It's Monday Marth 4th and offically the first Monday of March.  

What better time to do some hard core planning :D I'm sick of feeling like I'm constantly half assing.  Stuck in underwhelm.  I feel like I'm practicing toxic self-acceptance.  There's a lack of urgency that's leading to continuous postponement.  I'm not moving forward with my goals, and I try to convince myself that 'it's ok,' we'll just 'be better' tomorrow... but tomorrow never comes.

Part of this involves the mind shift that 'working toward my goals' is fulfilling and meaningful.  Or, to put it more simply, "Enjoying the process'.  Maybe it's better to evaluate some of those times when I feel like I put my short term enjoyment over my long term goal.

1) Tuesday night, cheesecake and beer.  While I planned some cheesecake and beer, it went from 1 beer to 2 to 3 too.. maybe four? And a slice of cheesecake turned into two, and some bite, licks and taists of more throughout the night...

2) Giving into urges several times over the second half of the week.  Snacking on bread and sweets.

3) One large whiskey on Friday night, that turned into two...

4) Saturday - 2 slices of pizza and I was not hungry..anymore but instead I continued to eat and had four.  Then, I had candy on top of that and still was having urges.  Had two big cup candies on the way to karaoke, and then stopped for burrito and chips on the way home and THEN had a slice of bread when I got home.  I'm pretty sure all the extra food was caused by alcohol making my blood sugar tank. (plus staying up late/tired)

I'm not sure what to do with all these urges for sweets/carbs.  They hit when I'm not hungry, so I can't use that as an excuse.  There doesn't seem to be any kind of stress or negative thoughts associated... I just am having 'big urges' for stuff.  Maybe I'm tired? Maybe it's because I've been allowing soda back into my life?  I'm going to cut out the Diet Pepsi and see if this week is easier.

I guess the big, most important question to ask myself is, "What do I want to do differently this week?" 

White knuckling isn't the answer, and 'try harder' is also not a thing.  I want this to be easy.  I want to enjoy the process.  I want the 'hit' of the instant win.

So, here's what I've decided.

1) Plan.  I've really resited planning my food cause.. I don't know why.  but all too often I've found myself 'foraging' and often making quick, impulsive and unsatisfying food choices.  I want to work toward choices that feel good and reinforce my lifestyle.  What's important (and hard) is that I don't turn planning into DIETING.  often when I plan I plan all the 'good things' for weight loss and I struggle with a balance approach.  It's very much all or nothing.  I'm either planning good things or I'm not planning and indulging.  I want to PLAN for indulgences but do it mindfully.  Plan for GOOD things - plan for what matters.  I haven't figured out what that looks like yet, but hey, I don't have to have it all figured out do I?

2) Hydrate! anytime I have an urge, drink some water! I think my body really loves/wants water more than I imagine.

3) Reflect on my Wins - when I'm practicing self-reflection and journalling regularly - I succeed.  Now it could be that I'm just better at journalling when I'm being successful :D But I need to work back into daily reflection.  I think that happens naturally when I'm actually planning each day.  Doing a plan requires that I reflect on the day too.  For both of these things I'm going to put time for journaling and planning back on to my calendar and than honour my calendar.  I wish I had other ideas on how to 'celebrate' my small daily wins too.  adding that to my to-do list.

hmm three things to experiment with this week seems like enough...

ooo - I had a thought...

I love to play DnD so I'm going to make myself a random treasure table.  At the end of the day, when I'm reflecting on my day and cataloging my wins, I'm going to random a D20 and get something off the table.

:D winning!