I've really been digging into my urges a lot - and why sometimes they feel hard. There's been a resistance to the process of weight loss that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I thought I had put my finger on it a few times but trying on those ideas while in the midst of an urge or while planning etc just wasn't fitting right. It was close... but...not...quite... there....

Then, today, it hit me...since I have been sitting with urges, feeling my feelings and REALLY digging in - not just with food, and drink but also with my spending... I've been hearing other thoughts...

"oooo, I should go get my nose pierced again!" Has been a big one

After sitting with that urge for a bit I realized... eating and drinking (and sometimes spending) was one of the few places where I allowed myself to be impulsive and/or spontaneous and there is a sense of excitement and novelty in that.

Yes, I can find excitement and novelty in planned things. I can savor the anticipation of planned things too. But I think (for me) there's a happy place that has a combination of spontaneity and planned experiences. But for me - I think I tend toward enjoying the thrill of impulsiveness.

So, now I just need to figure out when and what kind of spontaneous things I can indulge in that don't come in conflict with my other long term goals....