Bodega Church at Sun set
Originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.
Well I finally drug the ol' tape measure out of the closet today just to 'see'.

I mean - it was obvious to me that I've been losing inches. Most of my clothes don't fit anymore, but for someone like me "my pants are loose" doesn't mean as much as the NUMBERS... and the results?

My "best guestimate" of my body fat Start: 51% Now: 41%

Chest (Directly beneith my arms): Start 41 Now: 38.75

Bicep: Was: 13 Now 12 (though it's 13 when I flex.. whoop!)

Forearm: Was: 11.25, Now: 10.5

Waist (are you ready for this?): Was: 39.5 Now............. 35 Yes you are seeing that right. I've dropped 4.5 inches from my waist... ya think my pants arn't fitting?

Hips (again, are you ready??): Was: 49.25 Now................45 Now if that isn't a testimate to the fact that I lose weight all over? 4.25" off the ol hips. Again with the pants falling off thing.

Thigh: Was: 27 Now 25 ... I'll take 2" off the old thigh

Calf - Was 15.75 Now 15.5

Monday, July 31, 2006

Whoa

I knew it was coming... This 'whoosh' of weight loss that always comes after I've been stalled for a little while. Plus the whole PMS bloat that I could feel, and yet, I wasn't really mentally prepared to get on the scale this morning and have it say 181...

I've never ever ever lost weight this consistently before. Heck, doing BFL a few years back it took me over 18 weeks to get to this point... This time around? I've not even gotten used to one 'decade' and I'm having to adjust to a new one. What's really weird is that I've gotten to this weight before, but never with this much muscle. The size, shape, and 'feel' of my arms and shoulders where the fat is starting to get REALLY thin completely fascinates me. I keep having to stop myself from stroking my upper arms when I'm wearing a tank top and/or flexing everytime I come near any reflective surface.

And today I saw my face in the mirror and went... who IS that person?! In the past 18 years I've only gotten to this weight a few times and it's like I'm starting to become someone completely foreign. And I LIKE it! lol I can't wait to see what changes happen next. Especially the next 10 lbs when I REALLY get into new territory. You have to remember that I was 165 when I graduated High school and 9 months later I was 175 after having my first baby... I haven't seen that weight again for more then a day or so over the past 18 years.

And through it all... I'm still kicking butt on the weights, and swimming/running/biking further and faster every week! I just LOVE it!

I have to admit that it's the cardio that's making the biggest difference for me. I've found that the weeks I get my cardio in I drop, the weeks I don't, I stall. (unless there are other factors involved like PMS etc.) AND to that end being a 'tri' athlete has made getting the cardio in all the easier. Why? cause I can make up workouts.

Before when I was only running (or only walking) If I missed a 30 minute run it was REALLY hard to make that up and run for an hour the next day. I just didn't have it in me. Now? I miss a 40 minute bike ride, I have no problem making it up after a 30 minute swim.

Oh, and food... foods been great! Saturday I planned my 'splurge meal'. I was really craving pizza. And while at the store I noticed my FAVORITE pizza crust (bobli) came in whole wheat! I figured, why not try to make my splurge as healthy as I could. I happened to have developed my tastes as to where I like whole wheat as much as the white stuff... so I bought it. I then picked up 'part skim' motzerella, and while searching for pepperoni found 'turkey pepperoni' that was much lower fat the the 'normal' kind. And then, to top off the 'meal' I knew I wanted something chocolate! Now, a chocolate splurge has to be planned carefully because if I'm not careful a splurge could become a binge... I needed something GOOD that would leave me feel as if I had had the 'real deal' and not cheated myself, but that would be laying around the house for the rest of the week tempting me with 'just one more bite'. The answer? 3 musketeers bar. That thing was so sweet and chocolately that it even had chocoholic like me going 'I don't think I want this last bite'. AND in a stroke a genius.. I ate the chocolate FIRST. Why is that a good thing? Because the taste of the pizza (something I knew I wouldn't overeat) wiped the taste of the chocolate out of my mouth and kept me from thinking about it for the rest of the evening.

Sunday, I was right back on plan - no cravings AND a pound down. Have I mentioned that I love the leanness lifestyle?

Oh! I've a BIG party planned on Saturday the 12th with a bunch of my girlfriends... Coach said I could go out and eat and drink whatever I wanted PROVIDED I was 181 the day before... Guess what? I think I'm going to reach that goal!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The first fitting.

 

You all get the first look! This is the 'mock-up' of my wedding dress. The real thing will be made out of green silk with purple threads running through it... The fabric is AMAZING!

He's the best part. I had my measurments done on June 27th. As you may be aware, I've lost a few pounds since then. (over 10 lbs). So, today She puts the skirt on me and was a little confused when the side overlapped by about two inches. The she said, "have you been losing weight?" I said "yeah - some". She stood there for a minute and said... "Uh, I would say a LOT"

When we tried on the corsett she laced it up as tight as it would go with no problem. There's supposed to be a GAP! hehehe. She looked me over, asked how much more weight I was going to lose then said... well we're going to take three inches out of the corset then. THREE INCHES! OMG I have motivation to hold to my word to lose the weight now cause I'll need to for my dress to fit!

Anyway - I'll post photos of the real thing once I get to that point... more fun ahead!

(PS - sorry about the poor picture quality - my friend was taking the photo and didn't know how to work my camera.) Posted by Picasa

Friday, July 21, 2006

The extent of my insanity.


Yellow Rose
Originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.
If you had told me a few years ago that I would be hitting the gym at 8:00PM and blithely telling my honey, “I’ll be about two hours,” I would have told you that you were smokin’ crack. But, that’s exactly what I did last night. I was late leaving work and hadn’t done my workout that morning so, it was off to the gym I went. Now, the original plan was that I would do my weight workout in the morning and all the cardio type stuff at night, BUT because, as I said I had slept in I was going to have to do the workouts back to back. Now, here is where the REAL insane part comes in… yesterday was leg day. So my workout looked like this:

Squats: 215 x 9 / 210 x 8 / 215 x 12
Leg Curls: (leg press was supposed to be second but both machines were full): 145 x 9/140x8/145x12
Leg Press: 510 x 9/500x8/525 x 12
Still Leg Dead Lifts: 170 x 9 / 165 x 8 / 170 x 7

One thing I would like to note. Guys, when a girl walks in and loads 170 lbs on the squat bar, don’t stop, stand with your hands on your hips and STARE as she goes to un rack it as if you are just WAITING for her to fail or fall over. It’s just not cool.

Anyway – after killing myself on legs AND hitting a personal best on almost every exercise (I’ve done 550 for 10 on the leg press before) I wandered over the to the treadmill and ran at 5MPR for 20 minutes… THEN I changed and hit the pool for freestyle laps for 15 minutes and 3 minutes of treading water, one of which I did with hands out of the water (egg beaters). Needless to say there was one TIRED Shawn walking out of the gym last night. The worse part was when I went to bed it was so hot and I was so tired and achy that I couldn’t sleep. I finally dropped into a deep sleep at 3:00AM. BLEH!

But, I’m going to go to the gym after work tonight, hit my back workout and ride the bike for 40 minutes. I think I like this tri-athlete training I have something new and fun to look forward to every day!

Oh, and I found another negative about losing weight. Last night while laying on my side with my knees together I had to shift position because the bones of my knees were pressed together and it was uncomfortable. I woke up going... what the heck!? When did I get boney knees? Heh.

Oh and one more insane thing. I've actually agreed to bring my scale with me to England so I can weigh in...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I just had to update.

As I've said I've had some trouble with clothes being too big. some things I just bought are falling off me now. So, since every time I try to clip my phone to my pants I have to run around holding onto them I desided to do a little shopping. There's a Dress Barn right next door so I hopped over there after dropping my Visa application to the UK in the mail. Wow was that a great experience! EVERY size 14 pair of pants or skirt FIT! And I walked out of there with a nice pair of size 12 that... you guessed it FIT!

One other note:

I've been a little surpried at my insisity. Yeah yeah boot camp had a lot to do with the last five weeks being so good but seriously, the week it was over I took the break I allowed myself and I was right back in it. And with none of the usual 'fudging' that I tend to do. You know, two splurge meals instead of one... hitting 1400 calories instead of 1300 EVERY day... Two or Three cups of veggies instead of Four. Nope - the next day I was right back in it. I've trying to figure out why.

Yeah the coach had something to do with it. He warned me 'No backsliding'. But without having my goals set in front of me I could have easily gone back to 'good enough'. Then I realized something today. For once I'm not happy with 'average'. Hitting size 14 hasn't made me look around and say, "I'm average sized now, why can't I eat 'normal' again?" Nope... What's changed this? muscle. I've been working my butt off in the weight room for a while now and now, now that I've dropped 20 lbs I'm starting to really see the fruits of my labor! And frankly, I can't wait to see more. I can't wait until I can take off my jacket and people see my arms and go.. Oh my god! I already get that in the gym when I'm lifting but I would like that in everyday life too. I'm loving that every day I find a new muscle a new 'dent' a new shadow where one wasn't before. THAT - THAT has gotten me excited about being not average, not 'normal', but extraordinary! And let me tell you, my fire is stoked.

One problem...


pigeon point lighthouse
Originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.
I've found one flaw with this program I'm currently on... I can't keep myself in clothes! hah :) Down to 187.8 today (yay!) that's right I'm almost at 20 lbs lost. It simply boggles my mind to think about it...

Better yet, I rocked another workout today. I lifted 105... on the shoulder press! Whoop whoop! Lat raises I'm up to 30 lb dumbbells. I promise you that I'm going to get some photos while doing some of these excercises because my upper body just rocks! Ok..so there's TONS of room for improvement (about 60 lbs worth at least) but it just looks so cool and muscly when I do those two excercises that I can't help but impress myself.. heheheh.

Other then that, things are sailing along. I'm eating perfectly, and getting my workouts in. And I started something new (yeah yeah, what's new?) I... am training for a sprint triathalon. Yeah, I'm too late in the season to be ready this year, but I have one picked out for next year. I figured it was the easiest way to not get bored with my workouts is to have THREE things I was working on and trying to improve (plus my weights). We'll see how it goes :) So last night I did 35 minutes on the bike (12.2 Miles) and then ran for 20 minutes at 5MPR. I'm still so stoked at being able to maintain a pace like that! It's a real big deal for me to be able to run at 5MPR after struggling for so long.

So that's my update! Happy Wednesday all!

Saturday, July 15, 2006

A week of PBs


Intensity
Originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.
You may be wondering what I’ve been up to the past few days. After hitting my goal I had to take a deep breath and gather myself. It was hard work and the last few days were monstrous! I celebrated by have a ‘splurge’ that was good for the mind. I was prepared for the jump in weight and didn’t let it freak me out. I also spent the evening trying on every piece of clothing I owned (just about). I celebrated the ones that fit, the ones that ‘almost’ fit, and celebrated the ones that were too big. I put on and zipped up the ‘party’ dress that made me cry at Christmas because it wouldn’t fit. I showed it the fiancĂ© and he said, “Uh that’s almost too big”. As a moment of triumph I put all but two pairs of my size 16 jeans in the charity box. One pair I kept because it’s part of the ‘set’ of six pairs of jeans a bought a while back from size 6 to size 16. When I started this journey the sixteen’s barely fit... now I wear the fourteen’s. The other pair is the largest pair of jeans I’ve owened I’m going to keep those as my ‘jewel’ to remind myself of where I ‘could’ be should I choose to forget what I’ve learned.

What’s been the BEST though? Is that I have ROCKED the gym this week! I cannot tell you the number of personal bests I’ve hit.

Yesterday while doing legs I did:

Squats: 160 x 9 (plus the bar so that’s 205lbs!)/160 x 9 and 170 x 8 (Yes that’s 225 folks..yippy)

Leg Press: 510 x 9/510x9/520 x 8 WHOOP!

Leg Curls: 135 x 9/135 x 9/ 140 x 9

And then…

Stiff Legged Dead Lift: 120 x 9 (yes – that’s right with the bar I was doing 165)/120 x 9/120 x9

I remember not long ago I was struggling to do 110 on dead lifts and now I’m doing 120!! OMG!

It doesn’t stop there though… today we did chest.

Started with Incline Press: 60 x 9 (again with the bar that’s 105 lbs.. on the INCLINE!) 60 x 9/60 x 9

The we did dumbbell press: (are you ready for this?) 55 x 9/55 x9/55x9 I wanted to jump up and down and scream when I finished I set a goal earlier this year to press 50 lbs for 10 and now I’ve blown that away and I’m pushing 55lb dumbbells around!

Last was the Barbell Press… Now my record for this was 95 lbs (plus the bar) but that was doing this exercise first. I didn’t break that record today but heck it was my third chest exercise but I DID do 85 x 9(total weight 130lbs)/85 x 9/90 x 8

I walked out of the gym on cloud nine!

And to top it all off I went out to run (outside yay!) on the track tonight. I set myself a goal of running a 12 minute mile and made it! Not just once but I kept running after the first mile and made it through the second in under 12 minutes too! Yeah .. I ran 5 MPR for two miles straight! That IS a personal best for me… what a week!

As for my weight... today it’s 189.8 I’m still working off that splurge but it was so worth it!

I should be getting my ‘year plan’ from the coach soon. I’m really excited about the changes I’ve seen and the changes that are ahead for me.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

D-Day


In Bloom
Originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.
Yes - today was my last wiegh in. This past week has been SO STRESSFULL! My period came at the wrong time, stalled my weight loss (which was going fabulously thank you very much) and put me on 'full alert' this last week. that meant I stepped it up with the cardio (ran more and faster) and kept it really clean eating trying to stuff as many veggies in and dropping some of my 'starchy' carbs.

I started this phase of bootcamp on 6/6 at 201.7. It was a big deal for me just to be at 201 since I had been struggling to get below even 204 for almost a year....

Five weeks later I am 188.7 ... That's right, I made my goal. I lost 13 pounds in 5 weeks!

A part of me wants to celebrate, but the rest of me doesn't want to lose this focus. In just over six weeks I'm leaving for England to get married. I want to look better then I ever have before. I'll be talking to my coach to figure out what's next but I'm sure his advice will align with my goals. Here's to continued success for ALL of you!

Me? I'm going to have a hamburger tonight for dinner...

Monday, July 10, 2006

Almost there


Red Thistle - 2
Originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.
I've added greens veggies to almost every meal and I'm drinking about a gallon of water. I've upped the intesity of my cardio as much as I can handle and?.... I'm down to 189.8 this morning! only .2 to go to meet my goal tomorrow! I'm finally starting to belive myself when I say "I can do this!" What's funny is even though I've had to fight really hard this last week - I'm ready to set agressive goals for the next five weeks because I've got a wedding to look forward to. I would like to be below 180 when we leave for London.

Anyway - I'm still hanging in there not feeling good yet mainly because... I'm exhausted! lol

Saturday, July 8, 2006

Still Waiting for the Fat Fairy


Daisy - 1
Originally uploaded by Part Time Mom.
I don't have good news yet - other then I haven't given up. today's weight 191.5 - still trying to get below 190! I did have some really excellent victories though..

Last night I got on the home treadmill and on a whim hooked it up to the computer. I used ifit to program my treadmill and let it go. What was funny was that my #1 requirement was that the program be 60 minutes long... but when I looked through the programs that they had that ran 60 minutes... they all were WAY fast. finally I selected one with a max speed of 6MPR and figured when it got too fast I would just slow it down.

Here's the cool part, it never got too fast! I ran for 5 MPR for 10 minutes, ran 5 MPR at 3% incline for 5 minutes and ran at 6MPR at 1.5% incline for five minutes as well! in 60 minutes I went over 4.5 miles. Yes, I'm aware that's an average pace of over 13 minute mile but that included my warm-up and cool down, and frankly I've never ran that pace for that long in my life!! I guess all those months of slogging along doing my intervals when I was 205lbs has paid off. Running at 191 is MUCH easier :)

Hit the gym today too. I did both my chest and my back workout. I really nailed the back workout... upped weights on almost every lift. It felt fantastic. I actually did 130lbs on the seated row! For chest I did 80 lbs (plus the 45 lb bar) for 8 reps. Now I know I have a higher number on my side bar as my 'personal best' but you have to realize that I'm currently doing flat bench as my THIRD chest excercise. Inclines and dumbbbell presses come first.

Oh - and I'm wearing size 14.. no problem! That's TWO, count 'em TWO sizes I've gone down so far. Now if I can just get the scale to give me some 'love' my world will be complete ;)

And No - I'm not willing to 'cheat' just to get my money back. If I'm going to hit my goal it will be fair and square. with hard work, clean eating and excercise. And when I hit my goal on Tuesday morning, and I get my $250 back... I'm going to go out and celebrate!