Monday, May 11, 2009

The Long and Winding Road

I promised myself that my blog would be a true and accurate picture of my weight loss journey. That's why I'm posting here today that I stumbled yesterday.

I can make a bunch of excuses like "It was Mother's Day" or "It's the first time since I started this program that my kids have been over" but it was, plain and simple a stumble. I'm still working on the true 'why' of it all and on strategies for keeping it from happening again - but I'm trying to avoid making excuses and taking the easy way out.

I woke up yesterday morning happy to see that even after going to Home Town Buffet that my weight was down .1lb (216.4) My youngest loves to make me breakfast on Mother's Day but was ok about honoring my request that she not, this year. So, I got up and grabbed some MF - Oatmal and some MF - cinnamon chips. I don't know why I grabbed the chips - well I do. Ever since I bought all those MF - Snacks they have been calling me. All of the rest of my food is carefully packaged in bags, a day's worth of food in each, but the snacks. They just sit there, waiting for when I say "I'll have a snack!" and my feast beast pounced on the opportunity. ((You'll notice a theme coming up)).

So I ate my breakfast, packed up some food and the kids and loaded the car so we could go to the lake. I packed a MF Bar and a MF - RTD Shake alongside the Lean & Green that I was bringing to BBQ so that I would have food all day. I was set.

Once we got to the lake and got set up, I started feeling a bit peckish. My family was snacking on chips and crackers all of which I knew I wasn't going to eat. For some reason I looked over the stuff I had brought and went, "Grapes, ooo grapes are healthy, and grabbed two, popping one in my mouth. It was seriously just an automatic thing. My husband, who was sitting right there said, 'I thought you weren't supposed to eat fruit?'

I sat there for a second process what he just said with one grape in my mouth literally sitting between my teeth waiting to be crushed! Finally it hit me what I was doing and I spit it out and threw them both in the trash. I grabbed my MF bar and thanked him - still kind of stunned that I had gone so brain dead.

The rest of our day went really well. We had a nice lunch of chicken and grilled asparagus and then spent over an hour swimming in the lake.

On the way home my oldest reminded me of the porkchops in the fridge that we were supposed to have Saturday night for dinner and asked we could have them when we got home. I agreed - after all, the girls had helped me prep them.

When we got home everyone started snacking again. I was getting the chops ready and was feeling a little hungry myself. What I should have done was had a shake or some other MF meal, but since it was so close to dinner time, I talked myself out of a meal and allowed myself a 'snack' instead. I mean it was a MF snack wasn't it? I grabbed a package of crackers and the hummus I had bought the day before. I spread each cracker with spread and munched away happily as I cooked. But then that package of crackers was gone and before I could really THINK about it I grabbed another and opened it! These disappeared quickly too and I found myself thinking about what else I could put hummus on so I could keep eating it.

At this point my rational brain started to take over, and I saw this for the binge it was becoming! The familiar arguement started in my head. You've blown the day already, just keep eating. You've done so well, what's one day? May as well finish the hummus so that it won't tempt you another day...

But, something came back to me that I had told another weight fighter many many years ago. Adherence to your plan starts the minute you stop being off plan. The 'Day' is never blown, unless you keep eating.

So I put the crackers and hummus away, finished cooking and had the second 1/2 of my Lean & Green for the day when dinner was done. That was it - I was back on plan.

What I realized was that being on plan isn't like walking a tight rope. If you do make a misstep, you aren't left helplessly falling, waiting to hit bottom and hoping you survive!

Being on plan is more a journey through the forest. Your eating plan is your GPS - guiding you to your goal and showing you the path through the trees. A misstep can take you off that path and can even have you walking backwards for a bit, but the minute you pick up your GPS again, you find the path and you're back on your journey again. THE MINUTE you pick it back. That means mid bite, mid binge, mid day -- it doesn't matter!

Anyway - after all of that I entered all my food into the "My Plan" page and found that I hadn't killed my calories or my carbs. And as a 'reward' for making right choices later - my weigh in was 215.8 this morning.

So, I'm here, on track and paying very close attention to my GPS right now!

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