Thursday, March 12, 2015

What's that voice?

More thinking - more thoughts spinning in my head, but they are starting to line up a little in my head.

I think on top of everything else that's 'wrong' with me... I'm suffering from "too much information"

In George Leonard's book "Mastery, The Key's to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment" He talks about picking an instructor - my issue, I have too many instructors and their advice is often contradictory -- and I'm not talking about nutritional advice either.  (I'm pretty certain what a solid nutrition plan actually looks like)  But the HOW of dieting is under dispute.  For example:

  1. Dieting is will power - Just do it and here's the plan
  2. Dieting is a matter of setting goals and working through some steps (similar to will power but normally with better focus) - read affirmations, be kind to yourself etc
  3. Dieting is a matter of balance - everything in moderation - eat what you want when you want and it'll all turn out right in the end (the anti-diet diet) 
  4. Dieting is a matter of getting right with that voice in your head that drives you to eat - then follow your plan or non-plan as the case might be.
Lately I've been falling into camp number four though I swing between 1 and 4 quite often when the voice in my head doesn't pay attention and keeps eating.

But even in camp four there's disagreement.  After all, what is that voice?  \

  1. Is it a "Feast Beast" a mindless lizard brain that needs to be locked away?  AKA the addictive voice.
  2. Is it my Inner Child and she's just gotten a little too bratty?  I just need to distract her with shiny things, Love her, tell her nice things until she starts to cooperate?
  3. Or is it my Wild Child - a combination of the above two - A slightly irrational creature that needs to be indulged in some way because if I try to cage her eventually she'll break out and I'll eat the entire stay puff marshmallow man in one sitting?
 Short answer... I don't fucking know.  Lately I've wanted it to be #1 because it's "easiest".  If that 'thing' that makes me want to eat is just the lizard brain panicing over some irrational primordial fear and I can just ignore it and move on.. I like that thought.

But if it's one of the other two - if the fear isn't as irrational as all that and instead is something I need to take out, examine and DEAL with... that scares the crap out of me.

Maybe I frame it this way...

My inner child is a wild child raised by wolves and currently has one as a companion.  They are very close to each other and when my wild child gets upset - sometimes irrationally - the beast growls and flashes it's teeth.  The beast can't hurt me - the child won't let it.  But it's pretty scary to look at and it makes a lot of noise.  I can tell it "No!" and can even smack it around a little if it gets a little too much in my face but I don't have to do what it says.

But if I really want it to shut up I need to deal with the child.  I need to make her feel safe, comfortable, and loved.  Doing those things aren't 'necessary' I can only deal with the beast if I'm not feeling emotionally up to soothing a child (like now) - but on those days when I'm balanced and centered and feeling patient I can try to bring the child out of the wild - get her to put on a pair of shoes and wear a pretty dress...

Or maybe I just let her run free in the wild cause there's a part of me that likes her having that freedom.

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