Alright - I'm doing it again.  Placing a flag in the ground, taking control of this thing, caging the pig, slaying the feast beast...

Those two things keep repeating in my head, "You can't do it!", "You've failed so many times - this time isn't any different!". "You've said this before - you're going to fail again, and you'll just feel even worse about yourself for even trying!"

And I just have to tell those parts of myself - Fuck you! I can make this change, I can see my goals and I don't even need something different (tm) to make it happen!

So, the plan is this... I have a diet and exercise plan that I'm doing through Chris and Heidi Powell.  I'm modifying it in the following ways.  1) I'm keeping my heavy lifting 4x a week on top of the more cardio focused workout plan they've prescribed.  2) I'm moving my food to be more primal/paleo.  Cutting (most of) the grains and processed food (I'm keeping cheese though... for now).  I like this plan because it give me specifics for non-weight lifting exercise.  It's also a diet plan that does a mix and high and low carb (with structured 'free meals') that I think may keep me from getting too wrapped around excluding certain foods.  It's a little tracking heavy which has been a problem in the past... but it's also worked well for me in the past.  It's a matter of not letting that little pig voice that likes to lay in the mud instead of taking care of myself win.  ((Shut up pig!))

As for how I'm feeling right now... other than being fat and feeling gross and sluggish I think I'm running into an issue with lifters shoulder (both of them!) and lifters elbow in my right hand.  Sooooo I've reset my lifting program to week one... lifting lighter for more reps and hoping that I can get the pain to go away... *sigh*.  I think I just went too heavy too fast and some of my smaller muscles/tendons just weren't up for it ... explisitly in my grip. 

That's the body side of things, where I need the most work is in my mind.  I've been tossing around several ideas.  Weigh down workshop is a Christian based program that I've had good results with and then there's the "Never Binge again" program which is good, ((that's where the inner pig idea comes from)) and then the Beck Diet Solution ((based in cognitive therapy)), Rational Recovery ((where the idea of the feast beast came from), or the work of Brooke Castillo and her self coaching... They are all great and all work together well... maybe it's time to study each and figure out how to intertwine them....  hmm that's and idea.  I know I need to work this angle for any weight loss plan to work.  And I need to stick to my mental work even more then my actual food and exercise plan as this one thing will lead to the other being successful!

Additional thoughts will show up here...

158 days until my 50th birthday and I want to head into my 50's with some momentum!