Hi! *waves* it's me... I'm here, I'm alive. I'm showing up for myself... Still trying to work out how to be my best self with these new circumstances surrounding us...

Had a new 'ah-ha' and I thought I would share with the class. The past few months have not been kind to my goals... I've allowed myself to overeat and over drink and overspend...

HOWEVER! what's different about this time is I've never stopped asking myself 'why'. I had figured out a lot my off plan/over (eating/drinking/spending) came when I was having this vibration in my body that felt restless, kind of vibrating, pent up... I thought maybe that this was boredom. But that didn't really sit with me as the perfect descriptor. I mean I could ALWAYS find things to do!

But I've continued to play with this... continued to try and work out what my lizard brain was looking for... Yesterday I feel like I had a HUGE breakthrough...

It's not boredom... it's not really a lack of enjoyment (though this often feels like depression in that way)...it's not even a lack of fun in the broad sense... it's a lack of Play... playfulness...

The world, my job, my finances, my friends... everything is so SERIOUS right now. And the things I normally do for fun (go to a tiki-bar, Disneyland, conferences, concerts, travel, hang with friends, have a party at my house...even going to the gym) are all banned right now, even dreaming and planning for those things is banned. So, what have I been doing? I've been eating, drinking and spending to try to get some of that 'playful' feeling into my life.

This also explains why I've been so envious of people who are home with their kids right now. You've got this encyclopedia of fun/play/silliness -- right there -- living with you (I have a husband who, though I love him dearly and accept him exactly as he is - has all the personality traits of Eeyore + Oscar the grouch)

Interesting aside -- I was reading an article about fun for adults and one of the items was 'Set a Fun Minimum" "Set aside on day a week to have a min of two hours of fun" -- "Set aside at least two weeks a year devoted entirely to having fun". This has NOT happened since lockdown (we're still pretty much full on SIP here in California) and I am 100% sure this is a MAJOR part of my discontent right now. I"m not meeting my minimum requirements of fun.

Now... I realize that fun is a feeling. I know this! you all can tuck your model diagrams back into your back pockets . but I also think that part of what makes fun... "Play" is it's not something you think about. You get to turn your thinking brain off and just live in that moment. Like - I can totally use my thoughts to 'make things fun' I do it all the time. "Hey, what thought can I have to make filling out that spreadsheet fun!?" And I know it's my thoughts about going to Disneyland that makes that fun... I mean I'm sure for every one of me there are 100 people who would find going to the happiest place on earth a total nightmare...

So I guess my new quest is to start hitting my Minimum requirements for fun --- in non-food/drink/shopping ways.

What do I find fun? Things that don't require me to think, or push my boundaries or grow... I do enough of that pursuing my other goals. Things that are 'for kids' or things that 'girls don't do'. usually things that have social interaction... stupider the better

I going to spend some time digging into those times I'm having fun - figure out what about those circumstances -->> thoughts --->> felt like play. and see if I can dig up other/new things that I can do here at my home that's the same...

So... what do you do for fun?!