Monday, April 27, 2009

An 'Ah-ha' moment

I think I've discovered something about myself in the last three weeks. I don't know why it's never occurred to me before. Maybe I just wasn't ready to know it.

A LOT, and I mean A LOT of my eating was (I guess) impulsive, or just bad habit.

For instance, I find that several times during the day when I'm in the kitchen I'll see bananas sitting there. My brain goes, "Look a banana, they are good for us, we should have one". I don't have to be hungry, and it's not something I was craving, I just saw it.

Where I really noticed that my eating was a habit was when shopping. I drop into drug stores and little quick marts a LOT to grab something to drink. What I've found is I have a REALLY hard time not picking up more then just a drink. Again, I'm not hungry, I'm not craving anything - I'm just there picking up a soda, and for some reason can't pick up a soda without picking out food as well.

In fact, I can think of many a time when I've actually walked through the store several times looking for something that 'sounds good'.

In the past, while on a diet, I would justify my purchases by getting protein bars or something 'healthy', for 'just in case'. And then 'just in case' would end up being sitting in the car right out front :

I love that MF gave me the reason to stop and take a look at these impulsive habits. I've always known I was an emotional eater, but dealt with most of that when I did the Weigh Down Workshop. I know when my compulsion to eat is driven by emotion, I know what to say to my feast beast at those times (I didn't always do, it, but I had the tools if I chose to use them) Now that I've found this other little 'trick' my feast beast plays on me, I feel... stronger, empowered.

Since I 'failed' on my last diet 2 years ago, and while I gained 70 pounds in 29 months, I have felt so hopeless and helpless.

This new insight into me is what I need! Bring it on - I want more! :)

By the way - we went to Outback steakhouse on Saturday night. They have the BEST grilled chicken and steamed veggies! NomNomNom! When they brought the bread to the table I really thought it was going to be hard. But, I refused to fight with my feast beast. (It's like arguing with a child really). I said, "I'm in charge, I'm not having that, and I refuse to feel deprived!". Instead of focusing on what the bread must taste like and having fantasies about melted butter, which would only make me feel deprived and resentful, I focused on how good it felt to have lost 15 lbs, and how awesome the new workout outfit I had just bought was, and how awesome it's going to be on the 3rd to swim/run/ride a bike almost 20 lbs lighter then last time I did a triathlon.

I know, if I can just keep focused on the positive, I'll make it through this time!

No comments:

Post a Comment