Monday, March 19, 2012

My My My what a weekend! The fat fairy had decided to just flat out LIVE at my house! The weight has just been flying off! Saturday I woke up at 227.6! Don't have any idea where that came from! :D I was shocked enough to check several times to see if the weight was 'real'. It was, then I drove to meet up with a new group to try a group run.

I went off to my run feeling pretty good. Then I got there and one look at the people getting ready to run brought all my insecurities and negative thoughts scream to the forefront. When your a 230 lb runner, your pretty firmly in the minority. And when your a 230lb runner in the San Francisco bay area, the gap is even larger. I actually started to walk out but one of the coaches caught me at the door and talked me into staying.

Amazingly enough it was a good run! I did 5 miles (5 miles!! Haven't done that in ages). There were two girls in the group who stuck with me the whole time and I actually became one of 'those people'. You know, the people who chat while they run. It was fun and I went further and I pushed myself harder the I would have if I had tried to do it on my own. I'll be back next week for sure!

And the lesson in all this? We as fat people have to watch that we arn't discriminating against those skinny folks, just as they shouldn't judge us! I'm going to try to be better about this.

After my run, we cleaned up and drove to visit my mother-in-law.  It's always a stressful time because she's got alzhimers.  It's hard on my husband to see her in that state, and hard on me to see him suffering.  But, we got through the visit ok and I didn't once think about stress eating.

Later I went over to a freinds to celebrate St. Patty's Day.   There was crackers and cheese, salsa and chips and then later pizza. I had a few pieces of cheese while we hung out, but left the crackers and chips (and pizza). What was great was, at one point I started hunting for more cheese out of habit, but realized that I really wasn't hungry, so I told myself 'enough', and moved on.

After that, we went out to a local watering hole that happens to also have karaoke on Saturdays. I LOVE karaoke but usually end up going by myself. It was a blast to go and have about 12 friends along too. Not only did I get to enjoy singing, but I got to enjoy my friend's singing and we danced a LOT. At the end of the day between the running and dancing my bodybugg said I had burned over 4500 calories for the day (at midnight). Whew! The best thing is, dancing doesn't even feel like exercise - it's just pure enjoyment.   And, because I was the designated driver, I was able to keep my commitment to stay away from the alcohol, thus avoiding a TON of empty calories (and a hangover).  Although I wasn't easy, Irish Car Bombs are my #1 fav drink and what better day to have some then St. Patty's day!?

Sunday is my 'official' weigh in and I was at 228.4 - that's 2.1 lbs lost for the week and 9.2 since I started. (However I only started MF food on Wednesday). According to my body bugg I've averaged 3127 calories burned a day and 1208 consumed for a  1919 deficit. (my goal is 1500). I also averaged over 11,000 steps a day. My weight was a a little up from the day before, but staying up 'til two in the morning dancing might have had something to do with it. I'm not too concerned. My goal for the week was 228.5 and I hit that. I'm losing weight and feeling really really good. I'm happy, my self confidence is coming back I even was able to wear a pair of cute capri jeans that I haven't been able to wear in AGES!

Later in the day I went through my closet and cleaned, cleaned, cleaned!  i sorted through all my clothes and arrainged them by size (I have size 18W to 10 in there).  It was a little sad seeing all the pretty clothes that I've 'grown' out of, but also strengthened my resolve to see this through.  I want to wear those again!  What was really sad was finding the 'largest' pair of jeans and a shirt that I saved from last time I lost weight (I got rid of everything else) - they both fit!  Again, it made me sad but determined.  Somehow I had convinced myself that though I had weighed the same, I wasn't as 'big' as I was last time.  yeah... right!  It's time to stop lying to myself, really look at myself in the mirror, accept what's going on there and then move on.

I suspect that in about two weeks the first of my 'put away' clothes will start to fit, that'll really feel good.  I want to ride that feeling of success all the way to goal, and I will!

Today however, the scale had a big big surprise for me.  Woke up, checked in and it said 225.9!  Another BIG drop!  I guess all the dancing caught up with me!  I just can't believe I'm going to be seeing the lower end of the 220's already.  I'm ready! 

I've been really really good physically and mentally over the past few days.  I find myself in a good mood more often then not.  It's not that things haven't been hard and that I haven't been dealing with the normal 'stuff' that life brings.  but, I've been abetter able to handle it all.  Iv'e been actually dealing with/acknowledging my emotions and weirdly that seems to take less energy then trying to ignore/hide them.  I'm also seeing great results on the program so far, and that always makes me hopeful and hope makes me energetic.  I'll try to hang onto this as long as possible - may as well ride the wave for all it's worth!

Oh, and I'm dropping the 'no-diet pepsi' zone back to 3:00 PM this week.  Thing sare going to get interesting over the next few days.

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