Friday, October 6, 2006

Demon's beware!

I have to start by saying you guys are the BEST! Matt – your unfaltering support means so much to me. Every time I post I look forward to seeing what your comment will be. It really gives a boost!

Cynthia – thank you so for coming out of the woodwork :) It makes me incredibly happy to know that even though I struggle and have some good and some ugly times there are people who can take something positive from my experience. I’m glad you feel inspired – for me hearing that is a dream come true. Good luck in your continued journey. No, I’m sorry good luck isn’t the right word… kick butt! :) As for the weights, hang in there – you’ll get stronger and stronger as you go. When I started back in 2003 I’m pretty sure I was using 20lb dumbbells. One of the biggest things I had to overcome was not my body’s lack of strength, but my own fear. Fear of lifting heavy – fear of ‘bulking up’ – fear of not being able to lift the next heavier weight or not being able to finish the set. When I got over all of that, my strength gains grew by leaps and bounds. You won’t know how strong you are until you try :)

Kana – you too almost brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad to know that there are people who come here and are inspired. I glanced at your blog quickly and you are doing GREAT! Keep up the intensity and good luck w/your surgery. I’ll keep you and ‘the man of your dreams’ in my prayers

So… about those demons I dragged out? I’ve locked them up again and I’m starving them with confidence. You see – As people we are capable of ANYTHING! We just need to remember that we are what we think about. If I think that I’m a loser and fat girl who can’t get below 175… then I won’t. But if I think that I’m a fierce warrior lean and strong and capable of reaching 130 and even looking ‘stage ready’ then I am. Well kids – guess what the Valkyrie has strapped on her armor and is bringing death to self doubt and self pity.

One thing that really helped is I talked to the coach last night. We went over the stuff I talked about here and then gave me a good reality check. He reminded me that while I have ‘been here’ before and this IS the place where I’ve ‘lost the war’ every other time this time is different. Why? Because I have more confidence I’m sure in myself and my program. I’m not given to knee jerk reactions. I take the ups and downs of weight loss and approach them with sanity and logic instead of panic. And most importantly – I’m not doing it alone. Last time I was here, yes, I started to struggle. I panicked as I grew close to the number and would deprive myself to try to achieve then binge up again. I did that over and over and over again. This time? This time I have someone watching and mentoring me – someone who’s willing to catch me two weeks into this and say ‘Don’t make me bring the hammer down – enough of this, do what you know you need to do’. So guys – we’re not going to talk about the ‘175 mystery’ anymore. Except if it’s a weigh in, I’m not going to mention the number again. 169 is the goal for this phase and that’s the number to focus on – we’ll have a party when I get there ;)

And so… stats:

Today’s weigh in 178.1
Water: 3L
Diet Pepsi: 32 oz
Minutes Exercised: 70
Minutes Remaining: 530 (this is not going well)
Ratio: 44%/44%/16%

Yesterday’s workout Legs (yay!) and abs:
Box Squats (Plus Bar): 105 x 6 x 3
Straight Legged Dead Lifts: 110 x 6 x 3
Lying Leg Curls: 85 x 6 x 3
Leg Lifts: 8lbs x 6 x 3 (used a medicine ball)
Incline Crunches: 6 x 3

For those of you who don’t know what a box squat is…there’s some great pictures here a good picture and description here..

If you read these you’re probably noticing that these SEEM to be geared toward power lifters. Which I’m not, nor do I plan to be – BUT I also think that fear has kept me from dropping my squat as low as I should have – so I’m using the box squat to teach myself to ‘stretch’ it just a little and it relaxes the fear a little because I can’t fall on my butt with the box there to catch me – right? Plus I’m actually ‘sitting’ on the box (as apposed to touching) so I’m building my strength at the same time. Everyone should try it!!

Alright – I’m off now I hope everyone has a great Friday and an excellent weekend.


  1. Shawn, you deserve all the support.

    You possibly have no idea, how your words and achievements, impact on others.

    The one thing that you can be sure of, is you should never have to feel like crying again, except when you're happy.

    You work so hard for the gains and losses.

    The strength gains are awesome, the weight loss is awesome, and you are someone who has a right to feel beautiful and special, even if you are not a hollywood actress, or someone who climbed Everest.

    It's about how you see yourself too, but never forget, you are achieving some amazing physical things on the inside, that you'll never see, that will help you potentially be around 40,50+ years from now.

    This lifestyle is more than just the effects on Fat, Muscle and Cardiovascular ability.

    The work is all yours. A good PT / coach, gives you the tools and knowledge to create the masterpiece. YOU make it happen with your heart and dedication to training and diet.

    That's why realistically it's 1% him, and 99% you, and that's important, because you have to give every bit of your percentage, every day, or you never fulfill 100% of your potential, and your potential is massive.

    I say this often, but I still believe you could compete, before you're 40, as you've hinted at before now, though only you can feel strongly enough to do that, but it would be the pinnacle of your human achievement.

    Maybe one day, you may even write a book about all this. Your blog writing is superb, so with your unique life story, you would really be able to reach out to so many people, no matter what situation they were in.

    I will never know what it's been like to be someone like you, I don't think I've experienced one up or downside, you've ever talked about, but I've felt it through your words, and I know this is a point in your life, where you possibly are feeling the most inner warmth, and inner peace you've ever had, and you hang on tight, and you use that intelligence, to read the danger signs, and don't ever make decisions that erode those feelings, you've spent your life trying to achieve.

    Your time is now, your time has come, so feel beautiful, feel special, feel like a fully matured woman physically, mentally and emotionally, because you're practically there, and the taste of success, is something you can allow yourself to have in your mouth, not the smell of failure.

    You're doing a brilliant job, and you ALWAYS get my vote. I've never ever doubted you, even on the iffy days.

    You are what you are Shawn, but that's the most inspiring thing, so don't ever change. You're who you deserve to be right now, and she's a fabulous woman, getting a fabulous life :-).


    Sending you a HUG, and all my best.

    Have an awesome day. You ROCK misses.

    :-) :-) :-).


  2. I'm glad you've locked the demons up!

    I am jealous of your squats, my chiropractor has all but banned me from squats because each time I do them I throw my lower back out of whack. So for now I'm just sticking to the leg press, leg extension, and lunges, watching everyone else enjoy squats. Not that I ever really enjoyed them anyway, because they are brutal but they WORK! :)