The going has been rough for me this week. It's brought to light for me just how much of a food addict I've become. It's reinforced for me how much I rely on food for the 'pleasure' in my life. I'm sad right now because I can't have a cupcake, and even more sad that I think I need a cupcake to be happy... There's nothing wrong with my life! I have an amazing husband, live in a good house, have great friends - so why does the removal of a few kinds of food leave me feeling bleak and unfulfilled?
Well the easy answer is that I feel bleak and unfulfilled and try to stuff the square peg of food into that round hole of... whatever this emotion is... I guess I'll call it the blahs...or no... inertia.. or I don't know 'the feeling that has no name'
Another issue I have is spiraling. I feel bad, realize that I feel bad, start wondering "What is wrong with me? why do I feel bad - I shouldn't feel bad!" and it just makes it worse.
Actually, as I type this, acknowledging my feelings has made things a bit better. Writing them down and thinking them through, even when not 100% figuring them all out, has helped. A friend, who struggles with an alcohol addiction, has suggested I see a therapist. He's probably right. I may have to consider it.
Until then, here some other things I've learned... stuffing this restlessness - getting almost 100% of the pleasure in my life from food has had a huge impact. Since I moved to (where I live now) at the end of 2009 (I think that's when I moved) I have gained..... 80 lbs!!!!
That's just insane to me!
And to think... if I can figure out this 'simple' thing. Why do I feel restless and unfullfilled... and stop trying to find all my pleasure in food...I could finally be done with this weight loss thing and have a healthy fit body (not to mention sexy!)