I've been trying to figure out how to beat this whole... can't stay on a diet thing.  I know from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet that if I picked a plan and stuck with it - I would see the progress I wanted.  I've seen it work in the past.  BUT 1) I've never reached my goal and 2) always gained the weight back.

There's a number of 'programs' out there designed to help you stick with it.  Many talk about finding your why.  They tell you to write down all the reason you REALLY want this goal and to use that to motivate you to make good/better choices.  To use all these reasons to keep you from choosing the cookie over a piece of celery.  It's not worked for me so far.  And, that's left me often feeling my why wasn't good enough. That I must not want it 'enough'.

But, recently I was thinking about how I quit drinking diet pepsi.  Because I was an ADDICT.  As in I drank around 4 liters a day - kind of addict.  As in I stole money out of my kids piggy bank to get a fix kind of addict. As in I quit multiple times and always started back again with "Oh just one won't hurt" and then soon I was back to four liters a day kind of addict. And I quit.  I haven't had a diet pepsi in...5 years (I think) and though I get cravings now and then, there is NO danger of me going back.  WHY!?

Did I have a 'big why'?  Nope!  In fact, it was more the case that everyone around me was always telling me I should quit.  The got on me all the time about the caffein and the artificial sweeteners and other chemicals and basically hassled me a lot.  But I didn't really see the need.  I was OK drinking it.  The only thing I wondered about was all the people who kept telling me that the soda was making me gain weight - and I WAS curious about that, but I didn't have a BIG why.  But, here's what happened.  I forgot to buy diet pepsi one time so I didn't have any in the house and I had a super busy morning.  About three in the afternoon rolled around and I realized I hadn't had any soda and there was none in the house, and I thought.  I wonder how long I can go...

Monday morning rolled around and out of habit when I got to work and grabbed a diet soda out of the fridge.  I looked at it for a while and then thought, hmmmm I wonder how long I can go.... so I let the can of soda sit on my desk... and sit on my desk... and sit on my desk and I never drank it.  That desk and that can of soda is long gone, and honestly, my addict days are so far from me now that I don't even remember what day I quit or how many days/months/years it's been.  Being soda free is just a thing I am.  Yes I still get cravings now and then.  REALLY strong cravings sometimes but all I have to do is remember what it was like to be addicted.  I just have to remember the fear I would have if there wasn't diet soda somewhere nearby.  How my life revolved around either packing/taking soda with me places or being near enough to buy one when I needed it.  and I don't miss it.  Not ONE LITTLE BIT!!!  and I know that all it will take is one.  Just one soda could spin me back into that lifestyle and I don't want it!

So, what does this have to do with weight loss? (Dropping diet soda did help me lose weight by the way - in fact I gained - a LOT)  Well, as I said before every program around seems to talk about your 'big why' and while I have LOTS of big whys I know they aren't working.  So, I'm trying to think of things (or even just one thing) that's more in line with the reasons I don't drink diet soda any more.  Something beyond "I want to look cute in clothes" or "I want to lower my blood sugar".  I need why's that are less about the 'result' and more about how the food addiction itself is hurting my life. Something that makes me say - I don't want this anymore and I NEVER WANT IT BACK IN MY LIFE AGAIN!  Kind of thing - and it's hard and I'm frustrated but I am not giving up!  I won't ever give up!