Thursday, August 6, 2015

The going has been rough for me this week.  It's brought to light for me just how much of a food addict I've become.  It's reinforced for me how much I rely on food for the 'pleasure' in my life.  I'm sad right now because I can't have a cupcake, and even more sad that I think I need a cupcake to be happy...  There's nothing wrong with my life!  I have an amazing husband, live in a good house, have great friends - so why does the removal of a few kinds of food leave me feeling bleak and unfulfilled?

Well the easy answer is that I feel bleak and unfulfilled and try to stuff the square peg of food into that round hole of... whatever this emotion is... I guess I'll call it the blahs...or no... inertia.. or  I don't know 'the feeling that has no name'

Another issue I have is spiraling.  I feel bad, realize that I feel bad, start wondering "What is wrong with me? why do I feel bad - I shouldn't feel bad!" and it just makes it worse.

Actually, as I type this, acknowledging my feelings has made things a bit better.  Writing them down and thinking them through, even when not 100% figuring them all out, has helped.  A friend, who struggles with an alcohol addiction, has suggested I see a therapist.  He's probably right.  I may have to consider it.

Until then, here some other things I've learned... stuffing this restlessness - getting almost 100% of the pleasure in my life from food has had a huge impact.  Since I moved to (where I live now) at the end of 2009 (I think that's when I moved)  I have gained..... 80 lbs!!!!

That's just insane to me!  

And to think... if I can figure out this 'simple' thing.  Why do I feel restless and unfullfilled... and stop trying to find all my pleasure in food...I could finally be done with this weight loss thing and have a healthy fit body (not to mention sexy!)


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