Food wise things have been going well this week. Food has been on plan, even with some temptations. Monday I gave away a batch of chocolate chocolate-chip cookies rather then eat them. Yesterday I passed on having pizza, cheesy bread and lava cakes AND made a batch of lemon melt-away cookies without going off plan.... today, my weight is up 4 pounds *sigh*.

So I've been thinking about gratification, addiction, motivation and the like... As I said, I overcame my diet pepsi addiction and I was trying to take some lessons learned from that experience and apply it to my food issues. One of the issues I've come against is the ROI of dieting. ((I know this will be hard for some of the 'just do it' crowd to understand and I'm ok with that)) I quit pepsi and within about a week the fall out from my caffeine withdrawal was complete. I had learned of the mood enhancing effects of Phenylalanine and was taking steps to counter that which helped me avoid the terrible crash/irritability that had come with the other times I had quit. So, I was 'normal' and I was secure in the fact that as long as I didn't take my 'drug' again I could continue to be. Instantaneous cause and effect. Although I didn't quit to be 'free from a caffeine addiction' the result of being so has kept me off -- I'm very secure in the knowledge that I can't have just one...

Now, chocolate chip cookies are another story. I would actually be quitting them because I want a specific result. I want to lose weight and be healthier... but, the result isn't going to be here in a day, a week or even a year. In fact, who knows if it'll be here EVER. So, I've tried looking for other reasons... I've heard people say that eating sugar and junk makes them feel sick after they detox - nope, don't have that problem. I've tried monitoring my blood glucose hoping that if I stayed clean for a period of time I would see a change in my fasting numbers and get daily instant gratification that my numbers were getting lower or staying low. Nope - can't get a blood glucose meter to give me low numbers constantly and it doesn't seem to follow logically with what I eat. So any and every food change I make is only going to (maybe) long term results...

Even exercise is easier. Do I see a change in my body every day? Nope - but every time I go to the gym I'm able to lift a little bit more weight, or do one more rep. I run .1 mile or 1 second long and it feels like what I'm doing has a purpose. I can't 'diet' and say "Oh I did 2000 calories today, lets see if I can do 1800 today!" Or, I can't and do that and live - hah!

So,any ideas? (Not that anyone reads blogs anymore) The 'joy of compliance' isn't part of my DNA...I need a 'real' reason for being uncomfortable short term that sees results in the short term... is there any hope for me!?