May the Forth be with you

So... Yeah...

I know it's been a while.  Honestly, I kind of had a 'break down'.  If I can every figure out what causes these,  why my motivation, fire and focus goes out the window... I'll have this process beat.

So, I'm up to my 'before the new year' weight - but, I've been on a plan and 'on plan' since Monday.  Baby steps.

Right now I'm just focusing on the food. Getting back into the routine of making a plan and sticking to it.  I'm doing what I can to remove temptations.  One of my biggest temptations is when I go into 'quick mart' stores.  All that candy and pastry... I almost always walk out with something.  It's kind of like an alcoholic walking into a bar every day with a plan to only order water.  Some people can do it, I suppose, but it's silly to put yourself in the snake pit if you don't have to.

One of the main reasons I go into those places is to grab myself diet soda.  So... I've been looking for ways to avoid that.  I've got a Sodastream  at home and I start by day with a full liter of soda there.  Then at work I've got some Crystal Light Energy and MIO Water Enhancer so I can fill my water bottle up and put a little caffeine and/or flavor in it.  It's worked out well so far.

To manage 'snack attacks' I bought a bunch of 100 Calorie Snack Packs of nuts.  That way I can have some nuts - but there's no question about when it's time to stop!

The next thing I want to deal with was 'fast food'.  It became very obvious to me yesterday that another 'excuse' for going off the rails is not wanting to cook.  There are a lot of fast food places nearby (and of course, the ever present quick marts) that I don't need to be visiting every time I want something 'fast'.  So, I think I'm going to break down and buy myself a microwave.  I have a bunch of quick-to-make food at home (oatmeal, soup etc) but it's a pain in the butt to use if you don't have a microwave.  It's time to give up some of my precious counter space, spend the $50 and get an oven!

Lastly, I need to figure out how to do all of this and not drown in feelings of being deprived.  That ugly "M" word (moderation) is such an elusive beast, especially when there's some addictive tendencies going on.  I actually did manage to do moderation (of a sort) for a brief period of my life.  But, I was living on my own, doing what I wanted to do without many worries.  I wasn't thinking about food or excise at all!  I ate what I wanted, when I wanted it.  I moved a little each day without thinking about it, and I was healthy and happy.  No, I wasn't at my 'goal weight', but I was in a mind space where I probably would have gotten there eventually.  I need to figure out how to get back there.  And not just for my physical health.  Mentally I need to get back to that space too.  The world was my oyster back then.  I miss that person - my husband does too. (that's when we met)

To that end, I gave a little thought to tomorrow nights "Cinco de Mayo" celebration.  I love hanging with friends, and letting my hair down once in a while.  I don't want to throw my goals completely out of whack, but I don't want to feel like I 'missed' the party either.  So I did a little shopping and picked up some Skinny Margarita Mix.  Just a little compromise that I think will go a long way.

Anywho - I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself.  Take one step at a time, one day at a time.

My goal right now is to make it through a week of on plan eating and then evaluate if I'm ready to start thinking about structured workouts again.  Right now, just the thought of getting up at 5:00AM and hitting the gym, or lacing up some running shoes makes me exhausted.   My fitness goals should make me feel energized, not drain me.  So, until they do... it's accidental exercise for me.