Tuesday, December 9, 2003

If I chose to only look at my stats, the past 12 weeks could easily seem like a failure. After all, of six major goals, I only reached two of them. Not a good percentage, and yet, in my mind, this challenge was an unequivocal success, if, for no other reason then that I finished. As with any journey, there were rough spots. This one started out that way. Half way through my first BFL challenge, I was struggling to realize my capacity for change. Now I know the sky’s the limit.

I began afraid, afraid of letting myself down, of letting others down and of failing, yet again. I was afraid I wasn’t doing enough, or perhaps that I was doing too much. I was afraid of bulking up, afraid of not losing enough, afraid of tripping, stumbling and never getting up again. I did stumble. I tripped, I fell in the mud I even slogged through it a time or two, but I never stopped. Because somehow, somewhere along the way I realized that the only way to lose the battle was to quit. I also learned that sometimes you step into quicksand, and you fight and you battle, and you just make things worse. Then you have to relax for a little while, float up to the surface, take stock of the situation and then move on. There’s a time for pushing and there is a time for resting.

Now the challenge is over and I’ve taken a step back to look over my results, and I truly am amazed. I look at the progress I’ve made and I think, “Is that really me? Did I really do that?� There is a part of me that is proud, and yet another that is humbled because I didn’t do it alone. Without the love and support of my friends and family, both online and at home, I wouldn’t have made it. It’s because of you all that I’m finally starting to see the woman I’m going to be. And, I’m not afraid anymore.

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