Reflections of me...
I had a thought while walking to work from the ferry this morning. It occurred to me that although I had a STELLER week last week – I still spent a great deal of time feeling deprived. Then I realized that as long as I continue to feel this way, I will continue to fail. I will eventually relax my will power and say ‘forget this!’ ‘Why should I have to stay in the office while everyone else has Chinese food?’ ‘Why should I have to give up two hours of sleep just to go to the gym?’ ‘Why should I have to pass up a cookie?’…etc. I think you get the point. It’s the reoccurring theme in my life.
Until I convince myself that it’s eating the crap food and not working out that’s the REAL Deprivation I will continue to fall back into my old ways of doing things. I will give into temptation eventually.
I’m not exactly sure how to do that. I’m open to ideas – here’s what I’ve come up with so far.
1) Watch the self talk and change it as often as I can.
2) Find satisfying alternatives for the things I ‘miss’ (like the chocolate protein pudding I found the other day)
3) Add ‘Eating the crap food is the REAL Deprivation’ and other such items to my daily meditations/visualization.
I already started #3 – on the train this morning I pictured myself eating my favorite iced sugar cookies and every bite adding another ‘glob’ of fat to my body. (If only it worked that way… could you imagine?) I also spent some time imagining that I was eating my lovely spinach salad and with each bite I got just a little thinner, trimmer, stronger.
This ‘process’ that I’m going through can not be a ‘diet’. I’ve got to build these changes to my eating habits into something I can do forever. Because of my food issues I will NEVER be able coast through my ‘nutritional life’. And - I will not be able to live forever feeling deprived, and the only way around that is to change… me.