It fits it fits!! I bought this dress in June thinking that if I hit my July 4h goal it would fit...I hit my goal...it still didn’t fit. I’ve been checking my my progress monthly since then and today, it finally zipped up!! YES!

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614Kim Siberski, Angela Moore and 612 others

I wanted to share my 'self care' experience from this morning.... ((copied from my share with my accountability group))

My breakfast this morning was scrambled eggs with cheese... It's a meal I love and that feels fantastic in my body. I eat it nearly every morning... seeing this as a gift to myself was an amazing shift for me.

It was like --- here nose.. I'm giving your this plate that smells good! Here tongue - I'm giving you a flavor that is pleasurable. Here tummy, I'm giving you something that makes you feel satisfied and digests easily. Here muscles, I'm giving you protein to grow...Here brain, I'm giving you fat to think... And when I thought about ALL of that... my simple meal became an event! It released ALL the endorphins ... But, in a different way than a piece of cake would have.

It led to a satisfaction that had staying power... Impulsive eating NEVER feels like this. I might get a 'hit' - a moment of satisfaction, but all it leaves is sense of wanting more (cause I was eating food to solve a problem it couldn't solve) Whereas viewing my morning meal as a loving PLANNED gift to myself seemed to fill up spaces I didn't know were empty.

In work related training today and the trainer said this.. and I just LOVED it.

If failure is not an option, than improvement is not an option.

 Hi! *waves* it's me... I'm here, I'm alive. I'm showing up for myself... Still trying to work out how to be my best self with these new circumstances surrounding us...

Had a new 'ah-ha' and I thought I would share with the class. The past few months have not been kind to my goals... I've allowed myself to overeat and over drink and overspend...

HOWEVER! what's different about this time is I've never stopped asking myself 'why'. I had figured out a lot my off plan/over (eating/drinking/spending) came when I was having this vibration in my body that felt restless, kind of vibrating, pent up... I thought maybe that this was boredom. But that didn't really sit with me as the perfect descriptor. I mean I could ALWAYS find things to do!

But I've continued to play with this... continued to try and work out what my lizard brain was looking for... Yesterday I feel like I had a HUGE breakthrough...

It's not boredom... it's not really a lack of enjoyment (though this often feels like depression in that way)...it's not even a lack of fun in the broad sense... it's a lack of Play... playfulness...

The world, my job, my finances, my friends... everything is so SERIOUS right now. And the things I normally do for fun (go to a tiki-bar, Disneyland, conferences, concerts, travel, hang with friends, have a party at my house...even going to the gym) are all banned right now, even dreaming and planning for those things is banned. So, what have I been doing? I've been eating, drinking and spending to try to get some of that 'playful' feeling into my life.

This also explains why I've been so envious of people who are home with their kids right now. You've got this encyclopedia of fun/play/silliness -- right there -- living with you (I have a husband who, though I love him dearly and accept him exactly as he is - has all the personality traits of Eeyore + Oscar the grouch)

Interesting aside -- I was reading an article about fun for adults and one of the items was 'Set a Fun Minimum" "Set aside on day a week to have a min of two hours of fun" -- "Set aside at least two weeks a year devoted entirely to having fun". This has NOT happened since lockdown (we're still pretty much full on SIP here in California) and I am 100% sure this is a MAJOR part of my discontent right now. I"m not meeting my minimum requirements of fun.

Now... I realize that fun is a feeling. I know this! you all can tuck your model diagrams back into your back pockets . but I also think that part of what makes fun... "Play" is it's not something you think about. You get to turn your thinking brain off and just live in that moment. Like - I can totally use my thoughts to 'make things fun' I do it all the time. "Hey, what thought can I have to make filling out that spreadsheet fun!?" And I know it's my thoughts about going to Disneyland that makes that fun... I mean I'm sure for every one of me there are 100 people who would find going to the happiest place on earth a total nightmare...

So I guess my new quest is to start hitting my Minimum requirements for fun --- in non-food/drink/shopping ways.

What do I find fun? Things that don't require me to think, or push my boundaries or grow... I do enough of that pursuing my other goals. Things that are 'for kids' or things that 'girls don't do'. usually things that have social interaction... stupider the better

I going to spend some time digging into those times I'm having fun - figure out what about those circumstances -->> thoughts --->> felt like play. and see if I can dig up other/new things that I can do here at my home that's the same...

So... what do you do for fun?!

I’ve struggled with the idea/question/concept How do I make weight loss easy?’ I think it’s the number one reason I’ve stalled at 50 pounds gone. My brain is hanging on to the belief that weight-loss=dieting and dieting=hard. I know this is something I can change, and I’m working on it!

But, yesterday I finally came up with at least ONE answer to this question I really like.

One way I can make weight loss easy is to not let myself get very much past a -2. I’ve discovered that all the work I do to find my +2 is a lot harder when I’m at a -4 or more! It’s harder to eat slow, it’s harder to make wise choices, it’s harder to stop, breath and give myself time to assess. None of those things are impossible but they are harder and a lot of my off plan and overeats are around times when I’ve gotten hungry enough to feel shaky and light headed.

I’m not afraid of being hungry. I’ve proved that to myself over and over, but for me, perhaps one of the keys of making weight loss easy is managed my -2 as well as my +2.

This thought has lead to others I’m trying on. And maybe ... I’m finally ‘getting’ this concept and it can help me start to chip away at this next 50 pounds!

Goals for yesterday was 'write a plan' 'assess the plan', write a discovery worksheet for any off plan/overeat.  check, check, CHECK!

My powerful thought for today: Transformation is a decision not a destination

I stated a bunch of actions in my last post... Now I want to clarify, what are my goals? Why am I doing this?

The obvious one is weight loss.  I like to keep that reasonable.  I like a goal that feels achievable without triggering the 'all or nothing' response of my inner dictator, and that is 'makeupable' if I have a rough week.

So, goal for June 29th (four weeks) is 250 (down 7+ pounds) - which means the goal for next monday is: 255.8

But, that's not the end all be all I would like to set some goals that are not on the scale

For July I will also:

• Focus on - practice - a 'figure it out' mindset
• Plan and assess 30 days - this one needs no further breakdown... JUST DO IT!
• Do SOME kind of planned movement 16 times over the next 30 days (4 days a week is best)

so, four days of movement this week.  I could just walk four days, but, outside doesn't feel safe right now and walking on the treadmill doesn't excite me at all (yes, yes, excitement is a feeling caused by a thought - I could work on that, but, I'm looking to make this 'easy', and there's tons more productive thought work I could be doing right now).  

I was reading about water walking last night - and I actually bought all the equipment so I could do pool exercises about four years ago, so I'm thinking I'll try some of that -- or at least one day of it.  :)   but not this week... ((/me puts it on the calendar for later)) 

 So, what I'm left with is backyard and/or workout room workouts with what equipment I have on hand... Here's what I'm going to do.  I"m going to take each day of my normal gym workout and figure out three different ways I could do the same movement with things I find around the house. Today: Shoulders then the following days: Back, Chest, Legs and bonus for Arms and Abs if I want to add an extra day!  Yeah! that feels good!

• progress toward my  two month goal of fitting into the dress I just finished making.  I will try it on every two weeks and take photos to assess
• Finish Chasing Cupcakes with the bookclub - read all the pages, do all the worksheets.  The plan for this is already written, I just have to follow it!

 

It's a new month, time to asses, and I had ask myself... So, where am I?

Last March I was hanging out at the highest weight of my life. (290's) then I got an email from a weight loss program I had heard about. I said F it, paid the money and signed up! I became part of the PNP tribe

Like with any new program, there was a honeymoon period -- and then there was some rough times but I've felt positive that I've found a system that I'll be using for my entire life. I lost 50 pounds last year with almost no drama and was feeling really good about my future.

2020 started, and there was no sweeping resolution diet to start. I was already on the program that I was going to keep and follow for life... Jan and Feb were more of the same, slow but streaky weight loss. March I made some minor changes and I lost a little more that month... and then the end of March and the pandemic hit... my circumstances changed and I found a whole new set of thoughts to deal with that I hadn't dealt before. I needed to learn what it meant to lose weight in this new environment... I've been learning at my own pace...

Between March 15 and and May 25th I've gained 22 pounds.

But, I never stopped working, never stopped listening to my thoughts, never stopped looking at the data! It's not like I sat around for two and a half months and suddenly went 'where did that weight come from!?' I saw the results of my over eating and over drinking every morning when I stepped on the scale. There were times when I wasn't ready to 'work' and I acknowledged that. times when I felt the need for comfort and allowed that I was trying to do that through food. There were times when I knew I was trying to numb out (or at least entertain myself) by pouring a drink (or two or three...). I didn't ever do that and try to convince 'this doesn't matter'. Every choice mattered, and I'm proud of that fact.

Now though -- I'm ready to make other choices. I'm ready to make choices that support my future self as well as my right now self. I'm willing to see beyond 'This hurts, let's take an aspirin' to.. 'maybe it's time to stop hitting my head on the wall...'

Last week was the start. It wasn't a perfect week. It wasn't even close. Heck I don't even know that a perfect week exists in my mind any more. What it was though, was a 'better then the weeks before' week. I lost 2.78 pounds. And while the 'mean girl' in my brain wants to minimize that - wants to remind me of the weight I allowed myself to gain all the weeks before - I refuse to listen to her. I'm going to take the wins from last week and repeat them. I'm going to look for my lessons learned, and... learn from them. I'm going to show up for myself every day and face each day as it comes to me, cause I'm a "No BS" woman, who's scary strong, sexy AF, loves her life and practices excellent self care.

What does this look like in action? It means:

• Writing a plan every day.
  • Set an alarm for every evening that is journaling and planning time.
  • Bring my ipad downstairs in the evening so I don't have the excuse of 'being in the middle of something else'
• Assessing that plan every day and action on lessons learned
  • See 'alarm' and ipad note above
  • Write a discovery worksheet for EVERY off plan and/or overeat
  • Every discovery worksheet = one new 'action'
• Drinking all the water I need every day
  • 1 pnt upon waking up
  • 1 qt mid morning
  • 1 qt w/lunch
  • 1 qt w/dinner
  • 1pnt at journel time
• Sleeping as much as I need every day (aim at 7 hours min)
  • Weeknights - set an alarm 30 minutes before 'bed time' to start the evening routine
• Checking in with my accountability groups as least once a day
  • check-in is part of my 30 min before bedtime evening routine
  • if I miss the night before check-in is part of my am routine
• Working on mindset at least 5x a week
  • Read 'new thoughts' flashcards
  • 30 minutes of active reading (see alarm/ipad note above)
  • One intentional model per 'session'
  • Put 1 'new thought' on a post it on the computer each day (add to morning routine)
• Keeping my body strong, clean and looking it's best each day
  • develop an 'at home' strength routine I can practice daily (this may take some tweaking - but, 'I can't go to the gym' and other non-helpful thoughts are no longer valid
  • Shower daily (even if it's right before bed)
  • Get dressed in clothes I would wear to the office every weekday. I did this in April and it helped my mental state a LOT
  • Continue to participate in Aloha Friday!

The world has lost its collective mind...I recognize that.  But I can't change the world (yet) so I continue to focus on what I can change, what I can improve... me. 

Me - that's what this blog is about, and that's what it will continue to be about.  This won't be about pandemic or politics - though sometimes how those things bring up thoughts for me that I need to work though will be addressed.  But, know, my goal is to keep this about me, my weightloss and how I work through the process to ultimately reach my weight loss goal. And improve my mind and health in the process.

So, where am I? 

Last March I was hanging out at the highest weight of my life.  (290's) then I got an email from a weight loss program I had heard about.  I said F it, paid the money and signed up!  I became part of the PNP (Phit N Phat) tribe

This isn't a food list - it isn't an exercise program - there are no diet rules, no explanation of what you should or shouldn't be eating.  It's about selecting your own food protocol and then dealing with the mental bullshit that keeps you from following it.

Like with any new program, there was a honeymoon period -- and then there was some rough times but I've felt positive that I've found a system that I'll be using for my entire life.  I lost 50 pounds last year with almost no drama and was feeling really good about my future.

2020 started, and there was no sweeping resolution diet to start.  I was already on the program that I was going to keep and follow for life... Jan and Feb were more of the same, slow but streaky weight loss.  March I made some minor changes and I lost a little more that month, and then the end of March and the pandemic hit... my circumstances changed and I found a whole new set of thoughts to deal with that I hadn't dealt before.  I needed to learn what it meant to lose weight in this new environment... I've been a slow learner.

Between March 15 and and May 25th I've gained 22 pounds back.

But, I never stopped working, never stopped listening to my thoughts, never stopped looking at the data!  It's not like I sat around for two and a half months and went suddenly went 'where did that weight come from!?'  I saw the results of my over eating and over drinking every morning when I stepped on the scale.   There were times when I wasn't ready to 'work' and I acknowledged that.  times when I felt the need for comfort and allowed that I was trying to do that through food.  There were times when I knew I was trying to numb out (or at least entertain myself) by pouring a drink (or two or three...). I didn't ever do that and try to convince myself 'this doesn't matter'.  Every choice mattered, and I'm proud of that fact.

Now though -- I'm ready to make other choices.  I'm ready to make choices that support my future self as well as my right now self.  I'm willing to see beyond 'This hurts, let's take an aspirin' to.. 'maybe it's time to stop hitting my head on the wall...' 

Last week was the start.  It wasn't a perfect week.  It wasn't even close.  Heck I don't even know that a perfect week exists in my mind any more.  What it was though, was a 'better then the weeks before' week.  I lost 2.78 pounds.  And while the 'mean girl' in my brain wants to minimize that - wants to remind me of the weight I allowed myself to gain all the weeks before - I refuse to listen to her.  I'm going to take the wins from last week and repeat them.  I'm going to look for my lessons learned, and... learn from them.  I'm going to show up for myself every day and face each day as it comes to me, cause I'm a "No BS" woman, who's scary strong, sexy AF, loves her life and practices excellent self care.

What does this look like in action? It means:

• Writing a plan every day. 
• Set an alarm for every evening that is journaling and planning time.
• Bring my ipad downstairs in the evening so I don't have the excuse of 'being in the middle of something else' 
• Assessing that plan every day and action on lessons learned
• See 'alarm' and ipad note above
• Write a discovery worksheet for EVERY off plan and/or overeat
• Every discovery worksheet = one new 'action' 
• Drinking all the water I need every day
• 1 pnt upon waking up
• 1 qt mid morning
• 1 qt w/lunch
• 1 qt w/dinner
• 1pnt at journel time 
• Sleeping as much as I need every day (aim at 7 hours min)
• Weeknights - set an alarm 30 minutes before 'bed time' to start the evening routine
• Checking in with my accountability groups as least once a day
• check-in is part of my 30 min before bedtime evening routine
• if I miss the night before check-in is part of my am routine
• Working on mindset at least 5x a week
• Read 'new thoughts' flashcards
• 30 minutes of active reading (see alarm/ipad note above)
• One intentional model per 'session' 
• Put 1 'new thought' on a post it on the computer each day (add to morning routine)
• Keeping my body strong, clean and looking it's best each day
• develop an 'at home' strength routine I can practice daily (this may take some tweaking - but, 'I can't go to the gym' and other non-helpful thoughts are no longer valid
• Shower daily (even if it's right before bed)
• Get dressed in clothes I would wear to the office every weekday.  I did this in April and it helped my mental state a LOT
• Continue to participate in Aloha Friday!

A little background for those of you who don't know me. I joined PNP in April of last year and since then, lost 58 pounds in 49 weeks. However, the past six weeks I haven't made choices that have supported that weight loss and I've gained 17 pounds.

I've not beat myself up over this. I've realized this is due to my choices and I've just worked on being 'the watcher' through this and see what I can learn.

But, recently I've been taking a stab at reducing my buffering and making choices that support my goals. So, I've been writing plans that match what I was doing back at the beginning of March - but then not following them.

But, this AM I had an ah-ha. (Well, it was of a 'no duh')

I got up, did my weigh in, went to write my plan and had the thought "I would just like my weight to be a little bit lower tomorrow then today..." And the answer came back to me of "Well you just need eat a little better today than you did yesterday"

((You mean, 1% level up? -- I mean it's like some smart lady talks about that all the time!))

You see - meeting yourself where you're at, and doing 1% level-up isn't something only do if you're a newby. And just because you've learned to deal with one set of circumstances without buffering with food doesn't mean you are an expert at dealing with EVERY circumstance and you may (or I may) need to learn some new lessons ONGOING!

I was trying to go from eating and drinking all the things all the time to the 'perfect plan'...That's not how this works -- at least not for me! So I'm going to make today a little better than yesterday. That's all I ask of myself!

It seems ‘how to lose weight while in Chicago is still a work in progress for me. I pretty much had a fuck it week this week. Didn’t plan. Didn’t eat well. over drank every day... was kind of a mess. I’m sure there’s a lot for me to unpack for the week. And I wish I had been paying more attention to my thoughts the whole time. They probably would have been interesting.  But I was kind of in one of those moods where I was tired of listening to my own thoughts. So I didn’t. And I ate and I drank and I didn’t lose weight. Where does that leave me? It leaves me fired up and ready to take some massive action. I kind of felt like I was taking a vacation from my eating plan.  But I don’t want life to be that way! I want an eating plan that I don’t have to take a vacation from!

But I also realize that to see results I’m going to have to do more then what I’ve been doing. So this week is a ‘do more’ week. Time to be a little uncomfortable.  To experiment. To push that line between progress to deprivation and just week what results.

I’ve got a plan - it’s full of actions steps. Now I activate it - not tomorrow - now!

Same dress Jan 2019 - June 2019 to today...

#transformationtuesday

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88You, Kim Siberski, Rosie Mercedes and 85 others

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