I had a good day yesterday. Food was ok and I upped my speed on the treadmil again. About 1/2 way through my workout I started making plans as to what I was going to do if I couldn't make it 1 minute at the top speed. Then I realized what I was doing. I was planning to FAIL! Finally I told myself, you ARE going to make it, stop thinking about quitting before you've even started. So instead of sitting on the 'mill' and visualizing quitting. I visualized myself running through the entire workout. And I did it. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't close to being impossible. So Thursday, the speed will go up another .1. That means that on Thursday, I will have added .5 miles per hour to each of my 1 min intervals.
Today is upper body. I can't wait to get in there and add a little to my bench press numbers. Tonight is also a 'free meal' night. Not exactly sure I'm going to go all out though. I may order on the conservative side, and then ask them to bring a box with my meal so I can put 1/2 of it away before I even start. The big 'treat' is going to be that I'll allow myself some desert, and if I'm already full - how can I enjoy the sweet stuff at the end.
Mentally, last night was not a good night. Even though my 'actions' have been really good so far, I started feeling really frustrated and helpless. The old thoughts of, "Your never going to make it, so why bother" started going through my head. I managed to shake most of them out. I have a feeling that it's really just homeostasis setting in, my body fighting the changes I'm making. If I stay the course then eventually by body will recognize that THIS is the natural state of things. At least that's what they tell me. As I've said before, there are days that I despair that I will ALWAYS be fighting cravings and the urge to overeat. But none of that means I should QUIT.