Well I've done it!
After much research and soul searching, I've hired a weight loss coach! And what a coach she is!
I had a few requirements
1) Someone who had been overweight and REALLY understood the struggle.
Check! She's lost 130 to 140 lbs and knows what it's like to battle against your own body and mind to try and drop the weight.
2) Someone who wasn't going to try to feed me a low fat diet.
Check! She's actually a voice in a Primal/Paleo community and is a firm believer in the quality of food being as important as the quantity.
3) Someone who was willing to be a source of accountability (and had a method in place to do this)
Check! I had tried 'passive' coaching in the past and it just didn't work for me. When the going gets tough I stop checking in. My new coach has a system that requires my feedback (and hers) every day!!
So who is this person paragon of virtue who's going to support, encourage and kick my butt?
It's Elizabeth Benton over at Primal Potential - and I couldn't be more excited! We started working together on Tuesday and I've already been blown away by what I'm learning about myself. I feel strong, I feel motivated and I feel ready to finally DO THIS!
One thing that's already come bubbling up for me is how much my new job has been effecting my mood (and my mood effects my eating). I've been borderline depressed for months now -- and from experience this is caused by feeling trapped. And boy do I feel trapped by my new job!
Just a few months ago (in April) The job I really liked, enjoyed filled with people I enjoyed working with, fell apart. First my boss (who I loved) quit and a few weeks later the company closed it's doors. "Luckily" another VERY LARGE company swooped in and picked up all the people who had worked for my small, dynamic and fun company; then swallowed them whole. They paid us all a lot of money for the privileged of hiring us and it seemed like a silver lining to the dark cloud that had just dumped on us.
My job since then has been mind numbing, boring, sometimes frustrating and unfulfilling. I lost that sense of contributing that makes coming into work 'worth it'. It's gotten harder and harder to get out of bed and face the day. And I feel trapped because of the the 'golden handcuffs' of great pay and even better benefits. But... thanks to my coach I've been more aware of this. When I started documenting my mood for the day it because crystal clear to me that this feeling of being trapped was overwhelming me and tainting a great deal of my life.
Then this morning, when I pulled into the parking lot and faced the building once again I started thinking. I'm feeling depressed because I feel trapped, but, am I really? I mean really really? No, I'm not. I could not show up to work today if I wanted to. I could look for another job. I could confront my boss and tell him, listen here!...
Suddenly my whole attitude changed. I was here because I chose to be. No one was making me do this and I either needed to accept that I was here by choice, or leave. And weirdly enough, removing that sense of resentment made me speak up in a meeting today which got my bosses attention. He called me into a meeting. I was able to confidently tell him about the things I saw that were going wrong and how I would fix them. I talked, he listened and APPROVED and asked me to document the changes so we could implement them. So, now, not only do I have a job that will support me now and in the future, but one that fulfills my other needs as well.
But.. I still have that amazing sense that I'm here because I CHOOSE to be!
There's a part of me that wonders if this was just a lesson that God wanted me to learn. That I am in control of my life and when I realize that. Good things happen.