It occurred to me that tomorrow (or today really since it's past midnight) is seven months from my 45th birthday.

For some reason 45 is bothering me much much more then 40 did.  Maybe it's because time seems to be going past so quickly.  Maybe because it's 5 years later and I feel I've made absolutely no progress toward my lifetime goals.  Maybe it's because I'm just in one of those moods these days.  But it keeps ringing in my head that I'm almost 45 and I'm still overweight, unhappy and at the moment also unemployed.

The unemployed bit will be taken care of shortly, but if I'm ever going to take care of the other two I need to start practicing good habits daily.  EVERY day.  This on again, off again stuff is for the birds.  I'm tired of being tired.  Tired of avoiding the mirrors. Tired of these aches and pains that I KNOW are caused by crappy diet.  I have a plan.  It's a small one.  It's a simple meal plan that I've written for tomorrow.  That's all I can handle focusing on for now... tomorrow.  But it's something at least.

Week one goals:  Plan meals every day
Walk 10000 steps every day

and that's enough for now

Eiyeiyei (is that how you spell that?)

What a year so far.  My big push for change in the beginning of the year seemed to blow up in my face.  I did manage to give up diet soda for a whole 30 days - but that seemed to trigger something and I started eating, and eating and eating...  I allowed diet soda back into my life, and I'm still eating.  Everything.In.Site

I want to stop, I really do  *sigh*

Anyway, I'm trying to get myself wound back up, find my motivation and will, bring my inner brat in line so that I can start doing what's good for me again.  And I'm going to try to do a better job of blogging and being accountable for my actions.

New Start?

Yesterday was the first day of a new start... sorta

2012 wasn't too bad a year for me.  I started working on weight loss in March and dropped about 25 lbs for the year.  I'm happy with that because most of the year I wasn't really focused, but I would drop a few pounds, keep them off, then drop a few more.  It gave me a lot of confidence to be able to maintain like that.

I also started back to the gym in September and I have managed to keep that up fairly consistently this last quarter of the year.  Two things I can attribute that focus to is an awesome website called Fitocracy It a website/app that allows you to track your workouts for points and gain achievements, complete quests.  On top of that, it's got an amazing user group and an active social network of like minded people.

In October I also started training with endurance nation.  This is a tough, focused bunch of people doing long distance triathlon training together (virtually).  The coaches are amazing and I love feeling like I've got solid advice behind my training.  The group there is also very active but I'm not as connected there 'socially' because I just don't have the same endurance 'obsession' as most folks there.  I feel very outclassed - lol.  But love the coaching so I stay.

So, why was yesterday a new start for me?  Well a few things.  1)  I started back with renewed focus on my diet.  I'm doing a three month hyper focused sprint with the goal of losing as much as I can before I get deep, deep, deep into the half iron training.  (Half is scheduled for May).

And, yesterday I quit diet pepsi.  Not quitting caffeine but still feeling the effects of the reduced intake.  Plus diet pepsi is a big crutch for me.  When I'm craving sweets - diet pepsi.  When I'm feeling stressed out - diet pepsi.  It's only been a little over 24 hours and I miss it desperately.  But, I know this is the next big step to a healthy lifestyle.  Getting rid of the constant stream of chemicals and artificial sugars is going to go a long way towards taking me towards my goals.

So, here's to new starts - and to one day completed successfully!