I feel like I've made a step in the right direction. I took a walk at lunchtime. Almost sad that something so small is an accplishment for me right now, but it is. Hopefully I've set the tone for the entire day. (in a positive way). I've been looking at some OLD pictures of myself and just shuddering at how far I had let myself go! I know I will NEVER Get to that point again! The only way I can do that is to continue to fight, struggle, scratch and claw my way toward my goals!

Ever since I took that week off, I've struggled to get back into the excercise grooove. I keep slipping on my self promices...and even my promices to others and I hate myself for it. I've GOT to get my focus back before the 5th when I start my first 12 week challenge of the new year. I know I need to workout. I can feel the difference in my energy levels. Luckily, I've been reletively clean in the eating department and that's kept me losing. I'm just frustrated, and dissapointed...And fighting for all it's worth to get my 'groove' back.



It's easy to make excuses. "It's the holidays", "The colder weather makes me tired and want to hybernate" "I can't find a cardio that I like". But they are all just excuses. I know that the people who get it done.. just GET IT DONE. And that's not happening. It's time to take a hard line with myself and NOT let the tired lazy me talk myself into my old lifestyle. I'm NOT going to lose this battle. I can't, not this time. It's not in me to quit, but it's all to easy to let things slide.



Ah well, today's a new day and a new chance to make a differnce in ME.

Well, this challenge has been colorful to say the least. BUT, I'm not letting this bother me or cause me to quit. I know that a few stumbles are not going to keep me from my goals. I'm so GLAD the holidays are over! My time is once again my own, and I'm not going to have to stare down mounds of sweets and chocolate every day at work. I did a great deal of 'snacking' over the past few days, but I don't think any MAJOR damage was done. Allowing myself a little leeway over the past few days also made TOM a little easier to get through too so in all it was a VERY happy holiday.



Today I am wearing a size 12 skirt that's been hanging in my closet for a year and a half! It feels and looks GREAT! I'm so excited about the changes ahead! And as I've said time and time again, I finally feel as if I really WILL reach my goals in the upcoming year.



My challenge for for Body Blog, and Body for Life start next monday. In the meanwhile, I'm going to spend this week reminding myself what it feels like to go hard EVERY day. On tap tonight, an Upper Body workout. Nutrition is set for 1550 calories. I'm still up in the air for cardio for the next few weeks as I don't have my Christmas Treadmill YET. Children's christmas presents came first, and we don't do credit. But it's in the works...



I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and is looking forward to the New Year as much as I am!

So here I was feeling all cranky and frumpy, and not one, but THREE people commented on how thin I was looking and how great I was doing on my diet. the stars have realigned themselves! :)

Somedays I really hate my body. Today is one of them. It usually happens when I have this 'vision' in my head of what I want to look like, and then I get dressed and what I see is NOTHING like what I have invisioned.



I was so excited about the sweater I got this weekend. I had the 'perfect' outfit in mind. Black turtleneck with my hip hugger slacks... I just knew I would be the ipidimy of 'sheek'. But instead when I checked the mirrow, my sweater didn't tuck correctly and instead of hugging and showing off my new slimmer waist it bulged and looked like I had a roll along the endge of the waist band. And then the 'bulk' of the sweater when tucked, added lumps under my slack in ALL the wrong places. So a day I had hoped to spend feeling stunning and successful I'm spending tugging, and tucking and grumpy. Oh well!



Did an upper body workout last night. I didn't 'kill' myself, after taking some advice that I might see more progress if I tried a different approach. So I'm trying. It was wierd to end a workout not feeling completely wrung out. Don't get me wrong, I was tired and sore, but not the 'Oh my, don't ask me to scratch my nose' tired and sore. Still, these couple of week are a good time for me to experiment and it was acutally a lot of fun to mix things up a bit.



I started with doing 15 half (girl) pushups to warm up. I had to laugh because earlier this year I could barely do 10 of these as a matter of fact I hurt my back strainging to do over 10. To throw out 15 as a WARM UP was really cool. Then I did 15 pushups with my knees on the swiss ball as a second warm up. What I had planned to do was super sets, but I couldn't figure out if, when doing super sets, if I should use the same weight on every exciercise so as to not have a pause. In order to accomidate no pause, no weight change - I took what was going to be a four excercise 'set' and broke it into 2 2 excercise sets. I figured 25lbs was a good weight for chest and back, whereas shoulders I wouldn't be able to do more then 15lbs. What I didn't factor in was how HARD doing 15 reps would be. SHEESH! By then I was so into my new workout I completely forgot that I was going to do pull first and THEN push.. duh! I switch them up next time! So I loaded 25 lbs on the dumbbells and started to do chest press. I couldn't figure out why it felt so HARD... Then I recalculated and realized that I had loaded 30 lbs on each dumbell. With visions of Nicole pushing 50lb dumbells, I went ahead and pushed out 6 reps at 30 lbs. Was pretty cool! then I REALLY got 25lbs loaded and after a rest I did my fifteen chest presses and without a rest did 15 bent rows. a short rest and I tried to do the next set of 15. HA! ended up dropping the weight do 20 to finish. WHEW. Then 15 bent rows no problem. My back is MUCH stronger then my chest it seems. Second 'super' set I did military press 15 reps, and thanks to Jeremy managed to use excercise bands and Jurry rig a lat pull down. I think I might need a few sturdier bands though because even with three bands strapped on, it was a little easy. I would have liked a little more of a burn. Even so, my mid back is a little sore today. Feels good! Second set of 15 reps was pretty much the same. THEN.. just because I was feeling good and wanted to fool around a little I did a handstand for about 30 seconds. I think that's why my shoulders are a little sore today in a new place. Eventually (years from now, I'm sure) I want to do handstand pushups. Just to say I can!



Nutrition is going well. Eating out at lunch today, but I've got it all planned. They wheeled out another batch of sweets today.. a CART LOAD, but I've passed it all by. Not worth it.



Happy Holiday's all!

Bad News--I'm still struggling with my workouts. I just can't seem to find the time and/or get my priorities in the correct order to fit in everything. BUT, I'm pushing through.



Good news-- My weight today 177! It almost hasn't sunk in! I've been below 180 for 7 days now! Average weight for last week 178.6... lowest EVER.



My clothes are fitting GREAT, in fact I'm actually starting to finally get to the point where I go.. Hmm this might be consitered too big! As a matter of fact while shopping at Eddie Bower this weekend I had to get a sweater in a size Medium! Makes me want to leave the "M" sticker on the outside of it when I wear it around! lol



The sweets are still pouring in here at work. another package of candy, although this one contained some nuts so I could have a few.



Nutrition goals for this week - 1750 calories P/C/F ratio 41/29/30 Bring on the Salad and meat! :) I'm planning to doing an upper body workout tonight. I will up the weight on a few excercises and see how I do.



We had a GREAT weekend. Took a trip to the city and saw the Nutcracker. It was GREAT, and I managed to things nutitionally balanced. I'm furiously working on finishing up my shopping. I found out this weekend that ALL three of my children are planning to come over at christmas, when I first thought it was just going to be the youngest. While I've managed to buy my oldest a few gifts my son has been a problem. His list has consited of things like.. a PS2 or a computer... not something I can afford right now. I'll have to see what happens.



I'm going to make it through this holiday in the black financially, and out of the black ... clothes. NOTHING is going to keep me away from that 175 mark!

Monday they brought in See's candy, cookies and rice crispy treats

Tuesday it was See's candy and bevarian chocolate

Yesterday I managed to get the last of all the chocolate out of the office and was breathing a sigh of relief...



until today... gerdelli chocolate, homemade brownies and homemade oatmeal cookies --



I sit back and watch them all stuff thier face... Then grin as they all talk about the 10 pounds they've put on since Thanksgiving... Then they turned to me and I just said... Hmmm.. I've lost 7 pounds since Thanksgiving.. and I walk away. between you and me.. it's a good thing I don't like oatmeal cookies! lol

I’ve been at my current weight four other times in my adult life. Once - I was 19 and had just had my first baby. I was NOT happy about it then, but somehow with working full time, taking care a new husband, and taking care of a new baby, I didn't have time to pay attention. After my second child was born I was even MORE horrified to find I was now 207. I joined WW and within a few months I was down to 177. I was fitting into size 14 and sometimes a 12, It's was easy to feel good. I started to look around and realize ... "I've average!". And average feelt pretty darn good after spending so much time morbidly obese. But, that 'happy to be average' feeling is dangerous! This was the first time I dealt with the.. "I'm happy to be average" syndrome. Men were paying attention to me more then ANY other point in my life. I was happy, I was strong, I was ... having marital troubles and dealing with a husband who didn't appreciate the changes that I had made. So I ignored myself again... let it slide; said "I'm happy with average" only to find myself after my third child weighing 230 lbs. (or more) This time the weight loss was slow. I didn't have a specific program that I followed or a support group, I just did what 'felt' right at the time. I got to 180 and hung in there. This time when the husband started his 'crap' Instead of ignoring myself I ignored him! Needless to say, a divorce ensued and I found myself 177ish, single and once again "happy to be average". This time I hung on a bit longer, and caught it sooner when my weight started to creep back up. I had found a man who loved me, nurtured me and made me happy and when my weight got into the high 180's I quickly started ediets and once again, I got into the 177 range, size 14/12 and very comfortably 'average'. I quit making progress, and soon I had quit. Then came surgery and an unexplained weight gain... once AGAIN I was on the wrong side of 200 (203) and I finally decided.. "This is for life!" I've taken control and I've fought my way BACK to below 180 and comfortable in a size 14 pair of jeans...



This is why I continue to set goals, why I try not to let my 'success' side track me. Why I'm not saying "It's the holiday's have a piece of chocolate"... I want better then 'average' for me and for those around me. I don't settle for 'average' in anything else I do... not love, not my job, not life... why should I settle in my health and appearance?



Yes, we should enjoy our progress, be happy with how far we've come... but realize the journey isn't finished. If fact it never SHOULD be finished!



I guess I just need to put this down... more for myself then anything. To make concrete in my mind why I sit and eat my salad while everyone around me wolfs down See's Candy...

I thought I would record my current workout as it was one of the goals of this 4 weeks was to increase the weight I was using :)



Lower Body - (weight is total number of plates)

Plie' squat

35 x 12

40 x 10

45 x 8

50 x 6

45 x 12

Jump Squat

0 x 12



Straight Leg Deadlift

40 x 12

45 x 10

50 x 8

55 x 6

50 x 12

Split Squat

50 x 12



Single Standing Calf Raise

25 x 12

30 x 10

35 x 8

40 x 6

35 x 12

Front Calf Stretch

Heavy&Light Band x 12



Crunches

12

10

8

6

12

Reverse Crunches

12



Upper Body (Weight is total plates for single dumbell)

Dumbell Press

20 x 12

22.5 x 10

25 x 8

27.5 x 6

25 x 12

Flye

20 x 12



Bent Row

17.5 x 12

20 x 10

22.5 x 8

25 x 6

22.5 x 12

Bent Flyes

12.5 x 12



Military Press (/ indicates dropping 2.5 lbs)

12.5 x 12

15 x 10

17.5 x 8

20 x 4/2

17.5 6/6

Lat Raises

7.5 x 12



Bicep Curl

10 x 12

12.5 x 10

15 x 5/3

17.5 x 5

15 x 3/8

Hammer Curl

10 x 12



Triceps

Dips (MAN these HURT!!)

12

10

8

6

12

Overhead extentions

30 x 12



Pushups

10



Whew!



Now, to work on the drop set excercises, until I don't have to 'drop' them anymore AND raise the rest of the excercises UP Until I'm having to do drop sets for them too.



I realize this is HARDLY 'pure' BFL style, but I think it's important for me right now to try pushing my limits a little and teach myself what 'true' failure is on every body part. I've had FAR too many excercises in which I say "Hmm.. I think that was all I could do...." enough of that!

Everything seems to be firing on all cylenders right now. It's feels so great to be back in a groove and seeing results! I Killed my upper body on my workout last night. Raised weights on everything, did drop sets to finish and generally left myself feeling like a wet noodle. It was all good though when I woke up to see a very nice thing on the scale. SOMETHING appears to be working! at LAST!

Ouch, Owe, Owie.... it's so bad I have to say it in three languages! lol! My legs and lower back hurt YES, but so does my arms and shoulders... just goes to prove that squats really DO utilize nearly every part of your body.



Nutrition was PERFECT yesterday. BUT, after all my momentem yesterday, LIFE happened and my workout was not to be. BUT I have 1 rest day per week and it WILL be made up. Upper Body is planned for tonight and I cannot WAIT. my favorite workout by FAR. I'm going to add weight to each of these excercises as well even it means I have to do some drop sets. Cory has challenged me ;) Nutrition today .. well LIFE also caused me to not be able to plan ahead today. I grabbed clean eats, but I doubt I've eaten ENOUGH yet. But I'll be able to adjust later. I'm nothing if not flexable.

Slow day at work - Been looking over my stats. The more I look, the more excited I'm getting. Yes, I've been here (under 180) a couple time in the past few months, but each time it was the week before TOM and it SHOT back up right after. This time, I'm NOT going to let that happen. FOCUS is my battle cry! :)



Stat wise I've gone NO WHERE since the end of October. It would be easy to consider the past month or so a waste of time, but but internally I've learned SO much that I wouldn't trade the past month for ANYTHING.



I'm going to do some circuit training for cardio tonight and see how I like it. Light Light weights and calistenics.

Well! I'm sore. I knew I would be, but, it's not as bad as I would have thought. I'm going to take some ibprofine and things should be fine. Amazingly the most sore part of me is my back. I'm going to keep a close eye on that because I don't want or need to strain anything there. I'll watch my form a little closer next time I do deadlifts.



The best part of the morning was seeing the scale at 179.5 ... Yes, it's been here before, but I think this time it's going to continue to drop... NO Backsliding! I feel so confident right now that there should be NO PROBLEM. I still don't have a real plan for cardio tonight, but we'll see what we can work out.



Breakfast is done and I'm off to work, not by 9:00 but I'll be there by 10:00 wich is a darn site better then 11:00 lol!

That workout was EXACTLY what I needed!! I'm feeling 100% more energetic now, I've got my meals planned for tomorrow and my lunches packed. Tomorrow should be the same as today, right on PLAN. Cravings are under control... or more like GONE. I really wonder if it wasn't caused by me forgetting my multi-vit for a day or two. I'm looking forward to a really positive week!



Tomorrow is cardio day and I've got to figure out what to do there. without runninig to look forward to I'm really struggling to find something I like and is challenging. I tell you what, I wish I had a heart monitor on while I was doing legs today. I KNOW the blood was pumping!

Finally!



I worked out!! Yes yes yes! Killed my legs, I will be paying for it tomorrow! It’s a darn good thing I have a sit down job. Upped every exercise by 5 lbs too! Whew! I’m going to keep adding until I hit my limit. Going to see how far these legs will go! I know I’m pretty close to my limit on upper body, but I’m going to push it there too. I’m hoping the heavier weight will add to the fat burning factor. At least that’s what I’m telling myself ;)



It feels SO good to back on plan with both exercise and food. I can already feel the mental lift! It’s so GREAT to be keeping my self promises. There is also the fact that I fell down and managed to pick myself up! I didn’t quit I didn’t say “Forget it, I’ll wait until next year� I got back on and did it NOW! This year! I WILL reach my birthday goal. I’m going to smash through that 175 barrier and get set for the new me in 2004!

My scale is going wanky! :P So I'm either at 181, or 179.5, or 177.5! lol! The fact that the other day it said 189, then 184, then 183 makes me think that there is something wrong with it. I HATE changing scales, but it may be time for a new one. (though I would LOVE to think I'm at 177.5 and only 3 lbs from my goal)



Yesterday was another challenge... but I made it through. I found out that my daughter had a music concert! I managed to adjust my nutrition (I couldn't go home, my kids live 2 hours away) but missed another workout! NOT a good start to a challenge...



Still I'm keeping my head up and my hopes! Even if I'm at the highest of the weights today (181) that's 2 lbs gone for the week, so I've reached my goal there!



Doing what I can here and not beating myself up over the rest. It was tempting today to throw the nutrition out the window. With not being able to go home and eat the rest of my meals I wanted to just start in at lunchtime eating whatever I wanted... but I didn't, I ate what I had brought with me and got a sensable dinner later at Carls (BBQ Chicken Sandwiches PLANE are awsome - a nice REAL chicken breast, roasted, on whole wheat bun) An energy bar for meal 6 and I was set. Good thing I packed my four other meals! Still rolling strong and aiming for Jan 4th!

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands--and then just eat one of the pieces.



- Judith Viorst

I ended up sleeping most of the evening last night, I only woke up to eat! And I managed to keep it clean! It was amazing! At one point I stood in the kitchen with an ice cream bar in my hand and actually had it OPEN. All the 'normal' justifications run through my head. I'm sick, I'm not going to get all my food in anyway, I'll start tomorrow.... you know how it goes. Then I thought ... "Today I choose to lose!" I wrapped the bar back up, put it in the fridge and fixed some boiled chicken. (a great thing for a sensative stomach)



So, yes, I got all my calories in and kept it clean! I didn't workout but tonight it's deffinatly on the ajenda. I'm really looking forward to what the next four weeks will bring.

If I chose to only look at my stats, the past 12 weeks could easily seem like a failure. After all, of six major goals, I only reached two of them. Not a good percentage, and yet, in my mind, this challenge was an unequivocal success, if, for no other reason then that I finished. As with any journey, there were rough spots. This one started out that way. Half way through my first BFL challenge, I was struggling to realize my capacity for change. Now I know the sky’s the limit.



I began afraid, afraid of letting myself down, of letting others down and of failing, yet again. I was afraid I wasn’t doing enough, or perhaps that I was doing too much. I was afraid of bulking up, afraid of not losing enough, afraid of tripping, stumbling and never getting up again. I did stumble. I tripped, I fell in the mud I even slogged through it a time or two, but I never stopped. Because somehow, somewhere along the way I realized that the only way to lose the battle was to quit. I also learned that sometimes you step into quicksand, and you fight and you battle, and you just make things worse. Then you have to relax for a little while, float up to the surface, take stock of the situation and then move on. There’s a time for pushing and there is a time for resting.



Now the challenge is over and I’ve taken a step back to look over my results, and I truly am amazed. I look at the progress I’ve made and I think, “Is that really me? Did I really do that?� There is a part of me that is proud, and yet another that is humbled because I didn’t do it alone. Without the love and support of my friends and family, both online and at home, I wouldn’t have made it. It’s because of you all that I’m finally starting to see the woman I’m going to be. And, I’m not afraid anymore.

I really struggled with what my goals were going to be for the next four weeks. Having just came off 18 weeks I thought that perhaps I would coast these 4 weeks and set the stage for a January Challenge. then I realized that the prospect of not losing for 4 weeks (on purpose) was just TOO disheartening, so........ I am going to KICK BUTT for four weeks and set my most lofty goals yet... My birthday present to myself is to the lowest weight of my adult life. Less then 175 for my 35th!



Of course nature had to throw a wrench into the deal...I had my day all planned, food ready to go I was all psyced for a GREAT workout tonight, and what do I do? I started feeling ill 1/2 way through the day. Went home sick and I've been in bed ever since! Funny thing is, it hasn't depressed me as much as I would have thought (though it's made it hard to think and to write a decent essay to end the blast).



Watch out! I've got a goal, people, and I'm not going to let ANYTHING get in my way! :) I'm SO excited. Today's pictures really helped and I'm really excited about seeing what's to come. I really truely feel as though I CAN do this!

Stats



Weight -----------------194 -> 183 Loss 11

Body Fat---------------43.7 -> 36.41 Loss 7.6%

Fat -----------------------84.8 -> 66.1 Loss 18.7

Lean Mass-------------109.2-> 116.9 Gain 7.7



Chest (under arms)-- 38.75 -> 37.5 Loss 1.25

Bust-----------------------44.5 -> 42 Loss 2.5

Ribs (Under Braline)--36 -> 35 Loss 1

Waist--------------------36 -> 34 Loss 2

Hips-----------------------46.5 -> 44 Loss 2.5

Butt ------------------------44 -> 42.5 Loss 2.5

Thighs ---------------------25.5 -> 24.75 Loss .75

Calves---------------------15 -> 14.75 Loss .25

Upper Arm----------------14.5 -> 13.75 Loss .75



Total Inches - 14

I've been struggling with focus of late. The colors on my calander make that obvious :) I think I figured out part of my problem. I've been setting goals, thinking ahead, looking forward and toward the days to come and actually starting to BELIEVE I can reach those goals. All good things, but I've been forgetting to also live in the moment. To wake up and each and every day choose to loose THAT day. I need to create a sign to put up, somewhere in my house that reads "today I choose to lose". Because THAT's the choice that I need to make each time I faced with a decision. Do I have those cookies - or do I choose to lose? Do I skip my workout - or do I choose to lose? Although my ultimate goals are a long way off, it's the choices I make DAILY that are going to make those goals happen. If I don't choose to focus on what I can do today, 2004 is going to end up like every other year... October, November, December will roll around and I'll still be fighting the same 50 lbs! To tell you the truth I'm SO looking forward to the days when I can be fighting those last subborn 5 lbs!



I'm starting to worry that at 2200 calories I'm hitting my metobolic limit, though I realize that after the week I had last week I need to give my body some time to settle. My problem is I don't know myself well enough I feel as if I can rightly judge what's happening. It may be my imagination but I feel as if I'm filling my clothes out a little more, and I DON'T like that. I'm giving it some time (no knee jerk reations here). Going to give my body the chance to burn off the turkey fest! It's also TOM so THAT could be adding to these feelings.



I know I haven't been very positive or uplifting of late (or at least I don't feel that way) but I have to be honest both with you and myself. I need to get to the bottom of what's going on here so I can move on and move up (down?). Even if I could manage to lose 2 lbs a week (something that's not happened yet) starting today, it would be the end of May before I would hit my goal of 130. That's a lot of months of making choices and staying on track. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW this can happen and I know I'm capable of doing it, but it's going to take more work then I'm used to doing, and it's going to mean making sacrifices now and then. It's going to mean learning a lot about myself... maybe even things I don't like all that much. But I find out exactly what I'm made of!



While we're finishing the Body Blog Blast I feel that sense of accomplishment and yet that urgency that there is so much more to do. It's like preparing for a long journey. You pack, you plan you pile everything into the car and yet set off. Yes you ARE on your way and that's a good thing, but there is a lot of road ahead of you. That's the way I feel, I've packed the car, I'm on the road. Now I have to deside if I'm going to drive as fast as I can toward my destination, go through the night and perhaps arrive exhausted. Or, I could take the scenic route, see the sights explore side streets.... Then there's the danger of getting hopelessly lost and never arriving! Lately I've been on one of those side streets....

I'm plowing through this holiday season. Weight is still comming down from the "holiday splurge" and I'm back to 181! YAY (was 185 day after Thanksgiving) Still eating a TON of clean food. Nigel and I are BOTH ready to hit the excercise HARD it's going to be a fun 4 weeks until the new year!



I brought the chocolate covered cherries into work and am letting the folks here finish them off. That was an easy one as I don't like cherries but it's nice to get it out of my house. Pantry is getting low though, and I definatly need to restock on the basics. With both of us (and sometimes three of us) eating 'clean' I'm finding we go through food like MAD! I've set a few goals for the next four weeks, and am thinking of more. I found an old journal from Jan 2002 and on the 3rd I was 181. Jan 3rd 2003 185! My goal is to make progress THIS year and come in somewhere in the 170's this January. (Even 179 will be good as I'm adding and NOT cutting calories the next few weeks)



Mentally I'm feeling strong ready to hit it. My confidence is sky high... I KNOW I can do this and that's almost a forigne concept for me. This is going to MY year!

I'm back at it, back on track and planning to kick some butt this week. Calories are up another 200 to 2200. My weight is getting back down to pre-thanksgiving/PMS levels! Yay!



Next week I'll start a 4 week sprint to the new year! 2004 is the last year "loosing wieght" is going to be on my new years resolution list.



I learned a lot this weekend. I learned that I have a lot of demons still hanging out there waiting to lead me astray. Unlike Marie I did not find the will to eat "a little of this or that" and leave it at that. And unfortunatly instead of Thanksgiving being a free day to enjoy good food and good company. I ate so much I was ILL! BAD! AQnd then it spilled over into OTHER days...I also let my old habit of putting others first come into play and instead of taking the time out to do what I needed and excercise, I sat around and had another handfull of 'cheesy poofs'! A sure way to make my thighs continue to LOOK like cheesy poofs! BUT, I'm not dwelling on what whouldda couldda shouldda been! Instead I'll take the opportunity to LEARN and figure out a plan to get through the rest of the holidays! I need to keep the 'sugar hangover' feeling fresh in my mind and as Brock once said, "play the tape through', get past the instent gratification that comes from a piece of pumpkin pie and think instead of my long term plans and goals. (Actually it wasn't the one piece of pie that did me in, but the second and third!) I think I'm going to have to forgo my 'normal' holiday tradition and STAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN! For some reason I have a real problem resiting my own cooking! Either that or I'll have to make sure I only bake things that I don't like! lol! (the chocolate covered brandied cherries haven't phased me once! ) I already took the step of getting this weekend's 'baked goods' out of the house (sent all the sugar cookies and leftover cranberry bread home with the kids) Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to have that stuff around the house and not have the constent urge to put it in my mouth, but it's not happening today! The good news is - we don't do a big dinner for Christmas, so I don't have THAT to live through. Just three company Christmas parties. I've already ordered chicken for dinner at one of them and I'll leave the room when they serve desert! lol. One of the others is a 'pot luck' so I'll bring food I can eat... the other maybe I can skip it! lol



I'm still asking Santa for a treadmill for Christmas and hoping he'll bring it early so I can start getting my 'regular' cardio in. The weights are ready to go... I'm going to start thinking of my goals for the next 4 weeks, probably more strength goals than anything as I'll not start cutting until the after the first of the year.

The holiday week picked me up, shook me, threw me down and then stomped on me! Then TOM came along and did the same leaving me red and yellow! ick! But I've one more week to go on this challenge and it's going to be a GREEN one! There will be NO looking back. What matters is what happens THIS week!

last night was poorly planned. I've had one of those weeks where everything I do seems to be jinxed. Things like, I open the freezer and something falls out, so I bend over to pick it up, in the meanwhile the freezer door moves and when I straiten I hit my head.. HARD! so I put the chicken back in the freezer and it dislodges something ELSE that falls out.... repeat I can't open something without it spilling, I can't cook without burning either the food or myself and on top of it all I keep forgetting and/or loosing things. So, I worked late last night, then on the way home I get on the phone with my mom (who I haven't talked to in months) and my battery starts to die. So I plug in the phone. Now I get home and I'm stuck inside the car because I can't unplug the phone, and I don't want to hang up because we're in the middle of an ernest talk. I finally sign off, and get inside. The kitchen is still a mess from the day before so I do the dishes, then start dinner. By this time it's after 7:00 pm! I finally get dinner taken care of and realize dinner dishes have taken over the kitchen and I have to clean it again! I start on my pies and figure out I'm out of ground ginger... so it's off to the store (it's now 10:00pm)... Then back home again. Finally get the pumpkin made and there is a CRASH in the bedroom - I hear Nigel making a commotion. We finally get the story.. the cat had been on the top bunk of the bed and had jumped off, missjudging her landing. She landed square on the swiss ball which by the law of physics went one direction while the cat went the other. Aparently she was so surprised that she didn't 'land on her feet' (she's still a kitten and not entirely coordinated) and was now refusing to put her weight on one hind foot. Now I'm seeing visions of a vet bill weeks before christmas! We quickly determined that nothing was broken but could see she was in obvious pain. She couldn't sit, or find a comforatable position to lay in. I finally got back to baking (this time burbon chocolate pecan pie) And when I go to find the pie crust I had stayed up until 1:00am the night before making I can't find it! I'm digging through the fridge and everytime I move one thing, something else falls out ... by this time I'm in TEARS and had to call in the calvery! My fiance' held onto me for a while, assured me again that the cat's ok and found my pie crust... I finished my pie got them both baked and watched the cat walking around putting weight on her foot again, although still limping... it was 1:00am and there was NO WAY my cardio was getting done!! So, yellow day BLEH!!!



By the way, I woke up this morning and was trying to find the cat. I finally looked in the last place I would expect her to be... in the top of the closet. And there she was, peering over the edge at me, curled up on top on of Nigel's t-shirts. Me thinks she'll be ok. She now shows some stiffness after laying around a while, and won't run on the foot, but walks without limping. Whew! She's a MUCH more cautious kitty today.



My Eats are on plan today. though I have NO idea how to get my workout in with company showing up at my house this afternoon. I may go in the bedroom and do a leg workout, hopefully it won't appear too rude. I'm not above taking time for me... even during the holidays. I did have ONE epithany today. I was mulling over my lack of progress this month when it finally hit me. I haven't been able to run this month! My cardio has been 'walking quickly' at lunch, some tae bo or sometimes just calastincs.... Since I've asked Santa for a Treadmill it will be interesting to see if that will move things along again (though the change in diet has had a postive effect)

A few of the guys from work have desided to get into shape and one of them was asking me questions about BFL today. He tried it before but didn't totally understand it and I was explaining, and showing him some helpful websites. One of the other fellas (an older ex-military type) buts in and starts talking about a friend of his who did BFL and had GREAT results went from 2 hundred something to 175 in 12 weeks and is in just GREAT shape. (That part didn't bother me) Then he starts in on how if you follow the plan EXACTLY you can have great results too, but you have to follow it EXACTLY. (he stressed several times) THEN he turns to me and says. So, did you eat EXACTLY what he (bill phillips) told you to? Did you workout like he said? I was happy to say 'yes' on both counts but the implications chapped my hide. As if my results wern't good enough, and implying that I MUST have done SOMETHING wrong to not have seen the results he friend had. BAH! I wanted to punch the guy in the face. In fact, I almost pulled off my carnigan and flexed to get him to shut up! Luckily the first guy has heard my entire story and knows my results were good and was still willing to let me help.



Secondly...

Well, I did it! Today I broke through the decade barrier. Weighed in at 179.5! Things are going to be interesting from now on in. I think I've said this before, but it bears repeating. I haven't been below 175 since I got pregnant with my oldest, and she'll be 16 soon. I've basically been this weight or heavier (and more likely then not, heavier) my entire adult life.



Calories are GREAT!



Yesterday's goals:

Calories: 2043

P/C/F Ratio: 29/56/15

Yesterday's Totals:

Calories: 1907

P/C/F Ratio: 29/56/15



I would call that GREEN.



Almost blew it BIG time this morning. I was rushing around getting ready for work and kicked the Foot Rest in the living room. This in itself would be a BAD thing, but MY Foot Rest is hollow inside and IN it, I store all my workout equipment. So, that made it WORSE. That puppy didn't budge an INCH. I heard a snap crackle and pop that WASN'T my cereal bowl! (Not that I eat cereal. but) I walked around a bit and everything seemed ok. It started getting sore on my way to work but I've walked around since and everything seems to work still. I may end up having some swelling, but I don't think it's going to impede my workout. I HOPE.



My upper body is WIPED from last night's workout. My chest is going to pain me for days! Trying to squeeze my arms together causes serious shakiness... Noodle chest? lol! I took a LONG soak in the shower to try to get some of the stiffness out of my shoulders but I'm feeling pretty good otherwise. errr more like GREAT otherwise. Energy levels are sky high, the sun is shining, life is good.



On a weird note, I got a bite of narcissism last night. After my workout and before getting into bed I spent some time in front of the mirror. Yes, I flexed. lol! I believe my biceps are actually starting to break the plane of my arm when I flex! lol. Chest still needs a LOT of work. Triceps are still pretty buried under fat, back; well I'm liking it, a LOT. I still think I look BIG... I'm trying to adjust my attitude, be patient and see what happens.

Well it's 11:47. I managed to find 1,000,000 things to do tonight and my workout kept getting pushed back. But, it's done now! WOW did I punish myself! lol



I upped weights on the dumbbell press and it felt GREAT

17.5 (per dumbell) x 12

20 x 10

22.5 x 8

25 x 6

22.5 x 12

then when I went to do flyes I was thinking "I normally do these with my 12.5lb dumbells but I'm going to use my adjustable weights so I can go a little heavier" I remembered that the bar and collars weigh 3.5 lbs i figured I could put 10 lbs on it and it would be just a little heavier then my normal 12.5... (confused yet?) So I looked at 10 printed on the side of the weight and went.. "yeah, that's about right". It wasn't until I was at rep 6 that it finally clicked in my brain that there was a 10lb weight on EACH side of the dumbell and that added up to 20!! duh! It was punishment time! I managed all 12!!!! EVERY part of my upper body was shaking by the time I was finished with that set!



Onto back and I did bent rows... after a punshing chest workout what do I do? Up my weights here too!!

15 x 12

17.5 x 10

20 x 8

22.5 x 6

20 x 12



and bent flyes - this time I just used my 12 lb weights... I had already learned my lesson from earlier and I was still hurting...



12 x 12



Shoulders were pretty much uneventful - My shoulders are still piddly *** weak! lol Side laterals at PUNNY weights..

2.5 x 12

5 x 10

7.5 x 8

10 x 6

7.5 x 12

Front raises - well I should drop the weight I guess - I did 12 and put EVERYTHING I had into them, but could only raise the weight about 1/4 of the way up..

7.5 x 12



Briceps I'm still FIGHTING my left arm. I could probably go up on my right but my left really struggles. I'm glad I'm using dumbbells or it would be WAY too easy to cheet on these...



7.5 x 12

10 x 10

12.5 x 8

15 x 6

12.5 x 12

Hammer curls to finish things off and REALLY make me suffer... I actually whimper though these!

12 x 12



Triceps - workout's almost finished! My biceps burn.. shoulders are freid, my chest mucles are SHAKING...

did kickbacks

10 x 12

again had a 'blond moment' and for some reason stuck 5 lbs on the dumbell instead of 2.5 which is my NORMAL increment - so I ended up upping the weights on tricpes TOO.

15x10

17.5 x 8

20 x 6

17.5 x 12

Then I did my FIRST set of dips. Granted it was a VERY low (step stool) 'bench' but I did 'em!

12 of them..



It feels SO good to be working out again.. though I hurt.. and I know I will continue to hurt tomorrow!



Got the cranberry sauce, cranberry chutney, and pie crusts made tonight... no taisting either.... diets on plan!!!

It's Monday - time to train



The weekend went GREAT! It was nice and relaxing and I sat around and enjoyed the peace. For the first time in four months no part of me hurts. It's nice, but not a feeling I expect to last for long! upper body workout is planned for today and I can't wait to get to it! Upper body is always my favorite so it's a great way to get back into things. I can't wait to see how I do on the dumbbell press as I was ready to up the weights last workout and I'm always stronger on my first day back. This should be a FUN workout.



My weight has been 180 for DAYS, and that's GREAT! My average for the week was 180.8 lbs; the best EVER! I'm supposed to be upping my calories by 200 this week (to 2000). I see how that goes. So far my body's handled the extra CLEAN food well. I have TONS of energy and now I just need to start burning it. Add some more mass to my lean mass.



My fiance has grabbed ahold of this program and RAN with it. We've cleaned up his diet SO much. He's already starting to drop some fat off his abs in less then a week. We figured out that his biggest problem was NOT eating during the day. Probably why he was coming home at night exhausted. Before we moved he would go home at lunch and usually have a decent lunch (whatever was leftover from dinner the night before - and I tend to cook pretty clean) but now we live too far away and he was grabbing fast food or eating nothing at all. Then he'd get home and go straight for the ice cream and/or cookies. It's been so cool to watch him pick up on his bad habits and make the changes. For a man who knew NOTHING about food, micronutriants, and diet he's learned REALLY fast.



Of course I'm learning a lot too. keeping my sugars low and trying to add even more fibre into my diet. Not to mention more calories. Making sure to take my multi vits too.



I guess you could say I'm feeling fine and dandy today! Of course it helps that it's a short week and I'm entertaining over the Holiday. I LOVE cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I thrive on all the planning and prep work (sick I know). I made chocolate covered cherries last night from cherries that have been sitting in Brandy since last year. I even managed to keep my fingers out of my mouth... well except for the couple of times that accedently dipped my finger ALONG with the cherry and burned myself with the chocolate.



Ok, ok - I'll stop rattling on! I'm seriously thinking about starting my workout now.. cause I'm bouncing off the wall here!

As I've said before my Fiance has started this new eating program with me, and he's using the same software that I'm using. Being a "professional dieter" myself I had assumed that EVERYONE knew what I knew about the content of food. Boy have I been surprised. My fiance' was/is pretty much CLUELESS about what he should eat when it came to micronutriants. It took me a little bit to figure out that he wasn't kidding when he came to me and said "I need to eat more carbs, what can I have?" The education process has been interesting for both of us and we spent a GREAT deal of time in the store last night with him reading the lables of foods and me explaining what it all meant. He's currently at 2208 calories P/C/F Ratio 23/62/15. Should be intersting!

I've been keeping my calories UP... and, to my amazment.. as of this morning, weight is 180! OMG.. almost 170's and all the while eating ALL this food! lol Marie I'm sorry I didn't trust you completely before! Next week I up the calories another 200.. scarey and yet interesting...



In other news... after posting a few days ago that I haven't had a rest in over 15 weeks... when I went home Wednesday and felt totally, and COMPLETELY wiped out. ... I made a decision and I'm taking the rest of this week off from working out. The relief is INCREDABLE! and I can't wait to start again on Monday rested and renewed!



---------



Ok - I just stepped away from my computer to chat with some of the 'guys' here at work... We were talking about "Rosie the Riveter" and one of the girls didn't know that was, so I struck the pose.... You've never seen so many geek guy's jaws drop.. That was fun. One even managed to stutter out.. "MAN you've got GREAT biceps do that again!" Muahahah! the POWER in being a woman with power ;)

I'm still employed



Got back from my lunch... and while things didn't come out as good as I had hoped it WAS better then I had expected. I am NOW classified as Project Manager with a 'token' raise. Enough that it's going to help.... Not enough to keep me from a 'passive' job search. AND the fact that I was mad as HE|| about the pettiness they have been badgering me must have been apparent as the entire issue was sidestepped. Probably the worse part of the entire lunch was that he took me to this Greek restaurant. EVERYTHING was FULL of fat. I picked through what I ordered and ended up having to buy my own food later...



Now to decide 'next steps' I've pretty much decided that I need to get my bachelor’s degree *sigh*, what a LONG process that's going to be! It used to be that a degree was not worth the money you put into it in the IT industry, now most jobs I see are wanting a degree, even if you have 12 years of experience. Our industry has changed I'm pretty sure that it's not for the worse, but I feel a little left behind. Now I have to catch up, and it's not going to be easy. BUT, I've taken control of my life recently in ways I never thought was possible. I'm finding I speak my mind more then ever, even when it may cause a conflict. I'm doing what needs to be done and I'm positive the last 12 weeks have had a LOT to do with it. I've realized that I'm capable of great things, and that even great things take small steps to make happen... And #1, sometime you have to live through a small set back in order to make great gains later. Yeah, I might have to stay with this job a while longer and accept the lower pay, but I KNOW I'll have the time it will take to truly commit to getting my degree. Once that happens, there will be no stopping me.



Ok, enough of my 'brain dump'.

1800 Calories and counting ;)



Another day right on plan! I'm feeling really good! Planning an upper body workout tonight and I can't wait to get to it! I've got my fiance taking a REAL look at his eating and nutrition and it's been an eye opener for him. He can't believe how crappy his diet is, and he's always thought he was 1/2 way healthy. The PFA software has had a LOT to do with that. He has his own login now (he asked me for it) so that he can enter his own food in and check how he's doing during the day. I think he's been inspired by the fact that _I_ can wear his size 34 pants now, and he CAN"T. lol...



I have to say I was REALLY frustrated yesterday. I went to the store to pick up some new pants, and I picked out an assortment of 14's and 12's (OK so the 12's were more just for comparison) BUT the first 14's I put on were too small, the next too big... And so it continued. amazingly enough the best fit I found were a pair of size 12 jeans... YAY that they fit *sigh* that it was so difficult to find something. Men have no clue what it's like! lol My fiance walks into a store, picks up a pair of pants, checks the size and then takes them home - no problem.



In other news, I have a meeting with my boss today. It's the moment of truth either they begin to compinsate me fairly or I will have to get even MORE serious about my job search. I'm to the point that I'm ready to give them my resignation even without having a job to go to. They don't pay me enough to put up with the stress and BS that I put up with and the fact that they have recently started to ATTACK me to avoid giving me a raise has me ready to walk out the door. In most cases this would be no skin off an employers nose, BUT I'm a consultant, I'm revenue. When I walk out they loose the contract that I'm currently working on. Kind of nice to have a little clout in that regard.

Ok, so first, I have to appoligize for my 'knee jerk' reaction earlier today. I was feeling SO bad from what I figure was 'carb overload'. I kept to my plan today - made it to 1825 calories - ratio 29/56/15 - EXACT! and, I did it without feeling crappy! yay! It helped that I found a GREAT dence energy bar at the store. Kept the calories up and the bulk down!



I also found a few tricks to make the program work better for me, AND introduced it to my fiance. Now it's a compitition to see who can get a better score each day.



I KILLED my legs today! I've gotten to the point that I'm trying to up my weights every time I work out my legs, really pushing them to the fullest. Tonight was the closest I have ever gotten to getting sick!! plie squats, jump squats, straight leg dead lifts, and split squats... I was wobbling after!!



The BEST news is that I may be getting a treadmill for Christmas!!! YAY! I've got it all picked out, just waiting for a little extra money to come our way.

I’m done – done with this current ‘higher cal’ ‘higher carb’ phase. After four days of it I’m feeling sluggish, bloated and just YUCK! My tummy was constantly distended from the shear volume of food. It feels as if my entire body has gone soft, even my arms and shoulders, it’s probably water retention, but it feels so GROSS! So today I’m back on BFL. Funny thing is, I think those few days at higher calories have done their job. After a breakfast that was twice what I would have ‘normally’ ate, I was good and hungry 2 hours later. I’m pretty sure that’s a sign that my metabolism has hiked up a bit. I would love to see the scale start to fall again. Good news is, even with all the icky feeling the scale stayed pretty steady the past few days. I may have to try this experiment again. Perhaps will less carbs though. Bread doesn’t seem to agree with me AT ALL!



I’ve also decided NOT to use the PFA (Personal Food Analyst). I found that with it I was spending several HOURS a day tweaking my plan so that I could almost EXACTLY match it’s requirements. Yes, I want to be fit and healthy, but not at the expense of my family time. I will continue to monitor my input, but not to that level. Perhaps if my body was my JOB… but I’m a computer geek :)



On a positive note, I’m wearing my first pair of ‘hip hugger’ slacks today. I’ve never been able to find a pair that ‘fit’ my body before. I’ve found that this is a VERY flattering style for me. With my ‘top heavy’ body and short waist I often felt like I looked like “Miss Piggy� when I would tuck my blouses in. With these new slacks I look longer in the torso and my butt looks shorter! Both positive things! Don’t get me wrong these are not “Butt cleavage� pants. But they are set about ½ inch lower then my natural waist. It’s all good!



Time for lunch now!

I have to admit, I have a new respect for those of you who have managed to up your calories into the 3000 range. Yesterday was a REAL struggle for me. Eating 1843 Calories, and eating CLEAN was a LOT harder then I thought it would be! AND MAN was that a LOT of food! WHEW! Still, I ate all that and didn't GAIN anything! yay!



I'm going to do it again today.



Finally got my shoulder feeling better, and I'm planning on an Uppder body workout. Did cardio again yesterday to stay green. Feeling REALLY good (though Full)



I'm going to fix some breakfast now!

Quick check in this morning!



Things have been GREEN! Wednesday Night I did A cardio session with my man "Billy Blanks". My honey had bought my a new DVD to try. After the KILLER leg workout the day before it was MURDER! But, I made it!



Yesterday, I woke up and the saw the scale was STILL welded at 183. But I was feeling so lean and tight I pulled out the tape measure... waist down to 34!! woo hoo! that was my goal for this challenge! I managed to walk through a minefield of meetings still green. I passed over my upper body workout because I've got a pinch in my neck that's bothering me. I did a nice fast walk for some extra cardio instead. I think I'll be able to make up the upper body today no problem.



I've got another day of meetings, plus a work BBQ (we do these about once a month) But my day is planned and I should make it with no problem!



Siince my body is being so stuborn right now I'm going to try raising up my calories for a while and then dropping them again to see if I can get something started here. With the schedule I'm thinking of doing it will set me up to do some major fat burning after the first of the year - perfect for the BFL challenge. So, today my goal is:



Calories: 1843

P/C/F Ratio: 29/56/15

Wow! I killed my legs last night. They are nice and sore today that's for sure. I changed up a few of my excercises and BOY can I feel it! I love it! My pants seems to get baggier every time I put them on, though the scale is staying pretty steady right now. I'm waiting with bated breath to finally see the 170's but not getting down about it. I just feel so good right now about the changes that I'm seeing that the scale is simply something I look at and note. Don't get me wrong, Seeing the scale go down is a TREMENDOUS thrill, but having it stay the same doesn't make or break me. I feel so strong lately! I upped the weights on most of my excercises last night and I felt as if I could have kept going! We'll see how it goes later this week when I do legs again ;)



Eats are right in line... staying within my ratios etc. Been doing pretty well in staving off hunger. I've been hitting the water a bit heaver lately too. Other wise... all is good! Still pushing the bariers for all I'm worth!

What a beautiful day!!! Weather is grand! After days of rain we've gotten some blue skys along with some crisp tempatures. That along with the grape vinyards turning shades of purple and gold and it's a picture waiting to be painted.



I'm feeling so INTO my plan today. Feeling up, committed and on fire! I love days like this. Additionally, The more I look at my pictures the better I feel... AS I said before, things are happening, and I Love that!! I fit into my 'small' size 14 jeans today.

Hello, I'm Shawn, and I'm fat... and yet today I choose to loose!



I took a plethera of pics today. At first I was pretty bummed out, but the more I took, the more postives I found. There are things going on UNDER that layer of fat. Things barely seen, and yet there are hints of them even on the surface. I've posted my favorites today, and I'll put a few more up over the next few days.



Other then that, not much to report. It was a rest day last night and I enjoyed it! Will be doing legs tonight, a workout I find I hate more and more. I'm going to have to find a cure for that if I want to continue on this path!

Things have been busy here. Busy and challenging! But I’ve made it through another week! Four weeks to go.



I haven’t been entirely happy with my stats, but then I’ve been trying to convince myself that that isn’t entire what this is about. It’s about commitment and constancy, commitment not only to my diet and exercise, but to myself. I decided this morning that one of the ways I can improve my discipline is to start my day off with a positive, and that means getting up on time. I started today really well (and actually did better then normal last week too) and I’m planning to continue. There is something about making that initial effort of commitment that seems to set the tone for the entire day! I’m also still struggling with my water intake. It’s just another one of those places where my head knows what I should be doing. I’ve got all kinds of head knowledge and every excuse to drink more, and yet I still find myself ‘forgetting’ to drink my water my heart isn’t into it. I’m going to work even harder at being better at that. The good news is that I’m taking my vitamins again, and feeling really good! Clothes are fitting better everyday, and while my results aren’t ‘stellar’ there are results…



Weight down to 183 today from 194 (I still haven’t gotten to my ‘pre’-TOM weight *sigh*

Body Fat from 43.7 to 38.6 So:

Lean Mass up from 109 to 112

Fat Down from 85 to 70.5



Chest (Under Arms) From 38.75 – 37.75 –1�

Bust From 44.5 – 42 –2.5�

Ribs From 36 – 35 –1�

Waist From 36 – 34.5 –1.5�

Hips From 46.5 – 44.75 –1.75�

Butt From 44 – 43 –1�

Thigh From 25.5 – 25 -.5�



I still have 4 weeks to make some changes and I plan on working my butt off to see them!



I think I’ll be able to take pictures tomorrow as I have to work until 7:00 and that means I can get in a little later.



My fiancé has continued to work out with me, and he’s doing GREAT. We’re having a lot of fun, and MAN is it nice having someone there to spot for me and help me with a few forced reps. And NOW we’re having pushup contests!

Rough Day Yesterday



I should have planned better, luckily everything worked out ok.



I had one of those late night meetings that I just HATE, From about 5:30 to 8:30. Why they schedule a meeting during dinner and then serve us "Heavy appitizers" is beyond me. Apparently "Heavy appitizers" means: Fruit, crackers and cheese, White bread and dip, veggies, chex mix, and fried chicken wings. At least last quarter they had grilled chicken on scewers! So, I ate some veggies and nibbled some of the rye bread out of the chex mix. I also passed up the free drinks! YAY! That was a big step for me... avoided the 'beer presure'. Felt MUCH better because of it too. Still made it through the day ON PLAN and green! yay!



Looks like I've lost almost all of the water weight from TOM.. scale is being pleasent again, so another boost for me. the 170's are back on the horizon. Planning a lower body workout for tonight. I wish I could get as enthusiastic about it as I do my other workouts, but I'm not THAT Masocistic.. YET.



Almost quit my job last night *sigh*. I wish I was secure enough to work for myself again. I hate this economy.



Other good news, I actually put on and zipped up a pair of size 12 jeans the other night. That was thrilling. Not to the point I could wear them in public, but zipping is a big step!!

I got home early enough to go for a run tonight. It felt SO good. I think I pushed myself further then I ever have. It felt wierd running in a big baggy sweatshirt, but it was all I had. There were a lot of people at the track tonight, several teams practicing soccer, and a few people playing basketball at the courts. About my second time around I heard this loud voice yell "Run faster you F***ing B*tch... I kick your a**". I conviced myself that they wern't talking to me, after all why would they, but I have to confess that my first reaction was that they were. And yet, there was something missing from my reaction. It took me a moment or two to figure out, I didn't feel angry. It took me a bit longer to figure out why. The thing that was missing was guilt, guilt AND self loathing! There was no answering voice in my head saying "Yeah! Run faster!" For once I KNEW in my heart that I was doing what was right and good for ME and I felt GOOD about that. The rest of my run was a blur. The lightness in my heart transfered to a lightness in my feet... I came hope head held 20 feet high... I'm GOOD for me! ;)

I can't believe how much BETTER I feel this week about EVERYTHING, life, love, exercise. I'm going to kick butt this week! I just had to share! I'm sleeping better, eating clean and exercising strong.

yesterday. I had a GREAT day. Was Mui Verde... Ate clean, and within my limits, and had an AWSOME Upper body workout. I went back to BFL syle workouts because... doot da doot...My fiance worked out with me! (I didn't think he would enjoy Dr Joyce as I had) I had him using the same weight I was and though he started off scoffing, he was feeling it by the end of each set. Then when I finished everything and gutted out 10 pushups... he did 5! muahahaha! My competative nature kicks in! Unfortunatly, I know him... and he'll surpass me within a week! Still he's a little sore this morning but not so much that he's ready to quit. A good sign, a REALLY good sign. I'm up and ready to go this morning. Feeling GREAT. I'm not sure what we're doing for cardio tonight, but we'll be doing it. (Ed - don't go there! lol!)



Need to get ready for work now!!

Here are my goals for November:



1 - One free MEAL a week (I'm finding I need the 'cheats' less and less, therefore I think I'll plan a cheat MEAL and save myself the extra calories)

2 - Three weight training sessions per week. (I usually weight train Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but allow myself to shift those if there is a need.)

3 - Three cardio sessions per week. (This is not nessisarily HIIT, but SOME sort of cardio. Normally Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday)

4 - Track nutrition daily (This is one place I've seen myself slipping. I've not been as good at inputting into fitday and therefore I'm left 'assuming' that I did ok.)

5 - 1300 - 1500 Calories/day 40% protien, 40% carbs, 20% fat 6 days per week(Again, I'm sure I've slipped a little here, based on my not always inputting my intake and having to guess)

6 - Take my vitamines daily (These are just as important to me as good nutrition, as I've discovered this month!! )



That's all I can think of for now....

Sunday - Well didn't turn out as I had hoped. Woke up feeling worse then before and spent the day recovering. Eats were Green. Ate what I needed to, nothing more, nothing less. Too week and shakey to do much of anything. I went outside for a little while but it felt so cold and I ached so much afterwords that I had to soak in the shower relax enough to even lounge on the couch! Still, it gave me time to think and regroup. I took a break from BFL this past week. Loved Joyce and the face paced workout taped, BUT I miss lifting heavy! I already feel like the muscle I've worked so hard for in my upper body is starting to dwindle. :P I also feel like I need to tighten up my nutrition. While I havn't nessisarily been eataing BADLY I feel like I'm letting little things slip through, and while once in a while isn't bad, I don't want a little slip to turn into a terrible tumble. This is a dangerous time for me. I'm feeling good about the wieght I've lost and the progress I've made, it's too easy for me to relax and feel complaicent. I'm NOT going to let that happen. I want to stay on the edge. Push myself further then before... I want to set and reach goals I never thought possable, but to do that I've got to stay dillegent! November is going to be THE month for me. Made even better by the fact that my honey has declaired OUTLOUD that he is going to make a change AND asked me for help! I wouldn't feel right helping him if I didn't walk the walk myself. I actually got up early this morning and fixed him breakfast, lunch and snacks. We will be one FIT couple sliding into the new year!



Ok - got to get some work done

didn't do cardio last night, I was just feeling too lousy. I ate green and then went to bed early! My fiance brought home a HUGE bag of candy I looked through it for a few seconds and then walked away, nothing tempting there. Made up the cardio today... Billy Blanks kicked my butt, but I kept up longer then last time. Sometimes I'm amazed at how quickly the body seems to adapt.



On tap for tomorrow:



a bike ride and upper body workout. Going to keep it nice and green!!

Woke up feeling really bad this morning, and while we had a bit of fun at work with it being Halloween and all I've been feeling gradually worse. I'm popping calcium and vitamine C hoping I'll get some energy back, but so far no go. I slept really badly again last night and that may have something to do with it. I need to get home and take some Vitamine B6... heck I need to take ALL my vitamine's I've fallen WAY behind on my suplimentation.



I've stayed green today despite the bowls of candy, and mounds of food people brought in. It helps that my stomach is upset and I don't really feel like eating. No cravings there! I'm still vacilating on weather or not I'll do cardio tonight... I don't want to miss, but I feel so lousy!! Still a few hours to go, so we'll see.

Well! Let me tell you about my day...



The afternoon started going downhill. I started getting a headache, and my throat started hurting. I actually went home early because my neck and shoulders hurt so bad I couldn't stand to look at the computer anymore. THEN when I got home my fiance and I had some chores to take care of that left me feeling even MORE depressed and worn out. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and shut out the world! But, when I went into my room to change I grabed for my workout clothes. I knew that if I had them on I would have one less excuse NOT to workout. Before I could motivate myself though, I called my daughter to find out when I was picking her up for trick-or-treating, and she informed me that she wanted to stay at her dad's because they had been invited to a Halloween party. Another blow! I know that if I hadn't already changed into workout clothes I would have said 'forget it'! BUT somewhere inside of me I KNEW I would feel better when I was through. So I pulled out the pilates matt and started my practice. The nice thing about pilate's is that even though it's not as metaphysical as yogo, it does involve a lot of controlled movements and deep breathing. As I sat there taking my first DEEP breathes and lengthening my spine and imagined that with each breath out I was pushing all those black ugly feelings OUT of my body. I exhaled, and exhaled and exhaled until I couldn't any more, pushing all the negative thoughts, feelings and doubts OUT of my mind and away from my soul. It was the COOLEST feeling! By the time I finished I KNEW I was ready for my lower body workout... and it ROCKED!! TOTALLY kicked my butt. My legs were SHAKING by the end and I was near the puking point. Not bad for a workout that never got beyond a 6.5 lb dumbell! AND... I did full situps! 3 sets of 15.. I couldn't do even 1 just a few months ago.. another victory. Much more then one in my book.



I figured out I was doing someting that I didn't even realize until now. A long time ago when I was going to counceling (one of the few postive things I can pull out of my failed marriage) one of the 'assignments' I was given was to write down three postive things about my (then) spouse every day. While that didn't save my marriage I always did think it was a valid technique... The theory being that the best way to get rid of negative thoughts is to think postive thoughts :) And I've found that I do that in my journey. Every day I try to pull the postive out of what I'm doing. Maybe the scale didn't move, but HEY, this skirt fits better! I'm boosting my OWN self esteme by replacing my negative thoughts about myself with new postive thoughts, and I think it's had a lot to do with the bounce in my step and the smile on my face. AND it makes it that much easier to eat good food and move my butt and excercise. After all, if I LIKE myself how can I NOT want to take care of me?

Tomorrow is Halloween already! Holy CRUD! where has this year gone!? Funny thing is, I'm really looking forward to next year. And not just because we're getting married! I'm finding I'm looking forward to the future a LOT more then I used to. Could be the company I keep (having a loving partner helps a lot) and it could be that I feel as though I'm finally taking CHARGE! I'm the boss of my own destiny, and it feels good!



I'm still sore today from Tuesday's upper body workout. I didn't realize my delts were in such sucky shape! OUCH! I'm glad I'm giving myself some time to recover.



OK, the wierdest thing just happened to me. One of the guys here at work got an email from his brother regarding some guys transformation story. The guy I work with was just dumbfounded and kept saying.. "This can't be REAL!" So _I_ HAD to jump in... showed him Bodychangers, and the body for life program. He was like.. WOW! I could do that! I had to tell him, heck _I'm_ doing that. He just couldn't believe that someone could make those sort of changes in 12 weeks. I had to tell him a bit of my story and several timies reasure him that these guys were putting about 1 hour in the gym a day.. not the "3 or 4" that he was thinking... Was just so wierd to be looked at as the 'expert'...And now I've got even more pressure (wich I like) to stick with it. I have something to PROVE to the folks here. There are several people here who will be watching to see my stumble... Oh, and someone mentioned.. "Yeah! you can Really see the weight you've lost!" that was cool too.



OH, and the scale said 181 today.. .I can see the 170's on the horizon and I'm SO excited about it!!

Billy Blanks just kicked my... tooshie!! It was GREAT... the best part is I didn't poop out until the last few minutes (I'm guessing it's the push for the 10) I've noticed his workouts really seem to be based on intervals.. you ramp up and then cool down, then ramp up again... I loved it, had fun and was glad no one was around to watch me!! I'm not the most coordinated person in the world lol! I also did my pilate's... three days in a row now! I'm on a ROLL!!! (as aposed to eating them)



PS.. no heart flutters during this workout.. YAY!

I had the strangest thing happen to me today!



While visiting one of the other offices, twice I ran into girls who, when seeing them before, I had though "I wish I had a body like that!" This time, though I found myself thinking, "I could have a better body then that!" After the second time it happened I stopped myself, amazed. Never in my life have I ever thought of myself in such positive terms! I'm alowing myself to believe in.. ME! and it's the GREATEST feeling. I'm finally being honest with myself, honoring my promices, and you know what, the respect is now showing! Then, to add on top of that one of the ladies at work said to me "You've lost weight!"... Then (and this really cracked me up) the girl that never gives compliments unless she wants something started to say something nice to me... Then stopped because she realized she didn't need anything at that time. It cracked me up that she started to let a compliment slip, almost as if she MEANT it.. lol!



Needless to say I'm feeling good about my progress, both inside and outside. I can't wait to see what happens next!



One thing I'm NOT pleased with... I'm sure I've mentioned before that I have a 'mild' heart issue. I've managed to do a pretty good job of managing it on my own, especially since I quit taking ephedra (sp?). But I noticed that I started getting palpitations last night while working out, and they've continued through today. This FRUSTRATES me to no end! They arn't dangerous (so my dr says) but they are uncomfortable (imagine hiccups) and leave me feeling week. And as far as I know, I've done nothing that should have brought this on. The only thing that I can come up with is that I'm tired. I've been going to bed early enough but have noticed that I'm having trouble falling into a DEEP sleep and spend most of the night just below the surface of sleep and having some BIZZARE and vivid dreams! (Last night I drempt that I was bit by a snake and when he pulled away he left his fang behind, still pumping venom into my leg - like a bee stinger - analize THAT one would ya? I think the snake is my ex :P) Anyway, all that to say I need to work on sleeping better, see if that clears up the issue, and if not it's back to NO caffine.. and if that doesn't work *sigh* I guess I go on the beta blockers. QUESTION - the beta blockers are supposed to lower my blood pressure and help me relax (ummm.. why lower my blood preasure when it's already normal to low is beyond me) My worry has always been that they might also lower my metabolism... does anyone know if there could be any facts behind this??



So enough of my whining! :)

woke up a little stiff and sore today, but it’s a GOOD kind of stiff and sore! I’m feeling my workout in my biceps and even my BACK! That’s a place where I feel like I’ve been missing. Also feeling a little in my upper abs. Love cross bench pullovers, they feel so awesome! Food is on track for the day, and I’m actually drinking WATER! Funny, I went to the vending machine to buy a diet soda, put in my money, pushed the button and nothing came out! I took that a my sign that I didn’t need any soda! So, I filled up my 1 ltr water bottle and I’m over ½ way through it. 3.5 liters left to go!

I just finished my first upper body workout of my new plan. Higher reps, more excrecises and WAY lighter weights. I can't believe how light I had to go to finish. I felt like a complete WIMP. I am now DRENCHED in sweat and in pain from my ribs UP! I also did a 10 minute pilate's session and am feeling good about keeping at it for two days in a row! I truely feel as though I kicked it up a notch tonight! I can't wait to see what I'm going to do in the next six weeks!



The good news is I was able to do all excrercises without 'bad' pain. Including upright rows! Yay!!



Nutrition has been spot on today and I'm looking at another green. The only bad news is that TOM is right around the corner :( (TMI alert) It just NOT fair! I struggle every time TOM is around and THEN I have the whole PDD issue AND my cycle is only twenty one days... and lasts 7. It seems like I hardly have a day when I'm not battling! But this time I'm determined to make it through GREEN! I will I will I will!!

HELP!! one of my neighbors is baking bread. I can smell it. My mouth is watering and I'm getting a SERIOUS craving. I just had some yogurt and protien powder but that's currently NOT cutting it. Will... Stay... Strong!! *grin*

Yesterday was my reward day, and what do _I_ crave? Was it chocolate cake? or perhaps a taste of those cookies that drove me nuts last week? No! _I_ crave a turkey sandwich on sliced sourdough w/swiss cheese. The funny thing is that USED to be 'diet food' to me. What a bizzare world I live in now. For dinner I had one of my all time favorites, pasta mixed with olive oil and a little parmisian cheese (and veggies of course). Was NICE.



I added pilate's back into my routine last night. While it was a rest day from cardio or weights it felt REALLY good to get out on the mat and get all my parts feeling lean and long. Well as long as they get on my 5'5" frame. I'm hoping to add that 10 minute pilate's set as a regular part of my daily workout (unless someone can convience me that it is 'bad' to do daily) I should be hitting the weights for an upper body workout today, and I'm really feeling excited. Funny, but I think I've caught the 'bug'. More then excited about my workout, I'm finding that I'm excited about the future, and find myself contimplating what changes are going to happen next. It's so novel and refreshing to be looking forward to changes instead of dreading them.

Had an EXCELLENT weekend. Friday night I hit the house ready to go for my run, and my sweetie and his son were dressed and ready to come with me! Was a VERY pleasant surprise. We all headed to the track together and I have to say, each day I run I’m surprising myself at how I’m feeling and the progress I’ve been able to make. My fiancé who hadn’t seen me run for a LONG time was really pleased and surprised at how ‘fast’ I was moving (fast for me). And I blew him away when I sprinted the 100 at the end… not once but TWICE. He was like “Wow! You were really moving!”.



Saturday I picked up my Youngest daughter. We spent the day treating her for her birthday (which was earlier this month). I kept it green. Then Sunday, we went for a LONG hike along the coast. It wasn’t too hard as we had the kids along, but there were a few hills and I worked up a little sweat. I came home and blasted out a lower body workout later and basically wrapped up the weekend totally GREEN!! It felt GREAT!



My daughter stayed the extra night, and I drove her the 100+ miles to school this morning. Funniest thing on my way back to work I had a truck driver pace me for a bit (which kind of freaked me out as I drive a little black bug) The pull ahead and give me the “ooo la la…” and “OK” sign, the fall back behind me. Guess he liked what he could see from way up there. I waved a thank you and got a light flash in return. I guess I’m a little strange in that I’ll take a compliment where I can get it! And always try to be courteous in return.



I’m starting to get a little concerned as my weight drops. Any other time I’ve had serious weight loss it starts to tail off and/or stop completely between 180 and 175. This is not because of anything my body does, but because I start to feel ‘comfortable’, about that weight. That’s when I got from HATING my body to merely disliking it, and the sacrifices that I used to make to get to that weight didn’t seem to be worth it any more. Of course no other time have I combined working out with dieting. But, this time I’m determined it will be different. Why? Because this time it’s about so much more then hating the way I look. It’s about challenging myself, and meeting that challenge head on. It’s also about loosing weight sensibly and being focused on keeping it ‘green’ and not just about seeing the scale go down. Lately I’ve found that the scale going down is just a happy bi-product of the work I’m doing, not the be-all end-all means. These are the mindsets I’m bringing with me through the next six weeks…

Saturday I finally lost the battle with the 'lazy' me and talked myself out of my workout. I had battled with that little witch for two days, managing to win and do my workout Thursday and Friday, but Saturday I just couldn't do it!



But, it's monday a new week, and another chance to hit greens every day.



The good news: I'm down a few more pounds - the totals from the past three weeks look impressive :)



Weight Loss: 8 lbs

Body Fat Loss: 13.5 lbs

Muscle Gained: 5.5 lbs



I measure in 14 places (If you count right and left arms and leg seperately) and have lost a total of 16.5 inches. Including 3 inches off my waist.



I can't wait until Next Sunday when I take my 4 week progress pictures! Even though Thrusday's and Friday's workouts were SO hard. I'm very very glad I did them

Having a great day. Clean and feeling grand. Finally got my hair cut and I’m feeling TONS better. Next week I get it colored and I’ll be 100%.



Planning a run when I get home tonight, and looking forward to it.

I cranked out a killer upper body workout tonight. Hit my triceps like never before, THEN I got down and did 10.. that's right 10 pushups! I reached my goal already!! I went back and checked my jornal and I did my first 'real' pushup on Sept 19th. So in just over a month I've increased 10 times!!

Feeling good and looking good today. Had a girl at work say my face is looking thinner. She's one of the few I've told I'm dieting, and is known for giving out compliments when she wants something from people, so I had to take it with a grain of salt. Still, I'm feeling really good. I'm starting to feel as though I have the 'power' again. You ladies know what I'm talking about right? The one that makes a group of guys go quiet when you walk by... in a positive way. *grin* I'm working on remembering to improve my posture throughout the day. Standing taller and hold in my abs. I know I'm regaining my "I've got a secret" grin because people give me that puzzled look from time to time. I feel GREAT! lol! I just re-read what I've posted an realized that I've now said I feel good three times! I guess that's how good I feel!



I caught a group of folks talking about a diet they are doing together. When I asked them about it they said it was called "The Kaiser Diet" I did a search and couldn't find anything so when I asked further I got some murmer about it being a diet where you "Eat what they tell you for three days and then eat whatever you want for the other four". The alarm bells IMMEDIETLY went off in my head and I did another search, this time for "Three Day Diet". WOW - I can't believe that people would do this to themselves and actually believe it's healthy!?



for those of you like me who had never heard of it before, here it is...



(snipped from http://www.mikebrownsolutions.com/3day.htm)



-----------------------------



The Basic Diet

1. The first day of this diet you fast. During the fast, drink plenty of water.



2. The second day you consume only fruit and fruit juices.



3. The third day you consume only vegetables and vegetable juices.



4. The rest of the week you eat normally. Just don't overdo it.



You can use this diet for as many weeks as you want.



You may want to do it once a month.



Everytime you complete the three-day diet you will lose weight.



It is impossible not to do so.



-------------------------



Yeah, starve yourself for three days.. it's impossible not to lose weight! THAT'S a GREAT solution



I'll just have to keep plugging along in my own journey and hope that eventually they will see in me a HEALTHY way lose that fat...



And yet... I doubt anyone will ask. I have discovered that folks are more likely to talk to other overweight folks about diets and weightloss then to someone who's fit (myself included) It's as if we don't want to REALLY face what it takes to make the changes. The one girl who complimented me on my weightloss KINDOF asked me what I was doing, but as soon as she found out I wasn't taking a 'magic pill' or anything like that her eyes glazed over.



Not much else to report. Clean eats so far and should continue to be so. Have upper body planned for tonight. My last one for this challenge, I'm going to hit it for all I'm worth. OH, and I didn't win the lottery *sigh*

When I agreed to make cookies for my sweetie, I knew it would be hard. If I had known HOW hard, I wouldn't have.



I started by KNOWING I would be craving big time after words so before even leaving for the store I made myself some pudding w/protein. Butterscotch! YUM! While making the cookies, I actually used my mixer stand so that I could just dump in ingredients and let it whir. I thought that might give me a little 'mental distance' from the process. And it did help. BUT... My fingers still got messy. And while mixing the chips in by hand, it was all I could do not to spoon a little out to taste it. *groan* By the time I was done I SWEAR I was SHAKING! Instead of putting myself through the torture of an hour of spooning dough onto sheets, watching them bake and then levering them off all hot and gooey I dumped all the batter into a pan and baked it all at once. It will have to do. In the meanwhile, my sweetie has fallen asleep. Ce La Vi



I have since enjoyed GUILT FREE my pudding and am feeling quite satiated.



One other thing to share...While showering I was thinking about my workouts and what I'm going to do starting next week. It's not so much that BFL isn't working, but that I feel the need to change things up a bit. I was thinking of the different splits and routines that I know and pretty much decided that the 2-day split works for me. After all, splitting more then that is usually the result of wanting more bulk, wanting to focus harder on particular body parts, and give them more time to recover. I just want to stay toned and burn as many calories as possible. Then I started going through what I knew of sets, pyramid sets, supersets etc. I started mulling super sets and then remember a workout program that I used YEARS ago from a lady called Dr Joyce Vedral. Some of you probably know of her. She had one workout called 'The Fat Burning Workout' that combined super sets. and a pyramid weight scheme. I think I'll go buy the book this weekend. The workout as she prescribes it involves workout out with weights everyday... that part I'll have to see about.



For Cardio, I stopped by THE other local gym. They are as horribly expensive as the first I checked out (though beautifully maintained) and pretty much outside my budget, BUT they offer a 10-visit pass for $113. I figure if I use it two times during the week for cardio, and then do something outside on the weekends... it would get me through 5 weeks. Not too terribly bad. An option but not a final decision as yet.

It wasn't until I headed out the door that I realized it had been over a week since I had ran! Cardio last week was so.. WIERD. Yet, I think it was a break my body needed because I hit the track with more energy then ever! The time just flew by and everytime I checked my watch I was past time to change intensity by 7 to 10 seconds! I was enjoying myself THAT much. I even threw in a sprint at the end. It's rather to sad for me to think that this is going to be my last week of evening runs... with the time change this weekend it will be dark when I get home and sadly enough, in todays society I don't go running in the dark, alone. I'm going to push to run on the weekends though, and perhaps the cross-training will do me some good. Shake things up a bit.



On my way home I noticed that my sweat pants are getting baggy! It's funny that the past few weeks, I've been so convinced that I'm seeing no progress that it really surprises me when I do find something.



oh well, I'm off to the store... my honey came home not feeling well and asked for chocolate chip cookies... I'm usually a bater taister so this is going to be a REAL challenge for me!!

I'm frustrated because I'm stuck at home today. I had some work I needed to get done but I forgot to grab the bank card from my honey this morning, and I have NO GAS. Luckily my work is flexable enough I can stay home. I think I'll work on clearing alittle of the chaos up around the house and add a little peace back in. (Housework is not my favorite thing in the work.)



I woke up feeling "skinny" this morning. A mirror check felt pretty positive too. Having a good day. I'm really excited about the weekend as both my daughters will be visiting. I'll get my oldest to take my challenge 'ending' pictures for me. Maybe this time I'll get her to come on a run with me too. She worries me sometimes as she's only 5'2" and already 145lbs at 15. While some of that is muscle (she plays water polo and softball) I know that they eat like CRAP at thier dad's house. Fast food at least once a day. I think she does some of the things I did as a teenager, like not eating all day then stuffing herself at dinner. I'm thinking that this weekend we'll have a really honest talk, but I'm not sure how to do that without coming off ALL wrong. After all, how do I say... "Honey, your fat, and I'm worried it's just going to get worse..."?

Had a crappy evening, worked til 7:00, fiance had puter troubles and lost 3 hours of work, and I'm still tired from my bike ride on sunday... BUT, I did my leg workout anyway AND upped the weight on my squats! can I say 'I'm proud of me'? Eats were clean, drank a bit of water and I'm ready for BED!!

No workout for me last night. It was time spend recovering!! Ate clean though and felt great all day! I've got a bag full of healthy foods ready for today (I have to work until 7:00 tonight) and I'm ready to go!



Planning on a Lower body workout today, should be interesting to see what I can do after that ride on Sunday.



Also, I'm looking into changing up my plan starting next week. Looking into different splits, different rep styles etc. I know that 1 thing I'm going to do is make a change to my cardio. I LOVE the HIIT, but according to the Hussman website I may be able to burn more fat by ADDING 10 minutes of moderate cardio to that. His suggestion is to the end, but I'm thinking I'll add it to the begining, because usually at the end of my HIIT I'm to tired to walk another STEP.

I got frustrated with my computer as the virus scan started and I couldn't do anything else.. darn slow thing, so I wandered over to TJMaxx and drove the fitting room girl mad by trying on boatloads of clothes. I'm not quite ready to say I'm a '14' yet. Jeans and skirts I can fit into a 14 9 out of 10 times, but slacks... it's about a 50/50 chance they will fit. BUT I have noticed something intersting... I have an a$$! Seriously. I mean, it's always been THERE, WIDE. But, it curved up from my thighs, and then just went up and joined my back.. FLAT! But now I've got a curve at the top AND the bottom! It's really cool to put on a pair of jeans, turn around and think.. HEY I've got a butt. It must be the excercises, because I've been at this weight before. I can't wait to see what other changes start to show!!

Yes, it's Monday, and the first day of my last week of my first 12 week BFL challenge... (How's that for confusing?) I'm feeling UP UP UP!! I rolled over in bed this morning and thought.. Oh my god! I'm sore! But then I got up and walked around a bit, and it turned out to just be a little stiffness, not 'real' sorness. My 'pelvic floor' is a bit saddle sore, and my hips have a bit of lingering twinges but otherwise I feel FANTASTIC. The fact that I can have a day like yesterday and still feel HUMAN afterwords has made the last 11 weeks well worth it!



THEN, I was leaving my house this morning and my neighbor was standing on the porch having his morning ciggy. I don't see him often as he works nights, me days so when we do say 'hello' it's usually when one or both of us is running in or out the door. I got a cheery 'Good Morning' and a 'How are you doing?' then he says, "Have you lost weight?". I'm sure I BEEMED because, as I've said before NO ONE has said anything up 'til now. After I acknowldged him, he said "I thought so, I was sitting here thinking, man, she looks DAMN good." I'm not sure how to take my neighbor thinking I look DAMN good, but hey I'm glad someone noticed..



My day is going as 'planned' I had a GREAT breakfast of cream of wheat with protien powder.. NUMMY. I've got yogurt and protien for 'snack' and a salad with SPICY chicken for lunch. This is going to be a greener, then green week my friends.. you can count on it!



Oh, and my waist was down to 35" this morning, hips to 45.5" Yay!



Today I CHOOSE to lose weight!

I fell hard this weekend. I kept loosing my focus and sight of my goals… and then today, I turned it around!



Let’s start with Friday. All the crap at work just can crashing down on my head. After lunch with my boss it was all I could do just to sit upright. I was a zombie for the rest of the afternoon. I got home, and just curled into a little ball of misery. My fiancé’ managed to coax me out of my shell by waving a piece of pizza under my nose! After drowning my sorrows in pepperoni and cheese, I thought I was finally ready to take control again. We spent some time discussing my goals and I was ready once more! Unfortunately, the damage was already done, and I had a red day! L



Saturday came and I drove 130 miles to see my daughter play in a water polo tournament. Seeing those girls in the pool inspired me all the more! I was ready to dive in the pool myself, swimming has always been MY sport. When I got home, though I was ready, willing and able to go out and spend some quality ADULT time with my sweetie. We went to an Irish Pub and my goals flew out the window again! Almost faster then I could think I had ordered a Black and Tan…BEER! Another day in the tank.



Today I woke up, with my goals fixed in my mind. I packed our bags with nuts, powerbars, apples and bananas rolled in protein powder and water, and then OFF we went to tackle some hills with out bikes. It was a BEAUTIFUL fall day. Not too hot, not too cold. 26 miles!! That’s right I put 26 miles (give or take) on my bike today. We started in Occidental and the trek started UPHILL. Neither of us made it to the top (we had to get off and push). But we WIZZED down into the beautiful Coleman Valley. We peddled past rolling meadows and ancient barns. The fall colors were amazing. Then back up some KILLER hills. All my training started to pay off, for as my fiance’ struggled (and HE’S always been the avid biker) I was ready to keep on peddling (and sometimes did). Not only did I feel I had gotten a payback from all the workouts in a physical sense, but mentally, all those times I did one more rep, one more interval, one more lap, one more step payed off too. More then once I gutted my way to the top of a hill, legs and lungs burning! The joy of speeding down the other side was 10 times more exhilarating knowing I had pushed myself to the fullest! We finally made it down the other side and headed toward the coast. We flew down one AWSOME downgrade and near the bottom at about the 10 mile mark I heard a ‘poof---ssssssssssss’ My fiance’s back tire had blown! Ripped the valve stem right off the tube, and us with no spare! We ended up walking a good portion of Highway 1 into Bodega Bay where we managed to jerry rig something to get us the rest of the way back. Still, the views of the ocean were magnificent, and the coastal breeze, perfect. The rest of the trip took us along Highway 1, Bodegea Highway (through Bodega where they filmed Alfred Hitchcock’s “the Birds”), and the Bohemian Highway. We passed rolling fields full of cattle, race horse ranches, and through a beautiful redwood forest. I couldn’t believe that I finished up with even MORE energy with when I started! Then, when I got home, I did my upper body workout so that Saturday wouldn’t be a RED day! I finally fell like all the work I’ve been doing these past months, MEANS something. I’m focused. This last week of my challenge will be STELLER and I’m ready to face whatever comes after it!

My fiance and I had a little talk about my goals, beyond loosing weight. I want/need his buy in. He's a major stakeholder in this project so I sat and listened to his ideas and ideals and figured out how they fit in with mine. It turns out we're pretty much on the same page, YAY! He even dropped a few names of women he thought were 'strong yet feminine... like.. Rachel McLish and Lisa Lyon. We actually had a pretty cool time looking through pictures of buff ladies and finding physiques we BOTH liked :)



Of course I have a LONG way to go... But every journey starts with a single step!