I've been in NoBS for almost four years. I FEEL amazing most of the time. I'm incredibly grateful for this program and the freedom it's given me to love myself.
But - I have not lost all my weight. In fact, as of today I'm 36 pounds down. (it was more.. but covid, regain.. blah blah blah). I weight 262 and I've been between 261 and 265 since August. Yeah.. sometimes Ol Shitty gets all wrapped up about
that. But I don't let my brain lie to me for very long. I haven't done all the things.. heck I haven't even done the basic things all that much! But I do have that 'duel mind' that probably many of us who have lived through diet trauma of 'I never want to diet again-I would rather be fat than have to look at another salad EVER' and 'You need to restrict and cut and exercise 2 times a day!'
So, last week rather than whining about how I'm too fat for it to be this 'hard' to lose weight I asked myself 'what am I willing to try? What do I think is holding me back?' and after journaling on that for a bit I asked myself 'so, where are my wins to be found? What changes small and large would have the most impact on my weight loss? How do I make those changes easy?'
And I started list... as you might guess they pretty much looked like 'the four basics and level ups'. But in my own words. I sorted through the list I made and picked one of the things that I though would make a decent impact, but also be easy so I could get some reps in.
The first thing I decided to tackle was better choices for supplemental foods (My word for snacks) Now - here I'm going to tell you that even after four years I've struggled with the good/better/best list. Any time I started to make one I found all kinds of diet thinking came up and it really triggered my diet trauma - so I left it. I figured when I was ready... it would be there. So when asked myself to make better choices for supplemental foods I had to figure out what better meant FOR ME! I made a list of those things I thought were important in a snack and than wrote down anything and everything I could think of that I've ever eaten between meals (and even some things I hadn't) and scored them according to my criteria... I'm going to stress that last part.. MY CRITERIA!
What I realized was that some of the foods that I was judging myself harshly for were really pretty close to hitting all the things on my list and that felt good! But the weirdest thing it did... was it equalized all that food for me. For some reason, looking at that food with a 100% impartial scale made them all just ... food.
And that showed itself tonight. I was done with dinner and while walking through the kitchen saw the extra meatballs that I had made for snacking throughout the week. I had an urge to grab one and pop it in my mouth. My feast beast was telling me "It's ok... it's meat, protein.. it's good for you!" and suddenly I thought... but, it's equal to a cookie or that piece of chocolate N tried to give me earlier. An overeat is an overeat.. the food I overeat does not somehow make one overeat 'better' than another. You wouldn't feel good about eating a cookie right now, so why should a meatball get a pass?
I was stunned as those thoughts just POPPED into my head.
The focus on 'what small thing can I change' and 'all food matters' came together in a magical moment. Now, I can't wait to see what new thing my brain teaches me this week!
(this week's focus is drink less, and my goal life)
All reactions:
24Jean Banning, Tana Warner and 22 others