Thursday, November 3, 2005

I overslept this morning.

Ok - that implies that I had little control over the situation. truth is, the alarm went off - I shook my fiance awake. He didn't stir so I rolled over and fell back asleep. BAH! What I should of done - what I WILL do from now on is hop out of bed and turn on the light.

We talked about it - I told him how dissapointed I was in myself and he's going to work on waking up better. I MISS the gym!

I'll cardio tonight at least and hit the gym tomorrow. I WON'T miss two days in a row.

Eats are on plan and planned. I had poached eggs for breakfast, ricotta cheese for 2nd breakfast and I have planned spinach salad for lunch, PB shake for tea - Protien shake for meal 5 and turkey burgers for dinner.

Yesterday's run was GREAT. I haven't worked that hard on a treadmill in ages it seems. I forgot how much harder it was to run on my treadmill that won't go lower then 1.5% then the gym treadmills that start at 0%. WAY harder. I certainly hit a 10 on that one!

Now confession time. I've been finding myself getting worried lately. Worried about looking like a man. Now - before you start yelling at me about weights and not getting bulky etc... it's not about THAT. Well, it is - sorta, but not in the way you might think. It's more about my face shape, and now weight lifting will effect it. I have a VERY strong square jaw. those of you who've seen picture probably know what I mean - everyone else think carrie-ann moss - without the pointy chin. Actually better yet, think Christopher Reeve - before the accident. My 'fluff' does soften it a little, but even at 230 lbs I still had a VERY strong jaw. As I lose it just gets 'worse'. Add on top of that that I'm building muscle and I start to get REALLY worried about what I'm going to look like in a few months. Yes - I'm borderline 'scary-strong' but I'm still all girl at heart.

Ah well - I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Just one of those bizzaro thoughts that cross my brain while I battle with the 'blotto' the deamon of fat. He whispers all sorts of negative things in my ear. I just have to remind myself that I can sit here and WONDER if I'll like myself all fit and tone and sexy and stuff or do it and KNOW. And if I don't like it, I can always change back! hehehe


  1. I've had a bit of the same worry, not because of the current shape of any part of me, but because so many of the women featured in Oxygen look pretty masculine in their faces. I don't know if they're taking something with testosterone to make them look like that or what. But I don't want the body at the expense of a feminine face. So I totally understand your fear.

  2. Jess - it's nice to someone understands where I'm coming from on this. I'm 'butch' looking already I don't need it to get any worse!