Friday, February 25, 2005

Hi guy’s – It’s been a while. I’ve a LOT to talk about too. Here’s the short version.

3 day weekend struggle = Bad
Recovered from a “Why am I even doing this?” moment = Good
Had long talk about goals with my sweetie = very good
Sweetie suggesting some ways he can help = very very good
Sweetie following through and making dinners so I have more time to exercise = excellent
New book arrived in the mail = superb
Reaching 200 again on the scale = fantastic
Actually BUTTENING a pair of size 14 jeans = Happy dance time.

The long version is this:

Friday night I had to pick up pizza. It’s a long story :) I convinced myself that one piece would fit into my meal plan – and I had it. Unfortunately, one piece turned into three pieces. It always seems to turn out that way.

Saturday was my free day. I had originally intended it to only be a free meal while eating out, but instead I let it become an all day chocolate fest! But, it was my free day.

Sunday I seemed to be recovering ok. I even got a run in. Then evening came around and I started craving sourdough bread dipped in olive oil. Unfortunately, I gave in. Then I had an artichoke, and then ate my ‘planned’ meal of stir fried chicken. Then I had more bread and POOF I had messed up.

Monday – I don’t really remember what I ate Monday. I started my monthly (which explains but doesn’t excuse my weekend’s excess) and I wasn’t feeling good.

Tuesday I got back on track. But I had a rough ‘moment’. I’m in the car A LOT and because of a bladder or kidney issue (we’re not sure which) I need to stop and use the rest room A LOT. That means dropping in at quick marts and fast food places. I always feel guilty stopping at these places and not buying anything so I wander through and usually pick up something small. Tuesday I was walking through and the THOUGHT hit me. That one that usually is the final blow to my ‘get fit plans’ I stood in the middle of the quick stop and heard that voice say, “Buy whatever you want, it’s not like it matters. You’re not making any progress anyway. You may as well.” But this time something different happened, another, more mature voice said, ‘I AM NOT GIVING UP!’ I didn’t, and I haven’t.

Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t like I suddenly transformed into some dieting superwoman. I was actually crabby and depressed the rest of the night. That voice didn’t instantly shut up. It kept whispering…”Why are you doing this again?” “You’re waiting your time.” “Nothing’s changed, why keep trying?”

My fiancé noticed my bad mood and commented on it. Finally I managed to tell him what was wrong. His response, “You’re NOT giving up!” Heh – I love that guy. He always knows exactly what to say. I talked to him about my frustrations. About the yo-yoing I’ve been doing so far this year and where I thought things were going wrong. He doesn’t exactly understand my issues. After all, all he has to do is run 3 times a week and skip the cookies and he’s dropping two pounds a week like clockwork. But he was willing to empathize and listen. Later as I hashed through what was going right and what was going wrong, he made a suggestion. “If you tell me what to do, I’ll make you dinner.”

Later that night I printed out a one day meal plan with recipes. It was all easy stuff to make. I wasn’t really expecting much, but I put it up on the refrigerator anyway. The next morning I woke up to peach oatmeal. I couldn’t believe it! He had woken up before me and fixed me the breakfast that was on my meal plan! I made my lunches and had an excellent ‘on plan’ day. And when I got home, he pushed me into the bedroom and said, “Go do your run, I’ll make you’re dinner for you.” And he did! After I finished my run I jumped off the treadmill to find a plate full of ‘on plan’ foods! His only request, that I do the dishes. HECK I can DO that!

So, things have been easier the past few days. I’ve picked up a few new supplements… St. John’s Wort, Bitter Orange, Green Tea, and Capsicum. All supported by scientific research as helping the body burn fat. Today is my second day on them and I’m feeling pretty good. I’ve noted a huge improvement in my stomach. I’m not feeling so distended and bloated. Yesterday I noticed that my ‘largest’ pair of size 16 jeans were dropping EVERYWHERE. So, on a lark I picked up the brand new pair of size 14’s that have been sitting for two months WAITING for me to fit into them. I pulled them on, and SURPRISINGLY the two inch gap between button and hole was almost gone – AND if I held my breath and laid on the bed I could actually button AND zip them. I actually walked around the house a little bit too. What a shot in the arm THAT was.

Then this morning the scale dropped to 200 again. ALL signs are looking positive again HORRAY!

Oh! And my new book came in the mail today. I’ve REALLY been looking forward to this one. It’s called “The Thin Commandments” by Stephen Gullo. This is not really a weight loss program, but a book that deals with the MENTALITY of eating right. I’m on chapter three and I already LOVE the stuff he has to say. Stuff Like:

…those who succeed at weight control do not have greater willpower than those who fail – they just have better strategies.
I have conclusively discovered that the particular diet an individual follow is secondary to success at weight control……. The most important factor for winning is having strategies – not the particular diet you follow.

There’s so much more. I’m just dieing to finish reading it but I’m trying really hard to go slow so that I can really soak it all it. The best part is, it’s not just ‘talk’ there are REAL suggestions and exercises in there that I KNOW will help. The simple fact is – I’ve always know WHAT to do. What I’ve lacked is (what I thought was) the will to do it. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am about the things I’m reading :) This may just be the ‘what’s different this time’ that I’ve been looking for.

(by the way, the book is for sale at

Alright, I think that’s enough out of me!

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