I think I had an epiphany last night. At least it felt like one at about Midnight right before falling asleep.

Between the thought work I've been digging into lately and the reading I was doing last night something just CLICKED. It feels like something I've been on the edge of for quite some time now and my brain finally 'got' it.

I was reading through my 'whys' (I've been adding that to my daily habits) when I came on the card that says "Get great at self control". And this little voice whispered "Self control just means talking to yourself right..."

I kind of did a mental double take... I mean... is it? really?

Yeah! it is!

I knew the way to reach my goals wasn't through will power. That white knuckle feeling of tension; of holding back or pushing forward that eventually gets exhausted. But for a LONG time I've been thinking the opposite of that was just to tell myself "NO!" or "Do it!" and meaning it. But that felt wrong too! All too often that was just a reason for my inner rebel to flip off the world and go eat a whole plate of cookies.

But last night I realized it's easier then that...(and this sounds so simple) but it really is talking to yourself in a way that makes the goal choice as attractive or more attractive than the non-goal choice. Or even just realizing there is a choice in the first place. Self control isn't a "No! because I said so" thing it's a "We could do that, but we could also...." thing.

It's using conjunctions. It's realizing that a thought, an urge a whatever doesn't have to end at the 'urge thought' but can be extended into a choice with "ifs, ands and buts"

Part of this realization came because I have been practicing this with my workouts adding a "And I'm getting stronger every day" to "I'm so out of shape". Not stopping at "I don't want to get up I'm so tired" but adding "But I'm going to, because I'm going to feel so much better in a few minutes"

I've been countering urges to impulse spend that start with "I want that!" by adding "But I want the freedom of being debt free more!"

An urge to drink last night that sounded like "It'll make the game more fun..." got the addendum of "But it'll also make me sleepy and the game harder to enjoy later"

This feels SO MUCH BETTER then what I was doing before! Before I was "Saying 'no' harder" or trying to just eliminate the urges in the first place. But that isn't self control! Self control is learning to 'control' myself and it doesn't have to be hard or feel like I'm constantly repressing or trying to eliminate a part of me. It means joining up with that part of me.. speaking to it in a language it understands and reminding it that we're on the same side!

And this is getting really woo woo I know.. but I feel like a new person suddenly!