Thursday, October 30, 2003

Well! Let me tell you about my day...

The afternoon started going downhill. I started getting a headache, and my throat started hurting. I actually went home early because my neck and shoulders hurt so bad I couldn't stand to look at the computer anymore. THEN when I got home my fiance and I had some chores to take care of that left me feeling even MORE depressed and worn out. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and shut out the world! But, when I went into my room to change I grabed for my workout clothes. I knew that if I had them on I would have one less excuse NOT to workout. Before I could motivate myself though, I called my daughter to find out when I was picking her up for trick-or-treating, and she informed me that she wanted to stay at her dad's because they had been invited to a Halloween party. Another blow! I know that if I hadn't already changed into workout clothes I would have said 'forget it'! BUT somewhere inside of me I KNEW I would feel better when I was through. So I pulled out the pilates matt and started my practice. The nice thing about pilate's is that even though it's not as metaphysical as yogo, it does involve a lot of controlled movements and deep breathing. As I sat there taking my first DEEP breathes and lengthening my spine and imagined that with each breath out I was pushing all those black ugly feelings OUT of my body. I exhaled, and exhaled and exhaled until I couldn't any more, pushing all the negative thoughts, feelings and doubts OUT of my mind and away from my soul. It was the COOLEST feeling! By the time I finished I KNEW I was ready for my lower body workout... and it ROCKED!! TOTALLY kicked my butt. My legs were SHAKING by the end and I was near the puking point. Not bad for a workout that never got beyond a 6.5 lb dumbell! AND... I did full situps! 3 sets of 15.. I couldn't do even 1 just a few months ago.. another victory. Much more then one in my book.

I figured out I was doing someting that I didn't even realize until now. A long time ago when I was going to counceling (one of the few postive things I can pull out of my failed marriage) one of the 'assignments' I was given was to write down three postive things about my (then) spouse every day. While that didn't save my marriage I always did think it was a valid technique... The theory being that the best way to get rid of negative thoughts is to think postive thoughts :) And I've found that I do that in my journey. Every day I try to pull the postive out of what I'm doing. Maybe the scale didn't move, but HEY, this skirt fits better! I'm boosting my OWN self esteme by replacing my negative thoughts about myself with new postive thoughts, and I think it's had a lot to do with the bounce in my step and the smile on my face. AND it makes it that much easier to eat good food and move my butt and excercise. After all, if I LIKE myself how can I NOT want to take care of me?

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