Monday, February 28, 2005

I did alright this weekend.

The biggest positve was that I finished my book. I have to say that it was VERY good. I would highly recomend it for anyone who KNOWS what to do nutritionally, but doesn't always DO what they know is right. He's got a lot of good things to say. I would say the #1 thing he says that I think will help me out is basically this. Examin your past and use it to determine what you do today. :) Now that might sound basic to folks but I'll try to explain how this has changed me. Sunday I was having a 'free meal'. I knew there was a bag of cadberry eggs up in the cupbord and I started to grab a handfull of them. My thought was... it's my free meal I can have one handful. But then I started thinking about my past. I started thinking about my history with those mini eggs and I realized that with me... for them it's never 'just a handful'. One handful becomes two handfulls and once I've had that many it's justification to just keep eating. After all, I've already blown it... Soon the bag is gone and I've moved on to other 'restricted' foods because heck, I've blown it, so I'll just finish out the evening and restart 'tomorrow'. If I'm lucky I WILL restart tomorrow, but sometimes that 'handfull' of mini-eggs has meant DAYS of 'tomorrows'. So - I skipped the 'treat'. I had a fat free ice cream instead (something I don't have a history of abusing) and was happy with that. (it was my daughter's birthday and I bought myself fat free icecream so I could 'celebrate' with the rest of them)

That's not to say that yesterday was 'perfect'. I ate more bread then I origonally intended and may have to restrict that item in my diet too (even on free days). We'll see I'm learning more about myself every day. My weeknesses, and my strengths.

Moodwise, even with this new attitude toward food, I'm not doing so hot. Probably just my P(ost)MS messing with my head. I just know I'm feeling REALLY uncomfortable in my own skin. I naturally avoid mirrors etc, but today I seem to be faced with images of myself everywhere I go. And for some reason I'm only seeing the negative today. Modivating, but exactly the kind of motivation I like. OH well, I'll get over it and start looking at the postive again.

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