Monday, June 20, 2005

Just when I thought things were on a roll, life hit me square between the eyes. I lost the contract with my client, got sent back to our main office, got an offer for a new position (for less pay) accepted, and have been going 110mph ever since. Needless to say I let things slip a little. I had excuses after all: I was now having to be in the car by 5:45 and wan't getting home until 6:45. By the time I get home I'm exhausted, I certainly can't be using up all my energy by working out! Not to mention the lack of time... home by 6:45 (when I'm lucky) and in bed by 10:00 (when I'm lucky) barely gives me time to have some dinner, and sit down for a few minute with my sweetheart much less plan and make my meals for the next day! And the stress... everyone knows you can't deal with stress without an extra piece of chocolate or two - or three - or twelve.

So, here it is mid-June and I'm back to where I started the year at - 209lbs. I can't tell you how misserable this feels. I hate looking at myself. I hate my clothes. I hate my body. I'm turning into one of those women who don't want to make love with the lights on. I find myself hunching over and hoping not to be noticed when I walk down the street or into a resteraunt or club. This is NOT me! I want my pride back!

I started today. All those same excuses are still there, but they are just excuses. If I want this, I'll make it happen. I have two hours every day when I'm sitting on a boat with nothing to do. There is no reason that I can't use that time to put my life in some sort of order. This is where I start.

My goal is to be 130 within a year. That means I need to lose 1.5lbs a week. I can do that. For a diet - well I still have those time constraints, and a REALLY limited budget, so for the next four weeks I'm going to simply monitor my calories. I've set some goals, and I've set up a schedule for cycling. I'll be eating six meals a day, so I've also set a per-meal calorie limit. Now it's just a matter of simple budgeting. If I run out of time and need to grab something from the store to eat, I can do that. If I 'need' a piece of chocolate - I can do that. I'll give this four weeks to do it's job, and in four weeks, I'll give the entire thing a head check and deside what the next step is.

Excercise is quite another thing. One thing I can say for certain, Saturday and Sunday are going to have to be utilized. I'm still working out the schedule in my head. there is the side of me that realizes that SOME excercise is better then nothing,and that if I would just get out and walk, it could make a huge difference. But there is the other side of me that realizes that it's going to take a little more work then that to see the results _I_ want. Not just weight loss, but a tone and fit body that I'm proud to wear around. soooo... I'll have to record whatever I come up with - when I come up with it. For now, walks on my lunch are in the cards, and some sort of 'heavier' workout on Saturdays and Sundays.

So, the plan today is 1700 calories - six meals.
One 'big' bottle of water.
1 mile walk at lunch

For tomorrow, I'm going to brings a smaller water bottle and start my 'drink one of these before every trip to the bathroom' rule. If I don't remember to bring one - I'll buy one.

And so - I start this journey again...

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