WTF

Yeah...

Things didn't go as planned - lost focus, lost interest and didn't lose any weight.

Things have gotten worse actually - 260 lbs.  WTF!?  I'm officially double my goal weight right now.

But I can't think about that too much or I get so depressed I want to either curl up in bed and never leave it again, or eat.  or both.

But - there is hope...

I've been toying with a few ideas.  Dipping my toe into lifestyle/eating plans.  Moving a little more and hating myself a little less - and those are all good, positive steps.  And, for the first time in a long time I kind of feel "Ready".  Not just, "I have to do this now..." kind of ready, but that little kernel of excitement ready.   That flicker of "this might just work" instead of "This better work".

It's hard to explain the difference but I'm liking the direction things are taking.  My direction - well it's still headed in the direction I've been walking for a few years now.  I want to lean my diet more toward the paleo/primal lifestyle.  I feel best when I'm avoiding the grains and processed crap.  I also (always) feel better when I'm in at least mild ketosis.  I think I'm just built that way.   There's no doubt in my mind that I'm metabolically compromised and I would not in the least be surprised if I was also  insulin resistant.  There's no doubt in my mind that if I continue on the path I'm on I will be a very sick woman in 5 to 10 years.  I want to do something now!!

And so I have.

At 5PM tonight I pick up my first meals in my new Diet to Go plan.  It's low carb and paleo-ish (gluten/grain free some dairy and not necessarily grass fed - but one does what one can).  I did this plan once before, but I had to do the frozen plan.  And though the food was good, the texture was OFF on some things and I believe I only lasted a few months.   I DID loose weight and frankly the program was super simple - I need simple.

The difference this time is that I'm able to do the Fresh plan.  I'll pick up fresh food twice a week from a local store.  I'll only have a few days (instead of a whole weeks) worth of food to store and none of it is frozen.  I can add stuff to it (like extra veg, protein or fat) if I feel I need it, but all my 'big' meals are taken care of - Breakfast Lunch and Dinner... done, done and done.  And even better all the meals are already loaded into My Fitness Pal so tracking and figuring out how much snacking I can do in a day will be really easy.

In fact, I already pre-loaded all my meals for the next week into the app so all I'll have to do is add any snacks I eat.

For exercise... well traffic has decided some of that for me.  I now get up at 6:30AM so I can leave by 7:30 and be to work by 9:30.  If I get up and leave the house at 6:30 (only getting up a few minutes earlier) I can workout near my house and avoid much of the traffic while still getting to work by 9:30!  I think to make this part easier I need to 'pre-package' my workout clothes and work clothes for the week so that all I have to do is 'pop' them into my bag and run out the door.  Too many times what keeps me from going (excuses excuses) is not setting out my clothes the night before and not having time to do it in the morning.  So a 30 minute (or less) exercise on the weekend would have all that part taken care of - I just walk out the door.  Just like with the food.

And the goal?  Well the first goal is to get below 250 in four weeks.  Sounds aggressive I know but it's actually just 4% in 4 weeks.  I can do that, and I'll win some money if I do!  win/win

What have I got coming up that could be an issue?

Halloween party this weekend
Halloween next weekend

Then it's smooth sailing for the rest of those four weeks.  If I can find a way to manage those two things without derailing and without my wild child feeling deprived and rebelling, I'll have it made.