there have been some ups and downs this week.  Food wise, Monday and Tuesday were great, Wednesday was Ok (had more drinks then I intended at the tiki bar) and today was... wierd and unfocused.  I was craving and fighting the urge to binge.  I kept distracting the feast beast - telling him we would eat later, or eat something else, or use some other method and that seemed to work.  I don't really know why I was craving.. maybe just cause I was sitting around at home bored and food = fun to me. 

Had a few shots of inspiration tonight though.  Saw a photo of myself from Oct and it's just so.... ewe.  It's a photo of myself and hubby and seeing how BIG I look standing next to him (and he's not a small person) really set me back on my heels.  Then I was pulling out my photo vault and I got a eyeful of myself at my smallest.  I look so strong, confident and HAPPY!!  I want that me back. 

Fuck you feast beast.  Fuck you cravings for ice cream and pop tarts and doughnuts and and and and...

As for exercise - I worked out Mon and Tues but woke up Wednesday morning hurting so bad in my shoulders!  I don't know if I'm just sleeping crappy or if it was the weight lifting so I skipped Wed and today and will probably skip tomorrow too.  Skipping makes me feel sad and guilty but being pain free makes me happy so *shrug*

anyway - I'm still working on it.  Haven't got a mental exercise plan yet but I'll pull it together soon!